Hi,
This is Orit Krug,
Board certified dance therapist and trauma and relationship expert.
Today I would love to guide you through a movement meditation to help break people pleasing patterns.
It's so common that trauma makes us stuck in these people pleasing patterns for fear of offending,
Hurting,
Or getting into conflict with someone else.
Because when you experienced your past trauma,
That meant serious danger,
Possibly violence,
Hurt or heartbreak.
So it feels safer to your nervous system and your body to keep things peaceful,
Even though on the inside,
You're not getting your needs met,
And you're abandoning yourself.
It's important to shift these patterns in order for you to feel empowered in relationships,
Instead of giving yourself away for fear of being abandoned,
Rejected or hurt.
You can begin this movement meditation by positioning your body in a way that feels comfortable for you right now.
You can choose to lie down,
Sit up or stand up.
Once you have found a comfortable position,
We're going to take three deep breaths together.
Breathing in and breathing out.
Again breathing in and breathing out.
One last time,
Breathing in and breathing out.
Return your breathing to normal.
And now with your eyes closed or your gaze lowered,
I'm going to invite you to imagine,
Visualize or focus in on that crucial moment.
The moment where you have the opportunity and the choice to assert yourself,
To voice your needs,
Even if it's different than your partners or whoever else you're in interaction with.
That moment where you know you want to say something,
You feel like you have to say something,
But you choose not to because that fear of rejection,
Of abandonment,
Of conflict is so scary.
It feels so scary in your body.
You choose to stay quiet.
You choose to abandon your needs.
You might even think,
I'll just say something next time.
I want you to tune into that fear,
That fear that comes up in that crucial moment and that opportunity to speak up.
What does that feel like in your body?
Focus on the first sensation that has come up in this moment rather than thinking about how it feels in those other moments.
What does your body feel right now?
What sensation is speaking to you right now?
There may be a few different sensations that come up around this fear,
But for right now,
Choose one sensation that speaks loudest to you.
As you identify the sensation,
You may notice there's a certain way that it feels or moves or has a certain texture or temperature.
It's okay if you don't see or feel any of these things,
But if you do,
You can notice them.
And whatever way you're connecting to the sensation right now,
I'm going to invite you to invite movement into the sensation.
So how does your body organically want to respond to the sensation brought up by the fear of abandonment or rejection or getting hurt or hurting others?
For example,
If you felt a constriction in your chest,
You might have the natural desire to place your hands gently but firmly on your chest.
If you felt tension in your shoulders,
You might have the natural urge to roll your shoulders backwards and then forwards.
There's no right or wrong.
These are just examples of what could happen,
And it's going to look different and feel different for everybody.
As much as possible,
Allow your body to lead you through this movement.
Your mind might have some strong ideas about what you should do or shouldn't do,
But try to bring the focus back over and over again to your body,
Allowing your body to move you instead of your mind moving your body.
What may end up happening is that you repeat the same movements over and over again,
Or the way that you moved originally to that first sensation evolves and shifts into other movements and different movements.
Neither one is right or wrong.
These are just two common ways that people tend to move and respond to their own sensations.
By allowing your body to lead you and respond to the sensation,
This emotion around fear that makes you stuck in people-pleasing patterns,
You get to address the fear instead of pushing it away or trying to fix it or solve it,
While in reality,
It's still very present in your body and your experience.
So let yourself keep moving with the sensation around the fear that causes you to people-please.
Keep moving how you feel,
Like moving with it in this moment,
Because as you do that,
You're meeting yourself where you're at,
You're giving attention and support to this fear,
Which is usually what fear wants.
Fear wants to be seen and acknowledged,
Which makes it easier for the fear to dissipate.
When we try to fix fear or avoid it or numb from it,
It just comes back stronger and reinforces those people-pleasing patterns.
So be with the fear right now.
Move with the fear and see what happens.
You may find that naturally,
You're now able to give your body what you need,
Even if it's as simple as giving yourself permission to feel.
You may notice there's a shift from fear to giving yourself what you need and expressing what you need,
Which is a crucial foundation for ending people-pleasing patterns.
So if you are ready to move with this shift,
Even if you're not quite there yet,
I'm going to invite you now to start moving this version of yourself who has broken those people-pleasing patterns,
Who now feels empowered to voice your needs and be seen even if it's controversial,
Even if it causes frustration or offends someone else.
What would that look like in your body?
How would you hold yourself?
How would you move differently?
This can be as simple as standing up taller,
Or you can quite literally get up in your space right now,
Coming to standing and walking around your space in a way that feels more aligned with this version of yourself who doesn't people-please anymore.
You might find that your steps are more firm,
Your shoulders are more lifted,
Your chin is more lifted,
And there may be this new sense of confidence in your body simply by walking in this different way.
Maybe that's how you would move differently if you ended people-pleasing patterns and you felt more confident to be yourself.
Perhaps you tried to make yourself more heard and seen,
And so you might put a little bit more weight into your feet right now.
And the steps that you take,
Whether sitting or standing,
Are stronger.
They make more impact against the floor.
This might feel or look a little bit more like stomping,
But not for the point of expressing aggression,
But a stomping that is firm and even gentle at the same time.
A stomping that doesn't beg for attention,
But asserts your presence.
Some other ways you can move,
Just to suggest a few different ways you can explore this,
Is that you take up more space.
Maybe you reach out further into space with your arms.
Maybe you reach higher and lower and take up spaces where you previously didn't feel comfortable.
You might find that this version of you that doesn't people-please anymore is more spontaneous,
More fun,
More playful,
Because you can finally let go of the tension and fear that results from holding yourself back.
What would that look like in movement?
What would you do right now to be more spontaneous and more playful?
There's no right or wrong.
Let your body lead you and see what happens.
You don't have to do movements that are big or small or fast or slow.
There's no shoulds here.
Maybe your body is doing something completely different to embody this version of you that doesn't people-please anymore.
So whatever is coming up for you right now is right.
I'm going to leave space for you to explore this for another minute.
And then when that minute is over,
I'll gently prompt us to find an ending together.
Come on!
Whatever you're doing,
However you're moving,
I'm going to invite you now to gradually slow down your movements and make your movements smaller,
Taking your time and not rushing this transition from movement to stillness.
Allow your body to lead this transition right now as you slowly and gradually come to stillness.
You may find that your body naturally leads you into an ending pose.
See if that wants to happen or maybe not.
Once you've reached a satisfying ending,
We're going to take a deep breath together,
Breathing in and breathing out.
When you are ready,
You may gently open your eyes,
Look around your physical space,
Getting acquainted with wherever you're at,
And make physical contact with your own body,
Acknowledging that you are right here,
Right now,
In this realm of time and space.
Whenever there's fear coming up in your relationships and you fall into people-pleasing patterns,
Listen to that fear.
Be with it.
Move with it.
And then allow yourself to embody the qualities of movement and the qualities of posture and being in your body.
It helps you feel more confident to be yourself,
Whether that was taking up more space,
Walking in a different way,
Being more playful,
Or whatever it is that came up for you in your experience.
You can come back to this meditation anytime to strengthen this embodied knowledge and help you move closer to being yourself instead of people-pleasing.
Until next time,
You deserve to be able to let healthy,
Lasting love in without abandoning yourself or your needs.
