Unlocking Love - Your Personal Blueprint For Secure & Joyful Relationships

Welcome to a transformative journey. In this first session, I just want to invite you to have listen to my suggestions for how to approach this course —what will probably work, what might not work so well, etc. I invite you to take note of my suggestions and discard them if they don't work for you. That's the whole point of this session and of this entire course: to keep what you resonate with, and to ignore what doesn't feel right for you. I hope you enjoy this session and I wish you a beautiful start to your journey. Audio: Samuel F. Johanns

This second session is a brief introduction to attachment theory (AT). Fundamentally, AT teaches that the way we were related to as children strongly incluences our way of relating in our adult (intimate) relationships. This course takes the AT understanding that secure, healthy attachment presents in behaviors like clearly knowing and expressing our needs, and empowers us to learn that behavior consciously.

All of us use our imagination every day, but almost none of us maximizes the use of this somewhat secret human superpower. Learning from Tibetan Buddhism as well as western science, Dr. Dan Brown developed the powerful 'Ideal Parent-Figure Protocol' (IPFP) to help human beings attain a more secure attachment style. The practice I created is an NVC-informed version based on Dan Brown's book "Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair". I have actually created 3 versions of the IPFP; you can try both and see which one you like the most, or vary each time you practice. "Healing Attachment Trauma: The Ideal Parent Figure Protocol" - "Attachment Trauma | Nonviolent Ideal Parent Figure Protocol" - Dutch: "Het Genezen Van Hechtingstrauma: Het 'Ideale Ouder Protocol' " For your ease, I have included a complete IPFP session in this session. Going forward, I invite you to directly go to one of the aforementioned tracks. Thanks to Heather Clague for the additional insights into practicing the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol, from her article 'Imagining the Way to Self-Compassion Using the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol'.

This first session will be an introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC). If you already have a good knowledge of NVC, you can skip this session and go to the next one. If you are new to NVC and would enjoy some deepening, check out the following: "Nonviolent Communication Level 1: Meet The Consciousness Of NVC" (course) "Talk: Interdependence & The Independence / Dependence Trap" (track) You can also ask me any question anytime!

This session will explain to you the central practice for every Need you wrk with: 'dwelling in the beauty of the need'. Every session, I will offer some inspiration, and then your work will be to either use your imagination or a memory in which the need at hand is or would be fully met. NOTE: you don't have to be 'good at' visualization to do this practice very well. Feeling it is much more important than having some 'high definition' imagery happen in your mind.

This is the first session where we are going to dive into connection with our needs. What better place to start than with air! Please ask me any question related to the practice of the beauty of the need. I want you to have a clear and purposeful journey. If you want to dive deeper in connection with the element of air and relationship with breath, here are some suggested tracks that you could turn to: "Breathing With The Trees In The Natural Nonduality Of Breath" "Reset Your Nervous System: Simple Self-Regulating Breathwork" "NSDR: Savasana & Pranayama In The Forest - Advanced Version" Please note: If you have any medical issues, always consult a medical professional before doing this kind of work. Never do breathwork in or near pools, bath tubs, lakes, et cetera. Audio: Traian1984

Darkness is a need that I've actually not seen on any feelings and needs list that I've come across in the years I've been practicing NVC, but it's actually an enormously important universal human need. As a suggested deepening practice to get closer to our need for darkness, what you might do is meditate for however long you like--one minute, ten minutes, an hour--in the dark. It can be recommended to cover yourself with a thick layer of clothes to let your body feel safe. And then, enjoy the dark... Audio: Free Soundex Pro

Food is another one of those very obvious needs that we have. And yet, perhaps because of that, it is a very potent quality of experience to relate to more mindfully and intentionally. For added connection to this need, check out "Pleasant Slowness In Your Break ~ Drinking Coffee Mindfully" Audio: freesound_community

Light is really one of those needs that are more than fundamental, I think. I hope you enjoy this session. And I want to suggest that if you want to strengthen your relationship with the need for light, I suggest you go and watch a sunset. And start from the darkness: go half an hour before the actual sunset. And then notice what it does to you...

In this session, we're going to address our universal human need for movement, and specifically, I want to introduce the angle where movement is a very potent way to create happiness or: alleviate depression. I wish you a beautiful session, and here are some more suggestions for a deeper connection with movement: For more deepening on our connection to movement, I highly recommend doing the walking meditation I published: "The Body Sets The Pace: Mindful Movement, Walking Meditation" If you'd like more of a deep dive into the relationship between the body, the mind, and consciousness, I warmly invite you to listen to my course "Hatha Yoga As A Path To Enlightenment" The article quoted is: Noetel M, Sanders T, Gallardo-Gómez D, Taylor P, del Pozo Cruz B, van den Hoek D et al. Effect of exercise for depression: systematic review and network meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials BMJ 2024. Audio: freesound_community

Sleep is an incredibly important universal human need. There are theories suggesting that sleep as a state of consciousness in fact existed first in our evolutionary timeline and that what we call the 'awake' state came after. In this session, I will connect that perspective with a beautiful concept of the Australian Aboriginal people called the Dreamtime. If you would like to address your need for sleep a bit deeper, here are a few suggested tracks: "Falling Asleep By The Sea (ASMR)" "A Compassionate Body Scan For Deep Rest And Sleep" audio: freesound_community

Sexual expression is another very foundational human need. And sexuality, not unlike death, can be met with some stigma and taboo and shame, especially in our Western society. Therefore, in this session, I will invite you to enjoy your connection with your need for sexual expression, but also give you space for exploring some needs that might exist around, for instance, shame. As mentioned in the session, here are some suggested tracks for deeper connections with this need and its surrounding phenomena: "Moving From Shame... To Dignity, Belonging & Acceptance" "Talk: Embodying Empathy For Our Wayward Western World"

What comes up for you when you consider what it was like when you felt completely safe, or when you imagine feeling completely safe? After the sharing of some inspiration based on the science of the nervous system, and Thich Nhat Hanh's beautiful poem 'The End of Suffering', I invite you again to look within yourself and see and feel how the need for safety lives in you. I hope you enjoy this session. Here are some self-regulating tracks, if you'd like to experience more safety: "An Effective Anti-Stress Practice" "Feeling Fear? Regulate With Breath, Touch & Mindfulness"

What comes up for you when you think of shelter? Maybe you think of that time you slept in a tent while it was raining outside. Or maybe you're thinking about refugee camps where people are seeking shelter from war zones. Or maybe shelter is for you something more along the lines of being held by your partner..? Let's dive into Shelter. More inspiration might be found in these tracks: "Super Soothing Soundscape: Rain, From A Cabin Porch | ASMR" "The Ancient Fire ~ A Mystico-Poetic Meditation" "Meditating With Fire, A Sacred Ancient Teacher" And of course, you could find a charity that provides for those without a home, without a shelter. sound: Daily Chill Out

In this session, we're going to meet our need for touch. Another super important universal human need. There's so much to be said about this frequency of experience that we call 'touch'. Touch can be upsetting, it can be calming, it can be reconnecting and grounding, it can be life-saving. A deepening practice that you might do, as you might imagine, could be something like requesting a massage or massaging somebody. Or maybe asking for a hug with a trusted friend or partner, and then really allowing yourself to feel the hug. There are many other different things that you might do. One suggestion would be to listen to this track that I created: "Gentle Touch To Regulate The Nervous System | For Stress"

Water! What a topic. So mundane on the first sight, but when you contemplate it, what an enormously deep topic water can be. Let's dive in. For deepening, I suggest the following track: "Falling Asleep By The Sea (ASMR)" audio: freesound_community

It's interesting to ask you 'what does authenticity mean to you'. Because what it might mean to you can differ from what it means to other people. And that is exactly what authenticity is about. I hope you enjoy this session. Here are, as always, a few suggested deepening practices you can do to meet your need more deeply: "Access Intuition For Choices ~ Short Version" "Access Intuition For Choices ~ A Decision Cheatsheet" "The Body Sets The Pace: Mindful Movement, Walking Meditation"

We might define integrity as 'consistency in acting in alignment with principles, even in the face of pressure, temptation, or adversity'. If you would like to practice integrity a little bit more beyond this session, what you might consider is to be on the watch out for the next time that you feel you're not being completely honest with somebody, perhaps out of fear or shame, and then to experiment with being fully honest anyway. Perhaps there was a white lie that you want to correct or something that you disagree with but are afraid to express. I would implore you to not jeopardize other risks or completely sacrifice yourself, but just as a practice, to see if you can act with a little bit more alignment with your principles, the next time you notice you might be shying away from doing that. Enjoy the session.

Presence seems to me to be a meta-need. We need to be present to be aware of our needs at all. I hope you enjoy this session and my offered inspiration suggestions. As additional work, I simply invite you to go on Insight Timer and find a meditation that resonates with you the most. I can include a few suggestions from my own published meditations: "Relax Into Doing Nothing ~ Stress & Sleep | Nightly Crickets" "A Nose For Silence: Stillness In The Senses (Remastered)"

As we're getting up to speed in the course, it's entirely imaginable that you are finding some needs that are not being met. And this is where we can use our imagination, or visualization. At the same time, it is sometimes simply needed to mourn for a moment the sensing of a loss--of a lack--of a need that we really like to experience. Therefore, I'm offering here the mourning process as an additional practice you can do. It's a beautiful practice, and I hope this will bring even more benefit from this course to you. music: 'Permafrost', by Scott Buckley

I had to accept that I needed rest before I could record this session, even though I wanted to immediately sit myself behind a microphone after our trip to the store today. How does acceptance live in you? Let's explore this in the coming session. Some suggested extra practices to connect with the quality of Acceptance: "Zen With The Changing Seasons ~ Embracing Impermanence" "Befriending Body Sensations | Somatic Self-Empathy" Geese sound: Kermit the sound

It seems to be that 'affection' means the way we show love. But we can also feel affection for a country, or perhaps for a pigeon in the park on our way home. I hope you enjoy this session about affection. Here is an additional practice you could do to nurture the sense of affection: You can do a meditation in which you imagine finding a young, hungry, sick, shivering, emaciated, scared kitten or puppy when you arrive home one cold winter day. And then just allow yourself to imagine taking care of that young, vulnerable being. And allow yourself to be touched by the compassion and affection you would show this puppy or kitten. Really feel into the details of that experience. This is how you can sense into the quality of affection.

Appreciation is something very different from receiving a compliment. Appreciation makes you feel seen when it occurs. But that's just my two cents. What does appreciation mean to you? Here's a suggestion for a deepening practice: "Experiencing The Magic Of Gratitude"

In this session, I will offer several different perspectives on the concept and the need of belonging that hopefully sparks some aliveness for this quality of experience in you. I hope you enjoy, and here are a few suggested deepening practices as well: "A Tree's Message, For Times Of Feeling Lost" "Meditating With Fire, A Sacred Ancient Teacher" fire audio: Daily Chill Out

Human pyramids, the Chinese, Indian, and United States armies, and ant colonies, all have one thing in common. They are icons of cooperation. What does cooperation mean to you? Here is a suggestion for some more exposure to the quality of cooperation: "Talk: Interdependence & The Independence / Dependence Trap" audio: NASA

What is communication? This is an incredibly large topic--I hope you enjoy my offering of inspiration. As for additional practices, check out my courses and tracks on Insight Timer. sound effects: Wildlife World & Sound Diary

Closeness--closely related to intimacy and togetherness--how does it live in you? For this session, I invoke a dear friend, my 'pet philosopher' Maurice Merleau-Ponty. I hope you enjoy. The track I mentioned in the session, that could make a nice deepening of the topic of closeness (as well as empathy) is called "Talk: Embodying Empathy For Our Wayward Western World"

Community, tribe, family, monkey business. What does community mean to you? What is the felt sense of it when you relate to that experience? Here's a suggestion for deepening practice: "Opening Up ~ The Living Nonduality Of Being An Organism" sound: freesound_community

In this session, I invoke the beautiful book 'The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse', by Charlie Mackesy. If you'd like to experience a deeper connection with the universal human Need for companionship, why not call a friend and organize a hangout? And then feel into the quality of experience when you meet. Alternatively or additionally, consider this track: "Morning Metta ~ Stepping Into A World Full Of Friends". I wish you a beautiful session.

Compassion is a beautiful topic that I could spend hours to talk about, but I hope you like what I've come up with in terms of suggested inspiration. Mostly, what comes to me is that, if compassion is a wish for other beings not to suffer, then it's very important to recognize suffering to begin with. But we don't always recognize suffering. And that makes it challenging for us to be compassionate. Here is an extra practice you could do to increase your connection to the quality of compassion: "Tonglen Metta ~ Turning Suffering Into Bliss For All Beings" sound: sound effect LNC

In a way, dwelling in the beauty of the need is already self-empathy. And the process of mourning that we learned earlier is also a form of self-empathy. In this session, though, I want to double-click on this process of self-empathy with a little bit more granularity and precision, so that you can have another tool under your belt to help you self-connect, self-understand, be more in presence, and also to empower you to be compassionate for others by being it with yourself first. If you want to deepen your understanding of the practice of self-empathy, I can highly recommend the following courses I created: Nonviolent Communication Level 3: Self-Connection, Guilt & The Organism (check out lesson 2 specifically) and Calm Amidst The Storm Of Conflict & Trigger, With NVC’s 4-Step Model

'To consider something' used to mean something like 'to consult the stars' (stars = sidera). Nowadays, we use the word to mean something like 'take into account', of to weigh a choice. What does it mean to you? Suggested extra practice for this Need: take a breath every time before you speak today, and feel how you're feeling. Notice if any needs want to be included in your expression.

From top-tier athletes to Tibetan monks, consistency seems to be key for human beings achieving greatness. In this session, let's explore how this quality of experience we call consistency lives in you. Suggested extra practice: meditate every day for 5 minutes, for a month. For instance with this track: "How Am I Doing Today? A Meditative Check-In" sound effect: StudioKolomna

Empathy is a universal human need for the quality of experience that arises when somebody is holding space for us with attention and with no agenda. This can include self-empathy. If you'd like to connect to this feeling and need more deeply, what I recommend you can do is to give yourself some self-empathy, meaning: you can journal about something that is of some importance to you. Maybe it can be a trigger or an emotional situation or a challenging memory. And what I invite you to do is to simply either speak out loud or record yourself on video or audio and fully express yourself. And listen if there are any judgments. Listen also for feelings and needs and see what that does to you. This is a process called self-empathy. I hope you enjoyed this session.

Inclusion is such a wonderful experience. For me, inclusion entails being acknowledged, being seen, and having the sense that my needs matter. What does inclusion mean to you? As an additional practice to fuel the sense of inclusion, what I want you to consider is to... ...listen to opinions or worldviews, not with a view to believe that or agree with that, but to acknowledge it as a possible perspective on life, and to see the human who holds that perspective, in other words, to include them in your heart, but to hold their opinions as just another possibility... I wish you a beautiful session.

Intimacy is somehow related to closeness, and it seems to be impossible to experience intimacy without safety first. Safety unlocks many needs, as you'll probably notice along the way in this program... As a suggested extra practice to meet your need for intimacy, I would invite you to reveal some truth about yourself to someone you trust. A truth, perhaps, that you haven't dared to share yet. Of course, when you're doing this, it's very important that you feel safe--the part in us that doesn't feel safe is very important, so don't overstep that. Don't betray that part if it doesn't feel safe.

"Talking about love is like dancing about architecture". You can't really do it! And yet in this session, I try to sparkle some memory or imagination for you to connect with this most precious of human universal needs. Here is a suggested extra session you can do if you want to deepen your relationship with this need: "Profound Self-Connection Visualization: A Lotus Of Embraces" audio: "I Love You California" - California State Song (copyright free), and sound effects from: Shut_Up_Ghost, arodgers1020, freesound_community, MrP1nkGuy, and my Ieva

Mutuality is the long-term togetherness in a relationship. It's closely related to intimacy and reciprocity and harmony as well. As always, the question is really what mutuality means for you. If you want to have a deeper relationship with the need for mutuality, you can consider, for any relationship, to invite the person into a conversation and share about how you are both holding the relationship, with the intention on seeing each other's needs, and perhaps making requests of each other on how to meet those needs.

Nurturing. Nursery rhymes. The nursery. Nourishment. Loving something into being. That is what this session is about. If you want to have a strong relationship with this need for nurturing, I would invite you to do either of two things or both: To either get a new plant or, with some refreshing new awareness of an already existing plant under your care, to really take a moment and appreciate the giving of life that you're doing every time you water it. A completely different way to meet your need for nurturing is to simply ask yourself, what am I needing right now? And to do that as a daily practice--because that is also a nurturing, a nourishing of yourself. Humming song: freesound_community

So, is the metaphor for power the rockets we send to the moon? Or Formula 1 cars racing on a track? Or fighter jets going Mach 3? For me, yes. For you, maybe not. Maybe a more nuanced idea of power is deep vulnerability. In this session, I hope to convey that for me, those two perspectives are not at odds with each other. But they point to the fact that we already have an experience that we call power. And that's why we recognize it in these different things. I hope you enjoy this session. If you want to have a deeper understanding with and relationship to power, especially related to vulnerability, I recommend you check out my session called "Talk: Why Blame Blocks Growth—And How To Let It Go" Thank you to TheCanuckdian for the awesome sound of the Saturn V rocket.

Respect between rivals on the battlefield and in sports, for me, touches a lot of beauty. What does respect mean to you? To deepen your own connection with this sense of respect, I can recommend that you, for instance, do something today that would make you really respect yourself, and then see how that feels. You can also consider listening to this track I made: "Evening Contemplation: Earth As Our Ancestral Burial Ground"

Welcome to the second intermezzo. I want to share here a few words about journaling. Maybe you're already doing that, and then still I would encourage you to have a listen. If you're not journaling (yet), then I invite you to give this session a listen as well, and just give it a go. If you want some deepening practice for journaling in a transformative way, you can check out my course "Create A Happy Life By Reprogramming Negative Self-Talk" soundscape: Nature Healing Society

Safety is easily in the top three of most important human needs. It's a major one, and perhaps you need to spend quite some time with this one for your journey into secure attachment, because feeling safe is a big part of secure attachment. Here's 2 additional practices that you can do to have a stronger relationship with the felt quality of safety: "Before-Sleep Evening Meditation ~ Being At Home In My Body" "Befriending Body Sensations | Somatic Self-Empathy"

If safety is an immediate need, security is the sense of long-term safety. And so safety and security are closely related. If you want to have more of a sense of security, I can really only recommend that you do, or keep on doing, the ideal parent-figure protocol.

Stability is also closely related to security, and we saw that security is closely related to safety. You could say that security is stable safety, but what then is stability? What feels like a specific quality of experience that you would call stability? To taste this quality more clearly, you might try this track I made: "The Flow That Can Be Interrupted Is Not The Flow" sound: freesound_community

“What's the bravest thing you've ever said?" asked the boy. "Help," said the horse.” ― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse We all need support sometimes. Giving and receiving support can make us feel like part of an interconnectedness that is slightly unimaginable for hyper-independent people. Leaning into interdependence can be a healthy step towards trust, community and reciprocal relationships. If you would like to experience this quality we call 'support' more deeply, consider making a request for help for something this week, and see how that feels. And make the request not from a place of helplessness or dependence, but in the knowing that asking for help is often a mature, selfless and responsible thing to do! I hope you enjoy this session.

To know somebody, truly, and to be known by somebody, truly, in its fullest meaning... this means being accepted, being seen, being heard, and being understood. It is the stuff of strong and deep relationships. If you want to have a stronger connection to this need for being known and knowing somebody, I can heartily recommend practicing empathic listening to each other--without any agenda to change, influence, console, or steer the conversation, but just to be the space for the other's unfolding to take place in. Later on in this course, we'll practice empathic listening more intently.

When we truly see somebody, we are unable to see them as ugly. That is what Marshall Rosenberg meant when he invited us to see the beauty in each other. If you want to deepen your connection with this quality of seeing and being seen, consider this track: "Super Deep Nondual Savasana ~ Christian Mysticism"

There is understanding of a slightly cognitive sense--more in the realm of meaning, and there's this experience of being understood by someone--in the realm of relating. This session is about the latter. The former comes later in this programme. If you want to have a closer connection to this need for being understood or understanding someone in this way, I would recommend inviting somebody for an exchange of listening and see if you're able to connect their sharing to your own experience as deeply as possible. That is a very deep way of listening, because in a way, you're able to find where you have lived in togetherness, sharing Reality. I wish you a beautiful session.

Trust is closely related to faith. To me, it doesn't mean believing something without evidence. To me, trust is more something of a knowing of the heart, and with that, to rest assured. If you want to increase your connection to this quality of experience we call trust, I can recommend listening to this track "Talk: Bhakti ~ Believing Is Beloving"

On the level of being an embodied human organism on this planet, warmth is encoded in our very DNA as the definition of love. My daughter feels love when I warm her hands with my breath in winter. Warmth is the language of love, whispered through a hug. Welcome to the last session in the needs category of connection. To have a closer relationship with this need for human warmth, I can warmly recommend the following track: "Before-Sleep Evening Meditation - Being At Home In My Body"

Joy is such a beautiful need. To me it comes as a smile that begins in the heart, and a dream I once had about a world without exhaust fumes. What brings you joy? To create a stronger relationship with a need for joy, or the quality of experience we call joy, I invite you to imagine yourself being omnipotent, with child-like imagination, and just see what you would truly want to do if there were no limitations to what would be possible.

Humor is what can divide us and at the same time it's what can get us through wars, with our souls intact. Humor is universal yet culturally different. Humor is a superpower. If you want to connect to your sense of humor, I simply recommend watching funny cat videos or looking up the best dad jokes. Or even better, you can call a friend and ask them to tell them their best joke and then you can laugh together. I wish you a beautiful connection with this superpower of a human need.

Even considering beauty is a beautiful thing to do. I noticed that the inspiration for this session comes to me in a form of songs. If you want to strengthen, remember, or create your relationship with beauty more, I would warmly recommend taking some time to listen to music that you find absolutely beautiful. Or, if you're more visually oriented, to look at art. Take some time with this, because beauty is an incredibly important human need.

Communion is a beautiful, sacred experience, when we enter, as an individiual, a group, and become part of that group. It of course plays a big part in Christianity, in its 'holy communion', but if we look for instance at initiation rites all across the world, and all throughout human history, we see that communion is an experience as old as humanity itself. To connect deeper to the sense of communion, I invite you to feel that quality in the following tracks: "Breathing With The Trees In The Natural Nonduality Of Breath" or "Opening Up ~ The Living Nonduality Of Being An Organism"

Hey, everybody. I wanted to insert an intermezzo here to give you some encouragement and practice suggestions, specifically for dealing with a course of 87 tracks. Because I do want you to actually complete the course. And in this session, I'll suggest how to do that by tuning our mind subtly to the awareness of the 'how', rather than the 'what'.

The peaceful quality of ease is a beautiful 'frequency of experience' to connect to. It's related to effortlessness, flow, relaxation and this thing that happens when all traffic lights on our trip sing 'by all means go ahead' to us with their affirmative green lights. To connect more to this need, try as an experiment to go outside wherever you live, and find ease by being accepting of whatever comes your way. Manifest ease by being easy with life and saying yes to the flow of what happens. You can also check out this meditation track of mine: "The Flow That Can Be Interrupted Is Not The Flow"

Equality. Fairness. Justice, Peace. These are incredibly influential qualities of experience that, if we're able to live them, make up a big part of our happiness. I hope you enjoy this session and if you want to experience this sense more deeply, I invite you to reflect if there is anybody, any group, any demographic in your life, that you have a sense of inequality towards. Maybe you feel bigger, better, stronger or weaker, less than, or inferior to them. And then invite the insight that no matter who we all are on the outside, our true being has no size, no color, no shape, no form and nothing measurable. What I mean is this: One time when I was playing badminton, I was playing doubles with a very large male who was being a little bit aggressive and I remember being a little bit scared. But for some reason it then became clear to me that his soul was exactly 'the same size as mine'. Can you imagine that?

“The peace of God is with them whose mind and soul are in harmony, who are free from desire and wrath, who know their own soul” ~ The Bhagavad Gita Harmony is by its very nature beautiful, and I'm very curious how this need lives in you. I wish you a beautiful connection session. And if you want to connect more deeply with this need, I can recommend listening to classical music. music: "Savfk - Eight Mountains"

"We are pnauma, we are will and wonder" (Tool) -- to be inspired, to breathe in, is to self-realize and self-actualize. This session offers--hopefully--inspiration for you to connect to... inspiration. If you' like to get even closer to this quality of inspiration, I'd suggest to for instance watch a video of scientific discoveries that inspire you, or listen to inspirational speeches such as those by Martin Luther King or Terence McKenna--or whatever you find touches you with this spark. I wish you a meaningful session. music at beginning: Ondrej Rosik from Pixabay

Order is the last Need in the category of Peace. Too little order, and we have chaos, too much of it, and we have oppression. This session begins with a longer, 1938 radio play that you might recognize... Fast forward to 1m10 if you don't enjoy that. To enjoy meeting the need for order more deeply, consider organizing your sock drawer, or take one room in your house that could use some ordering. And see how it feels for you. When is it too much? When not enough? This calibration will attune you to this quality of experience called 'order'. Enjoy. audio: Orson Welles, 1938 radio broadcast of Orson Welles "War of the Worlds" (public domain).

When we choose to accept the unacceptable, only then can we change it. Choice is at the root of our power, and that is why it's part of our autonomy. To connect more deeply to this need, consider these practices: "Access Intuition For Choices ~ Short Version" and/or "Talk: Accessing Intuition For Choices ~ Decision Cheatsheet"

Have you ever tried to dress a toddler? If so, you have felt how strong the need for freedom can be. Is freedom the ultimate need? I think it just might be. With some inspirations from movies and my own life, I hope you enjoy meeting this need inside of yourself. To feel this quality more deeply, taste freedom in the following practices: "Talk: Equanimity ~ Seeing Emotions As 'Inner Weather" and/or "Talk: Discipline As Compassion, Compassion As Discipline"

Independence is a paradox, because when we feel independent, there is always that thing we are independent from. Inter-dependence holds both dependence and independence, and we need at least to experience both to truly step into healthy inter-dependent relationships. To practice feeling more independence, I recommend doing something that you always do together, alone. Such as going to the movies, eating in a restaurant, or perhaps for you that would be doing your taxes or some task at work. I wish you a beautiful session.

How can we be bodies, if we are not first space? Welcome to this session about the need for space, or spaciousness. To connect deeper to this need, consider doing these practices: "Meditate With The Vastness Of Inner & Outer Space | ASMR" and/or "I Am Not In The Body, The Body Is In Me ~ Sri Nisargadatta" audio credit: NASA

To be spontaneous turns out to be a sacred act of surrendering our willfulness. It can conjure connotations of impulsiveness, though here we look at its manifestation as a sign of autonomy and freedom. To connect deeper to this quality, consider watching footage of the fall of the Berlin Wall, or take a walk and allow your body to make decisions on where to go. For that, you could choose to listen to my track "The Body Sets The Pace: Mindful Movement, Walking Meditation".

Trying to explain awareness to an aware being made of awareness is like trying to explain, not to a fish what the ocean is, but to the water itself what water is. Still, I'm having a go in this session and I wish you a very meaningful practice. If you want to have a closer relationship with this need of awareness, I can recommend journaling about a period in your life--or a specific experience that you had--where the sense of some veil being lifted was experienced. And, or you can also listen to the following meditation that I created: "Talk: Feel Into The Flowing Body ~ Meditative Investigation"

To celebrate life is to be grateful for the opportunity to be born as a human on this beautiful planet. Invoking the wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddha, and Carl Sagan, I wish you a beautiful connection to this beautiful quality of experience we call celebrating life. In order to connect more deeply to this need, you can consider doing the following practices: "Morning Meditation: Be In The Day" and/or "Experiencing The Magic Of Gratitude"

Challenge is where we learn. Challenge is where we grow. And challenge, in the best case, exists in a goldilocks zone between chaos and order, between skilled and unskilled. Welcome to the session about challenge. If you want to connect deeper to the experience of being challenged, I would simply suggest to go do a downward-facing dog or any other yoga pose that is available to your body right now, and see when you're about to give up.... and then ask yourself to do it 10 seconds longer.

A course on having secure and open communication-relationships would not be complete without also paying some attention to attunement and co-regulation. Invoking the wisdom of Marshall Rosenberg, Thomas Hübl, and Anna Runkle, I am inviting you here to step into this awareness of how co-regulation works, what attunement is, and how we can actually practice attunement and co-regulation with the beautiful art of empathic listening. I wish you a beautiful session. If you want to dive a little bit deeper into the practice and art of empathic listening, I can recommend the following course: "Nonviolent Communication Level 1: Meet The Consciousness Of NVC", especially day 2.

Clarity is a vision-related quality of presence, mindfulness, focus... It has connotations of the clear sky, just as the mind is sky-like. In this session, we meet the need for clarity in these and other connotations, as well as through some personal anecdotes from my life. To come closer to the need for clarity, you could consider doing any or all of the following practices: "A Bee's Release ~ Relax In Savasana With Bhramari Pranayama" and/or "Defragment Your Mind - Recovering From Information Overwhelm" and/or "Pleasant Slowness In Your Break ~ Drinking Coffee Mindfully". sound fx: freesound_community

Competence is related to mastery, skillfulness, ability, empowerment... and somehow it's a strange beast in the world of needs, because how can something that is acquired, be a part of us? It has to do with potentiality, as far as I can tell... If you'd like to connect deeper with this quality, find something that you are so good at, that you wouldn't even recognize it anymore as a once-impossible task. Take walking for instance, or reading... and now do that action, but slow it down, take notice at what you are doing... do it in a meditative way, and allow that very old part of you, that once had to painstakingly learn this skill, to enjoy where you are now. (PS: don't do this with driving, or operating heavy machinery or power tools, be safe & reasonable folks). I hope you enjoy meeting your need for competence.

Consciousness is another one of those needs that seems to be quite meta, because how could we meet needs before we are conscious? At the same time, there's a way to interpret consciousness as a need where we look at layers of generality about consciousness and awareness. In this session, I hope to bring you clarity and inspiration about consciousness. If you would like to train and connect more to this need for consciousness, I can suggest doing any meditation in which you practice catching yourself when you notice that your mind is wandering. Every moment that you catch yourself with a wandering mind is a moment of 'regaining consciousness'. And just see how that feels, how that tastes, and what that does to you. I wish you a beautiful session.

Connecting to the need for contribution is sensing this quality of giving that feels like receiving at the same time. Taking some examples from my own life, as well as some inspiration from Marshall Rosenberg and Lil Wayne, I hope that you can enjoy connecting to this beautiful human need. If you would like to connect deeper to this need for contribution, see if there's any work in your life that you could do, perhaps some volunteer work that truly helps other people, and see if you can do that work from a place of true giving... Enjoy the session.

Creativity is another one of those extremely deep qualities of human experience. In this session, I will invoke some inspiration from philosophy, art, and even my own poetry and anecdotes. I hope you have a beautiful connection with your need for creativity. They say that the less toys you give a child, the more creative they become. The same is likely true for us as mature adults. And so if you need to be in touch with more creativity, turn off all your screens, put down all your books, and just sit down with a pen, and a piece of paper. See what happens...

'Discovery': to dis-cover, to unveil. Discovery brings us to the edge of what we think we know, and lets us meet the world as for the first time. An additional practice you can do is: find a new route home, or to work, or an place you often travel to, and just change the habitual roads you take. Take ones you never took before. And take in the freshness of a world seen for the first time... audio: public domain audio of the Congressional Oversight Committee, of their public hearing on 13 nov 2024 on UAP (Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena)

Efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy. Getting stuff done with a highly advantageous ratio of input and output, or time spent and result acquired, this is somehow the realm of this sense of effectiveness. Drawing once again from NASA's incredible moon landing in the 60s, as well as from technology, sports, and my own experience, I wish you a beautiful connection with the need for effectiveness. To reach a deeper connection to this quality of human experience of effectiveness / efficiency, might I suggest that you take a look at your daily routines, and take 1 thing that you habitually do, and then improve the way you do it--be that in time spent, results gotten, energy used, or any other metric that makes sense to you. Do it this new, more efficient way, and notice how this feels. audio: President Kennedy speech on the space effort at Rice University, September 12, 1962 (Copyright Status: Public Domain)

Beginning with some beautiful words from none other than Fred Rogers, this session is about growth. Growth to me relates to hope and transformation, self-connection and maturity. And I'm curious what it calls up in you in terms of connotations and related qualities. If you want to really get close to this quality of growth in your life, you could consider getting a baby plant, and taking a photo of it every day, as you care for it. Then, watch what happens as you see the progressing photos of your phyto-friend evolving. Or, take up a new skill, something you are absolutely unskilled at. Journal at the beginning, and after 3 months, and then compare notes. A very different thing to do is consider your own childhood. Take a moment, allow yourself to go back and remember one thing with as much clarity as you can manage. And see how much you have grown... audio: Mister Fred McFeely Rogers, Senate Statement on PBS Funding, delivered 1 May 1969 (copyright statuys: public domain)

Pandora's box, Apollo 13, 'The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse', and everyday hope situations offer inspiration for this quality we call hope. If you are wanting a closer connection to hope, perhaps one way to cultivate hope is also to generate the grounds for hope by taking action, no matter how small, in a direction that we wish to move. So I want to empower us also to not only relate to hope in a passive way, which is of course fine, but also to 'be the change we want to see in the world'. And that can be as small as can reasonably be managed, because the quality is the same. If you have, for instance, a continuous sense of overwhelm, and you're just not able to clean and tidy up your house as you would like to, then can you perhaps make the challenge so small that it becomes manageable? Can you, for instance, take one minute to organize your sock drawer? This is maybe a silly example, but I believe it holds the truth of just touching that quality that we need so much by making the strategy so small that it becomes almost effortless, and still touches that direction, that quality, that need. So therefore we can empower ourselves by not just waiting for something to happen that we hope for, but to actively invite that energy by making the smallest possible step that we can muster. Have a beautiful session.

'When the student is ready, the teacher appears', so goes the old saying. I also like the inspiration that 'everything can be guru'. I think human beings learn all the time & at every age, but of course the most direct example would be school, right? Almost all of us have experienced some form of formal education. For me, the most beautiful example of learning, though, is when I do self-empathy, as I speak about in this session. If you want to connect deeper to the sense of learning, I highly recommend you to take up this practice of giving yourself listening by way of simply recording audio or video, and express to yourself what's going on for you. When you do that, I especially encourage you to let out all your judgments, allow yourself to feel all your feelings, and then most importantly, to really make a connection with what needs are present in whatever you are talking about to yourself. I wish you a beautiful practice, and I hope that you learn something about yourself. audio: freesound_community & PaSoul (Freesound)

Whether we consider Plato's theory of 'Methexis', or imagine singing in a choir, or the deep participation of our true essence of reality itself... participation is a wonderful need to contemplate, and I wish you a beautiful session. If you want to feel a bit deeper into the quality of participation, I recommend the following practice(s): "How To Go From Shame To Dignity, Belonging & Acceptance" and/or "Talk: Interdependence & The Independence / Dependence Trap". Or, if you really want to go for it, increase your participation in groups you are already a part of, e.g. by suggesting activities, volunteering support or taking a more active role--or even by joining a new group altogether. In any case, as with all suggestions in all sessions, notice how it feels when you touch the quality of the need you're aiming to meet. sound: DOBCommunications

Those among us who suffer from a mental condition called nihilism are likely to be the ones who need purpose the most. If you already have a purpose, then a meaningful question can be to ask, what would happen if you fulfill your purpose? In this session, I hope to inspire you with these questions, as well as with words of Jorge Luis Borges, Dean Koontz, the Buddha, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Friedrich Nietzsche. I wish you a beautiful session. If you want to relate deeper with the quality of purpose, or even to 'find your purpose', consider journaling about what you love doing most, and specifically, by asking yourself 'why'-questions: keep on asking 'why', until you've reached your deepest why... That might just be your purpose.

I believe that human beings sang to each other eons before somebody ever spoke the first word. And I think that true self-expression means that we are literally feeling the vibration of our voice as we speak, listening to each other and to ourselves, in other words, deeper than the verbal acrobatics of the mind, to the plain and present power of the energy that is ultimately our voice. In this session, we're going to listen to Gabor Maté, Mahatma Gandhi, and Jewish mysticism, to uncover the true meaning, at least as far as I can tell, of self-expression. If you want to go deeper into this area, you can do a few things. One thing I can recommend is to listen very carefully to the last session of this course, which is about making requests. Or, to have a more visceral experience of connecting to your self-expression, I invite you to go to a place where you can have some privacy and just start making sounds and feel the vibration of your own voice and just play with it. Wishing you a beautiful session. audio: freesound_community

As we are reaching the end of the needs in this course, we are treated to some very beautiful human qualities to experience. In this session, we are going to dive deep into stimulation, which has a lot of interesting aspects and nuances when you really go into it. We are seeing that stimulation has its connections to learning, to pain and pleasure, to meaningfulness, to curiosity, and more. Such delicious and interesting dimensions! If you want to encounter the relationship with meaningful stimulation more deeply, I recommend the following. You could for instance go to a very busy shopping mall and notice all the sensory inputs, or do the opposite, and seek out a very silent space. In both cases, noticing the sensory peace or overload will give you a direct, visceral notion of the quality of stimulation. For a more nuanced version of meeting meaningful stimulation, consider reading a book about a topic you're deeply, perhaps even secretly curious about, and then write about what you learned, maybe even in a blog post. And journal about that whole experience. Ask yourself: how was it to engage with your curiosity like that? audio: freesound_community

In this session, we're going to hear again from Mr. Rogers and his beautiful words to the children that he spoke to for decades. And I think his main message simply was that you are loved just exactly as you are. And there is something in that uniqueness of every single human being that for me holds an intrinsic value in which we can feel that we matter deeply because ultimately, we are all unique expressions of reality itself. I wish you a beautiful session. I'm curious if you resonate with what I find inspiring about this need of mattering. And if you'd like to experience a deepening with this quality of to matter or mattering, I suggest doing the following practice: "I Am An Organism ~ A Direct Path To Self-Compassion" audio: Mister Fred McFeely Rogers, Senate Statement on PBS Funding, delivered 1 May 1969 (copyright statuys: public domain)

Understanding is a beautiful need to end this rich series with. Conjuring up amazing human beings, deep perspectives, and visionary landscapes, in this session we will invoke Nikola Tesla, Eckhart Tolle, Werner Heisenberg, Jeffrey J. Kripal, Wittgenstein, and Kierkegaard, to bring to presence the quality of understanding. To connect deeper with this quality, consider approaching some more or less 'academic' subject you find difficult. It can be anything: quantum mechanics, aviation, human anatomy, phenomenology, the UFO phenomenon, evolution theory, how planets are formed, the drumming techniques of Tool's Danny Carey--and then immerse yourself in it for any given amount of time that fits your calendar. Journal about what you learn and notice particularly when that shift comes--that moment when something suddenly clicks. Understanding arrives... audio: FirstFounds, 'Diapason at 435 Hz--at sequential stages of restoration (1859 Phonautogram) [#33]'

In this last session, I want to unlock your empowerment fully, by sharing what I call the helpful magic of the felt energy of needs-connected requests. Being connected to our needs is the antidote to resentment and disempowerment. It's presence, clarity and self-connection. If you can learn this art of making skillful requests, you will acquire a superpower that is sure to make a huge difference in your relationships and your life. Thank you for listening & see you around! For more practice and understanding around Needs-based requests, check out the following: "Talk: Creating Joy & Empowerment ~ Expectations Vs. Requests" "Talk: Interdependence & The Independence / Dependence Trap" or my short course "Calm Amidst The Storm Of Conflict & Trigger, With NVC’s 4-Step Model" audio: Samuel F. Johanns