Day 20 - The Bridge — Owning Your In-Between Place

Hello,

Welcome back.

Today is day 20 of a 30 days of soul curriculum through my process of a soul art because I'm on this journey of I am showing up for myself and that was the intention of this soul art.

And I'm still in it.

I haven't finished my spirit action.

I haven't told anyone what my spirit action is,

But I will at the end.

I'm in this journey and this journey for me,

It's a mirror for the journey that we go through when we are working towards something.

As we work toward it,

Our energy,

Our higher self,

Our spirit teams and spirit guides are always with us,

Giving us information,

Helping us to go along that way.

And so what you're witnessing in this 30 days is all the stuff that's coming through for this soul art.

But I hope that you can you can take my insights and begin your own process or go deeper in your own process.

So again,

My intention is I am showing up for myself.

You know,

The last few days were so interesting.

I had the crows.

I talked about the Ignatia journey,

About when I was able to release grief,

How I started to find this place in my heart for my husband that I hadn't felt for years.

And today I'm going to talk about something that's come through in my journey,

An opportunity that came through that I grabbed and then I realized what was on the other side of it.

Bit about that idea of each of us being a bridge to worlds and whatever those worlds be,

Right?

So we're going to talk about us being the bridge and seeing yourself as the bridge.

So let's just get started.

We're going to,

Wherever you are,

Just feel your feet on the ground.

Close your eyes.

Take a breath in however you want.

Let it out.

Get present.

Just feel the shape of your body in space.

Just feel what the shape of your body is.

Bring the awareness to your body here in the space.

You might notice angles or curves just becoming present.

And just for a minute,

I want you to imagine that you're standing on a bridge.

It can be.

An old wooden plank bridge,

Or it might be a beautiful,

Wonderful bridge of light.

Whatever kind of bridge you're on,

I just want you to imagine yourself on a bridge.

Look at that bridge.

See what you notice.

Notice if you have any sensations,

Any feelings come up,

Any felt senses come up while you stand on that bridge.

What comes up for your felt sense when you just stand on that bridge and look around,

Notice colors,

Symbols.

Breathe it in.

And know that you're safe.

Know that you're safe.

I'm going to begin to tell my story so you can open your eyes whenever you're ready.

I'm going to start with in my 20s,

In my early 20s,

Maybe even 19,

I was a spoken word poet.

I used to work with some of my favorite slam poets.

I got to read at many places.

I got to travel to read my poetry.

I loved it.

I loved the stage.

I originally went to school for musical theater.

I loved the stage.

And I loved being in the spotlight,

But I loved particularly reading my own words,

And feeling them,

And feeling the relationship between myself and the audience as I read them.

But somewhere along there,

Life got full.

I lost a lot of people.

I started to have a family.

I found somebody who I married.

And things just got full,

And I let that go.

I let that part of myself go for a while.

It's not that that disappeared.

It's not that that art piece disappeared.

Now,

During that time,

I was also an artist who was showing my art.

And I didn't have necessarily a spiritual piece to it so much as I was just expressing and I hadn't had the language yet to speak about the healing of the arts.

I mean,

I knew it internally.

I've worked with Twyla Tharp,

Gabrielle Roth.

I've worked with all of my favorite slam poets.

I just didn't have the exact language to explain it to people.

So I was just in it.

I was just in it.

And then I became a mom.

And that was a journey in and of itself.

So now I am 49,

When my parents died in 2021,

Seven days apart.

And that brought me back to art and writing and all kinds of things.

And it brought me into this journey of bringing together art and spirituality and how they mix and match.

And I wrote a lot of poems.

Fascinating little thing I'll give you is that when I wrote poems,

When my parents had died,

Every poem was about me,

Was a she.

Everything was she,

The girl,

The woman,

Right?

I couldn't actually name that it was me.

About a year ago,

I took all that poetry,

And I changed only the she's to I's,

The girls to I's,

And it was the most healing thing I think I've ever done in my grief journey.

What I did was I had this opportunity come through,

And that opportunity was to have a poem,

And they have a choreographer who does dance.

It's the movement,

And they put it on as a show,

And they were asking specifically for grief,

And I had written a poem about grief.

It is so vulnerable.

But it's also very felt sense.

Everything about it is movement and felt sense.

And I let it go the first time.

Then I was in this journey and I saw it again.

And the deadline was two days later.

And I was like,

You know what?

I think that I'm gonna put my poem in,

I'm gonna do it,

I'm gonna give them my poem,

And I would love to be part of this project.

So I did that,

And the minute I pressed submit,

And it's so funny because they wanted a video of you reading your poem,

And I never read the poem,

Except at one open mic where my friend asked me to read a poem.

And I read it,

And my husband videotaped me from the audience,

And I used that video.

It is so poor audio quality-wise,

And it was the first time I'd read it out loud in front of an audience,

And there was an art show going on,

It was so loud.

So it wasn't a great video,

But I did it.

And I hit submit and I was like,

All right,

This is what I'm doing.

I'm in this journey.

So I am showing up for myself.

Right.

And I realized that night when I started writing about all of these felt senses that were coming up,

All of a sudden I was bubbly.

I was like,

Oh,

I was so excited.

Right.

This organization,

It's not spiritually based,

But they understand spirituality.

They understand the power of the art and they also live on this creative edge of what they're doing.

I had this moment of,

Oh my God,

This might be my people.

This could be like,

I don't know how I did this,

That just all of a sudden this might be my people.

Because I started to realize that I am a bridge.

I have spent many years,

And this is a lonely place,

Being in the creative world,

And people understand me in the creative world,

And I can get wild and crazy,

And I can go off in the creative world.

And then I also live in the spiritual world.

I also work with yoga nidra,

With that peace,

With beginning to move things.

I study soul shamanism.

I've been doing soul art,

Which is all of this bringing art to spirituality.

But many people,

They're either on one side or the other.

They're on that creativity side,

Or they're on that spiritual side.

It's a very lonely place when you start to understand that you live between two worlds.

This moment was like,

I was like,

Well,

I I am the bridge.

This is my world and I'm starting to find people that walk that bridge with me.

It's not easy to all of a sudden realize that you've been one world or the other,

Right?

I imagine people who are mothers feel this a lot,

But don't necessarily say it.

You're a mother.

And you're also a sovereign being.

And that is a really hard,

Lonely place to be when you're right in the middle,

When you realize,

You know,

Your power,

Your all of that beautiful,

Sovereign,

Independent,

Freewill stuff.

But at the same time,

You're also a mother and people see you as one or the other.

They don't see you as this bridge,

Right?

When you actually are taking all of that and offering it to your family.

Oh my It's amazing.

That's how we have amazing children.

I know everybody feels this,

Like they're standing on a bridge between two worlds and people see you as one thing and other people see you as another,

But you're like,

I'm all of it.

Don't you get it?

Right?

Don't you get it?

I'm all of it.

And that is the bridge that we're going to work with today.

I was never meant to be totally an artist or totally a spiritual teacher.

I bring that in between.

I bring that place where everything comes together and there's no divide.

A piece of that poem.

This is the grief poem that I submitted for this and this little line is part of it.

A warm breath at my left carries one voice box and acquire of not enough.

At my right,

The distant effervescence of a river presenting itself,

With wild water rising to its precipice.

And I continue on.

And be that bridge.

We don't need permission.

Sometimes we just need to realize what's on either side,

Right?

Sometimes we just have to realize,

Okay,

Mother,

Sovereign,

Wild,

Peace,

Creative,

Spiritual,

I am here.

There's sometimes we just need to take that space up and own it.

So we started with this bridge.

We just started noticing that we're on a bridge,

Right?

That's how we started grounding.

Bring it in,

Feet,

Body,

You're on a bridge.

So let's go back there.

Close your eyes.

Take a breath.

Just get back in your body for a minute.

Sigh and feel yourself.

Standing on that bridge again.

Standing right in the middle of it.

And allow yourself,

As you stand in that bridge,

To bring in the different worlds.

That you have a foot in.

It might be like me,

Creative and spiritual.

Right?

It might be wild,

Structured,

Might be mother.

Woman.

Right might be ancient but modern feel like a lot of people in the spiritual world.

They have a foot in the ancient but they also have a foot in the modern,

Right?

It might be healer,

An artist.

Just sense into those worlds that you are on that bridge between.

And as you're there.

Just notice the landscapes on either side of the bridge.

They might be totally different.

They might have something that threads between them.

But just notice the landscapes.

Let them come.

Don't force it.

Just work with your knowing,

With your gut,

With your heart.

Follow the felt sense.

Trust what comes up and look.

To both sides to see the landscape.

From the bridge.

And remember,

We're not judging.

We're not judging.

We're not trying to collapse one thing into the other.

That's not the purpose here.

The purpose is to own our bridge.

So look at that landscape to your left.

The landscape to your right.

Notice the colors,

The symbols.

The sounds,

The smells.

Air feels like on each side of the bridge.

So look maybe to the left to start.

Some of you might be a bridge between above and below.

Right?

Earth and spirit.

So I'm going to say left,

But if your bridge is like earth and spirit,

That's fine.

Just go ahead and change that for yourself.

What does the landscape on the left look like?

Look like.

What does it feel like?

And notice what it's given you.

Notice how you are part of that landscape as well.

Take a breath in.

Exhale it out.

And then look to the right.

What about the landscape on your right?

What does that look like?

What symbols?

What colors?

What sounds?

What smells?

What tastes,

What feelings and felt scents on the skin.

And what has that landscape on the right given you?

Can you see parts of that landscape within you?

And take a breath,

Inhaling.

And exhaling.

Now from wherever you are on that bridge,

Just look straight out.

Straight ahead.

You might see water beneath,

Might be a valley beneath.

And from this space on the bridge,

Ask yourself,

What can I see from the center of this bridge that I cannot see from the left?

Or the right.

What can I only see?

Standing on the center of this bridge,

Owning it.

You might have a felt sense,

You might ever.

Sensation come across your skin.

Your body.

I might have a visual.

Just trust it,

Don't judge it.

And breathe into whatever comes,

Expand it,

Whatever little nugget you get,

Inhale into it.

Expand it.

Exhale,

Let go of judgment.

Inhale,

Expand it.

Exhale judgment.

That view,

That specific,

Particular,

Only possible here view from the center of the bridge.

That,

My friends,

Is your gift.

That is what you have to offer.

You can't offer it from one side or the other.

So stay with it for a moment.

Inhale,

Expanding it.

Exhale,

Releasing the judgment,

The shame,

The blame,

The fear,

The doubt.

One more time,

Inhaling,

Expand it.

Exhaling.

And when you're ready,

Come on back,

Open your eyes.

Maybe you quick grab a pen,

Write it down,

Anything you can.

I'm going to give you just three questions.

What are the two worlds?

That you have been living between.

Have you been trying to choose one world over the other or secretly standing on the bridge all alone?

You just didn't recognize it.

What is the specific view you have from your in-between place,

From your feet on the center of the bridge?

That thing that neither world can see on its own,

Because this is your medicine.

And where have you been waiting for permission to claim the bridge as your place,

Your space,

Your actual rightful,

Powerful place?

It's not a temporary stop on the way to belonging somewhere else.

So I want to say this,

For years I felt I had to choose a community.

I felt I had to choose creativity or choose spirituality,

Choose in between them.

But you don't have to choose.

And this is like a huge thing that I came to.

You do not have to choose.

The bridge has always been the position.

That's the position of power.

That ache that you can feel,

That loneliness,

I have felt that.

Feeling really lonely,

Like no one understands both sides of me,

Right?

But when I start to stand on the bridge,

I call people to the bridge.

It can feel really lonely.

There is an ache to living in two worlds if you're not owning the power of the bridge.

Bridge.

And I leave you with that.

My friends,

Thank you so much for coming.

I so appreciate your presence.

Namaste.