Fear

There seems to be a lot of fear about right now. When we say, "I am afraid of ...", it looks so real and once that fear is in place it looks like there are things to do. Actions to take in the present moment to stop the fearful thing happening. But fear is a thief. It's a thief of the present moment, joy and gratitude. What there is right now is the only truth but when we are stuck in our fearful thinking we are missing out on what is. We are missing out on the thing we are fearing losing.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Calmcast.

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Claire Downham,

The Queen of Calm,

A Transformational Life Coach.

I was a burnt out head teacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

So today's exploration is on fear and I don't know if you've felt this.

I realise this is my perception rather than the truth but it seems that we have,

There's been a lot of fear around during 2020 and 2021 but it's been around always hasn't it?

There always seems to be something,

It looks like something to be afraid of but have you actually ever really experienced fear in the present moment i.

E.

Had one of those things you've imagined actually be happening?

So one of the layers of this is the fear of something happening to the physical body or to somebody who loves physical body and have you noticed how where there is some danger in the present moment the physical body kind of just does,

Automatically does move to keep us safe.

The fear isn't required,

The thinking isn't required,

The in the moment presence keeps us safe.

So my little story around this is a few years ago I went for a long walk on my own on a path called the Calvely Millennium way near where I live and the path goes across fields that are owned by farmers and this particular day the farmer had left his brand new calves and their mums and a large bull in the same field which I didn't think they generally did but my perception was that it was a bull anyway,

It was pretty massive.

As I entered the field the first thing I became aware of was the cows didn't kind of move out of the way even though they had calves with them they didn't look particularly bothered by me which I was quite surprised about,

I thought they would be more fearful but they weren't,

They weren't bothered about me,

They weren't afraid of me and as I walked down the field I heard a lot of loud mooing start and the cows just started to move towards me,

Quite not running quite but walking very briskly towards me and in that moment yes my heart pounded a bit and my palms you know became a bit sweaty but actually the main thing was that I climbed over the wall next to me and into the field that had sheep in it and you know and got myself to safety.

I don't remember needing a lot of thinking to do that,

Clearly I'm recounting the story a few years later but at the time I just don't remember a lot of thinking there was just a getting into safety.

And the language around fear is we say I'm afraid of something don't we and then we tell or we have a story in our head we may not be saying it out loud of what we are afraid of and that looks so real doesn't it,

It looks solid like that thing that we are afraid of it is really there but have you noticed that that that it isn't there it isn't there it isn't happening to us right now whatever it is we are concerned about and afraid of it invariably isn't happening right now.

I remember working with when I used to do hypnotherapy to help people I used to work with the fear of flying quite a bit and the fear of driving and the fear of public transport actually trains planes and automobiles it seemed.

And the people who came to see me would tell me particularly for flying they would tell me that the noise in their heads would start weeks before I had one woman whose husband used to just take cover for the weeks running up to them going on holiday because the lady was just unpleasant to be around because she was just very snappy and angry and stressed out but she wasn't on a plane there was nothing happening it was what she thought and often it was what she thought she was going to be like on the plane rather than actually the plane itself it was the fear of experiencing fear which is quite common.

The thing is once we've got something like that locked into our thinking pattern shall we say not locked in but that's where it's become quite habitual is it affects how we behave in the present moment it affects what we do because we're trying to stop that thing from happening.

So early on in the lockdown in the UK I spoke to a business owner who had scenarioized out many different things that could happen to her business because of you know not being able to go out and do business as normal and with you know let's say she had five different options of what she thought was going to go wrong or what she would try to make happen what was going to happen after lockdown and all those things in the present moment the overwhelm she felt was coming from trying to manage all those scenarios to try and with the fear of those things happening or the fearful thinking about those things happening she was then trying to manage everything in the present moment and that was just leaving her exhausted unable to sleep but none of those things were really happening and that's a beautiful example because in that moment in those moments when she was caught up in the fears for her business what was lost was the present moment being in the business and you know the the present moment intelligence the what to do next now the what can I do to help my business now in this moment and also just the enjoyment of what is right now fearful thinking which is what it is I'm not going to even call it fear anymore it's fearful thinking is a thief it's stealing away the reality that you're in right now if your fear is of losing your life or somebody else getting sick and losing theirs or losing your house or whatever it is then you're you're not enjoying those things right now because you think you've got to hang on to them with your fingernail ends and you're off in the future trying to protect them and protect their future the made up future that you've created for those things or people and and all there is to do here is to start to notice when you're doing it I don't want you to go off and try and address your fearful thinking through some tool or technique or do affirmations or anything else my guidance here is to just notice and you're not going to notice all the time there will be some days when you're really kind of yep I can see that that's just fearful thinking I don't need to involve myself in that the thought can come in and go out and we don't need to do anything and there'll be other days where you get so caught up in the story but have you noticed how you always see through it at some point and I suspect you've noticed that what happens then is you fall into a beautiful space of peace and calm and ease clarity and then there's what to do right now in reality and in the best place for you to focus your attention where you are giving awareness to the future to what you fear will bring about some kind of demise of something in your life that takes you away it always takes you away from that peace and clarity that actually always available to you so as always this is an encouragement to to get curious to start to notice when it's happening start to bring a pinch of salt to your thinking thank you so much for listening there's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm this has been the calm cast with Claire Downer Queen of Calm take care and keep listening.

Reviews

I like the story about the cows. It’s a bit like there’s nothing to fear but fear itself. When something scary happens we’ll know what to do instinctively so until then it’s just wasted emotion.

This was super helpful and gave me plenty to think about. I’ll look for more from you. Thank you so much, Clare 🙏🏻💚

Seeing the fearful thinking that is clouding our serenity and scaring us is very helpful. Thank you, Clare.

The best condensed pocket of wisdom and understanding on the subject of fear♥️thank you, Clare! I also really appreciated how you recommended letting go of affirmations and techniques, and simply noticing when fear arises. It takes a lot of the pressure and worry-loop thinking out of the subject.

Thank you