A Reflection On Giving Up And Awareness

Hello everybody.

It's good to be with you.

I can tell you that when awakening occurred here,

Both in 92 and in 2006,

The two standouts,

There was a lot of suffering going on.

I can't remember what I said yet,

1992 and 2006.

So at any rate,

There was a lot of suffering going on in 1992 because I had just taken a dive from upper middle class to lower class,

And that's never a fun dive to make.

So there was not the worst physical suffering or the worst even mental suffering ever on the planet,

But it's all relative.

And for me at that time,

Such an affront to my ego was devastating.

So I set out to win and the only thing game left to me,

Which was spirituality.

And I went into it the same way that many of you are into it,

Which is I went into it with the hope of waking up Fred the character and improving Fred the character's story.

We'll see what actually happened.

But in 2006 in particular,

It was just absolutely,

I was just at a horrible place.

I mean,

Just the worst place in my life.

And it was just like,

It was just unacceptable.

Now,

That's a pretty tough order,

You know,

But it really was unacceptable.

And so I didn't accept it and I didn't resist it either.

And I didn't really,

There was nothing I could do to change it.

So what I did notice was that I was powerless because I wasn't even for other,

For whatever reasons,

I wasn't even free to take my life.

So I was absolutely caught in this world.

I could see that in a horrible situation,

I could see that and I had no interest in staying,

Says Awakeness,

Right?

So,

I mean,

It was the Fred the character's suffering,

But apparently it just got so bad that even Awakeness bailed out because I,

The Fred unit,

Didn't realize what I was doing.

I was just giving,

You know,

Just throwing my hand,

It was really my screw it moment.

And it was,

But it caused a sense of spontaneous surrender,

At which point Awakening occurred in fairly short order.

If you look at Byron Katie's,

What's that?

She's in a halfway house because she just at the bottom of her life and all of this and Roach crawls over her foot,

Bam,

You know,

That's the,

So she didn't do it.

And I didn't do it,

Granted I was reading a non-dual book at the time,

Which is Pointed from Nisargadatta by Ramesh Valsakar,

Good book.

And I was reading that book at the time,

But I didn't do anything.

There's no one here to do it as we now know,

But I mean,

The character didn't even attempt to do anything other than sit in a chair and read a book.

The character was at the end of his rope.

If you look at Byron Katie,

She was at the end of her rope.

If we look at Eckhart Tolle,

He was at the end of his rope,

Just tremendous suffering.

And he just said,

He said,

I just can't do this anymore.

And fairly short order Awakening occurred.

There's no way you can rig this that I know of.

I mean,

I wouldn't put you in that kind of suffering if I had to.

Because I'd rather you just,

You know,

I mean,

I'm here to relieve suffering,

Even if it means that you are ignorant until,

At least until you wish to not be ignorant.

When you come and you ask,

Then I'll help you.

But I don't help anybody before they ask.

I don't actually,

Nowadays,

I mean,

It's just set up.

I don't work with anybody I don't have an appointment with.

It's just got to hold the gate a little bit.

So,

What about,

This is good for Awakening.

This is good for reawakening.

This is good in preawakening.

It's just good,

Period.

This is good stuff.

It's not,

And it's not like,

I'm not the first person that ever noticed this.

There's a wonderful book out called The Paradox of Intention,

Which those of you who are in Founder's Course will know about.

That's where I found out about it through my friend,

Jonathan.

And it's a great book on this.

Really,

Really addresses it in a very,

Very clear fashion.

But I want to make it simple.

That book is not particularly simple.

I mean,

It's not a hard,

Difficult read if you're used to reading thick stuff,

Which I am.

But I don't know that it's,

You know,

Anybody's idea of a summer holiday read.

Or a winter holiday read.

So,

You can't,

If you,

Number one,

Please don't write me saying,

I got to have a dark night of the soul.

I haven't had my dark night of the soul.

I'm never going to be able to wake up,

Because that's what I'm really pointing to here,

Isn't it?

I'm pointing toward a dark night of the soul.

Well,

How do you have one of those?

You know,

How do you order up one of those?

Well,

You can't.

But you can look at the truth of your life,

And you can pretty much do the same thing.

Your parents.

Look at your parents.

They got together.

They had a bit of fun.

Nine months later,

Here you came.

What did you have to do with that?

With any of that?

Nothing.

And when you were born,

Much of the dive was already cast.

We don't have as much influence over our financial background as we would like to imagine that we do.

It doesn't mean that you can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

Some would say that that's happened here,

But of course,

I was the one that let the bootstraps go to begin with.

So it's not really that much of a win in my case.

But it doesn't mean that can't happen,

But it doesn't mean you're doing it.

That's what I'm saying.

I haven't done any of this,

Right?

I mean,

I'm just an old drunk sitting in a,

You know,

No idea why,

But I'm trying to share a how for you because this is a delightful world just across the board in this life.

And that was certainly not the way that most of my life was lived.

So look at your parents.

You had no choice there,

Did you?

You had no input whatsoever.

So you get born into a family with a certain ethnic background,

A certain socioeconomic background,

A certain,

You know,

Like which would include the advantages of education and just understanding how the world works from without being poor is a rather richer than creases.

So you didn't have anything to do with that,

But those things molded your life more than anything you've done since.

That's the truth.

Because you actually didn't,

You had nothing to do with that.

And just so you know,

You didn't have anything to do with all the rest of it either.

But I grant you that it feels like it.

And that's fine because there's a sense of Fred here.

It's not very profound,

But it is here.

And there can be a sense of you,

The personal me over there.

It can be a sense of it.

We can,

You can notice the sense of it.

You can't get rid of it.

But you don't have to believe it.

You don't have to get to where you don't have to pay much attention to it.

Right.

I mean,

It's just,

I mean,

Fred is like,

Thanks for sharing.

Go back to sleep,

Pal.

And so you really were powerless over how you were brought into the world and to the general circumstances of the world that you were brought into.

And then you were what?

You were an infant and you were waited on hand and foot by adult human beings for the next several years.

You didn't have to do anything.

And you didn't do anything.

But notice that you were nonetheless OK.

How about that?

It's weird,

Isn't it?

You didn't do anything at all as an infant,

Other than,

You know,

Other than bitch and smile.

Right.

Yet all your needs were taken care of.

And I know you're thinking,

Oh,

But it's because just look at this,

Just quit if-ing it and but-ing it and and-ing it and just look at the thing itself.

You did nothing.

You were OK.

But years.

I have done nothing ever,

But I can,

You know,

Really report from a conscious standpoint that I hadn't done anything in years.

And there is more and more happening over here.

As a result of that,

We Betsy and I bought this house.

We gave up to it to begin with.

I said,

No,

Stay out of it.

Stay out of it and don't touch it no matter what.

And that was that buying that house,

Which is our first house.

And you know how difficult that can be.

And it was easier than buying a car.

I swear it was.

I just went to a couple of places,

Signed my name.

And next thing I knew,

We owned a house or at least,

You know,

The bank owns the house,

But they're letting us pay a mortgage on it.

How about how about your intelligence?

What did you have to what had to do with that?

Do you get credit for not being born a special needs child,

Either physically or mentally?

Even if you are mentally and physically or physically,

Particularly.

But I mean,

Either one or both.

Or none of that at all.

Like over here.

I mean,

Some would say this thing was mentally challenged,

But they look different.

Not very strong,

Though.

I mean,

It's mentally challenged.

It's just not in a dramatic world,

Screwing up way any longer than it was for years.

I didn't have anything to do with that either.

I really didn't.

Because there's no Fred here.

There's no one living Fred's life.

You think I gave myself this kind of intelligence?

I mean,

You don't remember doing that for you?

No,

You didn't play a hand in any of it.

You don't play a hand in most of what you do in your life.

You hit the light switch,

Electricity comes on.

It is a full blown miracle that was unknown on this planet for millions of years.

And now it's at your disposal and you got no more idea how it works than I do.

Most of it.

We just hit the switch.

And we take credit for that.

I just turned the light on.

Yeah,

Right.

I did.

I did.

I just got the light on.

But that's not so.

I didn't just cut the light on.

The light was cut on.

This unit appeared to have a small role in that by hitting a switch.

But I didn't have anything to do with that and really this unit doesn't get any credit either.

Because the unit didn't actually make a decision to throw that light.

See,

I walked into a room and it was dark.

That's the reason I cut the light on.

It's conditioning and circumstance.

I'm accustomed to having light on in rooms in which I'm inhabiting.

So it is just a full blown habit to cut a light on.

But I don't cut the light on if it's already on.

So when I cut that light,

I walk into the room and I cut that light on,

I only cut it on because it's off.

That's conditioning.

I didn't make a decision to do that.

It just happened.

It wouldn't have happened otherwise.

Had conditions been different,

That wouldn't have happened.

That may seem simplistic to you,

But I promise you it is profound wrapped in a simplistic view or a simplistic idea.

What we're really looking for is the simplistic view.

Because we have all these fabulous ideas and we have about what we're doing.

And it's what are we doing?

What can we really take credit for?

Let me see.

So I'm married.

I can't take credit for that.

There did appear to be moves by this unit to hook up with another unit.

All of that's true.

But I didn't put that unit in my life.

And it was the only suitable unit for this one,

Surely,

In the city.

This one just can't go with just any unit because other units will reject it.

It's an odd unit.

Even pre-enlightenment,

It was an odd unit.

And now,

Jesus.

So I can't take credit for that.

It just happened.

I mean,

What did I do?

Even if you trace it down to the action that was taken,

This unit passed another unit a note in an AA meeting.

And now,

Look at what's happened.

Gee,

Didn't haven't I done a good job?

I mean,

I didn't claim to have done a good job when years after that note passing,

I was in jail.

I couldn't take,

You know,

I didn't say,

Well,

Look at the good job I'm doing.

I'm in jail.

It's,

I didn't,

I didn't.

And the unit took responsibility for what the unit,

As the unit should.

That's where the buck stops.

But it really doesn't have anything to do with me.

And it doesn't have anything to do with the unit in terms of it having some sort of power to build this story.

I mean,

Betsy and I worked our asses off to get where we are.

But there's no Fred and there's no Betsy.

It's just been happening.

Can you recognize that you're,

That just simply that you're powerless?

Can you just see that you do not have any,

That there is no control in your life?

I'm not saying there's not influence.

We'll talk about that.

But there's no direct control in your life.

And even the influence is some kind of imaginative thing.

I don't,

I don't know how it works,

But I do know it's practical.

So we'll look at it.

When I,

Prior to becoming a teacher,

I had wanted to be a teacher for years and years and years.

I just had a real egoic craving to be a teacher.

That's true.

Even in post-awakening,

There was an egoic desire here to be a teacher.

I mean,

I'm sure there was other desires there or other forces at work,

But there was a noticeable egoic desire here to become a teacher.

And only when I gave up on the idea of being a teacher,

Just completely threw in and said,

No,

I don't want to be a teacher.

And if this was not a trick,

It was not,

I guess you can't do it like that.

But I gave up on the idea of becoming a teacher.

And within a month,

The first person that I ever woke up,

Woke up.

And within a month,

The second person did.

And then it was just pop,

Pop,

Pop.

I mean,

It became pretty obvious that I,

That I might not be my career choice,

But that that choice had been made for me.

I didn't,

I didn't build this.

And you didn't build what you've got either,

Whether you're in a,

Whether you're sharing a trailer with a bunch of,

Of other ex cons or you're sitting pretty on a Hollywood Hills in the Hollywood Hills,

Right?

I mean,

Just it,

You didn't do it.

So since you didn't do it,

How about that awakening thing?

If you notice that you can't do that,

You notice that you wanted to wake up for a long,

Long time and you can't see the fact that the,

You can't part is what you haven't noticed.

You can't wake up.

You cannot,

You cannot,

Because I know who I'm talking to.

And that's an imaginary being,

Or if we want to go the other way and I'm talking with the absolute,

It can't wake up either because it's already awake.

And then the reason I know the other,

That the characters can't wake up is because there are no characters.

That's just a dream.

Your primary dream is,

Or my primary dream we'll just say is that I'm a Fred.

That's my primary dream.

This is awakening speaking to you very clearly and blatantly.

And I'm speaking to you through a Fred unit.

And what I'm telling you is not absolutely true because it's got the Fred spin on it,

Which produces the percentage of truth that can actually pass through this unit,

But it's getting better.

It's getting clearer and clearer.

It just means that it's not the Fred is getting clearer and clearer.

It's just that there's less and less Fred here.

Notice that you can't wake up.

Notice if you've woken up that you can't clear up.

You can't do it.

You can't make it happen.

You can do things that it appears paradoxically have influence on clearing,

But the best thing to do is recognize that you can't do anything.

I can't recommend a practice,

The possible exception of non-dual inquiry.

That's not a possible exception with the exception of inquiry.

But inquiry is not going to make you wake up.

I mean,

It certainly gives you the best opportunity,

But nothing can make you wake up.

I can't make you wake up.

I can give you an opportunity to wake up.

And most people take that opportunity,

But I can't make it happen.

I have a lot of them.

We're right back to that where at least within the dream,

I have a lot of influence on whether other units do or do not wake up,

But all of that's dream stuff.

That's one dream character having influence over another dream character within the context of a dream.

Quit trying.

Something called the paradox of reverse intention,

Which is what this teaching has been going about talking about for years,

But I never had a,

I just called it the backwards teaching.

I never really had a name for it other than that,

But it turns out there's a little bit more official name for it and that I'm not the first guy that came up with it.

One of my heroes,

Epictetus,

A Roman philosopher,

I forget,

Second century or something like that.

At any rate,

He was a,

A sophist.

And no,

No,

No,

I'm sorry.

He was at the forgotten thing.

I've forgotten what kind of,

What school he represented.

It is just because I'm old as hell.

That's why.

So the Epictetus taught,

Give it up,

Give it up.

Don't try it.

Don't,

Don't struggle.

Don't struggle.

Go with whatever's happening,

Which includes not much if not much is happening.

The idea that you should have,

And thank you,

Betsy.

Stoicism was Epictetus' school of philosophy.

Thank you very much.

He more or less founded that.

Marcus Aurelius is another great Stoic.

These guys are fabulous.

What they were doing was very similar to what we're doing.

You should take a look.

There's a lot to be found in the Greeks.

I'm telling you,

The,

The,

The,

The Eastern philosophy is beautiful and clear and,

But there's some good Western philosophy too,

You know,

Jewels among it.

The,

So I'm not the first one who taught this.

The,

The,

The read Romans,

The letters of Paul and what was he telling everybody?

Give it up,

Give it up,

Give it up.

You can't,

You can't make yourself be saved is the way that he was putting it.

And,

But he noticed that when there was,

That things happened when you didn't try to make them happen.

And of course the Dowdy Jane,

Which is one of my favorite books of all time.

And I read it a couple of dozen times,

Maybe 25,

I don't know,

30,

A bunch of times.

I used to have a pocket,

A copy of it in my pocket and I read it every day for a long time.

And I would just get free with it and start over.

It's about that same thing.

It's about,

It's,

It's,

It's,

It's not about using force.

It's about,

It's not using personal force.

It's about utilizing the natural forces that are already here.

Figure out which way the wind blows and be willing to move in that direction.

That's a key to success.

Even if you don't trust that direction,

If you feel really drawn to it,

Go for it.

It's because that's where that,

That's where destiny is pushing.

Give up on trying to wake up.

I know this seems impossible and it sort of is impossible.

I mean,

I remember me pulling the fake,

You know,

Okay,

I'm going to pretend like I'm not seeking anymore and maybe I'll trick God into divulging his identity or my identity or whatever.

And it didn't quite work out that way,

But it was a move in the right direction.

Just notice that you can't do it.

Don't worry about the fact that you,

That the unit continues to try to do it.

Let it,

Who cares?

It's not your unit.

You're not in control of it.

Let it do it.

Let it continue to seek and seek and seek and seek.

You,

And you are not that seeker.

You get your,

Your mind,

So to speak,

Your mind straight on the fact that you cannot do it.

And this means if you are the individual,

If I speak,

If I,

Whether I'm speaking to a pseudo individual or pretend individual,

Or whether I'm talking to myself,

A whiteness,

A whiteness can't make a whiteness wake up.

How do I know?

Because I'm a whiteness and I can't make,

And I can't wake people up,

But I do have a mighty influence.

So it's,

I mean,

They're already awake,

So it's really all a scam.

I mean,

It just really is.

It's just,

Everybody's already awake.

You're already awake.

I'm already awake.

I've always was awake.

Can't not be awake because I am a whiteness itself.

But it takes a while to,

You know,

To come to see that on a really profound level.

But just come to notice that you don't even know what you are and you can't possibly wake up when you something,

You don't even know what it is.

You don't even know what you are.

I promise you.

Unless you are awake to your true nature at this moment,

You don't know who you are.

You may,

You may hear about it and say,

Oh,

I'm God and this or I'm oneness or all of this.

But if you're awake to your true nature now,

You don't have to say anything.

You know who you are.

And if you're not,

You don't.

And it's this moment that counts.

It's not yesterday.

It's not tomorrow.

It's this moment.

Are you awake to your true nature at this moment?

I had a Zen guy,

A Zen teacher,

Talked with him some years ago.

And his first line for me in a session was,

So I don't know if I'm awake or not,

Which is pretty much a sure sign that you're not very,

That you're certainly not clear.

But,

And I told him,

Well,

Do you,

Are you awake to your true nature at this moment?

And he said,

Yes,

You're awake.

I didn't have any fingers.

You're awake.

But he was consciously awake,

But he was very,

Very befuddled and still a little bit befuddled,

But that's fine because he's supposed to be.

He's not resisting that befuddlement.

He's working with it.

He just notices that's the way things are.

I mean,

He's a very,

Very,

Very nice and clear person.

Give up what you cannot control,

Which is everything.

Give up on the,

On the,

On,

On the coming great day when you're going to get rich,

Get famous,

Get,

You know,

Become awakened,

Whatever.

Just give up.

Notice,

Fine.

You notice that the unit still continues to do what it does.

That's fine.

Let the unit do what it does and just notice you don't have any control over it because you've already told it to give up and you can't do that.

Notice that if the wakening occurs,

That's good,

But it's okay if it doesn't,

Because that's the truth of it.

Notice if you get the girl of your dreams,

Wonderful.

I'm proud.

I'm pleased for you,

But just notice that you didn't do it and it was okay whether you got it or didn't get it because you're always okay.

Even though you were that little tiny baby and not doing nothing but burping and pooping,

You were being taken care of.

There's not an entity that's looking after you.

It's just the way of the world.

It's just the way of the universe.

It's just the way of the Tao.

That's the way it moves.

Don't move against the Tao.

Move with the Tao.

Move with the Tao.

Give up.

Give up.

And there's no one there to give up.

So I'm encouraging awakeness to surrender to that unit.

That's what I'm doing.

Awakeness needs to surrender to that unit and notice that that unit cannot do what that personality wants to do,

Which is wake up or get rich or get famous or get the girl or get the job or whatever it is,

Get the car.

You can't do any of it.

You really can't,

But all of it can happen.

Any or all of it can happen.

And when you recognize that you have no influence,

Then the curse of your birth will also be heavily,

Heavily modified.

In other words,

Then you can jump way out of your socioeconomic class,

Up or down,

Right?

You never can tell.

You might wake up besides you want to wait on the poor,

Although that unit would just hate it,

Right?

But we don't get to call the shots.