Spontaneity

Being spontaneous can be something wonderful. But we all feel differently about it. Some people find it really uncomfortable. Some people love it. However you feel, it's helpful to know that it isn't the thing you are about to do but you thinking about it which is creating the feeling.

Join me as I explore this topic from a new perspective.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Claire Downham,

The Queen of Calm,

A Transformational Life Coach.

I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

So if you're listening to this live you'll notice I'm a little bit late so I had a bit of a sleep in this morning because spontaneously I ended up going out last night.

I'm going to tell you the story really because I wanted to talk about spontaneity this morning kind of because of how my day panned out yesterday but also because it's something that I love.

I am quite a spontaneous person but I have an interesting relationship with it if things don't go according to plan and I wanted to do something but if something comes up and it's an opportunity to do something I love that but I know not everybody does and that's really interesting isn't it?

It's worth exploring.

I think it's worth exploring anything where people have a different relationship with it like some people love it and some people hate it.

What a wonderful way to see the principles that I share in action because if spontaneity were the problem everybody would have the same relationship with it.

Everybody would be either love it or hate it and there are there's a spectrum isn't there of relationships with it.

Anyway on to the story.

So yesterday I went to a physical networking event in Leeds.

How wonderful and exciting it is to do that these days and the focus was it was kind of arranged because of the rugby league world cup which is being played in the north of England at the moment.

I believe it should have happened last year because the hashtags are all to do with 2021 and it's 2022 so I'm guessing Corona curtailed it last year.

So the event was focused around the Rugby League World Cup and it was a really great networking event organised by Virgin Money.

Other banks are available in Leeds and the focus was around community and mental health and supporting.

So we heard from the Rugby League Foundation and the Leeds Rhinos Foundation and Rugby League Cares about all the work they're doing in the community and it was great and that's not the spontaneous bit it was just a great event.

I loved the speakers and everything and then at the end of the event a lady was walking around with tickets for the evening's ladies rugby matches,

Two matches Canada versus Brazil and England versus Papua New Guinea and I thought well I'll take a couple of tickets but in the back of my mind I didn't have my diary in my head but in the back of my mind I thought oh I have got a meeting later today haven't I?

I wonder if I could ask the ladies to rearrange or something because this is something so exciting.

My fiance is a rugby union fan,

She's a rugby league so I wondered how he would respond to it as well.

Anyway I took the tickets with it in the back of my mind this lady had arranged a meeting and then I went to get a lift home with Bruce,

My other half.

I mean this is just like I love the way the universe just works sometimes.

It works quite a lot when you really notice it works like this and that was by the time I got to the car the woman,

This is you know 10-15 minutes later,

The woman who had booked the one-to-one had rearranged it so she had cancelled her appointment with me in my diary,

She was accessing my calendar system and she had moved her appointment and I was just like wow that is just amazing,

Absolutely amazing.

Anyway so then I proposed the trip to Bruce.

Now Bruce does not have the same relationship with spontaneity as me.

He's amazingly,

But he's so aware now that initially when somebody says to emotionally me because I'm actually the one who makes arrangements in this house,

When I say to him let's spontaneity do something,

He sits with it because he's become aware that initially when somebody suggests to him doing something he wasn't expecting,

He knows that his habitual reaction to that is oh you know how's that going to work,

What are we going to do,

You know,

He gets it but he's learned and I really noticed this yesterday that over time because he's in this same conversation as me,

We talk about it a lot and we're both studying it and learning about it,

That when we were first together if I suggested doing something spontaneous he'd be straight back with the negatives and why we can't and that was not going to work and he now waits.

Now that is just beautiful to me when anyone,

Whether that's a client I'm working with or Bruce or me,

Just starts to see that that initial reaction that we have to things is not the truth,

It's not actually a thing,

It's just our old habitual initial reaction and I know that there are people who have,

You know,

Who have labels and diagnoses and things that make it seem like that's stuck there but what happened in the car yesterday,

You know,

I told Bruce about the opportunity to go to the rugby and then,

You know,

Gave himself a minute and then he calmly asked some questions about when will we eat and how it worked out that we could make a big Spanish omelette,

Take that with us,

Get some chips when we're there because we're only eating things so we can't always find food because we're gluten free and that can not always be sometimes places like that,

You can't.

So we kind of worked it out and by the time we got home we were set on doing it and we knew the plan and how it was going to work and what was going to happen but I love that he's changed his relationship with that initial reaction.

When somebody suggests doing something that we're not expecting to do,

It can be for some people,

Maybe you're one of them,

It can feel like a stressor,

It can feel like oh my god no,

You know,

You can't change my arrangements,

You know,

Don't do that and we have an initial reaction to that.

I guess my initial reaction comes the other way,

If I've really planned something and I want it to happen then it doesn't.

The disappointment but again that's just a normal human reaction to something,

It doesn't mean anything about us,

It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us,

It's absolutely fine.

So yeah,

So the rest of the story is we went to the Rugby World Cup at Headingley in Leeds and we watched the tail end of the Canada versus Brazil and that was something for me to really notice was I was like oh well the gates open at 3.

30 so we need to be on the doorstep in Brazil,

I can't really leave work before then so you know at that time so we'll have to kind of miss maybe miss the first bit of the first map,

We'll have to miss,

We watched the tail end of the Canada versus Brazil match and then we watched the whole England versus Papua New Guinea match and it was brilliant.

It's the first time I've ever been to an international sports match of any description,

I've never really been into sport but that's something else to notice is you know how when you're not grasping onto your old way of thinking,

Lots of new experiences can come in and that you maybe weren't expected again,

Spontaneous,

Unexpected,

Different things that you can learn to enjoy if you're not hanging on to the old you which is this habitual old thinking.

Absolutely brilliant match,

England smashed it,

They were so skillful in their,

I said they're set pieces and made myself laugh because I don't know much about sport but I know about set pieces and they were very good,

They have some very good,

They scored a number of tries in exactly the same way virtually,

They had a system and they played it brilliantly and they also tackled like absolutely brilliant things,

They just squashed them Papua New Guinea girls every time the,

Women sorry,

Every time they got the ball they were splat.

So yeah so,

So spontaneity is like anything else,

Our relationship with it is not to do with it,

So when somebody suggests to you that you do something that you weren't expecting to do,

It's not,

When you get that initial rush of an uncomfortable feeling,

That's not telling you about the thing the person's asking you to do,

It's not telling you that it's happening when you work but it's not telling you that,

It's just telling you that you've got some old habitual thinking about doing things that are unexpected and it's okay,

It doesn't have to stop you doing things that could be things that you enjoy.

So,

So I guess what I'm pointing to here is like with everything else,

When you have an initial feeling about something,

You don't,

That's not the place from which to make a decision,

That initial riled up feeling is not telling you there's some danger in the thing you're about to do,

It's not telling you that breaking your routine or not doing what you expect to do is going to hurt you,

It's telling you that you've just got some old habitual thinking about doing things spontaneously and actually you can,

You can give yourself a minute because it'd be so easy to,

To say no,

You know Bruce used to very much kind of rally against the spontaneous things that I would want him to do,

Like oh let's do this and he'd be like,

You know,

It's like two sides of,

Two sides of the reaction to it but he,

I just love how he's changed that,

How he just is aware now that that initial feeling is just an initial feeling,

It's got nothing to do with reality.

So there's something there about everything that spontaneity is helping us to explore,

It's not the thing,

It's your thinking about the thing,

It's just life,

So give yourself a minute if you're finding yourself reacting to something quite quickly,

I mean that's the other thing to spot if your reaction is like that,

If it's fast,

It's,

It's generally off,

Yeah slow down,

Take a breath,

Give yourself a minute and enjoy things that can happen spontaneously because last night was one of the best nights out I've had in ages doing anything and this is a girl who is not particularly a sports fan at all,

Like I'm not a person who watched just those sports but I absolutely loved it,

So excuse me,

So watch out for those reactions to spontaneous things and give yourself a minute,

Pausing,

It's always a beautiful one,

Take care and lots of love.

Thank you so much for listening,

There's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life,

Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm,

This has been the Calmcast with Clare Downham,

Queen of Calm,

Take care and keep listening.

Reviews

You are amazing ! In my morning routine i listen to you and always laugh! Thankfull 💓