How To Cope With Difficulty

In a relaxed, meditative state, we bring to mind a difficult experience. In that difficult moment, we imagine becoming very conscious. Our awareness is usually focused outwards during difficulty, we turn at least half our awareness inwards. Our witness self then observes our discomfort and allows it, forgives it, and offers compassion for our suffering. With less resistance to reality, we are now in a stronger place to respond from our calm, inner centre.
Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Transcript

Let's make ourselves comfortable sitting in the back of a chair planted, Our body becoming comfortable, Arms and legs at ease, Feet planted if we can reach. I'm going to take one or two deeper breaths as we take our attention inwards. Inhaling letting our spine get a little bit taller. Exhaling our face and shoulders a little bit softer. Noticing our internal world. Noticing an Omi. So let's become physically a little more comfortable. Letting the muscles of our face soften. Our jaw, Our forehead a little softer. Shoulders sliding away from our ears. Letting our hands rest in our lap or somewhere comfortable. Noticing if we can balance taking the support of our chair. Still being upright enough to let those breaths flow, Our chest spacious. Our legs and our feet at rest. Our body can be still for a little while. So we'll find some mental relaxation. To do that we're going to imagine a place we love to be. You might have been there once or many times. You may never have been there. We're going to go there now in our imagination. In as much detail as we can. Feeling what we can feel. Feeling what we can see. Hearing what there is to hear. And if your mind wanders it's okay. We'll just return knowing that's part of the practice so we don't have to criticise ourselves. Just feeling how it feels to be there. We're going to allow ourselves now to come into even deeper state of consciousness, Healthier state of mind. Then I'm going to count from ten to one. We're going to allow ourselves to become even more still, Relaxed and peaceful. Ten, Nine, Eight. Allowing ourselves to become even calmer and quieter. Seven, Six, Five. Body still, Mind at rest. Four, Three, Two, One. Rest there, Wherever you are now. Without disturbing yourself too much I invite you to bring to mind that difficult conversation. You're going to be with that difficulty in this place of tranquility and stillness. It doesn't have to be the most difficult conversation in your life depending on the amount of energy you have to give to this right now. It could be a small thing that we can practice on. If in doubt ask your intuition. Without having selected a difficult conversation that we can use as our example, As our practice. Let's go back there. Remember it. Remember why it was difficult. Not why we wanted things to be different. In case this is making you rather tense, What I want to suggest is that your response was reasonable, Was how you felt in the moment and you did your best. And I want to offer you a different way of addressing that should that moment appear again or a similar moment. What I want to offer to you is the possibility of becoming very conscious in that moment. Not of the other person, Not of the external event, But of you, Your reactions, Your internal world. So it's as if you have one eye on the world, One eye on you. With practice it can become your default way of addressing a difficulty. When you have this focus on your internal world, I want you to allow all those reactions, Whatever it might be, Your sadness, Your frustration, Your anger. If you can allow these things, These completely reasonable natural reactions, Part of you watches them. Your inner self, Your central eye watches your reactions. It tells you it's okay, Yes I'm becoming angry, Oh my goodness, I don't like that. Tells you it's okay to have these reactions. As you've switched on as observer, We're no longer in resistance to ourselves and we've taken a lot of, Oh I'm struggling for the right word, What's the right word? As if we're trying to go against a stream, We're going with, Rather than, Ah that's what it is, If we're in resistance we're fighting reality. When observer self is switched on, We are observing reality as it is, Our reality. In our unconscious state, We are only at frustration, Only our sadness, Our unhappiness, Whatever our reaction might be. But when we become very aware of ourselves, Part of us is still calm in the middle of the storm and can hold our reaction in compassion. Let's try that now. Ah yes I'm angry, Oh yes I'm really frustrated because this is so difficult, This is hard for me. So rather than pushing away your unhappiness, Whatever form it might take, As if it were our best friend, We say yes this is hard for you, My goodness me, Well done, You're doing wonderfully, Well done. Gosh take a breath. You become the you who holds your hand through these difficulties. And I speak from experience, It's incredibly powerful. Your situation will also be difficult, I'm sorry for that. But you all have a guide and your guide is yourself, Your soul self in your centre, You're awareness. So in that difficulty. It's as if the difficulty is giving you an opportunity to wake up and that is the very best outcome you can have from this difficulty. So we imagine ourselves in that difficult spot, Waking up and what I mean by that is switching on our awareness to our internal world. The more you practice the more default it becomes. Let's see if we can embrace ourselves in our difficulty. Our fearful self, Our anxious self, However the difficulty manifests for us, It could be different things depending on our previous wounds, Our experiences. Can our awareness embrace that as if it were our best friend. Lots of you that isn't angry, Isn't sad, It just is. Just aware, Just love. See how it feels to be that in that difficulty. Just like an inner strength. And then from this place of balance, Holding both our suffering and our compassion, Maybe one in each hand if that's a useful visualization, From this place of high awareness then we choose. Being both heart and mind. We may speak, We may not, We may act, We may not, We may just breathe. Before you were doing your best, When you were unconscious you were doing your best, But it was from a place of pre-programmed knee jerk compulsion. Now we are fully conscious, We can choose. When we are unconscious there is no choice, We just react in our self-aware state because we are aware. There is choice. Our best just got a little bit better. Take a rest, Take a few breaths, Softening our body. It's often a good choice in the difficulty. Metaphorically putting this technique in our pocket. And if we're feeling this is important for us, I advise you, Or for you, The suggestion that the more you practice the more likely you are to remember it's there for you. So practice when you're not in difficulty, When it's not acute anyway. Working with the breath for a moment and appreciating this quiet state for a moment longer. This powerful state. We'll slowly return to our waking state of consciousness. I'm going to count from one to five and we're gradually going to return to our waking consciousness but there's no hurry. One, Two, Taking a few breaths and gradually starting to wake up our body by moving our fingers. Three, Four, Stretching, Moving our feet and our legs. Slowly preparing to return to the world. Thank you for practicing with me.