Day 18: When the Mother Heals, Everything Shifts

Hello and welcome back.

This is day 18 of 30 days.

So the day before yesterday,

I was talking about Ignatia and having taken that for grief and releasing of my grief over a few days.

And today I'm going to talk about the aftermath of that.

When the mother heals,

Everything shifts.

I was an express farts therapist.

I was very interested in drama therapy and psychodrama.

I'm going to talk about one little piece of that as a way to look at how our whole community is affected by us.

When I say mother,

I'm a mother of three,

So I connect to mother,

Be friends,

Family,

Community,

So you can take that as you will as we get there.

And let's just start by grounding for a minute.

Wherever you are,

Just close your eyes for a minute.

Bring your awareness inward.

Bring it into your present moment,

Into your body.

I'm going to put my hands on my heart,

So you might want to put your hands on your heart.

Just grounding in.

For a minute,

Breathing into your hand or hands on your heart.

Bringing awareness to your breath.

You don't have to change it.

You don't have to go deep.

And while your hands are here,

You might feel the warmth of your hand on your chest.

You might feel the weight or the movement of your hands on your chest over your heart.

And just feel your hands moving with your breath.

We're just coming into the present moment.

When I focus on the heart,

I often like to focus on the muscle of the heart,

The front of the heart.

The back of the heart.

Both sides of the heart.

All around the heart.

Just inhaling and exhaling in your own time.

The breath is almost like a snapshot of our present moment.

So instead of changing it,

You can use your breath as a way to get into that snapshot of where you're at presently.

Hmm.

Feeling the breath,

Giving ourselves,

Our heart,

A little bit of support.

And that's where we're going to start from today.

Two days ago,

I was talking about taking Ignatia as a grief remedy,

And the remedy that I forgot about.

When you have a lot of grief,

It's a very gentle way to begin to release where it's held the deepest.

I had cried a lot.

I had probably six hours of crying one day.

Later that day,

Another four hours of crying,

Woke up crying.

And it wasn't hysterical crying.

It was this release of just grief.

You could almost imagine it as a sigh out,

But with salt water.

The next day after that had happened,

I woke up with this beautiful,

Just recognition of my husband.

I had not paid much attention to my relationship with my husband for four and a half years.

I mean,

I'd been there and we were with each other,

But we've had a lot of grief between us.

We had a stillbirth.

We lost my parents.

His father,

We lost friends.

There was so much.

A lot of it focused in that four and a half years.

And it's not that I loved him any less.

He didn't love me any less.

But sometimes when you have all of that stuff going on,

There's something that happens in a relationship that you just start to distance a little.

And we weren't arguing.

There becomes a distance.

And the empathy level gets lower.

You're both managing your own stress,

Your own grief,

Your own stuff,

And you have three kids in the house who are always there as well grieving.

That was my life.

And when I took the Ignatia and I had that release of tears,

All of a sudden I had this openness to my husband.

I could see all of what he was going through.

I could see the pressure he was holding and I just wanted to be with him.

And I don't think I had felt that for four and a half years.

Something had opened in me.

I started to think about the fact that I I took Ignatia and my kids are now taking Ignatia for their grief.

When my armor softened,

That armor that kept me safe,

That armor that allowed me to move through my day,

When I really settled into my nervous system and then I had this Ignatia happen,

All of a sudden everything in my house is so much calmer.

It's crazy.

So that's what I'm saying.

When the mother heals,

Everything does shift.

Even with my husband,

With my kids as well,

The energy in the house totally shifted.

And that made me think about when I was an express fart therapist for many years,

I worked intermodal.

One of the things I loved was psychodrama.

There is an exercise in psychodrama called the social atom.

You are the center of your social atom.

You begin to picture,

You begin to work with physically all the relationships that are within that atom,

Right?

You are the center and everybody who is maybe close or far or they're over there together,

But it's far from you.

You start to see what your social atom is within your family,

Within your community,

Within your school,

Whatever you want to look at your friends.

When you're in that social atom,

You begin to see that when you move from the center,

Everything shifts.

So this isn't just mother,

Right?

This isn't just the mother.

When you are in your social atom,

Anytime you make a move,

You heal,

You soften,

You discover,

You get curious,

You get creative,

You're in your power.

Everything in the social atom shifts with you.

And even though you might be standing completely still,

That was the idea that came to me when I was thinking about this in my journey.

I softened to my husband,

I softened to myself,

I softened to my kids.

I finally released all of those years.

Of the guilt that I had that was like that deepest layer going on.

Like,

I don't know if it was actually the deepest.

We'll find out as I move on in my life.

And I had released so much of it that all of a sudden everything around me started to seem softer.

And that's when I saw my husband in a light that I hadn't seen him in four and a half years.

And I really saw his grief.

This is the social Adam at play in a healing way,

Not the social Adam at play in a drama therapy where everyone's working through their issues.

When I saw it,

I was like,

This is how healing works holistically.

And really that gives you all the power back in your life.

Because when all of it comes back to your own softening,

Your own release,

Your own healing,

Your own being,

And that begins to move all the elements of that social atom,

That power lies in you,

My friends.

Normally you would write or draw out your social atom so that you could see it in front of you.

You would write and kind of just put dots where people would be,

Who they were.

But we're not going to do that because I don't know if you have a pen.

We're going to actually work in visualization to visualize your social atom.

So when you think of your social atom,

It might be your immediate family.

For me,

I was thinking my immediate family,

But for others,

It might be their friend community.

It might be your larger family.

It might be who you work with,

Or you might create an entire social atom with all of the people in your life.

Let's just start with closing our eyes again and putting your hands back on your heart.

And inhaling.

I'm sighing it out,

Just coming present again.

You might even bring some voice to that sigh and feel the vibration.

Across your chest,

Across your ribs.

Over that heart space.

Wake it up.

Inhaling.

.

.

Sighing out with a little sound.

And the next inhale into your heart,

Inhaling.

Can you imagine your breath moving like waves or ripples out from the heart,

Out across the chest,

All the way out past the edges of your body into your energy field?

And then on the exhale,

Just allowing those ripples to come back to the center.

Again,

Inhaling into the heart,

Allowing that breath almost ripple out from the heart in rings.

Right in spirals out.

Past even the edges of the body into the energetic body.

And then exhaling,

Letting it come back to the center,

Back to you.

And one more time,

Inhaling from that center of the heart.

Ripples of breath moving spirally out past the edges of your body.

Feel how far your breath can reach.

And exhaling.

And just for a minute,

We're going to visualize.

You can visualize a circle and a dot in the circle that's you.

You can make it any color,

Any symbol.

It doesn't have to be a dot.

That symbolizes you.

And place that right in the center of that circle.

And then slowly.

Allow yourself to place.

Other people in your circle.

The people that are maybe in your family,

In your friend group,

In your life that you see all the time.

And place them in relation to your dot or your symbol or your color.

Maybe some are on the way edges.

And some are right up next to you.

You might notice that two or three of those people are always together.

They might be far from you or close to you.

You might notice if someone is touching your dot or your symbol,

Leaning up against you in this social atom.

Just keep placing them.

Might be that you don't have that many people that you see all the time,

And there's only one or two other dots.

But where are they?

Where are they in relation to each other?

And where are they in relation to you in the center?

Just allow this social atom to form in your mind.

And you can even ask your heart,

Is there someone I'm missing?

Is there anyone else that needs to be here?

When I asked that for myself,

My parents,

They're not here in this video.

Earth in a body anymore but they needed to be in my social atom because I work with them so much.

So there might be someone who's gone that you talk to a lot.

And they need to be in your social atom.

Ask your heart what's missing here.

The body always knows.

And for a minute,

Look at this social atom that you've created.

Breathe into it.

Inhaling.

And exhaling.

One more time,

Inhaling into this beautiful social atom of yours.

And exhaling.

Imagine that you at the center.

In one direction or another.

Or maybe if you're a color,

The color changes or the symbol changes.

Imagine that you at the center soft.

Notice.

What all the other people in your social atom do as you shift.

Do they move?

Do they lean in?

When the mother.

Begins her healing.

Softens.

Everything shifts.

So just see yourself in that center shifting.

In any direction,

Any way.

Might be that the symbol changes,

The color changes,

Or the dot of yourself literally moves across the circle.

And how does every other person in that atom move with you?

And this is all from just the center moving.

Right?

You at the center,

Shifting and moving.

That is the power of healing,

Of energy.

Of releasing.

So breathe into it one more time,

Inhaling.

Open your mouth and sigh it out.

Let it go for now.

Maybe you want to write that down.

Make your own social atom.

You can collage it.

You can do it with markers.

You can do it with paint.

You can do it with pen on lined paper to get a sense of what your social atom is like when you see it visually.

Inhaling one more time.

And exhaling.

So I really like this idea of the social atom because it shows us the power that we have when we shift.

And so many times,

Just to talk about as being a mother,

So many times we put so much pressure on ourselves to take care of everyone else.

And let me tell you,

I know this so true for myself.

I have to make sure I'm taking care of everyone else.

And oftentimes I find myself at the last place.

But when I start to heal with myself,

Then they start to come towards me.

And that healing,

That energy begins to shift in the home.

It's empowering.

It's empowering.

If I am in my truth,

If I am in my authenticity,

If I am really softening to my experiences and allowing them and becoming more truly who I am.

Everything is going to shift.

They're all going to see it.

It shifts around you.

Yeah,

It comes from psychodrama.

It just made me think about it.

How as soon as I softened and released,

I opened up to my husband and all of a sudden we're in a different place.

And it's so beautiful.

It's so beautiful to witness.

Where in your family are you the one quietly doing the inner work?

And have you ever let yourself receive that as a gift?

To them and yourself,

You doing the quiet work,

That's your gift.

Is there a relationship in your life where grief or weight has created distance?

And not because the love left,

Because the love never left,

Right?

But because there was so much to carry between you.

And what might shift if you were to come home to yourself more fully?

What would it mean for your family,

For your children,

For your partner,

For your friends,

For your community,

If you stopped waiting for the right moment to do your healing,

To release what needs to be released?

And trusted.

That right now is always the right moment.

Those are just some questions to let you have in the ether.

Let them settle,

Pass them off,

Write about it.

Namaste.