The Question That Actually Matters In Midlife

Hi,

I'm Skyler Liberty Rose.

And today I'm sharing with you the question that actually matters in midlife.

Most people hit midlife and start asking the wrong questions.

What's wrong with me?

Why am I tired?

Why don't I want what I used to want?

Why does the life I built feel like it doesn't fit anymore?

The feelings underneath these questions are valid.

But the questions themselves are not.

What's wrong with me assumes that your current self isn't matching who you think you should be.

It pushes you to get back to who you were at an earlier life stage.

As though that earlier you was the truer you.

So you try to fix yourself.

You may berate yourself.

You're less accepting of yourself now because you're comparing yourself to a younger you.

That approach treats you like a malfunctioning machine.

But you're not a machine.

You're a person who has lived another 15,

20,

30 years.

Since you made the decisions that built your life.

And those years have changed you.

That's how it's supposed to work.

The question worth asking in midlife is different.

Who am I now?

Not who was I?

Not who did I plan to be at 22 when I picked this career.

Not who did I think I'd be at 30 when I made that commitment.

Who am I now?

This question changes the landscape you're standing on.

Asking variations of what's wrong with me.

Keeps you in comparison mode.

Asking who am I now?

Starts from what's true today.

If parts of your life feel as though they no longer fit,

That's not evidence of failure.

It's actually evidence of growth.

You were supposed to change.

But most of us were never really shown how to embrace that.

So we cling to old patterns and routines.

Old ambitions and metrics of success.

And then one day we look around and we feel out of sync with our own lives.

That feeling is information.

It's not a verdict and it's not a declaration of how things have to be forever.

It's an opening.

I always say that midlife is a reckoning,

But it's also an invitation.

When you catch yourself in the what's wrong with me loop.

The move is to swap the question to,

Who am I now?

And simply sit with whatever surface is.

Sometimes what surfaces may come to you in fragments.

Rather than a whole piece of instant wisdom.

What matters is that you're asking the right questions.

And then giving yourself an opportunity to pay attention to what wants to make itself known to you.

Remember to lead with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment.