Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn Survival Responses

We begin our exploration of our survival strategies with dorsal vagal or freeze. Freeze can look like numb, disconnected, and hunkered down for safety. Freeze takes the edge off of painful, overwhelming experiences. It’s hard to connect with someone encased in layers of numbness so our relationships aren’t as deep. We miss the signs of danger when we’re in freeze, and don’t protect ourselves or others in our care. To come out of freeze, we need to come up the polyvagal ladder into the sympathetic arousal of fight or flight.

We use grounding tools to stay present as we explore what it feels like to be in a freeze response. In a freeze response, we're disconnected from our body and relationships. To come out of freeze, we need to feel, and that can feel scary or like it's too much effort.

A fight response is an unconscious strategy to deal with danger or threat. It can be hot, fiery and feel out of control. It can give us a sense of agency, which we prefer over feeling powerless. A fight response scares us and it is very different from feeling and expressing anger.

In this somatic inquiry we focus on what it feels like to remember being in a fight response, and the different way it feels to be angry. As we recall the feelings, we use grounding tools to stay self-regulated so we can feel anger without it stimulating a fight response. We practice connecting with attuned empathy to our younger self who wasn't allowed to be angry.

Most of our threats now are social and relational. We flee when we can't afford to see and feel what's here. We might move physically, and more often we escape into screens and other avoidance strategies or addictions. Flight energy makes us feel edgy and restless. It's hard to relax and enjoy being still and present.

This somatic inquiry is a slow motion walk through a social situation that is difficult for us. We begin with more accurate neuroception to notice people who are supportive of us, and using our senses to notice cues of safety. We use our breath and grounding tools as we slowly move through each part, coming back to regulation each time, then moving to the next step.

Our neuroception detects a social threat and sometimes we go into people-pleasing. We go along and don't act in our own best interest. Fawning and submission are social survival strategies that are not respected in our culture, and we often shame ourselves for it.

This inquiry gives support to recognize when you are people pleasing and let go of shaming yourself for fawning. People pleasing is a conditioned behavior and it helps to look at our history with it. As adults, we have more agency and choices. In the inquiry, we use several grounding tools to self-regulate. We practice not going along, and using helpful phrases we could say when we're being coerced.

There are many reliable ways to regulate our nervous system. Join me on Insight Timer Live several days a week for guided practices Go to my profile and try some of these or any of the resting and relaxation practices Am I Safe In My Body Right Now? Fear of Being Authentic Grounding and Orienting My Body Know and Support Yourself My Nervous System Protects Me Nervous System Regulating Practices Supporting Our Young Nervous System