How To Change Unwanted Habits

In this session we explore the importance of attitudes in cultivating mindfulness and in changing unwanted habits or developing beneficial ones. Three key attitudes or qualities of mind are discussed—1) acceptance—a deep-rooted acknowledgement of our experience; 2) kindness—meeting our experience with an attitude of friendliness and compassion; and 3) curiosity—a quality of interest that allows us to step out of identification with what we are feeling. We finish this session with a meditation on attitude in which we cultivate these three qualities of acceptance, kindness, and curiosity that can support us in changing habits.

In this session we discuss four different habit energies—1) habits of wanting—the energy of moving toward what we desire (e.g., food, drink, drugs, etc.); 2) habits of resistance—getting caught up in feelings of wanting to get away from something unpleasant (e.g., expressed in anger, judgment, impatience, etc.); 3) habits of distraction—moving away from our present-moment experience toward something that seems more exciting or interesting (e.g., social media, TV, email, etc.); and 4) habits of doing—feeling like we are always on the way somewhere, stressed out, or disconnected. We explore ways of working mindfully with these different habit energies and conclude with a meditation to work skillfully with these energies.

In this session we explore working with the energy of wanting something we don’t have—food, drink, cigarettes, drugs, material possessions, etc.—and how mindfulness can help us open to the challenging energies of wanting without needing to act them out. We practice a meditation of ‘riding the waves’ of craving—experiencing the way that urges, triggers, and cravings come and go like waves and that we can learn to ride the waves and make more beneficial choices of how to respond.

In this session we discuss how to work skillfully with the challenging energies of resistance, aversion, or not liking our experience—and how by getting to the ‘roots’ of these habit energies we can move away from unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns without simply replacing one unhealthy habit with another. We conclude with a meditation to cultivate the skills to experience aversive habit energies by opening fully to the bodily sensations, emotions, mind states and thoughts that typically trigger unhealthy behaviors.

In this session we bring mindfulness to habits of distraction where we are pulled away from our present-moment experience in ways that don’t serve us., We discuss how pervasive habits of distraction are in these times and how with mindfulness we can learn to stay with the underlying energies, letting them come and go, without responding in a habitual way. As with other habit energies we can ask ourselves a key question: what would I have to be with and open to if I were to not respond in the habitual way? What would I have to feel? We finish with a meditation that helps us bring awareness to the energies of distraction and learn to stay with the difficult energies, letting them come and go, without acting on the triggers or urges.

In this session we bring mindfulness to habits of stress and worry—where we become focused on the future and all the things that might go wrong, and lose connection with the present moment. We discuss how stress is a natural part of life and not inherently negative or problematical. But when we respond without awareness to challenges and difficulties—particularly when we get caught up in narratives about what ‘might’ happen—stress can cause serious physical, mental, and emotional problems. Mindfulness allows us to step into the direct experience of challenging bodily sensations, emotions, and thought patterns, and see that these come and go and do not need to be problematic when met with awareness. We conclude with a meditation on bringing mindfulness to stressful and anxious thinking.

In this session we explore one of the most important qualities we can cultivate to help change unhealthy habit patterns and develop more helpful ones—self-compassion: a quality of meeting our experience with kindness and without judgment, while recognizing that our difficulties are part of the suffering shared by all humans. We discuss the scientific research on the benefits of cultivating self-compassion that link this quality with improved mental health and well-being and a reduction in depression and anxiety. We finish this session with a self-compassion meditation, using phrases that evoke kindness and acceptance towards ourselves.

In this session we sum up the major themes of the course and stress the importance of seeing these practices as a training—the more we practice the more we strengthen our capacity to stay with our direct experience and let go of unhealthy responses. We conclude with a meditation on working with habit energies that arise in the mind and practice watching them arising and letting them go. When we meet our experience in these ways—meeting them with kindness, acceptance, and curiosity—we can choose alternative, more healthy responses that lead to greater happiness and well-being.