Acceptance!

No matter where acceptance comes in, it is helpful in feeling calmer. We may accept our circumstances. But we may also accept our uncomfortable thinking about some circumstances. Or we may accept that we don't accept how we are feeling. Seeing the layers of this can help you feel calmer.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Claire Downham,

The Queen of Calm,

A Transformational Life Coach.

I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

Today I want to talk about acceptance and I think I first came across this as a concept probably first of all in my reading and listening to actually the book Loving What Is by Byron Katie and I probably should go back and listen to that book again because I don't think it completely settled with me the first time that I listened to it but I got some inkling that there was something there for me and for all of us of course and then I did go to a few Buddhist talks and they came up there too,

This idea of acceptance and what that can mean for us in terms of trying to feel calmer,

I was not trying to but falling into a place of feeling calmer and then I was doing a coaching session a few days ago and it was possible in the conversation to see how many layers there are to acceptance and it actually came up in a couple of different coaching conversations which was really interesting so I thought I would speak about it today so I guess in a place of total acceptance of everything it can sound a bit like what they call,

I think they call it spiritual bypassing don't they where you would say well I'm just accepting everything it doesn't really matter what terrible things happen in my life in my circumstances I'm just going to accept it all I'm going to be able to watch it all flow past as if I don't know as if I'm just not actually functioning in a human kind of way and I don't know if anybody ever reaches that place that place of not experiencing any kind of feeling or any kind of response to anything that happens in their lives whether it's something really tragic or something difficult or something with their health or something with something that happens something close to them I don't think anybody really reaches that place of acceptance where they don't experience any feelings but what can happen then I think is if we're not you know if we're not accepting every single thing that happens in our circumstances and if you're not that just makes you human by the way it just makes you completely normal there is no I don't know many people who can do that I'm sure they exist there so there's like a next layer isn't there then so there's our circumstances and then there's our thinking about our circumstances and our feelings about our circumstances which is really how we experience life on a moment by moment basis and I guess the next I don't know levels maybe not the right word but the next point of acceptance is well accepting that you're not okay with something like I've spoken to people in the last few days who've got some things going on or they've done something they regret or they're not happy about or something happening in their lives and they don't like it and they don't feel okay about it well guess what welcome to the human race where you don't have to feel okay about everything all the time but there's something about being okay with that if you're feeling a little bit off about something if something is is creating friction in your life if you really don't accept it and you're not liking it and it's not what you want it to be well how about being okay with that like how about being okay with not being okay about something I feel like at any point at which you can just go oh this is happening it's not always possible with our circumstances absolutely some things are uncomfortable and don't feel so good because we have uncomfortable not feel good thinking about them but how about being okay with that uncomfortable not feel good thinking how about going well there's something happening it's not nice nobody would believe and it's okay to feel off about it it's okay to feel upset about it it's okay to feel sad about it like these feelings that you're experiencing they really are okay there's nothing wrong with you if you're feeling a feeling about something it means you've got some thinking about it and that makes you completely normal and human by the way and I feel like there's more and more layers to this you know we we we if we can accept if you can accept the uncomfortable feeling that we're having about the thing that's happening because we've got some thinking about that thing not because of the thing itself remember or we can just you know can we accept that we're not okay with the feeling we've got a circumstance we've got a feeling about it well we could accept at that point but maybe we're not in the place to do that right now and that's okay too so let's accept that we're not in a place to accept can you hear how this there's layers and layers to this there's layers and layers at which there's there's a point at which you can accept this is where things are right now and I guess that will look really really different for every single person but I think as soon as we fall into that place of acceptance there's there's just a little bit less thinking and as you know as I say all the time it's not your circumstances it's not your feelings about it's not you're thinking about it it's it's not being okay with what is it's it's okay to feel stuff it's okay to not be okay with feeling those things it's all okay and the moment you step into acceptance of wherever you are whatever is going on inside you or outside of you right now there's suddenly less thinking and the lessening of the thinking comes from the fact that well first of all you're not trying to change something you're not judging something as wrong and trying to change it because that seems to me to be something that really does cause us some problems when we we rally against something really hard we don't have the clarity we don't have that connection to intuition that can help us to take another step forward a step forward that might be helpful so acceptance is not about you watching life becoming mad and just going oh it's all absolutely fine because it's up to me how I feel about it this is not what this is about but at any point when you just go oh this this is going on now okay it's okay that it's going on now and and and a great big dollop of what makes that helpful I'm not sure if dollop was the right word there but never mind is you realizing you're human and what that actually means because it doesn't mean so many things it doesn't mean that you're invincible it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be impacted on by the world around you it does not mean that you are supposed to feel zen and or you know like you know totally chilled out all the time it does not feel it mean you're supposed to feel motivated all the time thank goodness because I'm not feeling that so much today it doesn't mean anything just means you're a human being having a human experience and that is okay it's always okay so today you know maybe just bringing some awareness to to where you're accepting and where you're not you know just bring some awareness to that you there's nothing to do just get curious just get curious about where where are you in terms of that acceptance where are you in terms of loving what is as Byron Katie says and wherever you can catch it wherever you can catch a glimpse of that acceptance wherever you can just go oh I see I see now I see that little piece that that's the acceptance I've just fallen into it and that's what it feels like it feels like falling into it's not anywhere to go to it's somewhere to fall into so I hope you found that interesting and you know I'm seeing more and more about this myself at the moment so more may come forth as time goes on thank you so much for listening there's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm this has been the calmcast with Claire Downer,

Queen of Calm.

Take care and keep listening.

Reviews

I really like the idea of not having to accept all that happens in life. Just accepting the uncomfortable feelings or thoughts that come up around it, already made me feel calmer and stopped me overthinking it. Great insight!

A unique and helpful way of looking at not being accepting and accepting that it’s okay.

I really enjoyed this and the reminders of humanness you’d offered, thank you!

Very helpful