Take a moment to settle into a comfortable seated position.
Feel your feet planted firmly on the floor and the seats supporting you.
Now take a look around you including what is to the back of you.
Let your system know that in this moment you are completely safe.
If it feels comfortable,
Gently close your eyes and start to notice the play of air on your exposed skin.
Then notice the taste in your mouth before taking in any sense in your surrounds.
Now begin to tune into any sounds within the room that you are in.
Maybe you can hear your breathing or a clock ticking or a stomach grumble.
Now stretch your hearing out to the more distant sounds.
Now that we are fully grounded in our bodies we can turn to the tapping process.
Let's begin by thinking about some time in the past month or so when you wanted to say no but couldn't.
Once the memory comes forward begin to scan your body and notice what shows up.
Do you feel a constriction in your throat or a clenching in your jaw,
A sinking sensation in your gut,
Tightness or tension in your shoulders or some other bodily sensation?
Once you have located the sensation ask yourself what emotion is tied to this sensation?
How did not being able to say no make you feel?
Did you feel resentful?
Were you angry at them or yourself?
Did you feel like a pushover and therefore feel a sense of shame?
Did you feel like you abandoned yourself and therefore feel disappointed?
Or maybe there was some other emotion that came up for you.
Now using your bodily sensations give that emotion a score out of 10,
With 10 being the most uncomfortable you have ever felt and zero being no discomfort at all.
We will use this score to assess our progress at the end of the session.
As always feel free to pause this session if you need a little more time to fill into this.
Now begin tapping on the side of the hand with four fingers just below the little finger and repeat after me tweaking any words if needed.
Even though I sometimes struggle to say no and that makes me feel,
And just state whatever emotion has come up for you here,
I accept that a younger part of me is trying to keep me safe.
Still tapping on the side of the hand even though I sometimes struggle to set and hold firm boundaries and I can feel how this shows up in my body.
I understand that this is an old pattern designed to keep me safe.
One more time on the side of the hand even though I have a tendency to people please.
Because at some point in my life I learned that this would keep me safe.
I accept these younger parts of me and thank them for always trying to protect me.
Going to the top of the head acknowledging this tendency to fawn.
Eyebrow bringing awareness to this old pattern.
Outer eye,
This struggle to say no.
Under the eye and all of the emotions this creates.
Under the nose it's a survival pattern.
Under the mouth it's a survival pattern.
That my nervous system is familiar with.
Collarbone,
No blame,
No shame.
Under the arm,
My child's self was clever.
Top of the head and worked out how to keep me safe.
Eyebrow,
When there weren't any other options available.
Side of eye,
Grateful for that younger self.
Under the eye and at the same time.
Under the nose,
I wonder if I can begin to release this emotion.
Under the mouth,
Maybe I can begin to gently let it go.
Collarbone,
I feel more comfortable in my body.
Under the arm,
I'm open to tapping and breathing through this emotion.
Top of the head,
I'm open to sitting with this emotion.
Eyebrow,
Knowing that I'm supporting my nervous system.
Side of eye,
With every tap.
Under the eye and with every breath.
Under the nose,
Teaching my younger parts.
Under the mouth,
That there are other options.
Collarbone,
To deal with situations that feel potentially threatening.
Under the arm,
Letting all parts of me know,
That I am safe.
Release the tapping for a moment and place one hand over your heart and the other over your belly.
Breathe into your belly and feel your hands rise as you inhale.
And then fall as you exhale.
Repeat two more times in your own time.
And now give your hands and arms a shake.
Before returning to tapping on the side of the hand.
Even though I have carried this tendency to fawn,
For so long,
I'm now bringing a greater awareness to this pattern.
Even though I let long ago,
That people pleasing kept me safe.
I'm now open to setting firm boundaries.
And holding them,
So that I no longer abandon myself.
Even though fawning is a coping mechanism,
That my nervous system is familiar with.
I choose to support my system,
With different tools,
So that I can confidently say no,
Without any fear.
Going to the top of the head,
I acknowledge my tendency to fawn.
Eyebrow,
And at the same time,
Side of eye.
I recognise that I can change this dynamic.
Under the eye,
As an adult.
Under the nose,
I have other tools at my disposal.
Under the mouth,
I can focus on and honour what is important to me.
Collarbone,
Setting boundaries that I'm comfortable holding.
Under the arm,
I can practice saying no.
Top of the head,
While breathing through any discomfort.
Eyebrow,
I can practice tapping through any discomfort.
Side of the eye,
I can practice stating what my needs are.
Under the eye,
I can practice kindly saying no.
Under the nose,
I'm not available to help this time.
Under the mouth,
And firmly repeating this,
If possible.
If there is pushback.
Collarbone,
As many times as is needed.
Under the arm,
Simple,
Short,
Steadfast statements.
Top of the head,
No explanations,
No apologies.
Eyebrow,
I acknowledge that at the beginning.
Side of the eye,
I might not succeed every time.
And that is okay.
Under the eye,
I can practice.
Under the nose,
Until my nervous system learns this.
Under the mouth,
That it is okay to say no.
Collarbone,
And that people learn to respect boundaries.
Under the arm,
Even if they resist at first.
Top of the head,
I get to choose how I spend my time.
Eyebrow,
I'm allowed to state my preferences.
Side of eye,
It is safe to state my wishes and desires.
Under the eye,
No means no.
Under the nose,
It is not my responsibility to manage others' emotions.
Hands,
Under the mouth,
I won't be kicked out of the tribe if I don't people please.
Collarbone,
And if I am,
I can find a more supportive tribe.
Under the arm,
Committing to boundaries with kindness.
Release the tapping and place one hand over your belly and one over your heart.
Breathe into your belly,
Feeling it rise below your hand.
Before drawing the breath up into your chest and then slowly and gently exhaling.
Repeat two more times in your own time.
And now give your hands and arms a shake.
Now with your eyes closed,
Tune back into the memory that you brought forward at the start of this session while scanning your body at the same time.
Has the discomfort that you scored before we began tapping together changed?
Maybe it's lessened,
Or maybe it's shifted to another location,
Or maybe it's disappeared.
Any change is evidence that things have started to shift.
Give any remaining discomfort a score out of ten,
With ten being the most discomfort you have ever felt and zero,
No discomfort at all.
You can then continue to do some further tapping if you aren't yet at a two or below,
Or write your score down and come back to this track at another time to continue working on this memory,
Or any other memories that come up for you around fawning.
EFT works by knocking out the legs of the tabletop issue,
Which in this case is fawning.
You don't have to knock out every memory or aspect for the tabletop to collapse,
Just enough of them to make it teeter and no longer support the root issue.
Sometimes collapsing the tabletop happens relatively quickly,
And sometimes it takes patience and a bit of persistence to get there.
Just be gentle and patient with yourself and seek help from a qualified EFT practitioner if you feel like you are getting stuck working on your own.
Sometimes we need support in the healing process.
Additionally,
We all have blind spots and sometimes we just need someone to gently and patiently guide us back to feeling a sense of safety in the body.
EFT as a modality consists of many techniques and sometimes we need to engage these various techniques to shift really stuck old patterns of behaviour and thinking.
I hope you found this session helpful and that it provided a good understanding of how to use EFT's basic tapping recipe to work through long-held patterns that no longer serve you.
Until next time,
May you be well,
May you be safe and may you be at peace.
