Your Window Of Tolerance

Welcome to Insight Timer.

Have you ever had one of those days where one moment everything feels manageable and you can think clearly and you can respond calmly?

And then something small happens.

It could just be an email or a comment or maybe just a look.

And all of a sudden you're either overwhelmed or completely shut down.

Now if that sounds familiar,

It's important that you know that there's nothing wrong with you.

You're human and what you're experiencing can be understood through something called the window of tolerance.

Now this concept comes from neuroscience and trauma research.

And the window of tolerance was originally described by Dr.

Dan Siegel.

And it really helps to explain how we process stress and emotions.

And I remember when I learnt about the window of tolerance during my training as a trauma-informed somatic therapist,

That I found it incredibly helpful to understand myself better,

To be kinder to myself and have more self-compassion.

So imagine a window,

A kind of internal space.

And inside this window is where you feel steady and grounded and able to cope with the ups and downs of life.

I call that the green zone.

And when you're in the green zone,

You can think and you can feel and you can respond instead of react.

Now this is your optimal zone where your nervous system is in balance.

And here's the thing,

This window isn't fixed.

It's not the same size for everyone.

And that explains why some people get overwhelmed by things that you don't and vice versa.

And your window of tolerance can change depending on things like how much stress is going on,

How much sleep you've had,

Your past experiences or just what kind of day you're having.

Now when your window is wide,

You have more capacity,

You have more flexibility and you're able to handle life better.

But when your window narrows,

Everything feels harder.

So let's talk about what happens when you move outside of your window.

When you go up out of the green zone,

It's into something that we call hyperarousal.

Now I call that the red zone.

And this is where life gets a bit too much.

We get just one stress too many and we start to feel anxious.

We feel overwhelmed.

Maybe we start getting irritated or angry.

We may feel panicky or on edge or restless.

And when we're in that red zone,

Our thoughts speed up and our body feels activated.

And it's like our system is saying something isn't safe.

Now when being in the red zone gets a little bit too much,

We drop into something that is called hypoarousal.

And I call that the blue zone.

So we drop beneath the green zone.

And this is where everything has got a bit too much.

And we start to numb out.

We disconnect.

We feel exhausted in the blue zone.

We shut down.

And our energy drops and our thinking slows down.

And it's like our system is saying,

I just can't deal with this right now.

Now what I've observed in myself and my clients that I work with who have complex trauma in our backgrounds,

And I'll explain exactly what complex trauma is in another video.

But for those of us that do have complex trauma in our backgrounds,

We often spend a lot of our lives flip-flopping between that red and blue zone without spending much time in the green.

Now what's really important to know is that moving outside of your window into the blue and the red is not a failure.

It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or that you need fixing.

It's your nervous system doing its job.

Your nervous system is highly intelligent and this is its way of trying to protect you.

So the problem isn't that we leave that green zone,

Our window of tolerance,

Because we all do.

Life happens and challenges will come in our lives.

But the real skill is learning how to come back and how to grow our window of tolerance.

And the good news is that there are many very simple and easy ways that we can come back to the green zone and how we can not only do that,

But that we can grow that window of tolerance.

And I'll explore some of those practices with you in some other videos.

But it's important to know this isn't about forcing yourself to calm down or snap out of it.

It's about giving your system what it needs.

And in any given moment,

That might look like slowing your breath,

Perhaps moving your body,

Stepping outside maybe,

Or speaking to someone safe.

And these kinds of tools help to regulate your nervous system and bring you back into balance.

Now,

Over time,

Something really powerful happens.

As your awareness and understanding of yourself and your unique window of tolerance grows,

As you keep practicing returning back to your green zone,

That window actually expands.

You start to build more resilience and greater capacity and more self-trust.

Not because life gets easier,

But because you're able to hold yourself when difficult things happen.

You have the capacity to stay grounded and calm when overwhelming experiences come.

So the next time you feel overwhelmed or shut down,

Instead of immediately asking,

What's wrong with me?

I invite you to just gently ask yourself and notice,

Where am I right now in my unique window of tolerance?

And what do I need to come back into balance?

Because I want you to know that you can do this and you will be able to do this again and again.

And I know that from my own experience.

And if you can relate to what I'm saying,

Please know that you're not alone.

Insight Timer is an amazing resource that is here to support you and guide you as we explore this inevitably challenging human life together.

And I'm very much on that journey with you.

I'm a work in process and I really look forward to exploring with you how together we can learn how to live with greater peace and ease and freedom in our daily lives.

And I really wish you well on that journey.

Much love.