Learn What Elements Influence Who We’re Attracted To

Learn What Elements Influence Who We’re Attracted To & How to Resist Toxic Relationships. The Astrological Elements of Air, Water, Earth, and Fire can have a significant impact on the health and happiness of our relationships. These 4 elements can influence the people we are drawn to and can even pre-determine our strengths and weaknesses in relationships. Find out how these elements may be impacting your relationships. Follow us to join our Spiritual Psychology Support Group hosted by Dr. Traci, Psychologist, and Pasquale Naccarata, Spiritual Coach.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

I'm Dr.

Tracy and this is Pascual.

Hey!

Today we're going to be talking about the astrological elements and their aspect to how they manifest themselves in our relationships and our compatibility and the types of people that we could be drawn to in different circumstances.

Yes,

Yes.

And what I guess we've realized too,

Well I've realized,

Is that in friendships we may be drawn to people who we have similar elements.

Yes,

Yes.

Right?

But in relationships,

In a partnership,

We are usually drawn,

It's the opposites that attract,

Right?

So we're drawn to the people who have maybe what we would be low on,

Which element we have that are low or missing,

Right?

Yeah,

And I think it's like,

I think it's exactly like you said,

Right?

We're always,

Like if you think about it in like a friendship type of way,

We're always going to be drawn to the friends who are similar to us,

Right?

The same type of energy,

Like do the same things,

Right?

But if you notice there's always one person in your friend group who's kind of like,

Not really the exact same energy,

But a little bit different,

They're the creating the stability in the rest of the friends,

Right?

They're like your designated driver,

They're the one who kind of like supports us,

Right?

We always have that,

Right?

But it's that balance in the friendships,

Whereas I think in relationship,

What happens is that oftentimes we're drawn to or seeking that element that we're missing to create that stability,

Right?

So last time we talked about how stability,

You can bring stability into your home,

Right?

I have no earth.

So if I bring plants into my house,

I create a little bit of stability within myself,

Right?

You can do that with people,

Right?

So you can create and have their elements connect with our missing elements to create stability between us.

And oftentimes those are the relationships that kind of flourish a little bit more because they're supporting each other.

Right.

And that could be both good and bad,

As we know,

Right?

Dating or being married to your opposite,

We can use it to our advantage and allow it to balance us out,

Right?

We can,

You know,

That's the best part about it.

And that can,

If we allow that to happen within the relationship,

That can be a wonderful foundation and,

You know,

A very long lasting,

Stable,

Loving relationship.

But the flip side of that is a lot of times if we're not making that conscious effort for that balance,

That relationship can become very toxic because now we're just at each other and picking at each other.

The communication is off.

You know,

We don't have that common understanding,

Right?

Because we think differently,

We feel differently,

We act differently,

We're driven by different things.

Correct.

Right.

Yeah.

So it's,

But I want to,

I want to like just make sure that it's important to know that it is a conscious effort and we'll talk about that a little bit more.

We're going to go into detail and give the,

Give the examples of us with our spouses and we'll use that as an example to go into about like how we can make that work,

Make those opposites work because we're both,

We're both married to our opposites.

Very much so.

Very much so.

And,

And just the caveat to this really is,

Is that we're not saying that the energy is attracting to the opposite and it's going to be like,

You know,

Like Cinderella when she's in her little carriage.

We're not talking about that.

Like that's,

That's,

That's not real,

Right?

Life is still the ups and downs.

There's still the challenges in the other elements,

Right?

Just because you balance in one element,

You still have the other elements that kind of play with you.

Right?

Right.

And that's the important thing to realize is that living,

Right,

We're living,

Living means learning,

Right?

Experiencing.

And that's always going to be,

There's some differences in everything.

Yeah.

Experiencing is important because we're not saying like,

Oh,

It's going to be perfect.

No,

Not at all.

Work.

Work makes it perfect.

Conscious effort every single day.

Yeah.

I agree.

So let's kind of just talk through just basic generalities,

Right?

So someone who has a missing or weak element of fire,

They're typically going to be drawn to people who are more outspoken,

Right?

They're weak in fire,

So they're not really driven,

Right?

They don't want to be seen,

Right?

They're kind of more of the introvert.

So they're always going to be drawn to someone who brings them out,

Right?

Someone who helps them kind of get out of that kind of shell that they're in,

Right?

And also for the fire person,

The one that does want to be seen,

The more of the extrovert,

It's kind of like you're not competing for that spotlight,

For that attention.

And so that's where it can really,

You know,

They can,

Um,

Create harmony.

Yeah,

Exactly.

A lot of harmony.

So like,

You'll see that,

Right?

Someone with air,

Right?

Someone who is,

Has a lot of air,

Right?

They're a social butterfly,

Right?

There's someone who's always out and about breathing life.

They're typically going to be drawn to someone who's more of an introvert again,

Right?

Someone who is less about connecting with people and more about being part of it,

Right?

Experience it.

Which would be the earth.

So you're going to be drawn to somebody that is high in earth.

Sometimes.

Okay.

It,

It,

It bounces.

Like if you're looking at the elements,

It's element to element,

Right?

So if I'm weak in air,

I'm going to want high air,

Right?

If I'm weak in earth,

I'm going to want high earth.

Oh,

Within the same.

Within the same.

Okay.

Because that,

That helps you kind of begin the drawing.

And then once you get the full picture,

You kind of look at the entire picture of it and then you can see where it connects,

Right?

But like the same with someone with a strong earth,

Right?

Someone who's like,

I am so stable.

I have labels on everything.

Like they're going to want someone who isn't,

You're not going to like it,

Right?

Because that creates that sense of,

Of instability for them.

But it's going to be the passion,

The drive,

The fun,

The desire,

Right?

And then it's the same with water,

Right?

Someone who has no water is going to want someone who has more.

So they're going to,

Someone who's no water is typically someone who isn't feeling all the time,

Right?

They're typically a little more quiet,

A little less emotional.

They're more,

They're more pensive or thinking,

Right?

And so they're going to want someone who is more emotional to create that balance.

And that can create that emotional stability and balance the higher water,

More emotional person like me out.

Exactly.

Because they'll let you cry,

Right?

Because they're not going to feel it.

So that,

Right?

And it's not,

I don't mean that in a mean way,

But it's just the way it works.

They're good with it.

They don't absorb it,

Right?

Whereas two people who have high water,

They're just going to always cry,

Right?

Or always be mad or always laugh because they won't be able to get out of that cycle because they keep sharing that,

Right?

But you can also balance it by crossing elements,

Right?

So someone high in fire,

Who's always passion,

Drive,

Desire,

Wants to be like seen maybe drawn to someone who's more of an earth person who is more like,

I just want order,

Right?

So I'll create the order.

You go create the fun,

Right?

If you think about a dinner party,

Right?

The earth person is going to be like,

All right,

I have all this earth and I'm going to create this great party,

Right?

I'm going to have the best table and best appetizers and everyone's going to love it.

And then their fire person's like,

And I'll take care of the entertainment and drinks,

Right?

And like,

And like they balance it,

Right?

And that has to be going back to making a conscious effort to allow those strengths to play out in your relationship,

You know,

Work towards those strengths.

And for somebody like that,

It would be,

You know,

Like I know I will,

I create,

Right?

So I'm more creative and I will think up things and I will,

I will get all the,

I'll do everything ahead of time that I can.

But then my husband,

Dave,

He has to,

He's the one on that day that's,

That has to put it all together.

So it's like,

I dream it and he creates it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's a great way to create balance when you're in harmony,

Right?

Now if,

If let's just be super real,

Right?

Someone who has a lot of earth and they have like a fire person,

Right?

As their partner,

There's balance in that,

Right?

But also remember the earth is burned by fire,

Right?

So too much fire will annoy the earth person.

So it's better to bring your focus to how do we create harmony,

Right?

Right.

Like that's kind of the key is,

Is like,

It's for learning.

We can't,

One of the most difficult things in relationships is we,

We assume people,

Especially like our partner,

It's like,

You should know me,

You should know what I want.

You should know what I'm thinking.

You should know what to say.

And I'm like,

I don't care how close you are and how much you love somebody and they love you.

We cannot read minds.

Well,

I am not a telepath.

I would tell everyone that all the time.

I do not read minds.

But yeah,

I mean,

We have to have that communication and we have to understand that we don't think alike.

Yes.

You know,

It doesn't,

You know,

That our thought process is so very different.

Yes.

And that's what makes the relationship like a relationship,

Right?

It's the differences,

Right?

The differences are important and you need to,

You need to claim those differences,

Right?

Just like we allow the balance to happen,

Right?

We also have to let the balance between the other elements also happen.

So you know,

If you have a fire person and you're more of a stable person,

Let them be the fire and expect it and know that,

Right?

They're going to be on stage.

That doesn't mean that they don't love or care about you or they don't know how to set a table.

It's just that their focus and their strength is there.

Yours is here.

Right.

Work together to create that harmony.

Right.

And it's interesting that a lot of times what we're initially attracted to in a person is usually what ends up like we end up like getting like just getting on our nerves or like it just that's like the destructive part of it.

And it's so interesting because then when I talk to couples and I'm like,

What,

What made you guys,

You know,

Fall in love in the first place?

What was it?

And interestingly enough,

They're pointing out the very characteristics or qualities that brought them to couples counseling therapy anyway,

And that they're complaining about now.

Totally.

And I'm like,

Okay,

You got to like bring it back and remember like this,

You just,

You've lost the balance and you've lost appreciating that they're different.

You're allowing the other elements to take over.

And so again,

Just like when we talked about two sessions,

Two weeks ago,

Where,

You know,

The missing element,

Our bodies naturally want to try to solve it,

Right?

It's going to do the same in a relationship.

It's going to try to balance the energies between us to create that harmony,

Right?

But we have to help and support it.

We've got to get out of the way and allow it to happen.

Right.

Right.

Because it's like you said,

The thing that you're most complaining about is probably the thing that drew you to them,

Right?

You're just not letting the balance continue.

Right.

Even things like,

You know,

Who's managing the finances or who's better at,

It's like earth people,

Work to the strength,

Right?

Work to like,

Who is the planner?

Let them do the planning.

Who is the,

Who is the more,

The,

The extrovert,

The fun,

Like let them plan that type of stuff that let them plan the activities or you do it together and you,

You make that,

You base it off of each other.

Right.

Exactly.

And then you end up having the,

You know,

The perfect trip for the two of you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

Yeah.

And I know we're going to talk about our individual partners,

But like,

I,

I actually have that in us is that I am not like,

And I'm just going to go right into it,

Right?

I have zero earth.

I have zero earth.

Me too.

Nothing.

Right.

I do not know how to cook.

I do not know how to plan,

Can barely count the chairs.

Okay.

Like when people come,

Let's just be honest.

Okay.

But my partner is super earth.

Right.

And we've been together 20 years.

And in the 20 years,

The one thing that I know is,

Is that we will have the greatest holiday parties.

Right.

30,

40 people will come over.

Right.

And,

And he will be like,

And I'm going to make this on the menu and this,

This,

This and this.

Right.

And you know what?

I let him.

And what do I do in that,

In that sense,

I come as the backup and I go,

Okay,

I'm the sous chef.

I will chop things up.

I will throw things away.

I will clean.

Right.

Cause those are things that don't require planning.

I do it on the minute.

Right.

He's doing this.

Oh,

There's that.

And I can go do that.

Right.

We play on each other's strengths in that way where we can just let it happen.

Right.

I love that.

And it's,

And then you realize that between the two of you,

You have everything,

You have everything in that moment.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Because you have the fun and the entertainment,

But it's also been planned and organized and same thing.

Before I even knew about the elements,

I would describe my relationship with,

With my husband and I would say,

I'm like the kite and he is the one on the ground,

You know,

Like just stabilizing me and he allows me to fly.

He allows me to create knowing that I have that stability and that helps me feel safe in that space knowing that he is grounding me and it can create a,

A solid foundation just as long,

You know,

But,

But again,

That's been a very conscious effort between the two of us to allow that to flourish and for it to allow it to compliment each other as opposed to like making,

Um,

Like causing arguments or like,

You know,

That the differences.

Well,

You know,

Like in that scenario,

Right?

Like it's a great example because like you're the kite,

Right?

Like you're just floating,

Like,

You know what I mean?

And,

And your husband's holding you down and being that support,

Right?

Right.

Well,

You each have to claim what you're doing,

Right?

And you have to respect it,

Right?

So your husband's holding it,

Knowing I'm the stability here,

Right?

So I have to allow her to float because I know that she's stable because of me,

Right?

And I'm the big picture.

I'm the very general,

Especially with my ADHD,

Right?

So it's like,

I'm the big picture person,

I'm the creative,

The,

You know,

So I will dream things up and come up with all these,

You know,

Crazy ideas and you know,

This kind of stuff.

And then he actually helps me break it down and implement it.

Yeah.

You know,

Because I'm just like,

I'll come up with like this big picture type thing.

And he's very detailed oriented and it used to,

You know,

When,

When we're not on the same page and we're allowing that to cause friction,

Cause arguments,

It's like,

He'll start asking me all of these questions.

And to me,

If I'm not,

If I'm not in that place and allowing it and I'm in dream,

I'm in Lala,

I'm in my dreamland planning,

You know,

Creating,

And then it just seems like a big buzzkill to me.

And I'm like,

Okay,

Buzz.

Cause he's asking and challenging me on all these questions about how to do this or what won't work.

And I'm like,

Can you say something positive?

You know,

Can you,

Can you help me help me figure it out?

And he's like,

Well,

I am,

But his way of figuring it out is let's troubleshoot the logic.

Right.

And it's the logic.

So I have to,

So I,

But I,

I consciously,

I had to get to the point where I'm consciously like I had to remind myself,

No,

He's not trying to like be that buzzkill of your dream,

How you were like,

And that's my heart,

Right?

My heart is like,

Like,

Let's just do this.

But he,

He gets it done.

And that's his way of getting it done.

So as long as I allow that to happen and I can tell you like there were,

There are many times that he's come in and like just saved the,

The whole plan,

Totally saved the project because of something that he challenged.

And I realized,

Oh wow,

That would,

That would not have worked.

Had I have moved forward with what I was planning,

It,

It,

The whole thing would have gone to a towel in hand basket.

It's well,

It's,

It's totally the truth though.

Right.

But it's like,

You have to take that conscious moment to go,

I know that he is a checklist person.

Right.

And I have to allow him to do the checklist for me to create the stability.

So I have to not take it personal.

Right.

Exactly.

And that's where your water comes in.

Right.

Cause your water is going to make you think of take it personal.

Right.

And so you have to kind of rain the water back and let the air kind of push it away so that you can create that stability.

Cause I will say her husband has saved us a lot of times in some of the events we've done.

Yeah.

Like he's brought tents and like just to keep the sun away,

Which I never would have thought of.

And I'm like,

Ah,

We're fine.

It's full sun,

SPF,

We're great.

It's just warm.

It's Arizona.

And you know,

120 degrees later when people are melting,

We're like,

Yay,

You brought a tent.

Every time he saves us every time.

But like,

That's the balance,

Right?

Like he creates that balance for us.

It's the same in my relationship.

Right.

I always joke like,

So I've been this way since I was a kid.

Right.

Since five years old,

I was intuitive.

Things were happening.

Right.

And,

And through that time,

I just kind of dealt with it.

Right.

And when I,

When I met my partner,

He was very much like a,

I don't believe in that stuff.

What?

Spiritual.

Are you kidding?

And I'm like,

No,

I'm the biggest spiritual person ever.

You know?

And he's like,

Okay.

You know?

And it took a minute for our elements to go,

Oh,

This works.

Right.

Yeah.

But he actually helped me create that stability.

Right.

It was because of his stability that I actually went out and did this full time.

Right.

It was his stability that allowed me to even do it part time in Chicago.

Yeah.

It was because he was like,

You could do this.

I'm checking all those boxes.

This looks good.

You should do it.

You know?

So we're able to take that.

If we allow each other to compliment it,

We're able to take like a calculated risk because if you and I just go out and do some,

We're just taking a risk.

We're just doing it.

Right.

I mean,

I have a,

I mean,

I think it's both.

We have a thought in our mind and we just go out and do it.

And that's pretty much the end of it.

But like,

At least with our partners,

We are able,

You know,

They are able to kind of like and talk about like,

Okay,

What,

What will work?

What may not work?

How do we do this?

How to move forward?

It's a great sounding board.

But then on the opposite ends,

They could talk about and plan stuff forever and not actually do anything.

So they need us to actually kind of like push forward and do it.

It works both ways because I will tell you,

He has come to me and it was like,

Okay,

Everything's great,

But I'm not really sure what to do about this.

And I'm like,

Whoa.

And then I'm like,

Let me tell you.

And then,

And,

You know,

I share all the different ideas or possibilities that he can take.

Right.

Right.

And then he's like writing it down,

Writing it down.

I got it.

Got it.

And then it creates a stability,

Right?

Like it's what if,

If you work together and allow the elements to fully be that balance,

It actually creates a lot of harmony and it creates this propulsion where you go together.

Right.

But again,

You have to,

We have to consciously remind ourselves about that in the moment,

You know,

To say,

Okay,

He doesn't think like I do.

He doesn't function.

He doesn't have a thought process as I do.

And that's not a bad thing.

There's no right or wrong here.

Right.

And I,

And you remember,

You have to say,

Okay,

He's,

He is my grounding.

So I need to,

You know,

Stop taking things personally.

I have to like relax,

You know,

Kind of stabilize my emotions.

And just listen.

Yes,

Exactly.

But it's that conscious effort.

That is the key.

Well,

It's not going to happen naturally.

Actually.

I think what happens naturally is the clash.

Yes.

If we're just,

You know,

Being with no conscious effort there.

Yeah.

And I'll tell you like very truthfully,

Like we have clashes,

Right?

When my partner had clashes,

It normally happens.

Not us.

We don't have clashes because we're just floating.

We're just like balloons floating in the sky.

Look how pretty it is.

Oh,

There's a breeze.

We're loving it.

You know,

But like me and my partner will have clashes.

Right.

And it'll take me a minute.

And like for me to back up and go,

Wait a second,

I get why there were clashing.

That stable person is telling this person who's floating to come down a little bit.

Right.

Or maybe it's not the right time.

Yeah.

Right.

They give you a different perspective.

And like,

For me,

I'll tell you,

Like,

Because I am very much an airy person,

Air-headed person,

Like that balloon that people have in front of their stores.

Like sometimes it's hard for me.

It's true.

I'm not going to get that out of my head now.

But like,

Because my mind is always working that way.

Like when he comes to me and is like,

Well,

This is kind of the truth.

Right.

For a second,

I'm going to be like,

No,

It's not,

You know,

But then I'll take a second and I'll be like,

You know what?

I need to slow down or I need to kind of bring myself back.

Yeah.

Like it's okay to be that way.

Right.

But that's part of,

Again,

It's living.

Right.

It's the ups and downs and learning how to work with each other's element.

Right.

And respect.

Respect those differences.

Yes.

That's huge too.

Yeah.

Instead of judging them and picking them apart or,

You know,

For us not being the same.

A hundred percent.

And I think that's the key.

Right.

It's like,

For me,

Once I knew what the elements were,

It was really easy for me to go back into my mind when something comes up to say,

Oh,

That's right.

It just makes so much sense and it puts it into another perspective.

So it's not that they just don't want to listen or they don't understand or,

You know,

We don't think alike.

We're not getting a lot like this kind of stuff.

No,

It's more,

It's like actually like that is their makeup.

Yes.

Right.

And you have to work with it.

Right.

I mean,

And I'll tell you,

Like my,

My partners,

Like a lot of our friends that like,

That he kind of really connects with are very earth people.

Right.

And,

And we went on vacation once with a group of friends and here's me going,

Yeah,

I'm just gonna wake up and figure it out.

You know,

Beach,

Pool,

Whatever.

Right.

And our one friend was like,

Well,

Actually I created a checklist and these are the restaurants we're going to go to.

And this is what I'd like to see.

And I just kind of looked and my partner's like,

You know that you're freaking him out because he doesn't think that way.

Right.

And she's like,

Okay.

But she sent it anyway.

So I put it on my phone and I kept it and I was like,

I'm going to try really hard to be a checklist person,

Not do well.

Um,

And if you're watching this,

You know,

I still loved it and we had a great time,

But like it was,

It was really hard for me to connect with that checklist because I was like,

But I just want to go to McDonald's.

I don't want the other restaurant.

I don't know what I'm going to want to eat that day.

I can't think that far ahead.

I wake up and think about dinner.

I don't think about dinner a week before.

Like it's just not the way my brain works.

Right.

But like,

But my partner's like very structured.

Yeah.

I mean me with my,

You know,

Being water and being,

Um,

Like just emotionally sensitive and kind of having like more extremes at times.

And,

You know,

I have my productive days where I go all out for however long and I just like drain myself and then I could sleep for three days straight after that.

And so,

And then my husband,

He's very stable and pretty much in the same space each day.

So that kind of stables me out too.

And then he can,

When he sees me getting to,

If I'm like spinning,

You know,

And he's,

He's the one to bring me back down and go,

Okay,

Like you got to even this out.

You know,

Like you don't have to do everything right now.

You don't have to do everything today.

And me,

I'm like,

What do you mean?

Yes it does.

I can't stop.

I need to do it.

Which I will tell you,

Drives me crazy.

Like when they're so stable all the time,

I'm always like,

You know that Mercury is in retrograde,

Right?

And they're always like,

But I'm stable.

Everything is great.

And I'm like,

Not for me it's not,

You know?

And I'm always laughing because I'm like,

I wish I could be that way.

So I bring more plants into the house and I start walking more and like,

You know,

But we create the balance.

We have to consciously be aware of what is missing and bring that into us.

And that's kind of the key of the element.

And as long as you consciously really decide and claim that that's what you want,

That's how you'll get there.

Yeah.

And I,

And again,

I think it's a lot,

It makes so much sense when looking at our relationships in that way,

Like it's not,

It's not like somebody is,

There's something wrong with that person.

It's not even that something is wrong with the relationship.

It's just about learning how to balance each other out.

Exactly.

It's creating the synergy,

Right?

And creating that to happen.

So look at your charts,

Look at your relationships,

Comment below,

Tell us what you think and we will see you next time.

All right.

Bye.

Was that a hard ending?

Reviews

I enjoyed that. It’s a great different perspective.