Stop before you send that message.
When we send a message or a communication to anyone,
We want it to be genuine,
We want it to be necessary,
And we want it to come from a place where we feel steady and grounded and clear.
Sometimes we have a big buildup of energy that makes us want to react,
And it might be that we send a long email or text in which we might be over-explaining or even getting angry or expressing hurt in a way where we're not thinking,
Perhaps,
About the other person's reaction,
The person receiving it.
Everybody has these moments.
I want to help you now if you're having one.
The first thing to know is that when our body feels a big rush of emotion,
We do tend to lose perspective,
And that's because we're in a stress response that's related to survival,
And when we're in a survival response,
Things like clarity and reasonableness and decision-making and planning,
Those parts of the brain physically go offline.
They're not there.
So we're coming from a place where those parts aren't involved.
And then later,
We might look back and think,
Where was my head at when I wrote that text or email?
The first thing I'd like you to do is put your phone down or step away from where you are formulating this message,
Whatever device it is,
And feel what it's like not to have your phone in your hand.
Sometimes we're so close to pressing that button.
Now feel what it's like not to be close to that button,
To be empty-handed.
And now check into your body to these big feelings.
I'm inviting you to feel these feelings in your body.
What's your heartbeat doing?
Is it racing?
Is there a feeling of heat,
A surge in your body of energy that feels activated,
Rushing?
Is there a bracing,
A tension?
What's happening in your belly?
We feel a lot of emotion in our belly.
Sometimes it can feel really,
There's a charge there.
It's being churned up.
Now these feelings are not out to get you or to cause you a problem,
But they're also not urging you to react even though it feels like it by sending a message.
What if these feelings were guiding you toward the fact that they're sensitive,
They felt something,
Something has touched a nerve?
They're hurting.
Now we can feel the pressure.
We can find a way to be with the feelings and help them settle and feel safe to be without having to react.
So let's try slowing our breathing a little.
And it may just be a little,
That just means simply taking a slightly longer breath in,
A slower breath,
And out,
Either through your nose or your mouth.
It can feel very clearing to use your mouth.
It's up to you.
And as we do that,
I wonder if we could really feel that exhale as a softening.
Soften through your face,
Your shoulders,
Your chest,
Let the exhalation really soften through your belly.
Let your jaw relax.
Let your skin soften,
Just beginning to melt a little.
And as you're softening and feeling that out breath,
Also feel down all the way into your feet.
See if you can put your mind right into your feet.
And depending on whether you have shoes on or not,
You might lift and spread your toes and then place them back down one by one.
Or press a little bit more into the ground under your feet.
And feel how that ground is stable.
It's the broad curve of the earth.
It's saying you have support.
You don't have to do anything to own that support.
This is consistent support,
Always there,
That stable earth that your feet are resting on.
And feel all the points of your body that are on something solid and releasing into it.
Your sitting bones,
Maybe your spine if you're leaning against the back of a chair.
Maybe your hands are on arm rests.
And again,
With your exhale,
Feel your body settling to the earth.
And now ask yourself,
What if I don't need to do anything right now?
And take a breath in.
What if there's no rush or hurry?
Breathing in.
What if I could give myself more time?
I wonder if I really have to react from this surge.
And ask yourself,
Will sending this message really improve anything in this situation right now?
Will it bring the outcome I truly want?
Or will it just be a momentary thing?
Because maybe it'll make you feel worse later or you'll be waiting and waiting for that response and worrying if it doesn't come.
And then you'll be staying in this cycle of anxiety instead of releasing it from yourself.
Ask yourself,
What if I'm just trying to discharge discomfort?
And I think by offloading into words,
I am relieving myself of stress.
That would be very normal and very human.
And if the answer is yes or maybe,
That's a signal not to do it.
Because it might seem in the moment you're discharging that stress,
But it's not real and it won't last.
It's a temporary band-aid on your anxiety and that'll come back bigger.
What instead if you turn towards what helps and helps you in this moment?
Remembering there is strength in waiting.
There's dignity in not responding.
And so often nine times out of 10,
Things resolve themselves.
Just take a moment here and acknowledge that for the last eight minutes or so,
You have not sent that message.
You can take space.
And then think of what you might do next to move away,
To keep giving yourself space from that need to react.
You might go for a walk.
You might go and look in a bookshop,
Do something,
Do a hobby that you enjoy.
You might focus on some demanding task that needs to get done,
That will absorb you.
Go to a yoga class.
Do something you can fully absorb yourself in.
Check in again and think,
Do I want to send that message now?
Or do I want to send the same message?
And be really,
Really grateful to yourself for making this choice,
For giving yourself this power and this agency even though you began by feeling overwhelmed and powerless.
Please come back to this anytime you have that urge,
If this space helps you.
I really hope it did.
As we finished here,
I just want to remind you to be good to yourself and also feel no shame around this.
This is a natural bodily response.
We all have triggers and we all react or want to react.
But what you have done is wise,
It's self-caring,
It's beautiful.
So be good to yourself,
Be pleased with yourself and forgive yourself for the times this hasn't been the case.
And until next time,
Bye for now.
