A Reflection On Giving Up And Awareness

Hello,

Everybody.

It's good to be with you.

I can tell you that when awakening occurred here,

In.

Both in 92 and in 2006,

The two standouts.

There was a lot of suffering going on.

Let's say 19.

.

.

I can't remember what I said yet.

1992 and 2006.

So at any rate,

There was a lot of suffering going on in 1992 because I had just come from being,

You know,

From just taking a dive from upper middle class to lower class.

And that's never a fun dive to make.

So there was not the worst physical suffering or the worst even mental suffering ever on the planet.

But it's all about relative.

It's all relative.

And for me at that time,

Such an affront to my ego was devastated.

So I set out to win in the only thing game left to me,

Which was spirituality.

And I went into it the same way that many of you are into it,

Which is I went into it with the hope of waking up Fred the character and improving Fred the character's story.

We'll see what actually happens.

But in 2006 in particular,

It was just absolutely,

I was just at a horrible place.

I mean,

Just the worst place in my life.

And.

.

.

It was just like,

It was just unacceptable Now,

That's a pretty tough order.

But it really was unacceptable.

And so I didn't accept it.

And I didn't resist it.

And I didn't really,

There was nothing I could do to change it.

So what I did notice,

Was that I was powerless.

Because I wasn't even,

For whatever reasons,

I wasn't even free to take my life.

So I was absolutely caught in this world.

I could see that.

In a horrible situation I could see that and I had no interest in staying that says awakeness.

Right.

So,

I mean,

It was the Fred,

The characters suffering,

But apparently it just got so bad that even awakeness bailed out because I.

Fred unit didn't realize what I was doing I was just giving you know just throwing my hand I was really my my screw it moment And it was.

.

.

But it,

Caused a sense of spontaneous.

Surrender.

At which point awakening occurred in fairly short order.

If you look at Byron Katie's,

What's that?

She's in a halfway house because she's just at the bottom of her life.

All of this and rush across every foot,

Bam.

So she didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

Granted,

I was reading a non-dual book at the time.

Which is pointage from Nizagatata by Ramesh Valsakar.

Good luck.

And I was reading that book at the time,

But I didn't do anything.

There's no one here to do it,

As we now know.

But I mean,

The character didn't even attempt to do anything other than sit in the chair and read the book.

The character was at the end of his road.

If you look at Byron Katie,

She was at the end of her row.

If we look at Eckhart Tolle.

He was at the end of his road,

Just tremendous suffering.

And he just said,

I just can't do this anymore.

And the end.

Fairly short order awakening occurred there's no way you can rig that I know of.

I wouldn't put you in that kind of suffering if I had to.

Because I'd rather you.

.

.

I mean,

I'm here to relieve suffering,

Even if it means that you are.

.

.

Ignorant until,

At least until you wish to not be ignorant.

I mean,

You come and you ask,

Then I'll help you.

But I don't help anybody before they ask.

I don't actually,

Now that days,

I mean,

It's just set up.

I don't,

I don't.

Work with anybody I don't have an appointment.

So,

Yeah.

Gotta hold the gate a little bit.

So.

What about.

.

.

This is good for awakening.

This is good for reawakening.

This is good in preawakening.

It's just good,

Period.

This is good stuff.

Not uh and it's not like i'm not the first person that ever noticed this There's a wonderful book out called The Paradox of Intention,

Which those of you who are in Finder's course will know about.

Where I found out about it through my friend Jonathan.

And it's a great book on this,

Really,

Really addresses it in a woo.

Very,

Very clear,

Patch.

Um,

But I want to make it simple.

That book is not particularly simple.

I mean,

It's not a hard,

Difficult read if you're used to reading thick stuff,

Which I am,

But I don't know that it's anybody's idea of a summer holiday read or a winter holiday read.

You can't.

If you Number one.

Please don't write me.

Saying,

I got to have a dark night of the soul.

I haven't had my dark night of the soul.

I'm never going to be able to wake up because that's what I'm really pointing to here.

I'm pointing toward a dark night of the soul.

Well,

How do you have one of those?

How do you order up one of those?

We can't.

But you can look at the truth of your life.

And you can pretty much do the same thing.

Your parents.

Look at your parents.

They got together.

They had a bit of fun.

Nine months later.

Here you came.

What did you have to do with that?

With any of that.

And when you were born,

Much of the dive was already cast.

We don't have as much influence over our.

.

.

Financial background as we would like to imagine that we do.

It doesn't mean that you can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

Some would say that that's happened here,

But of course I was the one that let the bootstraps go to begin with.

So it's not really that much of a win in my case.

It doesn't mean that can't happen,

But it doesn't mean you're doing it.

That's what I'm saying.

I haven't done any of this.

I mean,

I'm just an old drunk sitting in a lucky old drunk.

Sitting in the catbird seat and had no idea why but i'm trying to share a how for you because this is a delightful world just across the board in this line.

And that was certainly not the way that most of my life was lived.

So look at your parents,

You had no choice there,

You had no input whatsoever.

So you get born into a family.

With a certain ethnic background,

A certain socioeconomic background.

A certain you know like which which would include your advantages of education.

And just understanding how the world works without being poor as a rat or richer than creases.

You didn't have anything to do with that.

But those things molded your life more than anything you've done since.

That's Detroit.

Because you actually didn't have,

You had nothing to do with that.

And just so you know,

You didn't have anything to do with all the rest of it either.

But I grant you that it feels like.

And that's fine because there's a sense of Fred here.

It's not very profound,

But it is here.

And there can be a sense of you,

The personal me,

Over there.

It can be a sense of it.

Notice the sense of it.

You can't get rid of it.

You don't have to believe it.

You don't have to get to where you don't have to pay much attention to it,

Right?

I mean,

It's just.

I mean,

Fred is like.

.

.

Thanks for sharing.

Go back to sleep pal.

And.

.

.

So you really were powerless over how you were brought into the world and to the general circumstances.

The world that you were brought into.

And then you were what?

You were an infant.

And you were waited on hand and foot.

By adult human beings for the next several years.

You didn't have to do anything.

And you didn't do anything.

But notice that you were nonetheless okay.

How about that?

It's weird,

Isn't it?

You didn't do anything at all as an infant other than bitch and smile,

Right?

Yet all your needs were taken care of.

And I know you're thinking,

Oh,

It's because just look at this.

Just look at this.

Quit if-ing it and but-ing it and and-ing it,

And just look at the thing itself.

You did nothing,

You were okay.

A year.

I have done Nothing ever.

But I can really report from a conscious standpoint that I hadn't done anything in years.

And there is more and more happening over here.

As a result of that.

Betsy and I bought this house.

I gave up to it to begin with.

I said,

No,

Stay out of it.

And don't touch it no matter what.

And buying that house,

Which is our first house,

And you know how difficult that can be,

And it was easier than buying a car,

I swear it was.

Went to a couple of places,

Say my name.

And the next thing I knew,

We owned a house,

Or at least the bank owns the house,

But they're letting us pay a mortgage on it.

How about.

.

.

How about your intelligence?

What did you have to,

What have you had to do with that?

Do you get credit for not being born?

A special needs child either physically or mentally.

Even if you are mentally and physically or physically particularly,

But I mean,

Either one.

Or both.

Or none of that at all,

Like over here.

I mean,

Some would say this thing was mentally challenged,

But.

They look different.

Not not very strong though i mean it's mentally talented it's just not in a dramatic world.

Screwing up way any longer than it was for years.

I didn't have anything to do with that either.

I really didn't.

Because there's no friend here.

There's no one living Fred's life.

You think I gave myself this kind of intelligence?

I mean,

You remember doing that for you?

You didn't play a hand in any of it.

You don't play a hand in most of what you do in your life.

You hit the light switch,

Electricity comes on.

It is a full-blown miracle that was unknown on this planet for millions of years.

And now it's at your disposal,

And you've got no more idea how it works than that.

We just hit the switch.

And we take credit for that.

I just turned the light on.

Yeah right i did i did i just got the light on That's not sad.

I didn't just cut the light out.

Was cut on this unit appeared to have a a small role in that by hitting a switch.

I didn't have anything to do with that and then really this unit doesn't get any credit either.

Because the unit didn't actually make a decision to throw that light.

See,

I walked into a room and it was dark.

That's the reason I cut the line out.

Conditioning.

And circumstance.

I'm accustomed to having light on in rooms in which I'm inhabiting.

So it is just a full-blown habit to cut a line on.

But I don't cut the line on if it's already on.

So when I cut that light and walk into the room and I cut that light on,

I only cut it off,

Cut it on because it's off.

That's conditioning.

I didn't make a decision to do that.

It just happened.

It wouldn't have happened otherwise.

Had conditions been different,

It wouldn't,

So that that wouldn't have happened.

That may seem simplistic to you,

But I promise you it is profound wrapped in a simplistic view.

Or a simplistic idea.

What we're really looking for is the simplistic view.

Because we have all these fabulous ideas and we have about what we're doing.

You know,

And it's.

What are we doing?

What can we really take credit for?

Let me see.

Um,

So.

.

.

I'm married.

I can't take credit.

I can't take credit for that.

There did appear to be moves by this unit to hook up with another unit.

All of that's true.

But I didn't put that unit in my life.

And it was the only suitable unit for this one,

Surely,

In the city.

It's just,

This one just can't go with just any unit because other units will reject it.

It's an odd unit.

Even pre-Enlightenment,

It was an odd unit.

And now,

Jesus.

So I can't take credit for that.

It just happened.

I mean,

What did I do?

Even if you trace it down to the action that was taken,

This unit passed another unit.

A note in an AA meeting.

And this is what we,

And now look at what's happened.

Gee,

Haven't I done a good job?

I mean,

I didn't claim to have done a good job when years after that passing,

That note passing,

I was in jail.

I couldn't take,

You know,

I didn't say,

Well,

Look at the good job I'm doing.

I'm in jail.

It's,

I didn't,

I didn't.

And the unit took responsibility for what the unit as the unit should.

That's where the buck stops,

But it really doesn't have anything to do with me.

And it doesn't have anything to do with the unit in terms of it having some sort of power to build this story.

I mean,

Betsy and I are.

.

.

Worked our asses off to get where we are.

But there's no friend,

There's no Betsy.

It's just been happening.

Can you recognize that you're just simply that you're powerless?

Can you just see that you do not have any,

That there is no control?

In your life i'm not saying there's not influence we'll talk about that but there's no direct control in your life.

And even the influence is some kind of imaginable thing.

I don't know how it works,

But I do know it's practical.

So we'll look at it.

When I went prior to becoming a teacher,

I had wanted to be a teacher for years and years and years.

I had a real egoic craving to be a teacher.

Even in post awakening,

There was an ego.

Desire here to be a teacher.

I mean,

I'm sure there was other desires there or other forces at work,

But there was a noticeable egoic desire here to become a teacher.

And only when I gave up on the idea of being a teacher.

Just completely threw in and said,

No,

I don't want to be a teacher.

And if this was not a trick,

It was not,

I guess you can't do it like that.

But I gave up on the idea of becoming a teacher.

And.

Within a month that the first person that I ever woke up,

Woke up.

And within a month,

The second person did.

And then it was just pop,

Pop,

Pop.

I mean,

It became pretty happy.

That I might not be my career choice,

But that that choice had been made for me.

I didn't build this.

And you didn't build what you've got either,

Whether you're sharing a trailer with a bunch of other ex-cons.

Or you're sitting pretty.

On a Hollywood Hill,

In the Hollywood Hills,

Right?

I mean,

Just it.

You didn't do it.

Since you didn't do it,

How about that awakening thing?

Have you noticed that you can't do that?

Have you noticed that you wanted to wake up for a long,

Long time?

And you can't.

See,

The fact that the you can't part.

Is what you haven't noticed.

You can't wake up.

You cannot.

Because I know who I'm talking to.

And that's an imaginary being.

Or if we want to go the other way,

And I'm talking with the absolute,

It can't wake up either because it's already away.

And the reason I know that the characters can't wake up is because there are no characters.

Just a drink.

Your primary dream is,

Or my primary dream,

We'll just say,

Is that I'm afraid.

That's my primary dream.

This is a whiteness speaking to you very clearly and buoyantly.

And I'm speaking to you through a thread unit.

What I'm telling you is not absolutely true because it's got the Fred spin on it.

Which reduces the percentage of truth that can actually pass through this unit,

But it's getting better.

It's getting clearer and clearer.

It just means that it's not that Fred is getting clearer and clearer.

It's just that there's less and less Fred.

Notice that you can't wake up notice if you've woken up that you can't clear up You can't do it.

You can't make it happen.

You can do things that it appears paradoxically.

Have influence on clearing.

But the best thing to do is.

.

.

Recognize that you can't do anything.

I can't recommend a practice.

Possible exception of non dual inquiry.

Not a possible exception,

With the exception of inquire.

But inquiry is not going to make you wake up.

I mean,

It certainly gives you the best opportunity.

Nothing can make you wake up.

I can't make you wake up.

I give you an opportunity to wake up.

And most people take that opportunity,

But I can't make it happen.

I have a lot of them.

We're right back to that,

Where at least within the dream,

I have a lot of influence.

Whether other units do or do not.

Wake up but all of that's dream stuff.

That's one dream character having influence over another dream character.

Within the context.

Of a dream.

Quit trying.

Something called the the paradox of reverse intention.

Which is.

.

.

What this teaching has been going about,

Talking about for years,

But I never had a,

I just call it the backwards teaching.

I never really had a name for it other than that,

But it turns out there's a little bit more official name for it and that I'm not the first guy that came up with it.

One of my heroes.

Epictetus.

A Roman philosopher.

Second century or something like that.

At any rate,

He was a.

.

.

Assessment.

And no,

No,

No,

I'm sorry.

He was,

I've forgotten what school he represented.

It's just because I'm old as hell,

That's why.

So the.

.

.

Epictetus,

Todd.

Give it up.

Give it up.

Don't try it.

Don't struggle.

Don't struggle.

Go with whatever is happening.

Which includes not much if not much is happening.

The idea that you should have,

And thank you,

Betsy,

Stoicism was Epictetus's school of philosophy.

Thank you very much.

He more or less founded that.

Marcus Aurelius is another great stoic.

These guys are fabulous.

Well,

They were doing very similar to what we're doing.

You should take a look.

There's a lot to be found in the Greeks,

I'm telling you.

The Eastern philosophy is beautiful and clear,

But there's some good Western philosophy too.

Jewels among it.

The.

.

.

I'm not the first one who taught this.

Read Romans,

The letters of Paul.

And what was he telling everybody?

Give it up,

Give it up,

Give it up.

You can't make yourself be saved is the way that he was putting.

And.

.

.

But he noticed that when there was.

.

.

That things happen when you didn't try to make them happen.

And,

Of course,

The Tao Te Ching,

Which is.

.

.

One of my favorite books of all time.

A couple of dozen times,

Maybe 25,

I don't know,

30,

A bunch.

I used to have a copy of it in my pocket and I read it every day for a long time.

And I would just get free with it and then start over.

It's about that same thing.

It's not about using force.

It's about not using personal force.

It's about utilizing.

The natural forces that are already here.

Figure out which way the wind blows.

And be willing to move in that direction.

That's a key to success.

Even if you don't trust that direction.

If you feel really drawn to it,

Go for it.

It's because that's where that's where destiny is pushing.

Give up on trying to wake up i know this seems impossible and it sort of is impossible I mean,

I remember me pulling the fake,

You know,

Okay,

I'm going to pretend like I'm not seeking anymore and maybe I'll trick God into divulging his identity or my identity or whatever.

And it didn't quite work out that way,

But it was a move in the right direction.

Just notice that you can't do it.

Don't worry about the fact that the unit continues to try to do it.

Let it.

Who cares?

It's not your unit.

You're not in control of it.

Let it do it.

Let it continue to seek and seek and seek and seek.

You.

.

.

And you are not that seeker,

You get your.

.

.

Your mind,

So to speak,

Your mind straight.

On the fact that you cannot do it.

And this means if you are.

.

.

The individual,

Whether I'm speaking to a Pseudo individual or pretend individual.

Or whether I'm talking to myself or whiteness.

A weakness can't make.

A whiteness wake up.

How do I know?

Because I'm a whiteness and I can't make,

And I can't wait.

I do have a mighty influence So.

It's,

I mean,

They're already awake,

So it's really all a scam.

I mean,

It just really is.

It's just everybody's already awake.

You're already awake.

I'm already awake.

I've always was awake.

Can't not be awake.

Because I am a whiteness itself.

But it takes a while to come to see that.

On a really profound level.

But just come to notice that you don't even know what you are and you can't possibly wake up when you do something,

You don't even know what it is.

You don't even know what you are.

I promise you that unless you are awake to your true nature at this moment,

You don't know who you are.

You may hear about it and say,

Oh,

I'm God,

Or I'm oneness,

Or all of this.

But if you're awake to your true nature now,

You don't have to say anything.

You know who you are.

And if you're not,

You don't.

And it's this moment that counts.

It's not yesterday,

It's not tomorrow.

This moment?

Are you awake to your true nature at this moment?

And a Zen guy,

A Zen teacher.

Talked with him some years ago,

And his first line for me in a session was,

So I don't know if I'm awake or not,

Which is pretty much a sure sign that you're not very.

You're certainly not clear.

But.

.

.

And I tell them,

Well,

Are you awake?

True nature at this moment.

And he said,

Yes,

You're awake.

Didn't have any fingers,

You're 10,

You're away.

But he was.

.

.

Consciously.

Awake,

But he was very befuddled.

And still a little bit befuddled.

But that's fine,

Because he's supposed to be,

See?

He's not resisting that befuddlement.

He's working with it.

He just notices that's the way things are.

I mean,

He's a very,

Very nice and clear person.

Give up what you cannot control,

Which is everything.

Give up on the coming great day.

When you're gonna get rich,

Get famous,

Become awakened,

Whatever,

Just give a .

Notice,

Fine,

You notice that the units deal continues to do what it does.

That's fine.

Let the unit do what it does and just notice you don't have any control over it because you've already told it to give up and you can't do that.

Notice that if awakening occurs,

That's good,

But it.

.

.

It's okay if you're done.

Because that's the truth of it.

Notice if you get the girl of your dreams,

Wonderful.

I'm pleased for you.

But just notice that.

You didn't do it.

And it was okay whether you got it or didn't.

Because you're always okay,

Even though you were that little tiny baby and not doing nothing.

But burping and pooping.

You are being taken care of.

There's not an entity that's looking after you.

It's just the way of the world.

It's just the way of the universe.

It's just the way of the Tao.

That's the way it moves.

Don't move against the Dow,

Move with the Dow.

Move with the death.

And there's no one there to give up.

So I'm encouraging a whiteness to surrender to that unit.

What I'm doing.

Awakenness needs to surrender to that unit.

And notice that that unit cannot do what that personality wants to do.

Which is wake up,

Or get rich,

Or get famous,

Or get the girl,

Or get the job,

Or whatever it is,

Get the car.

You can't do any of it.

You really can't.

All of it can happen.

Any or all of it can happen.

And when you recognize that you have no influence,

Then the curse of your birth.

Will also be heavily,

Heavily modified.

In other words,

Then you can jump.

Way out of your socioeconomic.

Class,

Up or down.

Never can tell.

You might wake up besides you want to wait on the poor,

Although that unit would just hate it.

And we don't get to call a shot.