Radical Acceptance Of Self-Rejection ~ Ultimate Compassion

If our spiritual practice is based on subtly rejecting parts of ourselves that we deem 'unspiritual' or unlovable, then true self-compassion will never be reached. The self-rejection tends to become a spiral of rejecting the rejecting....

The transformation I invite us to is to *actually* accept that there is self-rejection happening. True acceptance means that we have no hidden change agenda--else we're again trapped in the infinite loop of self-rejection.

Let's step into the raw dirt of our embodied human spirituality, that includes not only the light, but also the dark. Let's accept self-rejection, and in that way, compassionately 'hack' our spiritual bypassing.

We'll use direct self-dialogue from the paradigm of the powerful Alētheia coaching method that I practice. There is empathic instruction and some silence to engage with yourself.

Have a beautiful practice.

image: Getty
sound: Samuel F. Johanns

Transcript

Welcome to this session. If we don't accept our self-rejection, Then our self-compassion is never complete. And there will always be a part of us that we will not accept, Namely that very self-rejection. Self-compassion needs to include all of us, Including self-rejection. And this is something often unconsciously unseen, Skipped over, Or not looked at, Understandably so. But to address this very important inclusion, I want to take you along on a transformational shift that can happen when you actually accept self-rejection. That doesn't mean that we're going to act on our self-rejection, We're not going to harm ourselves or anything like that. And that's actually the pivotal difference, Because to truly transform even parts of ourselves that are at war with other parts, We need to love them like our very own children. We need to somehow find acceptance and love for all those parts in us, Without choosing one over the other. So what does self-rejection mean for you? It can be something like a thought of this shouldn't be happening, Something about me shouldn't be. It's this inner state perhaps of having your kids fighting among each other and not wanting to see each other anymore. And the suffering that comes with that becomes very acute when I think I have to choose or somehow act on the self-rejection. But if I can accept that this process, This self-rejection can indeed occur, I can breathe and let happen what is already happening, Like okay, There is self-rejection happening. So for you, How do you have contact with this sense of self-rejection? How do you experience that? Is it feelings or sensations, Thoughts, Images, Judgments? Maybe physical pain or memories or any mix of all of these? So just take a moment right now and sense into, With some curiosity, How actually do I experience this self-rejection? And it's probably uncomfortable, So don't force yourself in any way, But just lean into noticing what is your experience like of this self-rejection. And just for the duration of this practice, Just as an experiment, I want to invite you to contemplate what would it be like to accept this process that I'm noticing of self-rejection? What would happen if I just accept this experience exactly as it is, Without wanting to change it? What does it feel like for you right now to even consider that question? What would it be like to accept this process of self-rejection? Again, We're not acting on it, We're not going to reject ourself, Right, That's very important to keep in mind. But what if I would accept this inner tornness just as it is? And what I mean with that question is not secretly we're going to wish for actually changing, No, I really want to invite you to accept it, We're not having a hidden change agenda of, Oh yes, I'm going to accept it because then it will go away. So notice if that is happening for you, Do you notice any subtle change agenda of, Yes, I'm doing this practice to get rid of my self-rejection, Is that there for you? And if that is there, Which it might be because these processes tend to be spiraling somewhat if you may have noticed, Then can you accept that there is a change agenda? So whatever you notice on your way in this process, That's where you are, That's where the invitation to accept begins, Just like true yoga begins where your body meets its limitations. And so the practice of acceptance begins with what do you actually find? Is there a subtle wish to change the fact that there is self-rejection in you? And so if by now you haven't yet quite found or made contact with whatever is there for you, Either the self-rejection or maybe the secret hidden agenda of doing this practice because you want to stop having that process of self-rejection, Whatever it is, If you haven't found it then I invite you to just pause the track here and continue just being open and present and seeing if you can notice any of this and again then see how do I have contact with this? Is it feelings, Sensations, Thoughts, Images, Judgments, Etc. So if you haven't found it yet then pause and come back when you're done. And now what I want to invite you to do is to directly speak to that which you find. So maybe you're noticing the part that is rejecting or maybe you're noticing the part that is rejected. Maybe you're more noticing the process, The kind of action of rejection or you know the subtle change agenda, Whatever it might be. Can you speak directly to that in your own words, In your own pace and welcome it? And it can be something like, Hey I see you, I feel you, I hear you, Thank you for revealing yourself to me, You are welcome just as you are. And so take a moment in your own time to have a conversation if you will. You can do this in softly spoken words or just in kind of internal dialogue. So I'll give you some silence to do this for a while and if nothing comes in a form of one answer or anything, Again note that we're not here to change anything, We're just here to accept even self-rejection, Even rejection of self-rejection exactly as it is. So go ahead. Very good. And then I want to slowly invite you to find an end to this inner dialogue and again perhaps there was silence, Perhaps there was a shift, Perhaps there was an answer, Perhaps there was anything or nothing. And the way I would like you to come to a conclusion is to again speak directly to this part or this process or whatever it was that you found, Even if it was the experience of nothing, So the absence of an experience, I'd love to invite you to thank it for being there and to connect to an intention to accept whatever it is that you found, Accept it and let it know that it is welcome as it is. And you can also invite it to come back if it needs to, You can let it know that you understand it's coming from a beautiful place and it doesn't have to change. So take a moment to kind of wrap up in gratitude and welcoming. And then I also want to invite you, If you want to, To thank yourself, To send some gratitude your own way, In whichever way you like for doing this practice. And I'll give you a moment to do that and just to sit quietly for about two minutes more and then there will be a musical note to end the session. Thank you.

Reviews

That was great Hans, very helpful for me and where I’m at. I also love the part of pure acceptance to self rejection and not then trying to convert that to something else. I feel an enormous feeling of compassion for myself this morning. Thank you! 🙏