Finding Success As An Introvert

As a child who was always told she lacked confidence, it was a revelation for Skylar to discover that she was an introvert who simply had different preferences. After years of feeling as though she had to change her personality in order to be successful, Skylar was able to not only accept her introvert nature, but also celebrate it. This talk will help you to realize that embracing your core truth is a path to success, and peace of mind.

Transcript

Hi,

I am Skylar Liberty Rose,

And today I'm sharing some of my experience on what it's like to forge your own successful path forward as an introvert in a world brimming with extroverts.

As a child,

My school reports all said that I lacked confidence.

I'd hear it remarked upon at parent evenings,

My mother nodding along as I was critiqued in front of her.

I rarely had confidence issues when I was in a small circle of people I felt at ease with,

But I'd often struggle in bigger groups,

Tripping over my words and blushing when I had to speak in front of everyone.

I spent a lot of time inside my head,

Daydreaming as I stared out of windows.

But despite my outward shyness,

The world within my imagination felt rich and vibrant.

I was content spending time alone,

And I loved nothing more than to read books that whisked me away to other places.

As I grew older and started expanding my horizons,

My confidence started to grow somewhat haphazardly alongside me.

I began to feel more comfortable in social situations.

But even though I wasn't quite the shy child any longer,

I always felt a sense of being other.

It wasn't until I was in my late 20s that I got my first true insight into my personality type and preferences beyond the label of shy.

I was working as a PA to the deputy chairman of a property management company in England.

It was around the time that Myers-Briggs type indicator testing was growing in popularity,

And it was decided that our company would implement the personality testing for all our employees.

The idea was that by creating more awareness of individual personality types,

We'd be able to reduce conflict within the company and promote a more harmonious working environment.

I had never done anything like this personality test before.

I remember the assessor reassuring me that there were no right or wrong answers,

And that it was best to respond to each question without too much deliberation.

After I'd completed the testing in our company boardroom,

The assessor went through my results with me.

I was INFJ.

The assessor explained that this meant that I was introverted and favoured spending time alone.

I was intuitive and typically focused on ideas and concepts rather than facts and details.

I made decisions based on feelings and values,

And preferred to plan and be organized rather than be spontaneous and flexible.

I found the summary of my preferences to be startlingly accurate,

And it was the first time in my life that I truly felt seen in that way.

Unfortunately,

My boss,

The deputy chairman,

Wasn't so enamoured with my results.

Upstairs in his office,

I handed the summary report to him,

And his first words were,

Immediately,

I felt as though I'd done something wrong.

This feeling only intensified further when my boss marched me back down to the boardroom and told the Myers-Briggs assessor that my results were skewed,

And that I wasn't an introvert.

If the operations managers see this,

They'll eat her alive,

He said.

And there it was.

An updated version of the old school reports that criticised my lack of confidence.

Except this time it was an assessment that labelled me as an introvert,

And clearly that was a problem.

The Myers-Briggs assessor did his best to explain to my unhappy boss that introversion didn't translate to having a weak character,

But the damage was already done.

All I could focus on was that in the eyes of my manager,

I didn't have the personality type that was set up for success.

It felt impossible not to view myself through the same lens.

Instead of meeting myself where I was,

With kindness,

Compassion,

And a deeper awareness of how to honour my needs,

I simply buried my truth even further.

I adopted a more extrovert persona at work,

And I projected a confidence that I didn't truly possess.

This was sometimes useful in certain situations,

But mostly the act left me feeling disconnected from myself,

As well as depleted.

It was draining to play a part that didn't feel like the real me.

I had a constant self-critical dialogue running in my head.

Sometimes my insecurities presented themselves as anger,

Because I had no clue how to nurture my needs or replenish my reserves.

I hid behind alcohol.

I fabricated a life that I thought a confident,

Extrovert,

Outgoing person would lead.

I convinced myself that if I just stuck to the script,

I'd become that person.

Over the years,

My career path saw me work at a number of different companies.

But the consistent theme I'd see play out over and over again was that the people who were accepted,

Rewarded,

Envied even,

Were those who were visibly extrovert.

When the world shows us on repeat what success is supposed to look like,

We immediately measure ourselves against that ideal.

It rarely occurs to us that there might be another version of success.

Many different versions,

In fact.

And none of them involve abandoning ourselves to fit the mold of someone else's imagination.

It would be another ten years before I started to feel more at ease with being an introvert.

Longer still,

Before I was able to take the label I'd always thought of as a problem and turn it into an attribute that felt positive and powerful.

After leaving England in 2014 to move to New York to be with my husband,

I made the decision to begin my own business.

I didn't want to work at yet another company where I felt as though I couldn't be myself.

I was 40 years old,

And I was beginning again.

As an already successful women's empowerment writer,

I continued to share about my life and my experiences.

I noticed that the more I told the truth about my interior world,

The more people resonated with my words.

I was working alone,

But I was connecting with women from all over the world.

And it felt wonderful.

I started to pay attention to the people who inspired me,

Other writers and creatives that I looked up to.

I noticed that a number of them were also introvert.

Happily introvert.

They were creating amazing work and making a difference in the world.

So why couldn't I claim that same success?

Why couldn't I stand up and be counted too?

For the first time,

I began to view being an introvert not just as something I needed to accept about myself,

But something I could celebrate about myself.

I also started to understand that what had been labelled a lack of confidence in my younger years was in large part my natural preferences as an introvert that had simply been misunderstood.

By embracing the characteristics that made up my introvert nature,

A huge weight began to lift.

I didn't need to hide anymore.

I didn't need to split myself into different segments and decide which ones were worthy of being seen.

I could bring my whole self along for the journey.

I could be successful as myself.

Instead of beating myself up about my perceived flaws,

I started to recognize how many strengths being an introvert had gifted me with.

I was compassionate and sensitive with an abundance of empathy.

I was idealistic with a deep desire to help create a more beautiful world.

I was highly intuitive and perceptive,

Fiercely loyal and authentic.

I was creative and imaginative and motivated towards taking positive action.

I was also in good company.

Eleanor Roosevelt,

Emily Bronte,

Jane Goodall and Brene Brown are just a few of the other INFJs the world has known.

And maybe,

Just maybe,

If I'd been given an opportunity as a child or a young adult to recognize that being an introvert wasn't a problem that I needed to fix,

I'd have been able to celebrate myself sooner.

But we're never too old,

And it really is never too late.

After years of feeling as though I would never be able to show up as myself and still be successful,

It's been a joyful revelation to realize that the very opposite has proven to be true.

Whether you identify as introvert,

Extrovert,

Ambivert or something entirely unique to you,

I urge you to lovingly embrace the characteristics that make you who you are.

The world doesn't need any more replicas.

We need your light,

Your authenticity,

Your beautiful and original spark.

When we lean into our truth,

Instead of trying to hide it,

We become a beacon for others to do the same.

We attract opportunities that feel aligned.

We redefine success outside of the traditional model.

We become more connected,

More whole,

And we live with more joy because of it.

Know this.

There is nobody else quite like you.

Please let us see you shine in your own inimitable way.

I promise you that the quiet confidence that blossoms from being in integrity with who you are will reap far greater rewards than forcing yourself to fit in ever could.

Go now and lead.

Go now and thrive.

Go now and live in such a way that the world has no choice.

But to celebrate the incredible wonder of you.

Reviews

I totally relate to this meditation. As a fellow introvert, this rings true for me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on the subject. Very empowering and uplifting! 🙏

Beautiful and validating! It made me ponder how I can turn up more of my actual self and inspire others to do the same. 🥰

That is so true, thank you , I am not alone and no longer wear a mask to suit other people 🙏

Many encouraging words in your brilliant story , thanks Skylar

Thank you for sharing 🙏 it is very helpful to me right now. 😘

I just had so many lightbulb moments during this meditation. I resonate with this so much. I’m going to go check out your profile after I leave this review for more ways to follow you because I’d really like access to more of this kind of content. So good. Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful day. Namaste

Just the most beautiful, affirming, life altering message - a dawning light for a new day. I’m so grateful that somehow pure chance led me to your words. Thank you!

Wow. As a fellow INFJ who also grew up feeling ashamed of who I am, I felt this in my soul. But this meditation is terrific for every personality type. Thank you. 🙏🏻

Excellent advice and insights into introverted people from a kindred spirit and INTJ personality
Namaste 🙏

Thanks. Im an INFJ too - and wish I had realised earlier. 🙏

Another incredible gem. Resonated with me so deeply as a fellow INFJ. So glad I found your work.

Boy! You totally described my childhood. It took seeing a therapist for me to come to understand that I am an introvert. My adult son said once that as introverts we are comfortable with our own company, don’t like people all that much, and we didn’t go out of our minds during the pandemic lockdown. I will still have moments when I am “peopled out”. This usually happens after attending a large function.

Thank you thank you thank you!! I’m 61 and you just validated me❤️