Perfect Week, Day 5: Self-Acceptance

Welcome to Day 5 of Perfect Week Course. In this episode you will learn an important skill of Self-Acceptance. Going through life we frequently feel that we need to prove ourselves; at work, at home, playing sports. This is often a result of hidden unworthiness, that is a root-cause of so many emotional problems. Inspired by bestselling book by Tara Brach, this episode dives deep into how to heal ourselves by bringing acceptance into our life.

Transcript

Hello, I'm Tomek from Synergy Lab Sydney. Welcome to Day 5 of Perfect Week, 7 part program designed to support your everyday well-being. Today we consider another important aspect of our daily life – self-acceptance. Not long ago I was participating in a meditation retreat in southern highlands, A serene bushland not far away from Sydney. Whilst getting ready for one of the mindfulness sessions, My eyes came across a book by Tara Braak called Radical Acceptance. For some reason I was strongly drawn towards this one. In the prologue Tara Braak shares her story of how for the first time she discovered self-acceptance or lack of thereof. She confesses that for many years her guiding assumption was – there is something fundamentally wrong with me and I need to fix it. At this point something cracked in me. I started searching throughout my life and I discovered, To my astonishment, That this is exactly what I've been trying to do for most of my life. Deep sense of unworthiness emerged, Triggered by this simple statement. Being an independent person I realized how much I depend on the approval of others. Every opinion matters, Every gesture is analyzed. I didn't feel at peace with any part of my life. It became clear in an instance that my achievements, Degrees, My constant need to compete, Fed one purpose – to prove myself worthy. Continuous need to improve, Change, Never sit back and relax, With attempts to quiet that little voice whispering – you are not good enough. Right from underneath came a dysfunctional relationship with my father, Always demanding, Never satisfied, And me trying to prove him wrong. After a little while I started imagining how my life would look like without this burden, Without trying to prove myself in front of my parents, My friends, My colleagues. The world in which I fully accept myself for who I am. This vision led me to a deep opening which filled my entire body with a sense of freedom. Things that until now were difficult and required massive effort became easy and effortless. With a change of motivation came a profound shift in the state of being. I had a glimpse of who I really am. When I came back home after retreat, I knew that I discovered something important about myself and that the things may look a bit different from now on. Now I invite you to ask yourself a couple of questions. Do I accept myself the way I am? Do I accept my body as it is? Do I accept my emotions and moods as they are? Whatever answers you come up with, Allow yourself to sit with them for a moment as a preparation to this meditation. Now make yourself feel comfortable. If you are sitting down, Allow your back to be straight but not rigid. Assume a dignified position. Rest your feet on the floor. Put your hands in your lap. Allow your eyes to close. Now we take a couple of deeper mindful breaths, Breathing in through your nose and exhaling deeply mindfully through your mouth as if you tried to blow a candle. I'll guide you through the breathing. In, Hold and out. In, Hold and out. In, Hold and out. And now relax and breathe normally. These couple of initial breaths may help you to relax just a bit but also help your nervous system to switch into rest and digest mode in which your body can relax even deeper. Now connect with your breath and tune in. As you pay attention to your breath, Recognize whether your breath is long or short, Deep or shallow. And by paying attention, Connect with it even deeper. You may notice that as you breathe in, Your body tenses up just a bit. And as you breathe out, All the muscles relax. And that is natural way of breathing, Tensing up on inhale and relaxing on the exhale. Pay attention as it happens. The next thing you may notice is that you feel your breath a bit better in one part of your body. It may be the tip of your nose. As the cold air comes in, You may feel it in the back of your throat or your upper lip. For some of you, You may perceive your breath through the expansion and contraction of your chest or rise and fall of your belly. Whichever way is better for you, Choose this one to anchor your breath, To make your breath the center of your awareness. This is your safe place. This is the point where you can always return, Where you can always anchor yourself whenever you feel distracted or anxious. You feel anything at all. Now as you found your anchor, Take a couple of more breaths, Connecting even more. And now as the initial wave of relaxation spreads out throughout your body, Ask yourself this question. Am I accepting myself exactly the way I am? Am I accepting all my emotions the way they are? Am I accepting my body exactly the way it is? As you face those questions, There may be feelings, Emotions or thoughts coming out to the surface. Perhaps you may even feel some sensations in your body. I'd like you to stay with whatever comes your way and be with it for just a moment as you breathing in and breathing out. Even though those feelings, Emotions or sensations may not be fully comfortable or pleasant, Accept them as they come. And with every breath you take, Go deeper into the nature of what you feel. If you perceive any sensation in your body that is particularly strong, Stay with it. Breathing in and breathing out. And with every breath you take, Go deeper into the nature of what you feel. Now that you allowed yourself fully experience these emotions and feelings and thoughts, Bring to mind a couple of words that will show who you really are. The words that came to me during the retreat were simple three statements. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. You may use those three affirmations or you are welcome to choose one of your own, Whichever resonates the most with you. Remember that you are very unique and so are the words that you choose. And now for the next couple of minutes, As you repeat those statements, Allow them to sink in and truly experience the meaning of those words. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. And as you breathe in and breathe out, Repeating those affirmations, You may at some point drop the words I am and simply repeat loved, Worthy, Enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. Allow yourself to fully experience this state of being, State in which you accept yourself fully. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. And now to conclude this short session, You may once again reconnect with your breathing, Return to your anchor, Connect to all the sensations in your body. You may slowly and gently wiggle your toes, Move your fingers and take another deeper breath, Hold and out. And whenever you are ready, You may open your eyes and this is the end of this meditation. Now as you go through your day and week, I invite you to take a pause and ask yourself, Do I accept myself at this moment? Before jumping to the conclusion, Try to observe your body, Thoughts and emotions as they arise and as the emotions, Thoughts and sensation come, You master all the courage and whisper to yourself, I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. This is Tomek from Synergy Lab, Sydney. Thank you for listening, I wish you a wonderful day, Full of joy and compassion to yourself.

Reviews

Your voice connects to my soul. Thank you🙏🏼

Yesterday and today - vulnerability and self acceptance - were lovely teachings in this week of lessons. The IFS parts work woven in yesterday and Tara’s radical acceptance today are profound. Thank you so much! Blessings across the continents! 🕊️🌞🙏

I truly felt loved, worthy, and enough at the end of this meditation. I realized I had tears in my eyes.

Consolidating a fundamental belief … to be worthy. Thank you 😊

Thank you. It reminds me that if I cannot accept me, hoe can I accept others.