Hello and welcome to five minutes in nature with me Liz Scott.
I am in my mum's back garden on the lawn which is looking very very parched now.
We haven't had any proper rain for a few weeks and everything has gone yellowy brown.
I'm in the shade the weather is turned hot once again,
And I'm just reflecting on my time here with mum and With a bit of sadness as well because mum's got dementia She's moved beyond early-stage dementia and and today was the first time that she couldn't quite remember who I was oh My heart sank because I just understand that this is The journey that she's on and of course we're on the same journey with her But that doesn't mean I don't have a lovely time hanging out with my mum and I just want to reflect on that really.
It's so easy,
Isn't it,
To shine a spotlight on that which you're maybe scared of or fearful of.
I saw my dad decline with dementia and it was a slow,
Slow decline and we just kept losing bits of my dad.
And it was sad,
And I felt myself grieving for a long period of time,
Even when he was still alive.
So I've got an understanding of the journey of dementia.
I guess for me,
Seeing my mum just really starting to show those signs of confusion.
Particularly around her children,
Just reminds me of the road she's on.
And I could,
Like I say,
Focus on that and feel that sense of dread and brace myself for what may be to come.
But that's not what I focus on.
And I'll tell you what happened today.
What happened today is I took her out this morning thinking we'd go into our local town and get a cup of coffee.
It was very hot and my assumption was that everybody would have gone to the beach today and the local town would be quite empty.
But nothing could be further from the truth.
And I drove around for about an hour trying to find a space to park the car,
But there were no spaces.
So I just said to her,
Look,
Mum,
We're just going to have to abandon this trip to get a cup of coffee.
Let's go home.
We'll get a cup of coffee at home.
And we'll just,
You know,
Spend a bit of time hanging out there.
And I got her out of the car.
It's a very slow process.
I got the wheelchair out of the car,
Unpacked the car,
And we came back home.
And had a cup of coffee.
And then it just occurred to me this afternoon.
That rather than go and.
.
.
Buy a cup of coffee somewhere,
We could just go and sit somewhere in the shade.
And so I packed up the car again with the wheelchair and all the bits I needed and said to mum,
Shall we go out for just a little drive?
And I went to a church called Pinho Church,
Which is on the outskirts of Exeter.
And I wheeled my mum into the churchyard and we found a shady spot and I had bought some ice creams with me so we could sit and eat ice cream.
As we overlooked this very peaceful graveyard,
There was nobody there.
Nobody came.
We had it to ourselves and we just felt this enormous sense of peace.
And in that moment,
That's what I want to remember,
Are these moments of connection with my dear,
Dear mum,
Where we just hang out and we don't have to say a lot,
But we just hang out together and enjoy each other's company.
So today's reflection is just a reminder that where you shine the spotlight of your attention is what you experience.
If I shine the spotlight on my fears of the journey that mum's taking with dementia and what that might mean for us as a family as we help her navigate that journey,
If I shine my spotlight on that with all the stories and fears of having experienced it before,
Then I'm going to get lost down a pit of despair and concern and worry.
If,
However,
I keep bringing that spotlight back to what is still current and present,
The connection,
The love,
The memories,
If I can bring my awareness back to that,
Then that's what I experience.
And I'm not saying I put my head in the sand and pretend she hasn't got dementia.
On the contrary,
What I do is I focus on my mum,
On the connection with mum,
And know that she's got dementia.
But know that that doesn't mean it's a terrible,
Terrible thing.
And that there are still threads of love and hope and joy and connection that bind us together.
So let me know your reflections on this,
Where you shine your spotlight.
Where do you shine your spotlight on?
Let me know your reflections and don't forget to join me again tomorrow for another five minutes in nature.
