Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,
A time to feel calm and think clearly.
I'm Claire Downham,
The Queen of Calm,
A Transformational Life Coach.
I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.
The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.
Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.
There's nothing else to do.
Now let's relax into today's episode.
So today we're going to talk about capability and it's kind of a bit of an exploration I'm doing at the moment about things that I often say to the people who I work with.
And this thing I'm about to share with you is something that I really do often say to the people who I work with.
And that is your thinking does not know what you are capable of.
Now I don't think I was the first person to say that.
I've probably heard it in a book but I cannot credit the person because I can't remember.
Probably because I've been saying it and believing it for a really,
Really long time.
Let me explain a little bit more about that because it is for me through understanding what my thinking and for you to understand what your thinking actually is,
How it's formed,
How it's created that can really help us to see that it doesn't know what we're capable of.
But first of all I know that you've seen it.
I know that you have seen that your thinking,
That irritating little voice in your head does not know what you are capable of.
You've seen it time and time again because you've done the thing haven't you?
You've done the thing that the little voice in your head said you can't do.
The little voice in your head that said you're going to look stupid or you're just not.
Why do you think you can do that?
You know?
It sounds a bit like that doesn't it?
The little voice in our heads like somebody quite condescending and rude.
And that leads us straight into what I want to say on the back of the fact that you've seen through it plenty of times but I'm sure there are also lots of times when you have not seen through it.
And the reason it sounds like a condescending voice in your head is because pretty much that's what it is.
When you think about how you learn to think what you think and believe what you believe it's mind-blowing because none of it was done deliberately by you.
None of it really is who you are.
You know you are conceived,
You are a miracle at the start aren't you?
The miracle of that little sperm reaching that little egg on that particular day and you surviving the entire process of nine months in the mother's womb and coming out the other end as you.
And you come out like a burst of light coming into the world and we've all seen that haven't we?
Because we've all spent any time with a baby.
We look into a baby's eyes and you can see that purity,
That wonderful life that is running through the energy that's running through that baby.
And then pretty much from the moment of conception probably we start to learn things.
But none of them are done by you.
You're not doing the learning.
The learning is what's happening to you.
So it's all those things we experience from our parents,
Things they say to us,
Things they do,
How they behave with each other,
Sorry my children,
And you know all the things that we watch on television perhaps you know even more so now than ever the things that my children are watching that perhaps not appropriate because not because not that I'm saying that that damages them but they learn things that they don't understand and then that sticks,
It sticks,
It brings about an idea about what life should look like that isn't particularly,
That's not the truth of each individual person is it?
And then you know there's the things that happen at school and the perhaps the bullying and the teacher that was unkind to us and the boss who didn't treat us right in our first job or you know and I can go on and on and on and we're not we're not deliberately going oh I'm going to take that bit of you know bad thinking about myself and that bit and that bit and put it in my head it doesn't work like that it's just what you have learned and none of it,
None of it guys is true not one single iota of it not the rules not what you think is right and wrong what not what you think you're capable of and not capable of none of that is true and when you start to see that and and trust me you don't see it all at once because I think then you would I don't know what would happen you'd become this beam of light and zoom off to heaven I think but bit by bit you can start to see through it start to see through the light because that's what I'm basically saying to you all that thinking that you have about yourself that you think means that you know yourself and you're new know you're this kind of personality and you can do this and you can't do that it's all rubbish it's literally all a load of tollywaffle which is a great word isn't it I actually said that um I can't remember it was with a group of American people I think I was in a group coaching session and there wasn't some American and I said tollywaffle and the Americans loved it they thought it was a great word because it's it's nice and the same bs which is the other temptation it's all tollywaffle so how do you know what to do would you realize all your thinking's tollywaffle ah well you look for a nice feeling and you follow that which sounds really really simple but it's it is really that simple you're when you are contemplating doing something that that your thinking is saying you're not capable of it's it's that feeling that awful feeling that's telling you that your thinking is telling you rubbish like that's what the feeling means the feeling is about your thinking the feeling is not about the thing you're about to do it's your system trying to protect you from something that it thinks is not okay for you because at some point in the past you try to do that thing and it didn't go so well for example public speaking's an absolute classic you stand up in class as a child you get berated or laughed at or whatever and then it suddenly looks like speaking in front of a group of people is dangerous it's rubbish it's just rubbish I have to keep laughing because I've been held back by these things myself over and over again and I don't want you to have to go through that your thinking does not know what you are capable of and your feelings are screaming that at you they are saying hey hey you your thinking is rubbish right now that's why you feel terrible that feeling is not a warning about the world it's a warning about your thinking about the world that is so different it's like look this way 180 degrees look the other way this is the truth guys about how you work this is the facts your thinking is reflected in your bodily sensations and if you have awful bodily uncomfortable anxious feelings they are telling you that your state of mind is a little bit ropey right now and your thinking the words that you then experience are telling you that that that they're not telling you anything about you they're just the stuff that you happen to have in your head that somebody else's words from many many years ago that you've hung on to because it seemed to make sense at the time to do so there there is freedom for all of us in understanding those two things that your thinking doesn't know anything about you and that your feelings are telling you about your thinking about that but they're a beautiful barometer they're a barometer to tell you about your state of mind and when we're in a nicer feeling we can access wisdom in the calm in the quiet there is a voice that we often can't hear because we're caught up in this noisy system of thinking and feeling and there's a voice that says go on you're all right and i know you hear it sometimes but it's often drowned out but it doesn't have to be it's possible to turn down one and turn up the other turn down the thinking turn up the wisdom so there i want you to notice this notice every time you do something that your feelings are saying don't do because they're not right they're really not thank you so much for listening there's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm this has been the calmcast with claire downer queen of calm take care and keep listening
