Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,
A time to feel calm and think clearly.
I'm Claire Downham,
The Queen of Calm,
A transformational life coach.
I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.
The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.
Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.
There's nothing else to do.
Now let's relax into today's episode.
Decisions.
We make so many of them every single day and many of them we probably don't even notice that we're making.
The little incidental ones.
Which coffee to have?
What to have for the next meal?
Which bus to get on?
Where to park your car?
On and on and on.
Have you noticed how a lot of decisions don't even show up as something that we need to really feel like we're deciding?
There are lots of things where we just do.
What's next in the present moment?
What makes sense to us in the present moment?
Time and time and time again.
But you may have also noticed that sometimes decisions seem like they're huge.
They have a feeling that comes with them.
That comes with that thinking.
Is it this or that?
Is it A or B?
And the first thing that comes to mind when I consider this is one of the things I think that gets in the way of decision making is the weight.
The weight we give the decision.
The idea that some decisions are so profound and so much are going to impact on the future that they look really serious and really difficult to make.
And so when we peel off another layer of that,
There's that idea that our circumstances are going to impact on our wellbeing because that idea looks really real,
Doesn't it?
So if you're making a decision and it looks like that decision will have some kind of outcome in the world,
Some circumstance will change for you,
Get better or worse,
And that you won't like that,
You won't like the feeling that comes with that,
That you don't think that particular outcome is going to create the feeling that you want to have because you believe that your circumstances create your feelings,
Then it looks extremely serious and important to make the right decision,
Doesn't it?
I can totally and utterly relate to that.
I used to spend a lot of time deliberating over things,
Even getting to the extent of maybe not writing it down but doing a pros and cons list in my head.
Perhaps you've done that too.
With the idea that in some way I could reason this out,
I could intellectualise it to death to the point where I would actually be able to make a decision.
But I've started to notice something really different.
When I am in the present moment,
When I am flowing,
When I am quiet in my mind,
Decisions don't seem to be a thing to do anymore.
It just seems that in this moment I'm doing this and then in this next moment I'm doing this.
And I think that has come from there being less weight on the outcome.
Because I used to think that I could control the future.
Don't we all think we can control the future?
I mean just to take one example and that is marketing your business if you have one.
If you are a business owner with a business and you consider marketing,
It looks doesn't it like you've got to do certain things to get certain outcomes.
And that you can control whether or not people buy your stuff or your services.
But it seems to me that it doesn't really work that way.
You can do all the things that you think are the right things but the future doesn't really turn out exactly as you want it to.
And that is helpful I think.
I think where it's helpful is that to remove the weight of a decision.
Because if in the present moment you do something with the idea of the future being a certain way that feels to me much heavier than turning up,
Doing what you do and seeing what happens in a more playful and gentle way.
And the other thing I want to say about decisions today is that what I've noticed over time is that where there is less weight,
Less depending on it,
I can put it to one side for a while.
And I don't know if you've noticed this,
That sometimes you're really weighing up is it A or is it B?
Which should I choose?
What am I supposed to do here?
I'm at a fork in the road and I'm not sure which to do.
And then you get busy doing something else.
And you don't maybe consciously put it to one side but it just happens that you put it to one side because you can't think about it anymore for the time being.
And have you noticed that then something magical can often happen?
Well option A disappears or maybe option B does.
It ceases to be available to you.
Or both of them disappear and the situation resolves itself.
Well option C comes up and option C is loads better than A and B.
So option C makes sense.
I think as soon as you just start to reduce the sense of heaviness around making a decision,
As you start to look to the idea that well whatever happens it'll be fine.
It'll be just the next step.
There'll either be some learning or there'll be some movement forward or there'll be something else that comes off the back of it.
But that's not really mine to control.
Then you can step into this place of flowing in and out of decision making.
And wouldn't it be wonderful each day to just get up and do what made sense to do next in any moment and just keep taking the next step forward.
And then allow things to happen.
Knowing that,
Well first of all you don't know how you're going to be in different circumstances,
But second of all knowing that you'll be okay because your wellbeing isn't dependent on the stuff that happens in the outside world.
Decisions are so much less serious than we think.
We can't control the feelings of future us anyway.
So maybe just play with this.
Maybe just see how it's playing out in your life.
Just bring some curiosity to it,
Some interest to it.
That's all there is to do.
Well there's nothing to do.
Just think about that curiosity,
That awareness and see how it plays out in your life.
Thank you so much for listening.
There's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.
Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.
This has been the Calmcast with Clare Downer,
Queen of Calm.
Take care and keep listening.
