Welcome to Sweet Stella's.
As you settle into today's meditation,
Know that we are dealing with an extremely emotional topic.
Be gentle and kind with yourself and if emotions come wave upon wave,
You find yourself tearing up,
Crying,
Releasing.
Just let it come.
It's okay.
Today we are talking about miscarriage,
Infant loss,
The sheer agony of losing someone that you've never even met yet.
How do you love a person who never got to be or try to envision a face you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one who never got to live when there's nothing to feel good about and nothing to forgive?
I love you,
My little baby,
My companion in the night,
Wandering through my lonely hours,
Beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before you were ever born?
To live the lovely night so innocent,
Never see the dawn.
I love you,
My little baby,
Just as if you lived for years,
No more,
No less.
I think of you the angel of my tears.
Grief only exists where love lived first.
And from the moment that you see those two pink lines,
You get confirmation that there is something beautiful growing inside.
You love.
Your heart opens like you never knew.
And in a moment,
It all comes crashing down.
It's over before it really began.
And in your heart,
It is so very real.
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.
It's an incredibly strange feeling to go from feeling pregnant to all of a sudden not,
To have a bump that looks similar to 17 weeks or second trimester,
And all of a sudden have a flat stomach within three days.
My story is so similar to so many women out there.
One in three early pregnancies and in miscarriage.
It's heartbreaking.
Rarely is there a reason or an explanation.
And you're left to decipher all of these feelings,
To figure out what went wrong.
And there's never an answer.
Never ever an answer.
Let the tears fall.
No matter where they fall.
Hot and streaming down your face,
Fast and hard.
Let them fall.
Let them wash over your soul and let them heal your hurt.
There will come a day where you will feel a little bit more whole.
Things will make a little bit more sense.
But you will never forget that baby.
Nor should you.
They're a part of your world.
They're a part of your family and a part of your story.
They are a part of you.
As you navigate what's happening,
All of the strange feelings,
The awful feelings,
Be honest,
Be gentle.
Cry.
Feel.
And know that there is still hope.
There is always hope.
As raw as this feels now,
There will come a time where you will be able to think of that baby.
You'll be able to look into your mind and see their face.
You'll know boy or girl.
In your heart you'll know their name.
You will love them with every ounce of your being.
That is what makes you a mother.
There is nothing that you did.
Nothing that you did to cause this.
Take it slow.
Be gentle with yourself.
Find moments of quiet and solitude and let yourself cry.
The tears will stop.
Your heart will heal.
You will feel whole again.
And until that happens,
Find comfort in the stillness and in the quiet.
As you close out your session today,
Give yourself a gentle hug.
Breathe deeply,
So deeply down into your heart.
Sending healing exactly where it needs to go.
And in your own time,
Whenever it feels right for you,
Gently opening your eyes,
Knowing that you are fully supported.
You are deeply loved.
Really cared for.
Only when it feels right for you.
Grief is like an ocean.
It comes in waves ebbing and flowing.
Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming.
All we can do is learn to swim.
