Powerfully Being You - LIVE Talk & Practice 08/26/2022

This is (part of) the recording of Femke's Weekly Live on 26 August 2022. In this recording, Femke explains why being powerful can help you to improve your well-being. After the talk, she guides you in a meditation so you can experience for yourself how living with ease can feel. If, after listening to this talk you feel you want to do the meditation again, the recording of the practice only is also available in her list with audio tracks.

Transcript

Hello everyone! Welcome back at my Friday life! I've missed you guys, I have to say I really enjoyed my summer break but I also really missed you guys. It was weird to have my Friday evenings off, I can tell you. So I'm really happy to be back and I would love to hear who is here today and where you are from and if this is your very first time at my life then just know my name is Femke Bucker and I'm one of the meditation teachers here on Insight Timer. And every Friday I hold a live event, A live meditation. For about one hour I join you and I will speak with you about a specific topic. And the topic is always about you, You in your world. Because what I teach mainly is self gentleness and I use meditation to help people to become more self gentle. What is self gentleness? Well, Keep on following me and keep on listening today and you will get a sense of what self gentleness is. So, Let's start for today. We're already eight minutes in. Well, If you follow me you know I like to talk a lot. But let me now talk about something more important. Let me talk about you. Powerfully being you. So, What do I mean with that? What is it when you are powerfully you? Well, What I basically mean is that you dare to be who you are, Warts and all. With all your good sides, All your bad sides, Your mistakes, Your flaws, Your tops, Your successes. A person who loves who they are. Even if you're not always on top of yourself and not on top of things. Someone who is basically self gentle. You know, I could use the word self love. I will speak about that next week in my next live where I discuss self gentleness or self love. Is there a difference? Should there be a difference why we use these words? So, If you're curious, Besides listening to the tracks because I speak a lot about this already, You could also join me next week. But for today, Yeah, Someone who is self gentle. So, My definition of self gentleness is this. Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness. Yeah, It's in that radically and consistently, Right? Because everyone can be gentle for themselves. But can you consistently? So, Always, Always when you make a mistake, Can you still speak with kindness towards yourself? Can you still tell yourself, It's okay, Everyone makes a mistake. Yeah, I dropped something. Yeah, I did something wrong. But okay, I'm human. Let me see if I can fix it. Let me see if I can make it better. That's self gentleness. Radically, What do I mean with radically? Well, Can you take care of yourself also vis-a-vis others who are expecting something different from you? Can you tell your boss or your colleague, No, I'm sorry, Not today, I have to take care of myself now because otherwise I will not be able to perform like I want to perform. Can you tell those people that are counting on you to take care of them, Tell them that you first have to take care of yourself? That's pretty radical, Right? But it's important. So here comes it, My analogy that I use a lot, Which is when you're in an airplane, The cabine personnel tells you, In case of an accident, In emergency, First put the oxygen mask on yourself and only then help others, Even your little children who cannot help themselves. And it's the same with self gentleness. It's the same with life. I know that a lot of you are empathic. A lot of you have big open hearts. A lot of you want to be there for others. And that's great. It's beautiful. But when it comes at your own expense, It is time to take care of yourself first. So powerfully being you has to do with that. Powerfully being you means that you connect with yourself and you can acknowledge what it is that you need in the moment, What it is that you are in the moment, What your body is telling you, What it needs, What your mind is telling you, What it needs. And beware because your mind can jump to all kinds of conclusions and can tell you all kinds of things that you think that you need but are actually not helping you. So the connection with your heart, Which basically always knows the truth, But its voice is whispering, Its voice is gentle, Its voice is patient also. It just waits until you are silent enough to hear what it says because your heart will tell you what you need and how you can be powerfully you. So in the face of difficulties, In the face of strong demands or expectations from others, But also from yourself, Being able to accept who you are in the spot where you are, At the moment where you are, With the needs that you have, The possible limitations that you have and just acknowledging that and from there knowing that you are loved, That you are worthy, That you are always okay and that by not being able to do whatever others are expecting from you, By not being able to do what you were expecting from yourself, That you're still worthy, That you're still lovable, That you're still special and unique, That whatever you can or cannot do doesn't have anything to do with who you are and how much you are loved. So that's my message basically of powerfully being you. But I know it's easy to say, It's way harder to do. Also for me, You know, I'm busy with this stuff already for a long time and I'm getting better at it and better and better and it's fun because the moment you start to get better of it, You know, In it, It's like a boulder that starts to roll from a hill at the beginning. It's slow but then it gets momentum and it goes faster and faster and faster. So I start to notice the perspective is changing, Understanding is changing, The creative solutions that I find to care for myself but also let others know in a kind way that I love them, That I can be there for them at another time. Those things open up and like I always say, You know, Self-gentleness, So powerfully being you, It remains a work in progress for the rest of your life but you get better at it and you get more fun in it and it becomes more easy and the best part is there when you settle so strong in that knowing that you can be who you are, You know, No matter how you come and in any moment you can come differently, That others will be inspired by you. Others will see that and will feel hey, That's possible. It's possible to have a different take on life. It's possible to take care of myself. It's possible to make a decision or to make a choice that is not always for that that is expected in our society, That is expected by based on what my teachers told me, What the newspaper is telling me, What leaders are telling me. We are all raised, Almost all raised in systems in our schools, In our families where so many people with such good intentions want to give us the good start of a perfect life but sometimes that life might be perfect from an exterior view but it's not for you and therefore it's really important to connect with yourself and to feel who am I, What do I need, What don't I need, What is it that I really, Really want and when you can make that connection and when you get the trust to listen to it, To trust also that when you follow that flow, When you follow your heart, You will find ways, There will be solutions for problems, You know, When you have a problem or you think you cannot do something because of blah, Blah, Blah, Whatever reason you can think of and I'm not meaning blah, Blah, Blah in any disrespectful way, I'm just saying it because I'm telling myself when I start to think too much, I'm telling myself blah, Blah, Blah, Blah because the moment that you start to try to explain it to yourself, You build assumptions and very often these are not right but then connect and listen to that heart and then always beautiful things come your way, That's really true. So let's, You know, I will come back to the comments at the end of the meditation because we're now together in this flow, You heard me speak and I know that you're wondering yeah, Yeah, I see it, I feel it but how is hard, I know, So let's meditate together and let's just experience for a moment how we can start to accept, How we can be ourselves and to get some power from that and in the meditation it might give you a good feeling of empowerment and that's a great start because that feeling is something that you are going to remember and we're going to also make a mark within you that you will remember that this part is within you and then the next step is to just continue with doing exercises like this by helping yourself to be self-gentle, To meditate. You know why meditation is such a great tool, Why I love it as a tool especially when it comes to taking care of yourself, It is because you train your mental muscle, You train to become aware of whatever is going on in your head because whatever is going on in your life whether there are external forces that are disturbing you, Whether it's something in your body that is disturbing you, Whether it's your own thoughts or assumptions or worries or fears, They're all translated in thoughts in your head and most of the time we're not even so aware of those thoughts, You know, Our brain gets every second 40 million bits of information to process while, No sorry, 11 million bits of information to process while we are only aware of 40, 40 of those 11 million bits and so our brain is trained to know what we're interested in so when you're worrying a lot your brain thinks oh are there things to worry, Let me show the worries but if you start you train your brain like what are the good things for me, What are the things that are making me feel satisfied, Content with my life, What are the things that make me feel loved, What are the things that make me feel relaxed, Then your brain learns to watch for those things between those 11 million bits of information and it will pick those 40 that will help you with that so that's where we want to be but that's an incremental process that's step by step so that's something that you need to practice so that's what we're going to do now. I told you I like to speak a lot but now we're going to meditate because I want you to experience for yourself how it can be and how it feels. Let's start and after that I promise I will come back to the comments and to see if you have any questions or something to share, Right? All right now just take a breath, I think I needed more than you because I was speaking a lot. You know make sure that you're sitting comfortably or maybe you want to lie down that's also great if that's your favorite position to meditate then lie down and if you're sitting and you find it a little bit tiring to make sure that you sit up straight and you can still sit up straight while leaning against something like the back of your chair or the sofa or the wall but if you really like to sit on a meditation cushion or on the floor straight up and it's easy for you then do that make it comfortable. All right and if you feel any tension somewhere then just shift a little bit and see if you can make it more comfortable for yourself. Now gently close your eyes and bring your attention for a moment to your feet, Your feet touching the ground whether you're lying or sitting they're touching the ground. Bring your attention to those points on your feet that are touching the ground and while you're doing this you can become aware of this beautiful earth under you. This earth spinning in perfect orbit around the sun offering us our seasons supporting us always. The earth never says okay let's now just you know let you drop into a hole now you can trust the earth to support. And bring your attention for a moment to your buttocks on the seat of the chair or the mattress. Divine buttocks built in cushions especially for you. Where would we be without our beautiful buttocks whether they are small or big they're always a beautiful cushion for us. Bring your attention for a moment to your shoulders and get a sense of they're relaxed. And if you feel some tension in your shoulders which is pretty normal a lot of people have that myself included and just pull them up to your ears and then drop them inside out. Maybe do it again pull them up and drop. Do you feel that sense of relaxation when you just drop your shoulders and you sigh it out. That's a good feeling right? That's something you could do always in your life just pull up your shoulders and drop them. Now some attention on your face is your face relaxed your forehead your jaws are free soft lips. If you feel tension in your face it's really hard to let go then just make a lemon face and let go. For sure it will make you smile. Let's do it again. Make a lemon face and relax. Alright now your hands are relaxed in your lap. If you like you can put your palms up to the sky but in a relaxed fashion. It gives a nice open feeling. A feeling that you can receive when you have your hands open. Alright I would like now that you bring your attention for a moment to the crown of your head. You could just imagine that you are sitting on your crown. The crown of your hand. And that you are sitting in some kind of a small elevator and this elevator is now sinking into your head. So your attention is slowly descending to the middle of your head. And let's hold there for a moment. Let's hoover there for a moment. It might be that thoughts are floating there, Running there, Fighting there, Jumping over each other or maybe you find some quietness but wear whatever is going on with those thoughts in your head that you can be in between them in relative silence. It is as if you are at a party and you are just sitting at a chair observing people who are chatting, Laughing, Joking, Singing. And you don't need to engage with anyone. You just sit there and observe. This is the same principle that you are doing right now with whatever is going on in your head. And you have this power every moment of the day to just sink into this middle of your head and let the storm of thoughts be around you without having to engage with it. Alright, Let's sink even deeper now into your throat, Into your chest and descend until you are in your heart center, In the middle of your heart, In the middle of your chest. This is a whole different place to have your attention, Can you feel that? It's soft here and warm and so loving, So gentle. It is as if you are in a room with gentle loving voices singing about the love they feel for you. A room with soft walls, Cozy cushions, A safe place. A safe place from where you can see your world. Because when you take a look ahead you see big garden doors that can open to a garden. Let's go there together, Alright? Just imagine that you are now getting out of this little elevator, Walking into this room, Enjoying the atmosphere, Walking into these beautiful doors, Into this garden, This garden of your soul. This is a place within you where you can always come to connect with yourself, To speak with yourself, To feel good. When you walk into the garden you notice that everything is just perfect, It's just as you like it. So the plants, The flowers, The trees that you see, You take a time to create your own garden, Your own favourite garden. And if you find it hard to see it with your mind's eye, That's ok, Everyone fantasizes in his own way, So use your fantasy, The garden in a way that you normally fantasize. Maybe you just know it or you feel it or you smell it. Maybe you see the words written all over you. Whatever way you fantasize, Use that. So the atmosphere is perfect, You feel it on your skin, It's not too warm, It's not too cold, It's really really perfect and when you smell, Oh these are the best scents around you. Your favourite flowers, Your favourite fumes, It's really gorgeous. Now we walk into this garden and then you see that there is a beautiful chair standing there. It's a chair shaped as a heart and it looks so comfortable. So I invite you to walk up to it and to just sit in it. Before you sit you can decide what colour it has, If you like the shape of a heart or that maybe you want to adjust a little bit so it has the shape of your liking, Maybe you want to make a flower from it or maybe you just want to make it your old comfy chair that you have in your living room. All is ok, It's your imagination, It's your fantasy, It's your garden. Now sit in this chair and feel how comfortable this is. Made for you. Now you see that on the arm of the chair there is a button, So you press the button and when you press it you see that from the floor up a movie screen, A massive movie screen pops up. Wow. It's like your own private garden home theatre. And then the lights around you dim, This is your fantasy, Everything can happen and you see that on the screen your name appears. So that's beautiful. That's a good feeling right? To take a look at a movie screen and to see your name pop up there. You know this is about you. You know that all your attention is going to be on you right now. And even if you are an introvert who doesn't like the attention of others, That's ok, This is just you right now. The letters fade and then you see a beautiful shot of a big meadow and you see a person walking from a distance towards you on the screen. And when this person comes closer you see this is you. This is you like your ideal you. This is you how you fantasize about yourself. This is you how you look in your wildest dreams and I don't mean just physically right? That's also part of it. But I mean way more than that. I mean you shine with happiness. You look so healthy. You are so confident. So powerful. And when you come closer can you feel a sense of pride within you that this part of you exists? I know that sometimes in your real life it feels like this part is gone, Is not there. But that's not true. This part of you is right here. This part is right here walking up to you. And now they are really big, Close, On the screen and you can really take a look at them. And the most beautiful thing is that they look at you and they smile. Ok, If you feel a little bit sad or if you feel bad because you feel there is too big a distance between where you are right now and this ideal image of you on the screen, That's ok. Be patient. We will work with this. That's ok. If you feel like that then really take care of yourself. Give yourself a hug. Put your arms around yourself. Or caress yourself on the head, On your chest, On your cheeks. Tell yourself it's ok. This part is within me. I might not always see it myself but that's just because I forgot that this part is within me. And in a bit you will feel it. I promise. Now if you take a look in the distance again you see another person coming up. And this person is also a part of you but this is the part of you that you normally feel you are not so proud of. This is the part where when you look in the mirror and you don't like so much how you look today because you are tired. This is the part where you didn't behave like you would like to behave. This is the part where you are shy and maybe a little bit ashamed of who you are, What you are. But when they are approaching I would like you to invite them to come. Because just like this ideal self also this part of you deserves to be here. Because this part of you is also you and it's ok. So you see that they are shy but they are coming. And they are coming because you tell them it's ok. And it might be that you feel emotions now and that's ok. That's ok. Just keep breathing. And if it's too hard then just open your eyes and you can take a look at me and you see all the funny gestures that I am making while I am speaking and you can laugh at me. That's ok. And then maybe another time it will be good for you. But if you can stick with me a little bit and be gentle for yourself, Give yourself a hug, Caress yourself, Really put your arms around yourself and say it's ok, Rock yourself like you would rock a kid that needs to be comforted. And see that this part of you is also approaching. And there they are standing. And now such a beautiful thing happens because your ideal self is turning towards them. And maybe they even have to squat to be closer to them. It might be that your ideal self is taller or bigger and they just hug this part of you that doesn't always feel so good. It feels like such a relief to see this love of this ideal part of you caressing, Hugging, Loving this other part of you. And you know it's all on the screen. It's happening outside of you. It's ok. You can see it as when you see a movie that moves you. It's ok to feel emotion. It's ok to be here but can you see the love on the face of your ideal person? Can you see the love on the face of your not so ideal person? And while they are hugging you notice that they start to blend. They start to blend together as if there are two photos overlapping each other making such a more rich 3D image of you. It might take some time and you know I would love for you to use your imagination to make this like a magical thing. Like it's a magical movie you're looking like. Little hearts, Little stars are coming from it. Maybe you heard this magic sound from the kids movies that you once watched. It's like the good mother fairy is coming and sprinkling all her magic dust over it. But in the end it's you who is there. Those two parts of you have blended and you just see you now like you're looking in the mirror right now. And just know and feel that both these parts are part of you. And there's so many other parts. The little kid that you are still there. Your future self that can be there. There are so many roles that you play in your life that are all blending together into you. What is most important of this moment is to realize that your ideal self loves your not so ideal self. Your ideal self is not arrogant. It's not hateful. It's not pushing away everything that is not good. No. This part of you loves and can reach out to those parts of you that sometimes feel not so good. That sometimes feel pain or feel sadness or feel anger or feel just not worthy. This ideal part of you absorbs that and brings it home to who you really are. Now I don't know if you ever saw the movie of Woody Allen of the Purple Rose of Cairo but that was a movie where the film star suddenly jumped out of the screen and came to be with one of the spectators. So this is what's going to happen right now. So this figure of you, This blended form of your ideal and not so ideal you jump out of the movie screen and come to you. Standing in front of you. And now they want to show you how much they love you. And if you like it you can let them hug you. But if you prefer a handshake or a box or just a smile or a wink of the eye or just a kind word that's also ok. But just lean back a little bit. Or when you are lying on your bed just open your arms a little bit more and be open to receive whatever is coming your way. And also now can you feel that sense of relief? The beautiful sense of relief when you receive something that is good for you. Now if you like you are going to walk into the garden. I would like you to invite them to come with you and if you like it you could ask them to blend with you. But if that's too much of a confrontation right now that's fine. That's really really ok. Then just reach out and give them your hand. Let them grab your hand or let them just walk next to you or behind you or maybe in front of you. So let's walk. There is a little pathway in the garden and let's walk there. It's beautiful. It's passing by a beautiful brook with water. If you have been with me before in my life you know this is a brook where you can always release things. Maybe we could do that right now. Is there anything you would like to release right now? Something that you would like to let go of? Maybe there is something that you fear. Maybe there is something that you know a thought that you have about yourself that you don't like so much and you really would like to let go of. Then when you take a look at this brook you see little baskets floating by. They are not floating fast but these baskets are here for you to just put a rock in it. And these rocks represent whatever you want to let go. So if there is something that you fear, Imagine that you pull this fear out of you. It turns into a rock in your hand and you put it in the baskets. And you see how it floats away. Maybe the feeling is still there a little bit and just pull it out again. Envision it like a rock and put it in the basket again. And again the feeling of relief is what you are looking for. Is there anything else you would like to release here right now? Then just take a moment to do so. Pull it out of yourself and gently put it in the basket and see the basket float away. You are not pushing it away. You are not throwing it away. You are just allowing it to be but not anymore with you. You allow it to float away gently, Calmly into its own future separate from you. Let's continue our walk next to the brook and the path is leading up a little bit. And you see that when we are climbing a little bit that now we are on top of a mountain. It's a beautiful mountain. And the most beautiful thing of it is that you have a view over your world. A view over the world. And I would like you to feel how strong you are right here. You know, Feel your feet again on the ground and you can imagine that your feet grow roots into the earth like a tree. Confident and strong like a tree. Those roots growing from your feet into the ground deeply and wide. And you stand here on top of this mountain. And the beautiful thing is that the world below you is small. It's easy to comprehend. All worries and problems are so small when you look from here. And you feel powerful because you know you have those parts of you with you. That part that is ideal, That part that pulls you towards the future. That part of you that knows who you are and where you want to be. But also that part of you that sometimes trips and falls. And that part of you is also so important because of the tripping and the falling and the troubles. You experience what you don't want in life and you learn to want to see what you do want. What you can do. And acknowledging that both these parts are with you, In you, Supporting you, Loving you, Caring for you, Being there makes that you are such a full and round person. So rich from the inside. So unique. So special. So lovable. It's not the perfect people that are lovable. It's the people who are authentic. It's the people who can acknowledge that they are who they are. And they do their best but they are mainly kind to themselves. And people who take care of themselves are not selfish. People who take care of themselves are the kindest people in the world because they have learned what kindness and gentleness towards themselves can bring. And as a really natural spill over effect they become kind and gentle with others. So let no one tell you that you are selfish when you take care of yourself. Let no one tell you that you have to fulfil their expectations to make them happy if they don't feel good to you. It's okay to be who you are. Wards and all. Flaws and all. Shining lights and all. Can you feel standing here on the top of this mountain, Your feet rooted in the ground, Connected with your heart, Overviewing your world from such a perspective that you feel empowered. This is you. This is powerfully being you. And from here the sky is the limit. The sky is the limit. By acknowledging this feeling that you have this within you, You can make it grow. Because I know that later today or tomorrow it might feel different but that's okay. You've experienced this now. You know this is in you. It's like planting a seed and trusting it will grow. Just go here sometimes and let go in the brook. Let the roots grow even deeper. Feel your perspective. Feel those different parts of you. The shadow part, The light part. Coming together, Being you. And it's all okay. You don't have to be perfect to be loved. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy. It just can be you. And anyone who tells you differently is wrong. Everyone who tells you differently has a problem being gentle to themselves. And that's their problem. You are lovable and you are worthy. Alright now I invite you to go out of this place in a way that feels good to you so you could just walk the way back to that elevator and return to your body in that way. But you could also decide that there is a new perspective, There is a new inside. That you are going to dive into your world just like that. This is your fantasy right? Everything is possible. So what you could do is stand on that mountain and then like a diver just dive or jump. You can use a parachute if you like or you could also use a slide. A big slide like the kids have. Maybe it's a water slide that you end up in a beautiful pool. Just dive into your life in a way that feels good. Maybe you grow wings and you fly. Maybe you just run off the hill or maybe you see it's all grass and you let yourself roll like you once did as a kid. Just allow yourself to use your fantasy to dive right back there. Ok I let you do it in your way. Let's go right now. Don't forget to sigh it out. Why you use your imagination. Some of you might take the brook down and just float there on a raft or just you know with your own body weight. Some use the slide, Some might fly, Others might jump. Maybe you just like to make a walk or a hike. It's also fine. And if you want to go back to the elevator because you like the logic of that, That's also great. You are you. You can do it in your way. Use your fantasy for you, For your benefit. Alright now you've landed back into your life. Let's get back into your body. Just knowing that everything you've experienced right now is within you. The experience of feeling, Experiencing how different parts of you can blend, Be part of you. That is enriching rather than not enriching. That you have a place within you where you can go to feel safe, To let go of things, To feel powerful. It's all within you. It's all part of your fantasy, Your imagination. Yeah. Alright now keep your eyes still, Closed. Let's become aware that you are here in your body again. So you can move your fingers and toes. Stretch your spine. Maybe stretch yourself, Especially when you are lying down it might be good to stretch yourself a little bit. Enjoy this really relaxed feeling. Maybe you feel a little bit sleepy then you know. You can also just close off, Go to sleep. If you have the time, If it's possible. If you are on my time that's really not a problem. When you are in Australia, New Zealand or America it might be a little bit different but you know, Maybe you can. Alright. But if you want to stick with me for a little bit chit chat, Maybe hear some experience of others or ask some questions and just take your time to gently open your eyes. Yes, So next week self gentleness or self love. I have a lot of more lives planned but Insight Timer decided that they will release these not all at once but more just before. So just keep an eye out. You know it will be every Friday. I really love it that when you see that I've published it that you click on attend because the more people say that they will attend the more it will attract other people, The more it helps the algorithm of Insight Timer to show it to others because there's an algorithm in Insight Timer now. So you can all help me to make my work visible to the world by saying that you will attend, By reviewing my work, By giving me stars, By telling others what you think of my work, By maybe sharing my profile with others within Insight Timer but maybe also outside. There are all kind of buttons on Insight Timer to share profiles or meditations on social media, On Facebook, On Instagram, On I don't know all the social media that are there or you can even copy the link. So the more you share my work the more people can come and the more I can continue to make because the more the merrier in this case is really true because the more people follow my work the more income that I have and the more things I can create for Insight Timer. So that would be lovely if you could help me with that. Sarah says first timer in the live with you so happy to see your real face and not just your picture. Yes I can imagine that, I can imagine that yeah. So thank you all for being here. If this was your first time I hope to see you again and if you've been here like always and thank you also so much for your continuing support and love and hope to see you next week. Bye bye everyone.