Releasing The Need To Control - July 01

Are you guilty of having an 'over-investment' in an outcome? In other words, do things have to be a particular way before you can enjoy an experience? In today's 5 Minutes In Nature, Liz reflects on the limitations of seeing the world this way. She explores what happens when you go with the flow, rather than trying to control an outcome, and she explores the joys you experience that might otherwise pass you by.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to Five Minutes in Nature with me Liz Scott out for an evening stroll in my village. So you might hear the occasional car or people walking by as I make my way to a place I call Under the Trees. There's a small copse of trees near us and on hot days, And it has been hot today, It's a welcome relief to go and sit underneath these trees. And today's reflection came about having been running a wise women's group today and I absolutely love these women. These are older women and we meet and we've met online but we've actually also met in person and today was one of those meeting in person days and the wisdom and the joy and the conversations and the richness of those interactions just touches me so deeply. And one of the things that that came out of it today was one of the women talked about a realization or an insight she'd had when she'd been challenged and the challenge that had been put to her was that she had an over-investment in the outcome. And I want to talk about that for me because when she said that, It really resonated for me. So what do we mean by an over-investment in the outcome? Well, Do you ever sometimes really think that something needs to go a certain way? If you're a perfectionist or you're a great organizer, You might exactly know what I mean, Where you project the way that something needs to be. It needs to be a certain way. And if it doesn't go that way, You feel like it's a bit unfinished or it's not quite right. This is something I used to have in my world. I can see it a little bit in my mum. She used to, When we'd go out for a cup of coffee, I knew that she had to pick the right seat. So we would sit down with a cup of coffee and then she'd say, No, That table over there is better. So we'd gather up our coffee and we'd put it back on the tray and we'd walk to the new seat and sit down and then she'd buy another seat and she'd say, Oh no, That one over there is the one I want to sit in. So we would change seats often two or three times. That was her having a real over-investment in the outcome. It's like she needed to be in exactly the right seat before she could enjoy her cup of coffee. Autumn or the winter so you actually get a great view of the river and secondly when the tide is high it's a it's an estuary so when the tide is high it's a really beautiful scene so having those two things happen at the same time the tide being in and also it being the right time of year yeah for me that's that would be the perfect train journey so when he said he was going to take his grandson who was probably seven or eight at the time on this train journey I said oh no No, You can't go now because it's the summer and you won't be able to see the river. And my husband looked at me with a little bit of surprise and just said, Well, I'm actually just going to take him on a steam train. I want to be with my grandson. I don't need to wait for it to be exactly the right time. And I had never really seen that before. I thought you needed to have everything lined up so it could be as perfect as possible. Hadn't occurred to me. Really isn't it? But it hadn't occurred to me that actually the most important thing for him was to have time with his grandson. The most important thing for me was to have a cup of coffee with my mum, A bit of time with my mum, But for her it was important to get everything exactly right. And I realise now that I no longer hold on to the way something needs to be in order for me to be happy. There are still times, Obviously, I get lost in a story about it, But most of the time, No, I realize that the most important thing is to go with that flow, Is to go with the inspiration, Is to take up or do something when I get the nudge. So I'm very curious whether that resonates for you. Do you sometimes have an overinvestment in the outcome? And if so, What does that mean? What does that mean that you don't do, Or you don't try out, Because it has to be a certain way. And what would it be like to let that go? What would it be like if you could just go with the nudges inside you, That wisdom, That intuitive wisdom, And just be with whatever happens in life? What would that be like? Let me know your reflections and don't forget to join me again tomorrow for another 5 minutes in nature.

Reviews

Thanks 🙏🏼 Liz
In some situations just going with the flow wouldn’t be honouring the gut feeling or senses.
🌿🌼🌿

Oh, how this one resonates! It took me many years to realise that my neurodivergence took the form of things having to be exactly as I 'needed' them to be, in order for the thing to have a positive outcome. If things didn't work out it would completely throw me and I would feel out of sorts for ages. Now I know that it's my neurodivergence speaking, I'm much better at having lower expectations and allowing myself to go with the flow more and allow things to develop in their own way and time.

Wow, this is really big for me today not having a big investment in the outcome letting go of orchestrating the whole event
These are lessons Im learning right now. It’s a very hard lesson but what an appropriate one especially where I’m at right now in my career. Thank you for this. as always you are bang on target

If I could relinquish control there would be more room for enjoyment. And I would probably be less fatigued! 🙏🏻

Letting go of control and not needing everything perfect. I do like an expected outcome but I am a little less attached these days of my life.

My ride was a bus ride. I had never taken our public transportation in the city I live in. I always said someday I will go and try it out. For years. Then a few weeks ago one Sunday I just walked down the street to the stop. Waited and jumped on.

It was marvellous. The diffent people I saw. Also I saw the city with different eyes. I was even in areas I had never been to the bus loop route. It was fun.

Thanks Liz. It is our Canada Day here. ✌️❤️🇨🇦