Hello my friend,
And welcome.
And if you're spiraling or beginning to feel very triggered about something that you may have said or an interaction you've had,
Or just about what other people may be thinking of you right now,
I'm going to invite you into a safe space where you can feel more comfortable.
And a wonderful thing that we can do is help ourselves to feel more comfortable when we're playing our edge,
When something edgy comes up for us.
This is a place we can keep returning to.
I know that for all of us,
We can spend hours or even days replaying things in our minds,
An interaction,
Wondering what someone thought of us,
Whether we said too much,
Whether we exposed too much,
That makes us vulnerable to threat.
Or whether we disappointed someone,
Embarrassed ourselves or were misunderstood.
And first of all,
All humans experience this.
As you sit here and begin to breathe and settle in.
Just remember that no matter what you're feeling in your body right now,
And no matter how high the alarm,
All people experience this.
And when this happens,
It can feel really intense inside our body.
So what are you feeling in your body right now?
It might be that everything's tightened up,
Your muscles feel tight,
Especially perhaps in your throat or chest.
Your throat is associated with speaking our truth.
And it remembers times when we were shut down.
Or ignored or misunderstood for our truth.
So that can tighten in a protective way saying don't go there.
There may be an armory around your heart and that's why your chest feels tight.
There may be really rapid beating of your heart like you're in danger or a sinking feeling in your gut.
Sometimes this comes with a really restless urge to go over what we said to someone to explain ourselves or fix things or just in our own minds mentally keep going back and rehearsing or redoing that moment where we felt exposed to what other people might be thinking about us and thinking about us in a way that feels uncomfortable.
So just take a moment now.
Just take a moment to sink into the fact that your nervous system isn't telling you something's wrong.
It's trying to protect your sense of belonging and safety in a way that comes from the past.
When maybe you did feel something very uncomfortable.
That you didn't have the capacity to settle or resolve within yourself.
So can you agree now that your body is showing you signs it wants something different,
It wants to feel relief and release,
To be able to relax and feel more comfortable?
It doesn't want more analysing,
That's not going to help,
Or trying to control what other people think,
Or imagining what other people may be thinking,
Perhaps based on past experiences.
That now we can return to the present and offer yourself this amazing opportunity to study without doing anything.
That's going to be analyzing or fixing.
Remembering you're allowed to exist.
The way you are.
There's no getting it right or wrong.
Everyone's allowed to exist with freedom and spaciousness,
Not having to toe the line of other ideas of what's right or what's wrong.
You're allowed to take up space without earning universal approval.
So this practice is here to help you step out of the spiral of other people's opinions and back into your own ground.
To take a moment.
What would it be like to pause before that next thought grabs you and instead to feel where you're sitting or standing right now?
How can you really let your body register the surface beneath you?
And that you're here.
And that you're safe enough in this moment.
You could dig your feet a little further,
Just press them gently into that floor and say,
Here I am now.
You could just move your sitting bones back a bit.
Towards the back of your chair and feel how that gives you a little more lift in your heart space,
A little more freedom inside and space.
In this moment my friend,
You are safe.
You might not feel it.
But you really are.
And you can keep your eyes open and register.
Turning your head slowly,
Very slowly.
The things in your environment that feel familiar,
They're always there.
Steady reliable window or self.
Order or look down at your own feet on the ground.
Your steady reliable feet on the steady reliable earth.
You are safe in this moment and here.
It's okay if there are parts of you that are still finding that.
Keep coming back to the parts that have found that.
Maybe place one hand on your heart.
Or perhaps your hands on your thighs,
Pressing down if that feels grounding,
But just gently with relaxed shoulders.
Or maybe holding your hands together.
Or your arm.
Or your belly.
Just to let your body know you're here.
Grounding your energy here.
You're here with yourself and your body.
And then we're going to name what's happening.
Right now,
Your mind is scanning for social danger like it's trained to.
It's asking,
Did I say the wrong thing?
Will they think less of me?
Did I embarrass myself?
None of this is weakness.
This is your nervous system trying to protect belonging.
That's one of its main jobs.
Quietly say to yourself,
My brain is trying to keep me safe.
And take a breath in.
And out and let your shoulders drop and let that land.
And now,
Separate facts from fear.
So you're gently asking yourself,
What do I actually know for sure in the present?
And what might I be imagining or building up in my head?
We're talking of the present now,
Not evidence from the past or other people.
Your brain will pluck something out of the sky,
But you're here with your feet on the ground and your hands steadying your body.
Or do I actually know?
What might I be imagining?
Honestly.
Most spirals are built on imagined judgment.
And even if someone does have an opinion,
That opinion isn't authority,
Doesn't need to have authority over you,
Any more than you want your opinions to have authority over another.
You can choose to let it in or not.
If this helps you could whisper inside yourself.
Let them misunderstand me.
Taking a breath in,
Belly fills,
Heart fills.
And then out as you let your shoulders drop,
Feel your hands on your body.
Let them have their own opinions.
Breathe in.
Fill with air and space for you Breathe out,
Let them.
Drop your shoulders.
Let them think what they think People have all sorts of reasons for what they think and other people get triggered and uncomfortable too and feel exposed.
They might also be protecting their nervous systems.
We can just let that happen for them and stay in our own body.
Choose to stand with yourself,
Not to chase approval,
But to offer yourself the understanding and allegiance.
Feel the shift there.
And now,
Just checking in with yourself.
If it was something about something you said,
Just say,
Was I honest?
If the answer is yes,
Even imperfectly,
That's really good.
It can be so hard to speak our truth and you did it.
Was I kind?
Again if the answer is yes,
Even imperfectly.
You're aligned.
Was I true to myself?
Taking a breath.
Letting the breath go even if you are a little bit true.
More than you've been,
Braver than you've been before,
Or even if your truth was to keep silent at this occasion.
You are steady.
You are aligned.
Alignment is steadier than approval.
Now you're training your nervous system each time.
So right now your body may still feel something's up in the air or activated and that's okay.
You can go straight to listening to this again.
Every time you go into this other space you're training your system.
You're letting your system feel safe,
Knowing that you're allowed to exist without universal approvement.
That you don't have to mind read.
Worrying about where other people's heads are at.
And now see with your breathing if you can take a longer,
Slower exhale than you did your inhale each time.
Still a slow breath in.
Pause,
Let a longer slower breath out.
Keep those shoulders away from your ears.
Longer exhales tell our nervous system the danger has passed.
The danger has passed.
All that message in one breath.
Keeping that.
Slowing that exhalation.
Feel your hand again where it's resting.
And listen.
Letting this sink in.
You're allowed to be human.
Maybe say it,
I'm allowed to be human.
You're allowed to take up space.
It's your space too.
I am allowed to take up space.
You're allowed to stand by yourself,
With yourself.
I am allowed to stand with myself.
Stay here for one more breath my friend,
Or more if you need it.
Check into your body now and how it's feeling.
And my friend,
Even if there's a little shift.
Feeling a little bit better.
Let yourself stay and feel that.
And as you go into your day,
Be glad.
This is a big thing you just did for yourself.
Walk a little taller.
Keep your head up.
See if you can keep your shoulders away from your ears and softer so your heart stays open.
You're not apologizing for existing.
You don't have to make yourself smaller.
You're in your own body and mind.
And gently rooted on your own ground.
