Okay,
So first of all,
Make sure that you are as comfortable as you can be,
So you can lie down.
It might be that you fall asleep when you're lying down,
And that's okay.
It just means that your body thinks,
Oh,
Relaxing time,
I'm going to sleep,
I'm tired,
I need some sleep.
Well,
Listen to your body and,
You know,
Let it sleep.
But if you don't want to fall asleep,
Or you cannot afford to fall asleep because afterwards you still have things to do,
Then just sit up.
But you can lean against the back of your chair,
And if you keep your head free,
Then you will probably not fall asleep.
So take a moment to acknowledge how you are sitting,
How your feet are resting on the ground,
Your thighs and your buttocks on the seat,
Your back resting against the back of the chair,
Your hands relaxed in your lap.
Now gently close your eyes,
And just scan your body quickly to feel if there's any tension somewhere.
If there is any tension,
Then just settle a little bit,
Relax it,
Shift,
Or just make more tension and then drop it.
Like,
I always have a lot of tension in my shoulders,
So I tend to pull my shoulders up and then just drop them when I sigh it out.
That feels good,
Right?
Is your forehead relaxed?
Are your jaws relaxed?
No clenching?
Yeah,
All right.
Now,
Before I lead you in this visualization,
I want to tell you something about visualization.
So I'm going to speak to you in words that denote images.
But if you are not someone who fantasizes with images,
With pictures in your head,
Then just use the way that you normally fantasize.
So a lot of people don't have images,
But they use words,
Feelings,
Knowing,
Having a sense of.
So just follow my lead,
But make it your own.
Make it your unique own,
All right?
So there's no effort here.
I want this guided meditation to be as effortless as we can make it.
Okay,
Let's start.
Now,
I would like you to imagine that you're standing in front of a door,
Beautiful white door,
And we're going to open this door.
You can open this door in your way,
So maybe just,
You know,
Pull it or push it.
Maybe you clap in your hands.
Maybe you find someone to open it for you.
But it opens now.
And you step through the door,
And you see that you're standing in a park.
It's a beautiful park.
You walk into the park,
And when you look around,
You see your favorite trees.
And if you don't like trees,
Then you see just bushes and your favorite flowers,
Beautiful colors around you.
And when you smell,
Ooh,
These flowers smell so good.
There are butterflies flying around.
Maybe you see some animals,
Animals that you love.
And while you're walking into this garden,
You see there is a garden with a fence around it.
And you just know that this is your place.
So we're going to work with your place,
But it doesn't have to be your actual home.
It can be your fantasy home.
It can be the home of your childhood.
It can be your dream home,
The house and the garden that you once will want to have.
Just work with whatever your fantasy brings up.
But now we see a fence and a gate.
So when you look at the fence,
This is not a hard,
You know,
Barbed-wired fence,
No.
This is a beautiful fence.
This is a kind fence,
But it is a fence.
It's a clear fence.
And when you look at the gates,
You see that your name is written on it.
And when you see that,
That same moment,
The gate opens.
So you walk through the gates.
And I just want you to notice that when you are in the gate,
Through the gate,
In your garden,
That it closes behind you.
And now you start walking on the path.
And this is your garden.
So really take the time to design your garden.
You know,
What kind of plants are there?
Maybe you have a vegetable garden.
Maybe there are animals there.
Maybe you have a nice corner where you can sit in the shadow and a nice corner where you can sit in the sun.
Whatever works for you.
Maybe there's grass.
Maybe you're walking now over a little path made of shells or rocks.
Whatever works for you.
Whatever is good to you.
And while you're walking now on this path from which you know it will lead up to the house,
You notice that you come to a place where the bushes are making like a circle around your house.
It's like another fence,
But not as high and steep as the one outside.
But it's so beautiful.
It's beautiful.
It's made of bushes and there are some flowers and maybe some fruits.
If there are fruits,
Just pick one and eat it.
So tasty.
And when there are flowers,
You can smell it.
And oh,
Such a delicious smell.
Really make it your own.
Can you feel that?
Now,
Between the bushes,
There's also a small gate.
It's low,
You know,
And you can open it and go through it and close it again behind you.
And now you're walking up to the house.
Oh,
Wow.
What a beautiful house you have.
Can you see that?
Just take a look at the details,
At the colours,
The shape,
How it's standing there.
It's a single standing house.
There are no neighbours attached to your house.
This is a house that is completely yours.
If you want,
You can be here in solitude.
It's so beautiful.
And there's a beautiful door.
This is like the most beautiful door ever.
So your door,
Right?
If you like modern,
It's modern.
If you like antique,
It's antique.
So just walk up to the door and when you approach it already opens because it's your door and you step inside.
And when you walk through the hallway,
You then enter the kitchen.
Oh,
This is a lovely kitchen.
This kitchen is a kitchen where you can be creative,
Where you can create whatever you want to create.
And I'm not just speaking about food.
This is a place of feeling safe,
Nourishing,
Nourishing not just your stomach,
But also nourishing your body and soul.
Yeah.
When you walk through the kitchen,
You see there is a bigger room.
It looks like a guest room.
This is a place where you might entertain your guests.
It's nice and comfy chairs.
There's a cabinet where there might be some drinks or glasses.
I mean,
You look out of the wind and you look out of the beautiful garden.
Now you walk back through the kitchen into the hallway and you see there's the stairs upstairs.
So let's take the stairs.
Can you hear your own feet on the stairs?
Take a look at the walls.
Maybe there are pictures from you hanging,
You,
Your family,
Your friends,
Or maybe there's some artwork.
And now you are on the first floor and there is this gorgeous door and it just opens again just for you.
And now you see that this is your room.
This is your room.
So we're going to start right here.
Walk into the room and close the door behind you in a way that you like to close it.
Maybe it closes from itself.
So let's shape your room because what this room represents is your sanctuary.
The place where you can connect with who you are.
The place where you are gentle to yourself.
The place where you can withdraw to,
To take care of yourself.
Always,
Always,
Just like now.
You just go inside and you go here.
So let's put a really comfy chair here to sit in for a moment.
Yeah,
And sit.
That feels good.
Just allow yourself now to just be in this room for a moment.
Feel how safe it feels,
How pleasant it feels to be here.
This is a haven for you.
And you can decorate it as you wish.
Maybe there's a table with a laptop show you can write.
Maybe it's pen and paper that you like to write on.
There might be some flowers.
And the window,
Look out of the window.
Can you see your whole garden there and beyond the park?
You have a over,
Like a helicopter view over the whole premises,
Over the whole house.
So while you're sitting here,
I would like yourself to ask yourself this question.
When I am here and I want to invite someone in here,
What is the most important value that they have to honour?
What are the most important values that are here,
That are so important that when anyone wants to come so close to me,
They will have to honour this?
So we're speaking here about some pretty vulnerable stuff,
Right?
It might be being authentically me,
Which means accepting of myself,
Accepting of whatever happens so I can be gentle to myself.
So whoever comes in here will never ever make a joke about that,
Will never ever dishonour me being authentic to myself.
Whoever comes here will simply not tell me what to do if it doesn't feel good to me.
This person will cheer me on.
This person will be there for me when I'm here.
And you know what?
It might be that there isn't someone in your life right now who you want to let enter here.
And that's okay.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Because you are here.
You are honouring you.
You understand what value or what values you want to honour to be able to be here with yourself,
Honouring yourself,
Being authentically you.
Loving yourself.
Knowing that you are lovable.
Knowing that you are worthy.
Yeah.
Okay.
And if you now feel emotion,
Because you find it hard to realise that you've not been honouring these values for yourself,
That you have let people just barge into this room to just run over those values,
That's okay.
That's okay.
You are here and you know this now.
And it might be that sometimes,
You know,
Some people are just skilled to just open the door and barge in,
But you will get there.
You will work on this and you will start to feel more and more that you can honour these values.
For sure,
I know it,
That you can do this.
All right.
Now let's get up and let's get out of this room and just let's close it.
And now ask yourself who in your life might be able to come here till this door,
Not going inside,
But they can come very close to you.
What values do they have to honour then?
What values are so important to you that when people can come this close,
You know,
Not in your room,
But in your house,
Pretty close to your room,
What are then the values that are really important to you?
Is it honesty?
Is it humour?
Is it smelling good?
I don't know.
You know,
You are unique and everyone is different.
Just feel it out.
So this is about the people that can come close to you,
But not really intimately close.
So there are values for these people,
Values that are a little bit further from your core,
But still important for you to let those people in your house.
So what are those values?
And realise also now maybe there isn't someone that fits into this category.
That's also OK because you're living your life,
You're meeting new people every day.
And also when you are setting boundaries,
Other people change,
Their interactions with you change.
It might change suddenly.
You might notice that people start to respect these values when you have them clear for yourself.
Now let's descend the stairs and go to the guest room.
Remember the beautiful guest room?
So well,
This is a place where you invite people that are even a little bit more at a distance.
But before you invite them in the guest room,
What value or values do they have to live up to?
And again,
Don't overthink this.
I know I'm asking these questions and you might want to think it,
But I would prefer you to feel it.
That's why we're doing it in the meditation.
If you don't know exactly,
You can always come back to this practice and do it again and again.
So,
You know,
It's the first time you're doing it.
It's OK.
So what values do your guests need to honour to be able to come visit you?
To be welcomed in your guest room.
They will not be welcome to go all the way up.
They will not be welcomed in your room.
You're welcomed here in your guest room where you will entertain them and mingle and speak with them.
What are the values there?
All right.
Now I would like you to go to the kitchen,
That creative room.
So when it comes to creation,
Whether it's food or something else,
There can be specific boundaries,
Especially when you are an artist.
But also when you're not an artist,
You're also creative.
Every person is creative,
Whether it's a hobby or something that you live on,
It doesn't really matter.
But for creativity to blossom,
For creativity to be there,
It's really important that we know what we need for that.
And what we don't need are,
For instance,
People that are really critical of us immediately.
People that are saying,
Yes,
But when we share our ideas with us.
So when you want to be in your creative space,
What are the boundaries for people,
For allowing people to be there with you?
And with this,
I mean for allowing people to share your ideas with them,
To trust them enough to tell them what you think,
What you are creating.
What boundaries,
What values are important for you to create this place of creativity,
To be open,
To be receiving,
To be creating,
To give birth to new ideas,
To give birth to new products,
To give birth to new services,
To give birth to new artwork,
To give birth to new words,
Whatever it is.
Right,
Right.
Can you feel that?
Can you feel how empowering it is to realize what you need and that you can actually know now when you will confide in others about your creative processes and when you will not?
That gives a sense of control,
Right?
So now someone might come up who is demanding to know what you are working on and you never found the guts to say no,
But you always felt bad after that because they were telling you that the idea wasn't good enough or it would never work or you could never earn some money with it.
You don't have to do that anymore because they don't live up to this value.
So you don't have to share it.
It's okay to just tell them,
Yeah,
I'm working on something,
But I will keep it to myself until it's ready to get out of my creativity room.
When I know what it is,
When I feel confident about it,
Then I will share it with you.
All right,
Let's step out of the house for a moment.
So now we are remembering the garden,
But this is the garden surrounding the house with the beautiful fence of the bushes.
So what values are those bushes representing?
So these are people that can come still in your garden,
Not in your house,
But they can come close.
This might be,
For instance,
Colleagues at work.
What values are important for you,
For these kind of people,
People that are not coming that close to you,
But you do want to interact with them in a kind way?
What do they have to live up to for you to allow them in this garden?
What values are there?
Don't overthink it.
The first thing that bubbles up,
That's it.
And you know what,
If you do it again and it's something else,
That's okay.
Our values are really extensive.
Our values are intermingling,
Intertwined.
So to really get a sense of what it is can take some time to work it out.
That's okay.
So now you know what people you can let go and let come into this garden.
Now let's step into the bigger garden.
Let's go through this fence.
And now we are in this best first part of your garden,
The entrance.
You have to go through the gate in the entrance.
So we're now speaking about the fence around your property.
So basically this means that anyone you interact with in a way that you like it,
In a way that they respect your boundaries,
What values do they have to uplift for them to be able to interact with you?
Because any interaction with you starts here.
So all those people that were let in in all these places are also allowed here,
Right?
This is like the first boundary.
This is like the first most important thing that any person that you meet will have to live up to so you will interact with them.
And if not,
Then you have the right to say no,
Then you have the right not to interact.
What value is that?
Yes,
So anyone that cannot live up to this value or any of the others will stay outside.
And that can mean that there are a lot of people that you know,
A lot of people that have not been honoring your boundaries might stay out.
And that might make you a little bit sad when you feel it.
But that's okay.
That's okay.
And I have a promise for you.
The promise is this.
When you start living these values and you start to respect these values,
To take them seriously for yourself,
For your own heart,
For your own well-being,
You shift,
Your behavior will differ,
Your behavior will adapt itself to your newfound respect for who you are,
Your newfound respect for being gentle to yourself and your newfound respect for your own values.
And with this,
You radiate something else.
And when you say no,
It becomes way more clear for people that your no is a no.
And when this happens,
A lot of people suddenly start to live up to your boundaries because there is a sense of clarity in feeling boundaries of another.
There is a sense of clarity in knowing exactly what is right and what is wrong.
So there will be a change in the behavior of others.
Not everyone,
But that's okay.
It is okay to say goodbye to some people.
It's okay to love people and not see them anymore.
It's okay to say goodbye to those that cannot honor what is important to you.
And I know that might sound harsh and maybe even impossible,
But you know,
You're not there yet.
You will get there.
It's okay.
Step by step.
So if you like,
You could also work from the outside towards the inside.
You could also start with the minimum requirement and then slowly build on that to go inside.
That would be a different way to go about it.
So if you find it hard to go from inside to the outside,
You could also think of this exercise to do it in reverse.
And then so come close to your own room,
Your own sanctuary within you.
Now,
Let's just sit for a moment.
You can let go of your attention on this beautiful house,
Beautiful garden.
And if you need it for yourself,
You can also walk back to the door,
Close in behind you and then sit down.
But I would like us to acknowledge for a moment the profound work that we just did.
You got a sense of clarity and a sense of knowing who you truly are.
A sense of understanding what your values are and where your boundaries lie.
Now,
It might be hard to immediately live up to this,
But knowing this format,
Knowing what your garden is,
Knowing what your house is,
Knowing what your private room is,
Will give you something to check with yourself.
When someone is unkind to you,
You can check.
So which part of my garden or house are they?
And should they be there or not?
It all goes hand in hand with listening to yourself,
What is important to you.
And when it's important to you to help others,
Then you have to.
You are obligated to yourself to want to help yourself first.
Now sit and feel what is going on.
Do you feel relief?
Clarity can sometimes bring relief.
That's good.
If you feel relieved,
That's a really great way.
It means you shifted already in your perspective.
And if it feels a little bit more troublesome,
You feel a little bit sad,
Or a little bit blues,
Of those new insights,
Maybe just not knowing yet what to do with it,
That's okay.
You will.
We've planted the seeds,
We've planted the understanding.
And the moment this is planted,
It cannot go away from you anymore.
It cannot leave you anymore,
It's something that will resonate more and more.
And you will notice in your interactions with others when someone will try to make you feel guilty for you saying no,
You suddenly will realize that although you might feel guilty,
And you might still find it hard to say no,
That it's not exactly how it should be.
That's the seed that is planted.
And go from there and don't forget to be kind to yourself.
There might be still moments that you will not honor your boundaries because you find it hard.
Yeah,
You have people in your life that are so trained,
So skilled to get you where they want you to be.
But believe me,
It will change.
Just allow yourself to be kind to yourself.
And then the thoughts about everything and what everyone is asking from you will change.
Things will change for the better.
All right,
Now you can let go of your attention.
Just get back to your body,
To the here and now.
You can wiggle your fingers and toes.
Stretch your spine.
Move your body a little bit.
And then in your own time,
Whenever it suits you,
You can start to slowly open your eyes.
And if you're really sleepy and it's okay for you to go to sleep,
Then just turn around and go to sleep.
That's perfectly fine.
It's good to honor your body.
It's good to honor the needs of your body.
But if you're not sleepy or you do have to get up because there's still something waiting for you in this day,
Then you can slowly start to open your eyes.
