When we are in a survival response,
We really don't care about anybody else's survival,
We lose our access to our hearts.
So when we're talking about loving kindness and self-compassion and compassion for others,
That's a real foundational principle.
We lose our connection.
To our heart.
And if we don't have our connection to our heart,
For ourselves,
For self-compassion,
We also don't have compassion for other people.
There's a kind of a competition for resources,
Survival of the fittest.
There's a lot of hoarding at the top 1%,
The billionaire class.
It's made a lot of our lives significantly harder.
Partly financially,
Partly with the amount of anxiety we have.
There's a lot of things that are uncertain in our world right now,
Politics.
The environment and a lot of things that are distressing.
So how are we going to work with that?
So one of the ways we work with that is that we come right into this moment.
And we regulate our own nervous system.
And we get in touch with what's actually here and what could help.
So we start with noticing my body is very likely to be safe for this half hour that we're doing the practice.
And that realization lets us know that we could level down a little on the hypervigilance,
Or if we're in a freeze,
We could come up,
Risk taking some deeper breaths,
Making a little bit of movement with our body.
That we're not in an emergency,
An imminent danger.
There's a lot of danger in the world.
There's a lot of uncertainty and fear.
And right now in this moment,
We could take a break from that and we could afford it.
To take a break from that.
So let's sit with that for a moment.
Let yourself breathe in a way that would give away your position if you were being hunted.
Which is such a hard word.
But if you are trying to stay still and not make a noise with your breath,
And not have your body move with your breath.
So we hold our breath and we hold our body still.
That's an ancient primitive survival response.
So just reversing that,
Letting our body move.
Maybe bring your shoulders up on an inhale.
Move your shoulders around,
Make some noise as you breathe out.
UGHHH or whatever noise you want to make.
So that interrupts.
Trees that we might be in.
It's safe enough.
Our nervous system,
Our bodies talking in energy,
Sensations.
It's not talking in words particularly.
So it's what we see,
What we hear.
Can I afford to take a deeper breath?
And then we come into this moment.
And what does it feel like right now for you in this moment?
How are you feeling?
What kind of a day did you have?
Did you have a really tough day?
Did you have some joy in your day?
Some bees.
What was your day like?
I can hear the hummingbirds have been back for the last 10 days and they're just out in the feeder.
I always have a little spurt of joy when I hear the hummingbirds.
So what is that for you?
Is there anything during your day that delights you?
That you're excited about.
So even as we're checking out our overall day and how we feel,
We might be really tired or angry or anxious or something,
We could allow ourselves to notice that.
And we could also notice what went well today,
Or what was a moment,
What was your glimmer today,
Or did you have more than one maybe?
We all probably have some frustrations as well.
What were some of the things that went well?
That gave you some joy.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Let yourself enjoy your breath in this moment.
One of the things we know about trauma is that it disconnects us from our body,
From ourself,
From this moment,
From our sense of value.
So what could you do that would be helpful to bring you back?
Bring yourself back into connection.
Or maybe it's something simple you could put your hand on your head.
You could do a butterfly hug.
Link your thumbs and then tap alternately side to side.
Press your hands into your heart area.
Feel the warmth.
Sometimes we have to come down to something really subtle.
You have some hope.
Maybe it's that you have no hope.
Might take a while to even think about.
What is a realistic basis for optimism?
That something could go well enough for me to come out of this survival state and into a more relaxed,
Regulated system.
It might be a friend,
A coworker,
A neighbor.
It might be that I'm here doing this practice with you all.
I'm volunteering my time because I think it's so important and also because I enjoy being here together.
It helps my nervous system as well.
What lightens your heart when you think about it?
So even just in 10 minutes,
Probably some things have changed.
Maybe you're breathing a little bit more deeply.
Maybe you're touching in on something that you really enjoyed today.
Gratitude for what we have.
One of the things about the brain and the nervous system is that we don't notice things that are positive unless we put our attention on them.
So our nervous system's always noticing what's dangerous potentially,
But unless we actually pay attention for 20 or 30 seconds to something positive,
Our brain doesn't register that it even happened.
Sometimes when we're feeling kind of hopeless,
Overwhelmed,
One of the things that helps is to put our attention on something affirming that helps us feel safer or inspired.
So if we review our day again,
Maybe you inspired yourself.
Maybe you did something that was kind of cool and you really enjoyed being able to be generous or something.
Or maybe you came in and just relaxed your shoulders and took a few deep breaths.
In a really hard day,
You noticed that it was a hard day and you offered yourself some kindness.
What comes up when you think of someone,
Something,
Perhaps you,
That inspired you today?
And it gives you some hope and optimism.
Let ourselves have some of those experiences.
And it might be from today,
It might be from 20 years ago.
What is it that really kind of warms your heart?
And then let yourself just focus 20,
30 seconds and then maybe bring something new in.
So now that we've warmed ourselves up a little,
Come into your heart,
Especially if you had a tough day or if you're having a tough time right now,
Offer yourself some kindness and compassion.
You might do that with your hands on your heart.
We're taking a few deeper breaths.
It might be words.
You've had a really tough time.
You could offer yourself some grace.
You're handling things pretty well.
And that doesn't mean that we're handling things perfect,
Of course.
It's difficult right now.
There's a lot of fear in the world and there's a lot of things that are going on in our personal lives that are more difficult than usual.
And your individual experience might be that things are really going well right now,
But then there's this overhanging kind of doom.
So could we offer ourselves some respect that we're working with this?
With as much wholeheartedness and openheartedness as we can.
And what's your response to that?
Coming into the moment,
Notice what's going on in our nervous system.
Noticing that it's safe enough to be here and do a practice.
We're focusing on some things that are wonderful or heartwarming.
And that helps us to regulate our nervous system.
And now we come to,
Could I offer myself some kindness and compassion?
More likely now than it was when we first came here.
Because if we're more regulated,
If our nervous system has assessed that the level of threat has lowered,
Then we don't have to be on guard as much.
So let's just sit with that for a minute.
I actually don't have to be on guard right now.
And what would that look like?
It might mean that you can relax your body into the support of the chair.
If you don't have to jump into fight or flight,
You could let your body soften.
You could come out of that readiness and come into presence.
Relaxation,
More ease.
So loving kindness is often,
May I,
Or are we extending a blessing of some kind?
So what would that be for you?
May I.
.
.
Love myself.
May I offer myself some care and patience.
May I have an open heart.
May I have an open heart with myself.
Breathe,
Be in your body and notice what does that elicit in your system?
We're offering ourselves a blessing.
May I have an open heart.
May I feel compassion for myself.
May I be grateful for simple joys.
And let yourself feel that what is the simple joy and feeling the gratitude.
Breathing.
And if there's a resistance or a hesitation,
You know,
I don't know if I really deserve kindness.
I was angry today and I cut somebody off in traffic or I said something kind of nasty and I don't deserve kindness.
Our inner critic might have a lot to say about that.
If that's the case,
Especially if that's the case.
That's one of the ways that trauma disconnects us from ourselves.
We close our heart to ourselves.
So what could we do then?
Well,
We might just notice that's how I'm feeling right now.
I'm not really wanting to offer myself any ease or kindness.
One of the ways to work with that is to bring forward someone else,
A friend,
A person you love,
And if they were feeling that way,
Could you offer them loving kindness?
And see if you could let your heart open and soften.
Bring that person to mind and bring them into your heart.
This person that I care about is having a tough time and feeling really shut down and really judging themselves.
And I'm just gonna send them a wave of kindness.
Compassion.
Even if they think they don't deserve it,
I'm going to send them some love.
And maybe I could offer myself some as well.
I could extend some loving-kindness.
May I experience my own open heart.
May I be kind with myself.
May I bathe myself in tenderness.
Notice what's happening in your heart,
In your mind.
Let your body breathe.
If we can come to a realization that we don't have to earn kindness and compassion.
We could offer that to ourselves,
Especially if we feel we don't deserve it.
Especially if we're disappointed in how we're handling life right now or we're just having a lot of suffering.
Lots of people are in a difficult situation.
Maybe it's pressure at work or financial pressure or something's going on,
But could we still offer ourselves kindness?
May I know the blessing of my own tender open heart.
And then if you bring to mind people you love or like or care about.
People who are close to you in your heart.
Bring one person in and then another.
We'll do this for a few minutes.
Bring some people in and offer them your own open-hearted tenderness,
Kindness,
Compassion,
Understanding.
The first person who comes to mind,
Bring them into your heart.
What would you offer them?
May this person I love know the blessing of.
Being kind with themselves perhaps.
Of knowing how much I care.
May they know the blessing of receiving love.
Let yourself breathe that in.
And we know that when people are in their own heart and they're receiving love,
That everything in the world gets better.
They're able to receive and send love back.
May this person who I love offer themselves kindness and compassion.
And may they know the blessing of offering that to me.
Of being open-hearted with me.
You could bring in a few different people.
May this person I love realize they don't have to perform in a certain way.
I'm offering wholeheartedly love and kindness and compassion.
They don't have to earn that.
I'm offering that for free.
And may they know the blessing of receiving and giving.
May I take that in,
Their love,
Their care,
Their kindness.
If we think about other people in the world who might be closed to themselves,
They are in a survival response,
They're competing.
Maybe it's competing on the road,
Maybe it's competing for attention or love or a job.
For these people that I don't really know,
But I know the experience.
We have these experiences in common.
May these people know the blessing of being open-hearted with themselves.
May their inner critic be quiet for a while.
May they offer themselves and experience their own open heart.
And may they know the joy of offering that to people around them.
When we sit with that together.
And inhaling and exhaling,
Letting our body be present in our attention,
Our hearts are available to us.
And extending this out to the world.
All beings everywhere,
People,
Other beings.
May we all know the blessing of a settled nervous system and an open heart.
Of feeling safe enough to be kind.
To be caring,
Be present.
May we have the blessing of receiving and giving loving kindness,
Compassion,
Care.
May I know my own open heart.
I'm breathing that in and extending that out.
And at any time,
Especially if I'm feeling critical of myself or feeling down or really anxious or really in a survival response,
That I would remember to stop and check in and open my own heart to myself.
To offer myself loving kindness.
And offer that out into the world.
May I know the blessing of an open,
Kind heart.
