Let Go of Doubt and Regret | A Selfgentleness Meditation

In this meditation, we work with two of the most quietly exhausting things we carry: doubt about a decision we need to make, and regret about one we already did. I guide you through a grounding practice and a heart-space visualization, then into a gentle process of sitting with both options and letting your body tell you what it knows. We close with a releasing ritual at a little brook, where you can finally set down what you've been carrying. This video is an excerpt from Femke's Selfgentleness Hour, a live session on Insight Timer every second Friday of the month at 3pm EDT.

Transcript

So let's first make sure that you are comfortable. You can lie down if you like. You can sit up. And if you sit up and if you really love to sit up straight and not be supported because that feels good to you, Then do that. But it's not an obligation. You can also just lean against the back of your chair or your sofa or the wall. Make yourself comfortable. That's the most important thing for me. Let it be easy. Let it be nice. So let's just bring our attention to our buttocks on the seat, The back of your thighs. And just bring all your attention there for a moment. And it's not just your buttocks and your thighs on the seat. If you bring your attention there, You feel different pressure points, Different touch points. There are parts of your legs and buttocks that are leaning stronger into the seat and some a little bit less strong. And what I really, Really like when I bring my attention to my buttocks on the seat is that I feel supported. You suddenly become aware that you're carried, You're lifted, You're held. The same goes for your feet, So bring your attention to your feet. And if you like, You can close already your eyes. You can keep them open for a bit, But you can close them. I will close them now. And when you bring your attention to your feet on the ground, It's the same. It's not just your whole foot on the ground. There are different touch points, Different pressure points making the connection with the floor. And what I so love then is to realize that when my feet are on the ground, I'm connecting to Mother Earth, Her beautiful planet. And then I think of how we are all on this beautiful blue planet, Which is carrying us with enormous speed through the universe, Which is supporting us, Lifting us, Spinning rightfully in its orbit so that we will not float into space, But just be stuck on Earth. I love that. I love how Mother Earth is feeding us, Nurturing us, How we have a sun that is shining on us. And I can all feel that gratefulness just by having my feet on the ground and realizing that I'm supported, I'm carried. All right, Now you can have your hands in your lap, Relaxed. It might feel nice to have your palms up to the sky, It feels more open, But if it doesn't feel good, Then just put your hands like you want to put them. Everything is okay, As long as you feel ease. All right, Now let's just bring our attention for a moment to our heart space. And if you find it hard to find it, Then just bring your attention to the middle of your chest and imagine there is a little light there, A beautiful light. It is a nice color, A color that you like, And just let your attention sink. You can even, If you're still in your head, You can slowly, Slowly let your attention sink down into your neck, To your chest, Slowly going to this place in your chest, Your heart space. And if it helps, You can put your hands on your chest. And if you notice that your mind is wandering or you're thinking things, That's okay. Your head is made to think. Just when you notice it, You bring your attention back to that little light in your chest that is burning there especially for you. Now let's start with greeting yourself, Because here this light is now a representative of your inner self, Your inner core, Your inner being, Your soul, Your authentic self, Your guts, Your intuition, You, Whatever word you would like to use, It's okay, I always use my inner self. I'm just going to greet myself, So I'm going to say the words and you can repeat them for yourself out loud or in your head, Or you can even find different words if those suit you better. Hello darling, How are you? And with that question comes an answer. Your inner self is letting you know how it is. How are you? And don't expect an answer in words or a sentence, Although that might be possible, But it might just be a feeling. It might be a song that pops up in your head. It might be an emotion, It might be that you're suddenly moved to tears just because you asked yourself, Hi darling, How are you today? It's such a powerful moment to bring your attention to your own heart and to just ask, Darling, How are you today? Such a powerful moment to make that connection. Alright, Now, I'm going to ask the question and you will ask it with me to yourself, Is what you need right now. And then again, Let the answer just bubble up. Don't expect something big, Don't expect a full explanation of what is going on. Let it be light, Let it be gentle, Let it be easy. It might be just a feeling, It might be an image, It might be a hunch, It might be an itch that you need to scratch. It doesn't matter what it is, We don't expect big things, We expect just something that is right now happening within you and everything is okay. Alright, Here we go. Darling, What is it that I need right now, That I need right now? And whatever your answer is, Just know that it is okay. If the answer is, I feel like crying, Then allow yourself to cry if you feel safe enough. If the answer is that you just get this big, Big belly laugh, Then just laugh it out loud. If the answer is, I'm so exhausted and I just wish I had some rest, Then promise yourself that you're going to rest, Or maybe better, Lie down right now and take a nap. You can catch the recording later, If this is what you need right now, This is what you're going to do. But if you cannot do it right now, Because maybe you have things to do later on, Then promise yourself you will come back to this later on. Whatever it is, Maybe it is calling your best friends, Maybe it's preparing a lovely cup of coffee or tea for yourself, Maybe it's just lying down and doing really, Really nothing, Maybe it's binge-watching your favorite TV series. Whatever it is, It is okay. All right, So this is the practice of tuning in, That you can do every moment in time. And if you start to do this just once a day for, Let's say, A minute or two, You really start connecting to what lives in you, What it is that you need, What it is that you don't want, What it is that you do want. And even though those wants and not-wants and desires might feel too big to reach, Trust that by becoming aware, You will find, Step by step, Over time, The way to honor that. That is the process and you can trust that. All right, Now, Let's get a little bit to working with those doubts and regrets. But for that, I would like to take you on a little, Little journey. So just imagine that in front of you, There is an elevator. It's kind of a cool elevator. It's with a lot of glass. It's shiny in a really nice way. It's not tacky, But pretty. And there is a button and you push the button. And while you push the button, Just know that I speak the language of images, But you will use your fantasy. If your fantasy comes in images, You just follow those images. But if you know from yourself that you don't really see images, But that you fantasize in a different way by just knowing something or feeling something or seeing the words, Just then do that, Right? You know how you fantasize. Just use it in your own way. Again, Let's make it as easy as possible. All right, So you press the button, The doors open and we get in. And there is this heart-shaped button and you press it and you feel that the elevator is going down really nicely, Gently. And then there's this beautiful pling, The doors open and you step into a big, Beautiful white room. And in this room, There are a lot of windows and when you look out of the windows, You see your favorite landscape. So whatever that is, Maybe you see the ocean, The woods, The big city, Your own backyard. Whatever it is, It's fine. You see that this room is standing in a place where you just love to look out of the window. And even though the room is white, I would invite you to take a look around and just use your fantasy to create the colors that you like. You know, You can keep it white, You can make it black or red or blue or green or yellow or whatever color or the whole rainbow, Whatever it is, Just color it your ways. Color the walls, Color the floor, Make the floor of your liking, Really shape this room into a room that feels good to you. You can place some furniture and especially place a really comfortable seat for you that you can sit on or lie on. Maybe there are some pets running around. Maybe you put some beautiful plants, Hang some arts, Make sure there are some good scents. The temperature is just right, Not too hot, Not too cool. Actually perfect. And when you look through the windows, Maybe you have these opening doors to the garden. You can open them if you like. Just make it your own place. And I will tell you, This is your heart place. This is a place where you can come always by visualizing that you travel inside to the place of your heart where you have this room. Now you've created this really comfy seat for yourself. Just take a look of how good it looks. You know you cannot wait to just sit on it, So let's do that. You just sit on it. You feel how the cushions are just exactly right, Not too hard, Not too soft. You can lean in it. Yes, Just feel so safe to be here, So good to be here. All right, Now, Let's first think of the thing that you are proud of. And let's do that by imagining that you have a button on your chair. You press it, And then there's this beautiful big screen that is falling out in your room. And it's like you are sitting in your own home cinema. It's a beautiful big screen. And you see your own name appearing on the screen. It feels kind of cool, Right, To see your own name on the movie screen. And then you realize that the movie that you're seeing right now is a movie about you being proud of something. So it gets shaped by your fantasy. It gets shaped by how you feel about whatever it is that you're proud of. If you're really proud that you're a really kind person, Then you see yourself amidst other people. Being kind. If you're proud of something that you have achieved, Then you again see yourself doing that. Whatever it is, Just take a moment to think of this thing or situation that you are proud of for yourself. And just be with this for a moment. And notice where that feeling in yourself resides. Is it your whole body? Is it your skin? Is it your belly? Is it your heart? Is it your head? Where does it feel good in your body when you are aware of something that you're proud of? When you are envisioning this, When you're fantasizing about this, When you are embedding yourself in that moment that you are proud of? And if you feel it in your body, Then just maybe put your hands there where you feel it. Bring your attention there and really enjoy how good that feels. And we're doing that, I will tell you, Because you make your body remember how it feels to be feeling good about yourself. Self-gentleness is really, Really close right now, When you are bringing these kind of thoughts to mind. All right, Now, With this feeling, I'm sure that we can dive a little bit into the thing that you are doubting about. So bring to mind the thing, The situation, The decision that you are doubting about. And you might have two options. You might have a few more options. But just think of the two most likely options that you might have to choose between and that you feel doubt. And use the screen again. You can picture it, Maybe, On it, If you like. Use your fantasy to be aware of those two. You can almost see it like a T-road, Where on the one side you have the option 1 and on the other side you have option 2. Now, I know that at this point you probably feel the doubt returning. The doubt might be overflowing the feeling that you just had. So also now, Be aware, Where do you feel this in your body? When I feel doubt, I feel a pit in my stomach and I feel that my breath is going up. That's just with me. How it is with you. Because it's important to recognize this, That this is an indication of your body that something is off. That you're being too hard on yourself, Because that is what's happening right now. You think that this decision will determine your life course, Will determine things in such a way that you would regret it if you made a wrong mistake. But you couldn't be farther from the truth. The truth is, Both options are fine. You just go with one, Line up with it and then later assess if maybe you want to do the other option after that. All is well, Really. So you notice where the doubt resides in your body. This is important information. Because you bring your attention there now, Wherever you feel it. And now try to soothe yourself first. So soothing yourself, There are many different ways. It always starts with recognizing the thoughts that you have. The thoughts that are in your head around doubt are thoughts about being afraid of making the wrong decision. Being aware that things could go wrong. Being maybe afraid that you cannot make this decision in the right way. All kinds of thoughts. So the moment you become aware of that, Try to allow yourself to just say, Well, I just don't know what will be right. I just don't know what will be right and that is okay. Because I'm not a psychic. I cannot look into the future. All my power is here and now. So I'm standing in your shoes right now and I might speak things that you might think now to soothe yourself. All right, So follow my thoughts together with you. It is okay. I know the decision is hard, But it is okay. I know that whatever I decide to do, I will just go for it and see what happens. And if I then find out that it was the wrong decision or the outcome is not like I want it to be, I will then, Exactly then, Feel again what it is I need in that moment. That's a nice thing to know. When I can connect with myself and to know what I need in each moment, Then I can also trust myself that if I make a decision that turns out not like I want it, That at that point I can just ask myself, What is this what I need right now? That's kind of a relief. So, I'm going to take a look again at the options that I have. And I'm just going to pick the one that feels best to me. So, Bring to mind the first option. Notice again what it does with your body when you imagine that you would decide to go for this. How does it feel? Do you feel a lot of resistance or are you neutral? Are you feeling fear or a pit in your stomach or maybe it excites you? Whatever you feel, Note it down for yourself. Notice what it is. Alright, Now bring your attention to the second option. Also here, How would it feel if you would opted for this one? Where do you feel it in your body? How does it feel? Does it feel unpleasant? Does it feel like resistance? Does it feel neutral? Does it feel good? Based on the feelings that you are exploring now in the two options, There must be one of those that feels a little bit easier, A little bit better. So, I dare you to just decide. I will go for that one. And I will just do it. And I will see in some time, I will reassess and feel what it is that I want, If I want to continue with this or maybe make a different decision. And I allow myself to make mistakes. It is okay. It is okay. It is okay to make mistakes. I am only human. I am born to learn things. I am born to explore things. I am born to explore and make mistakes. It is okay. And if both still feel the same, And you still feel that neither of those are clearly enough for you to make a decision, Then just pick one and line up with it. And decide that this is what you are going for now, And that you will reassess, Feel again what you need later on, And then see where you go from there. Because no decision is black and white. Even the most black and white decisions are not black and white. They are black and white in your head, Because you connect stories to it. But at the end, We can always work our way back to different things. It is okay. It is okay to make mistakes. Just go for the one that feels relatively a little bit better. Now I invite you to get up out of your chair. If you want, You can push the button and have the screen go down. And let's walk into the garden. And when you listen, You can hear already that there is a little brook in that garden. So let's walk to that brook. And you see how the water is splashing over the stones, Running down. Beautiful, Beautiful sound. Really nice. And while you are standing there, I want you to imagine that the thing that you regret that you wanted to work with is right here in front of you. So it might have been a whole situation, But it will appear to you in a single item. And it is even something that you can hold in your hands, And maybe it is just a little movie that you see, Or a picture of the occasion, That whatever way it pops up, Just be aware that the thing that you regret is now here tangibly in front of you. You are holding it in your hands. And we are going to speak again to ourselves about this regret. When you look at it, Feel where you feel this in your body. Your body is such a good provider of information, So supporting you to know what is going on within. Wherever you feel it in your body, It might feel unpleasant, And if that has an effect on you, That's okay. If it's overwhelming, You can always open your eyes, And then you will see me sitting, And you will see a room, And you will see that you are safe. You can stop at any moment when it's overwhelming. But if it's not, And you are still here with me, Then be aware of this regret. Okay, Now, Let's tell this regret this. I wish this was different. I wish I made a decision then. I wish I did something then that I would not have to regret right now. But the fact that I feel regret, I take it now like a message. A message that I have more information now, Information that has changed me to the person that I am right now. And the person that I am right now is a pretty awesome person, So how could this have been wrong? I know when I look back, It still feels like a mistake that I made, But if I consciously remind myself now that I am this awesome person that I am right now, Also because of this mistake, Not just because of my successes, I feel already a little bit different about this regret. It feels already a little bit lighter. I feel that the tension in my body is moving a little bit through my body, And in a weird way I can almost feel some little bit of appreciation that this happened, Because it has made me who I am right now. It is kind of a relief to feel that. It is kind of a relief to feel that I am actually okay with the mistakes that I made, Because it makes me realize that I am a human being, Just the human being that I want to be, Not the perfect one, Not a shiny, Polished, Perfect puppet. No, I am just me, With everything that comes with me, With my love, With my heart, With my mind, With my bad things, With my lazy things, With my mistakes. It all shapes me for who I am, And by now I know that I am pretty awesome. And when I look now at the regret, I can hardly see it anymore. It is way lighter. Well, It is still there, And I know when I focus on it I can bring it back and heavy, But I don't want that. I just made myself realize for the very first time that it is okay to make a mistake, And you know what, That is what I am going to remember, That I can make mistakes, Because also the mistakes shape me. Oh, It is really touching me to realize that. So what I am going to do now, I am going to surrender this regret to the brook. I will just put it there, And I will let it in the water, And I will see it float away gently. And I just want to say thank you, While it floats away, Thank you for making me who I am right now. It feels good to let go. It feels good to allow myself to not be perfect. It feels good to allow myself to make mistakes. It feels good to let me just be me. Now it can be that you are experiencing any emotions now, Whatever it is, If it is relief or sadness or happiness, Whatever it is, Just have your own back. You can put your arms around yourself, Hold yourself. Your body doesn't distinguish between you holding yourself and someone else holding yourself, And you can put that to your advantage by just holding yourself, Maybe hugging yourself, Caressing yourself, Rocking yourself. It is nice to feel that you have your own back. It is nice to feel that you let go of the expectations of yourself, That you allow yourself gentleness, Self-gentleness. I just want you to know that you are so worthy, You are so lovable, You are exactly right as you are, And you cannot say that often enough to yourself, Because you are, No matter what. All right, Now let's walk back through the garden, Back through the garden doors, Into this beautiful room that you created for yourself, And just know that you can always come back here to feel safe, To look at your decisions, To go to the garden and let go of regrets, Or to just tune in and be with yourself. Let's walk to the elevator together. Push the heart-shaped button and feel how the elevator is going back up. There is the pling and the door is open and you get out. Now we are going to land back in your body. Just keep your eyes closed still for a bit, Just bring your attention back to your buttocks on the seat, Your feet on the floor, Feel the support, The love of Mother Earth. Feel how your body feels a little bit softer, Gentler, Relative from when you started. You feel this sense of more ease, More softness, And that is exactly what we were aiming for. Now you can wiggle your fingers, Your toes, Stretch your spine, Yawn. And then in your own time you are going to slowly open your eyes. Just take your time, You can take 1-2 minutes if you like. You have had your eyes closed for quite some time, So let's make the transition slowly. Sending you all so much love. Bye-bye.