A Meditation On The Serenity Prayer

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

26 words that describe an intention for making right choices by practicing acceptance,

Accessing courage,

And applying wisdom.

The power of this prayer comes home when I ponder the big question.

What is the purpose of this life I'm living?

What's the goal?

So far the answer that makes the most sense is that I'm going through this human experience to evolve into a higher consciousness,

And in doing so have the deepest experience of joy,

Fulfillment,

And love.

Okay,

Assuming that's what I'm here for,

How do I accomplish that?

Experience has taught me I have to take action.

If I want a new career,

If I want to get sober,

If I want to find a partner who is right for me,

I have to do something.

Most importantly,

I have to do something different,

But it's always uncomfortable.

It's different,

Which means I don't know how it's going to turn out.

There is a part of my thinking brain that gets upset about this.

I call this my survival brain.

My survival brain hates change.

It hates not knowing.

It doesn't believe in patience,

Or chance,

Or risk.

It wants immediate,

Unambiguous answers to all of life's questions.

And this is also the part of my mind that judges and creates fear.

And this is where the serenity prayer comes in.

Call it a prayer,

An intention,

A plea.

It's a recognition that I want to do what is for the highest good.

It's a reminder that the feelings of discomfort and fear are not who I am.

And lastly,

It reminds me that I'm not alone in this decision-making process.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

It starts with a request for serenity.

The dictionary tells me that serenity is the state of being calm,

Peaceful,

And untroubled.

And that the word serenity derives from a Latin word meaning unclouded.

So what clouds my ability to remain peaceful,

Calm,

And untroubled?

I suggest that if we were to distill it down to one thing,

It would be judgmental thinking.

We are judgmental when we criticize someone or something and we have an emotion attached to it,

Usually negative.

Most of my judgments take place in the silence of my thoughts,

And they are just as destructive,

If not more so,

Than the ones I speak out loud.

Now,

There is an important difference between judging and discerning,

And we'll get into that in a moment.

Judgmental thinking divides everything into two categories,

Good or bad,

Right or wrong,

With me or against me.

We are in judgment when we make someone or something wrong.

We are in judgment when we're self-righteous,

When we blame,

When we create separation between ourselves and others.

And here's the problem.

When we judge,

We suffer.

Suffering clouds our ability to make right choices.

When we judge,

We suffer.

You can prove this the next time you find yourself upset,

If you stop and ask yourself,

In this moment,

Who or what am I judging?

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

So,

If it makes us suffer,

How do we avoid judging?

The answer may well trigger your judgment.

The antidote to judgment is acceptance.

This is what the voice of acceptance sounds like.

Okay,

So that happened.

Or,

Hmm,

Isn't that interesting?

Now,

At this point,

You may be questioning,

If someone is doing something to hurt me,

Does acceptance mean I let it continue?

Acceptance is not about if you respond,

But how.

When we respond to a difficult person or a challenging situation without judgment,

We're able to be discerning.

Discerning is to decide what is working for me or what is not working for me.

Discernment is free of the emotional charge that comes with judgment,

Which means we're make decisions with clarity of thought and from a position of strength.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

When we move from judgment to acceptance,

We disconnect from the emotional entanglement that judgment creates.

We can be discerning and open to the possibility that even if something isn't working for me,

Trying to change it also doesn't work for me.

For example,

It can be a liberating moment when we realize that trying to change someone's opinion or lifestyle or attitude is a waste of time.

It can't be done.

And then to let it go and move on.

When we find the serenity to accept the things we cannot change and stop giving attention and energy to people and things outside of us,

An interesting thing often happens.

We find the motivation to look inward,

To learn about the relationship we have with ourselves.

And that's when important changes can start to unfold.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

In the clarity that comes with acceptance,

We're able to recognize the situation that's not working for us and realize that sometimes we must change it.

It might be ending a relationship,

Asking for a raise that's long overdue.

It might be setting personal boundaries with someone who hasn't respected them.

We might decide that something must change and that something is me.

When we look at the lives of highly successful people,

We see they are open to change.

They have the ability to take stock of their habits,

Their beliefs,

Their behaviors,

Toss out the ones that don't work,

And replace them with updated habits,

Beliefs,

And behaviors.

One of the most powerful changes we can make is to love ourselves more.

Loving ourselves more is a result of taking action.

Usually very small steps,

Like exercising for an extra five minutes,

Or taking ten minutes a day to learn something new,

Making time to meditate,

To have fun,

To be creative.

And when we commit to change on the inside,

We begin to appreciate on a whole new level the definition of the word acceptance,

Which is to consent to receive.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

What does courage have to do with it?

Again,

Our survival brain is programmed to resist change.

Another term for our survival brain is our ego,

And its number one weapon in resisting change is judgment combined with fear.

It's not unusual when we decide to change a habit or do something different for ego to show up in our thoughts and our words,

And it can sound like this,

I can't do this,

This isn't right,

Who do I think I am,

What if I fail,

Then what?

Once again,

Our strongest choice in dealing with our ego in this moment is to practice acceptance,

To listen and watch with a detached attitude of,

Isn't this interesting?

And then,

From that place of clarity,

Ask,

Okay,

Is there any truth to these fears and concerns?

You might need to get feedback from a trusted advisor,

Collect some more information,

Eventually you will courageously continue or courageously decide to follow a different course,

Free of judgment.

But how can we find the courage when fear is continually reminding us that we are entering uncharted territory and we don't know how it's going to turn out?

The answer is in the word courage itself,

Where we find the Latin root core,

Which means heart.

So let me pose two questions with the same answer.

What is the deepest and most profound experience we feel in our heart?

And what do spiritual traditions throughout time tell us is the most powerful force in the universe?

The answer is love.

So when we know we have to do something,

But fear is calling into question every decision,

Courage shows up when we make the loving choice.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

When we are challenged in life,

Do we accept and move on or courageously decide to change it?

What is the loving choice?

The prayer concludes by asking the wisdom to know the answer.

In my life,

Answers have come with experience.

Answers have come from a source that feels like a greater intelligence than what I have between my ears.

My ability to access the wisdom of a greater intelligence,

A higher power,

Is directly related to the effort I put into quieting my mind,

Quieting my survival brain,

My ego,

With its distractions and its judgments and its fear.

The wisdom of the universe enters through my heart more than my head.

It can have a quality of knowing or remembering about it.

It can be subtle and easily missed,

Especially if I'm out of practice,

If I have let days go by without meditating or being in nature or connecting with people.

And the only word that comes close to describing my experience of this higher wisdom is the word yes.

The wisdom to know the difference has grown with each chapter in my life,

With each experience of choosing,

Moving one step forward,

Seeing what happens,

Learning from it,

And applying that to the next choice.

Choose,

Take a step,

See what happens,

Look at the learning,

And apply to the next choice.

And the trick is to do it all without judgment.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I invite you to try one or more of the following things today.

First,

Notice any judgments in your thoughts or your words,

And notice how you feel in that moment.

Second,

Consider not changing something or someone.

What would it feel like to let go of being right?

Third,

Think about one small change in your life that could have a significant impact on your well-being.

And then ask yourself,

What keeps me from doing that?

And in regard to this,

I leave you with one of my favorite aphorisms,

Which is,

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Lastly,

If you're facing a situation that requires your taking action,

Ask your higher power to clarify as to what the living choice is.

And one of the most elegant and powerful ways to make this request is the serenity prayer.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

If you found this talk helpful,

I invite you to check out my course on Insight Timer called Finding Serenity,

Which grew out of this talk.

Finding Serenity is a 10-part journey into the heart of change.

Through personal stories,

Reflection,

And guided practices,

You'll learn how to quiet the survival brain,

Move from judgment into acceptance,

Forgive yourself,

Embrace vulnerability with courage,

And discover wisdom rooted in love.

This course offers tools for living with resilience and clarity,

So you can experience the deepest truth of being fully alive.

I'll see you there.