You Don’t Let Go By Thinking

We often believe that replaying the past will help us finally let go — but it usually only deepens the suffering and reinforces the sense of “me” that was harmed. In this talk and Q&A, we explore why thinking can’t free us from resentment, jealousy, fear, or disappointment… and how true letting go begins by coming out of the story and into direct experience. Through mindfulness, self-inquiry, and compassion, we begin to see that thoughts, feelings, and identities are all arising and passing — with nothing solid to hold on to.

This track is from a Live Event on Insight Timer.

Transcript

So it came up the other day in our sangha where we were talking about Resentments, Holding onto things. And it's maybe not just resentment but just angers and hurts and disappointments and we can really hold on to things for a long time. It's really, We want to let go. We want to let go because we know how painful it is holding on. But it is really hard for us to let go. It's hard for us to let go of the story, Even just to come in and feel, Right? There's this sense of that, No, Something happened to me, And I was I was harmed, And there's something useful in going over this again and again and again, Even though there's actually really nothing useful about it, But just this it just causes us to cling even more tightly. It causes us to just keep reliving the event over and over and over in our minds. So really even amplifying the intensity of it because we just keep reliving it over and over. Because it feels so personal. It feels like there was a me here. That was harmed by someone else. And therefore, Not only was it personal, To me. It was personal. By the other person as well. That they did it on purpose. They're out to get me. And this just feels the story of us holding on and clinging. To any kind of past harms that have happened, Any past disappointments. Even just a recent something, We just, Our eyes fall on something and we start comparing to someone else or we're feeling a little jealous of someone else's success or something that they're getting. And there's just that immediate. Grasping at it and holding on to it and feeding on it and just going over it again and again and again in this this feeling like something's wrong in our lives we can walk around the rest of the day now going through the motions of maybe you're at work or you're at home or you're doing errands, You're doing something, But it's like this heavy cloud. That's following us around because we're so convinced that there's that there's something wrong. That I've been harmed. And it doesn't matter how far we can go back, We can hold on to resentments from 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, 50 years ago. Like we're still replaying them over and over in our heads. And we do want to let go, Like there's no question. We understand the suffering that is happening. We do get that, And yet we still can't let go. And the more. That we feed into the story of it. What we're doing is also reinforcing the sense that there is a separate me that this happened to. It's reinforcing it. It's reinforcing the illusion of separateness, The illusion of me being an independent solid being. That's why it doesn't want to let go. It reinforces the very illusion itself. So we're. What we're seeing, What we're doing every time we're coming in and feeling in the body and it's what we were really doing in the meditation. And I might even just post this meditation at the end of the talk often I don't post them but I think I will because I know this is we have such a resistance to coming in and feeling what's here But when we do, We come in and we feel what's here and we bring our attention to what's here with a sense of openness, With a sense of care and kindness and curiosity. The feeling does start to dissipate. Because it's all in the story. It's all wrapped up in the story. The story of what happened to me. The story of what they did to me. But without the story of what they did to me, There's just a feeling that's arising and passing. It's intense, It's not pleasant, None of us really wants to feel that, But we all get all sorts of feelings, None of us knows what feelings we're going to get throughout the day, What our next thought is going to be, So they just, Just something triggers us, We could be feeling really good, Everything's going great, And then all of a sudden, We just, We remember something. And there's that immediate holding on and the immediate sense of me. That The me that can't let go. The me that was harmed. And we will never find resolution in our thoughts, Because all it's doing is reinforcing the sense of me that was harmed. All it's doing is reinforcing the sense of me that's falling behind, The sense of me that doesn't have what that person has. That's all it's doing. It's amping up our suffering. And the clinging and the holding on is even tighter. Even tighter. There's a horrible, Horrible example, But it does kind of. Depict this. In Thailand, I think it is, Where I heard this, To capture monkeys, They'll put a little hole in the tree. And then inside, They put some kind of like sticky, I don't know, Date or something that the monkey might like to eat. And the monkey can just get his hand through. But then when he puts his hand around the object, He has to make a fist, And he can't get it out. And he will not let go. Even knowing probably to some degree this is a trap. They're not dumb, They're pretty smart, But they will not let go. And then they just come along, The hunters, So easily and capture the monkeys. And we're kind of in the same thing. We know it's causing us suffering. We know we don't like it. We know it happened 20 years ago, And we know that every person on this planet has had. The experience of someone hurting them, The experience of someone not being kind to us, The experience of someone of just of disappointment, Of resentment, Of regret, Of jealousy, Of judging, Of comparing, Of doubting, Of everything, Every single thing, Every person has had it. And yet in that moment it feels so personal and we hold on And we forget that actually it's the thoughts that are holding on, The thoughts of the me that this happened to. Is what makes us hold even tighter. And so why we want to get out of the head, We want to get out of our thoughts, Because all our thoughts are going to do are just going to continue to. . . Tighten our grip. They're not going to loosen the grip. Thinking about it isn't going to get you out of it. But coming in and feeling. You're already, The moment that you recognize you're doing it, That you're holding on, No judgment, Everyone's doing it, We're all doing it, No judgment. Right? It's just that recognition, Oh I'm doing it right now, I'm holding on to my resentment. And in that recognition, Coming in and feeling. Breathing into what's here, Recognizing the physical, The tension that's there in the physical sensations. That's the first part of letting go, Right? Of coming from the story into the feelings. And the more that you stay with the feelings, Not to push them away, That we're not coming in to say, Okay, Now you should go away in 30 seconds or even if we're using self-compassion to come in and feel like, Oh, Sweetheart, This really hurts, This is tough, And let's come in and feel this, Like if we're using kind words to come in and feel even, It's not to push the feelings away. It's to come in and truly be with what's here because the wisdom. The insights that we gain by staying and being with what's here is the seeing that actually the thoughts themselves, They came and they went. They're no longer found. You can't be feeling at the same time as thinking one or the other. We can only have our attention in one place. We can flip back and forth very quickly, But we can only have it in one place. And the more that we're able to anchor our attention in the body with the feelings, What we notice is that actually that center that we felt, The me that we thought was so threatened, The me that we… the solid independent me that we take ourselves to be, That we feel like this was happening to, That also starts to loosen up. So now without the story and… but still probably some tension in the body, But we're not fighting it anymore, We're not struggling against it anymore, And then there's that sense of spaciousness there. There's no longer that center. And there's a true seeing in that moment. Ah, Yes. Thoughts come and go. I have no idea what my next thought's going to be. Feelings come and go. No idea what my next feeling is going to be. Emotions come and go. No idea what my next emotion is going to be. But the more that we stay embodied. The more we're allowing these things to come and go without making a story around it, Without making it seem like it's personal, Because it's not personal. It feels like that. And I totally get that. It feels personal. It feels like someone just has a different view or opinion or belief than us. And we can take that personally has nothing to do with us. But how dare they think differently than me than me. But my own views and opinions and beliefs are not my own either. None of this is personal. Our entire experience is not personal. If everyone arising through different causes and conditions and through all these causes and conditions were bumping into other people, A lot of people are suffering in the world. A lot of people are lost in their stories or their thoughts about what's happening to them, Their dramas. And then they bump into, You know, Our billiard ball bumps into their billiard ball. And yeah, There's kind of a little bit of tension in there. And immediately, We're like, Oh, We're so outraged. It was so personal. It was just, That's kind of how the conditions were going. It wasn't personal. Because all over the place, Billiard balls are, I'm kind of using that analogy of us running into each other. It's just all happening, But then everyone's holding every single thing that happened. We're holding on to it. And that affects not only this moment, How we're feeling in this moment, Because of course we're suffering. But it not only affects this moment. It affects the next moment because of the tension that we're holding on to, Because of the stress and the anxiety that we're feeling about something that happened. Five minutes ago or five years ago. Because we're still holding on. And so to let go, To let go, To truly let go is to come in and feel. Not to just distract ourselves and say, Oh, I'm just going to do something else. I'm just going to pick up and look at some social media for a while. I'm just going to look at the news. I'm going to do something else to just distract myself, Not to, Not to, Avoid the thought in that way. Because all we're doing, If avoidance is our MO, And I will give some bounds, Every now and then we just need to, I'm not going to say that every now and then we just want to check out for a little bit, Like want to watch TV or something like that, Like everyone has to decide for themselves. And every now and then, Of course. But if this is our MO most of the time, To just distract ourselves, To numb ourselves out, To not feel what's here, All we are doing is reinforcing the very sense of self that is causing all the suffering because now we're reinforcing it in a way that says, Well, I can't feel it. That would be too much. I don't know what would happen. I might explode. But you don't. Every time we come in and feel, What happens is in fact, There's a release. There's an opening. There's the wisdom of seeing. Yes, These things arise and they pass away. It's not personal. If the person that harmed me, If I had all of their causes and conditions, I would be doing exactly the same thing. And no one's perfect. Like we're so quick to blame the person that cut us off on the freeway. And we think, Gosh, I've probably done that before. I'm sure I've done that before, Not intentionally. But sure, There's just no way to walk on this planet, Not to be driving, Without kind of doing things that sometimes we're the ones that might be causing a little bit of harm. And even then, To recognize that, Yeah, Causes and conditions. But it's the holding on. That causes so much suffering, So much. Stress and anxiety, Because we're just letting all these things, They just keep stacking up and stacking up and stacking up. And then no wonder we have an outburst or we just kind of lose our minds for a few moments, We say something we wish we didn't say, Hadn't said, Because it's going to come out in some way. Eventually it's going to come out. The distracting, The numbing ourselves, It's not making it go away. It's just distracting for a few moments. It's still there. So to let go is to actually. . . Let in. What's already here anyway? It's already here. If the thought arose, The feeling, Right, The thought of resentment arises, The feeling of resentment is already here. It's already here. I'm not saying like in the meditation, I said, Yeah, Let's invite it in. Let's work with it. Right? But most of the time we're just getting caught off guard by it. The thought happens. We didn't ask for the thought. None of us wakes up in the morning and says, I would like to have thoughts of resentment today. I would like to have thoughts of jealousy today. I would like to have thoughts of disappointment today. None of us says that this is what we want. And yet the conditions will arise. Sometimes it doesn't happen. Sometimes it does. We don't know. But then when it does arise. And the feeling that comes along with it, It always comes with a feeling. It doesn't just stay in the head, It comes with a feeling. And it's to drop it and feel it. That's where the healing is. Giving our attention to the feelings of jealousy, The feelings of resentment. Using the RAIN acronym, Recognize, Allow the feelings, Inquire, Nurture, Right? And so each time we're here with the jealousy, Right, That kind of top level of, Oh, Look, They have something I don't have. And as we're with the feelings and we keep inquiring what else is here, And then we notice, Oh yeah, There's just this sense of I'm falling behind, The sense of I'm not enough. Oh, Sweetheart, Yeah. Now we can feel that too. Now we can start getting to the underlying emotions that are driving all of the other emotions, The deeper unmet wounds. And that's where we're really letting go. And then we don't fear. Feeling what's here. Because we know, We come in and we feel it. And it doesn't actually make things worse. It makes things better. And we are seeing more clearly every single time. The letting go or the holding on was in the story. It's always in the story of me that we think this happened to. And the more that we hold on, The more that it feeds the idea that there was a me that this happened to, A solid independent me that this happened to. Not saying it didn't happen, But it happened and now it's over. And yet we're still reliving it. You're just feeding it in the store. You're just feeding it more. Come in and feel. And that's the letting go, That's the releasing. But not coming into feel to say, Okay, You've got to go away in a moment feelings. But really taking the time, Taking the few minutes that it takes to do this. Versus the hours, The days, The weeks we can spend. Replaying these things over and over and over in our mind, Like we've got a whole catalog, Oh, Let's, You know, Resentment today and jealousy at 3pm and and disappointment at 5pm and unworthiness at 6pm and it's the same tapes we just keep replaying over and over and over. The characters change, The plots stay the same, And we keep just reinforcing the sense of me that this is happening to, And yet none of it is personal. This is all the illusion. We keep believing that there's this me that this shouldn't have happened to, Reinforcing it in our thoughts, Reinforcing our anger towards another person. Again just keeping us lost in this illusion instead of recognizing this is what's okay here's the story here's the holding on Come in and we feel each time that we do that, Allow the feelings inquire and nurture. There's a sense of calming the nervous system. There's a sense of ease that arises, And more of a sense of going with the flow each day. Because. The way we feel. Is changing all day long. All day long and sometimes we are feeling really good, It won't last. Not saying that from a from a negative standpoint, But really from, Oh, It's nice feeling, You know, It feels nice right now, But I shouldn't get attached because it's going to change. And so when it does change, We're not so caught off guard. And it's like, Yeah, Just things feel a little off. And sometimes, Often too, Because we're so lost in the story of me of holding onto something, Even we're just feeling a little bit off in the body. And then we go looking for the story. Well, Something must be wrong. Let me go look at my life. And see what's wrong. Oh, That's right. I forgot. I saw that image earlier, And that bothered me. Or I forgot what that person said to me three days ago, And I forgot how bothered I was about that, And I should stay bothered again. So then sometimes we'll actually go out looking for the story to match the feeling, Instead of just recognizing a feeling's here, Being with it, Breathing, Feeling it, Allowing it to be here, And just letting it move through. Not getting lost in it. But we do, We live in our heads. No question, We live in our heads. We are so disembodied. Even just the thought of feeling, It can feel like, What do you mean feel? What do you mean? We're like, I don't know what you mean to feel. Like the physical sensations, Feeling, Breathing into what's here, What we did in the meditation. And the more that we're in the body, Breathing mindfully, Feeling what's in the body, Noticing the changes that are happening, What you start to see over time, Is there is nothing to hold on to. It is all just changing. And that goes for us, Too. There is, In fact, Nothing here. That could hold on. And yet, Thoughts and feelings and emotions still come and go. But it is that wisdom, It is that seeing that by doing the practice, By doing the work of coming in and feeling, That really gives us the trust the faith and that yes everything is just coming and going arising and changing and passing. We're not left on the floor like a jellyfish that can't think anymore. Wisdom and compassion guiding us. Because we're seeing, Yes, Things arising and changing moment by moment. I'm not controlling it. If I don't know what my next thought, Feeling, Or emotion is going to be, How am I driving this? And so there's a letting go. And if I'm not driving this, Then I guess the person that I'm still been holding onto that resentment about. They weren't driving either. And now we are truly seeing things as they are. Trillions of conditions coming into being arising and changing and changing sometimes pleasant experiences sometimes unpleasant experiences sometimes we have praise we receive praise sometimes we receive criticism sometimes we're winning sometimes we're losing sometimes we're comfortable sometimes we're uncomfortable This is the world of polarity that we live in to have the full experience. But we keep holding on to every little unpleasant experience. And of course grasping at the pleasant ones instead of recognizing they're all just coming and going. It's all just coming and going. Nothing to hold on to. Nothing to hold on to. So we can remember that also again in conjunction with. With the question that we ask about what it is that's most important. If peace, Freedom, Spaciousness, Ease, Connection, Whatever it is that your answer is to that question, Not dependent upon the external world, Remembering that can be a pointer to remind us when we're holding on, We are far away from what it is that we say we most want. And it can just kind of wake us up enough in that moment to go, Okay. Let me do the practice. And as you come in and you feel, It doesn't matter what you're feeling, The intensity of what you're feeling, When you're not struggling against it. Ah, The sense of peace, The sense of ease, The sense of freedom that actually I wanted, That I said was most important, It was here because it never left. What keeps leaving is our attention going into the story making, The me making. Solidifying the sense of me that's been wronged, Which completely distorts our perception of reality, Seeing us as the center of the universe. Where none of us did the center of the universe. We're all a part of it. A part of the tapestry. Trillions of conditions going through it, And we're all kind of waving through it. And the more that we let go through coming in and feeling, The more pleasant it is. Because yeah, Stuff happens that's not, You know, Ideally, If we didn't have to have it, We'd probably say, Yeah, I would prefer not to. But it happens. We all experience it. And we let it go because it happened and now it's over, Like a dog. I use this example when my dogs, I have three dogs, And sometimes they'll get into a little bit of a tussle, Right? The playing gets a little bit too rough. And then, You know, Afterwards, Shake it off and they move on. And they're like, Oh, What are we going to go sniff next? But we don't do that. We don't shake and let it go. I'm going to keep thinking about this all day, And then the next day, And then the next day, And then we keep adding on one after the other after the other. And then we wonder, Like, Why aren't I flowing with life? Why does everything seem so difficult? Because we're still carrying everything around. But it already happened. It's over. It's over. And not to just dismiss it. But to feel it, To feel it, Or shake, Shake as you're feeling it, Right? We can learn from our dogs. So, You know, To feel what's here so that it does move through us, So we're not carrying it into the next moment. Because it is all just arising and changing. Any holding on is just a mental activity, A mental activity that's causing a great deal of suffering. So we let go by really letting in the feelings. Letting the feelings in. Okay. Okay. And Kieran, Yeah, So I mean, Definitely ego, Any sense of self, Any sense of self. Ego is the Latin word that says self, But we do tend to think of ego as something kind of specific, My ego. Any sense of selfing, Of a sense of me, Is is shifting our view to see ourselves as the center of the universe. And therefore everything is happening to me. Everything is about me. What are they thinking about me? What am I thinking about me? It completely distorts reality. But when we come in and feel, Right? So anytime we have that sense of self, Not just on the negative, But on the positive as well. Oh, Me, I'm so great. Oh, Me, I got so much praise. Or me, I, I'm, I. I did something so great, Right? Again, We've already distorted and we're seeing ourselves through this lens of self-centeredness. Like, Oh, I did something so great. Conditions arose that there was an opportunity perhaps to be kind to someone or compassion arising because of all the conditions, Not because of something specific that was done by one person. So we want to see that, That it's not just when we say the ego, We're not just kind of saying, The part of us that feels unworthy or lacking, In fear. And again, I would say any sense of self kind of has that wrapped into it, But it is that sense as well of just like, Oh, I'm so great, Right? Because the sense of lack will come in very quickly then. Oh, You get a lot of praise in a certain situation. It's never enough. It's never enough. And then the only way to keep that feeling good is to keep replaying it. Oh, And then they said this and they said that. And then as you keep doing it, What you realize is like, Oh, But hang on. Did they did they mean that? In fact, Was that really passive aggressive instead? Right. Now we start misinterpreting it. It doesn't take long. It doesn't take long. Let that go through you as well. Right. Enjoy it. It's nice. It's nice feedback. Well, We know we've done something kind. Right. It's nice. Enjoy it. But let it move through you because you You, As an independent solid being, Didn't do anything. Each of us. Is arising through trillions. You know, The kindness that's coming out from one of you or coming out from here is because other people were kind here, Right? There was kindness that kind of moved through here. And I would argue a lot of letting go because of the kindness of other teachers and their patience in helping each one of us, Right? And in that letting go, More kindness flowing out. But not because I did it, Not because there's anything specific here. And I just mentioned that, Kieran, Because We can sometimes, And I use the word ego a lot, I'm using a lot more of Paul's word, The selfing, Because it really, It doesn't allow that other part of us to hide, Right? That, Well, But all the positive sides of me, That's the real me, Right? It's, We are, We are constantly changing. Constantly changing, Different things happening. We play different roles at different times. And we never know what is arising at any given moment. So to try and stick one label on us is really just putting us back in that box. And now, Especially even when you put someone like maybe up on a pedestal or something, You kind of give them all this praise, Like think of the pressure you've just put on that person to be something. Right, They might, You know, Have a lot of good qualities, And it's nice, And you can appreciate those good qualities, But to put someone up on this pedestal, Right, As though they're only that thing, Like what, They don't have a bad day? They don't wake up, You know, On the wrong side of the bed. We all do. We all do. And I think that is a big part of this also, Is that recognizing we're human. And yes, Sometimes it's just a little too much. Sometimes there has been too much stuff going on. And even though we've been letting it go, It's just kind of one more thing after another. And to be able to have that grace and kindness for ourselves as well, To not just be one thing. Right? Yeah, We can be kind and compassionate and loving and wise. And we can also be stupid and ignorant and sometimes a little selfish and sometimes a little resentful. And it's like, It's not like saying, Well, I just want the good parts, And I want to push away those. Because the more that we welcome all of that, Too, The more that we're willing to say, Yeah, All of these parts exist, Because every human on the planet has them. Whether you're the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, You know, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Whoever it is, No one is one thing. And so whatever way in which selfing is arising, That we're thinking about ourselves, We are distorting all of a sudden, And we're seeing it kind of all of a sudden, It just shifts. It's like putting new glasses on, Like kind of new glasses, And now I'm the center of the universe. Right? I did that. I did the good thing. And if I did the good thing, Oh, I can do the bad thing too. And now I have to judge myself for that now I have to feel badly towards myself for that instead of just recognizing oh yeah I can see how those conditions arose yep not my best moment okay yeah yeah we can acknowledge that without impugning ourselves to self-exile for the next 12 hours because we've done something right if we if we need to go apologize of course go apologize but not from a place of fear and scarcity, But just the recognition that, Yeah, Oh, The billiard balls were really moving in that direction. And it's like, Yeah, And someone was harmed. And yeah, Of course, We acknowledge that. We acknowledge that. It doesn't lead to indifference. In fact, The self-centeredness really leads to a lot of indifference. About everyone else, Not us. We're very, Very much concerned with us. And the more concerned we are with our happiness, The less happy we are. There's the irony. The more we think about what we want, The less happy we are. The more we think about ourselves, The less happy we are. And ourselves, Me, Being our most favorite topic. Constantly thinking about ourselves. That's what's driving us nuts. That's what's making us so unhappy and yet it's just it's just thought patterns that that are just playing out again and again because they had been playing out for decades And then the belief that there really is a me behind those thoughts, A solid, Independent me. There is. Look for it when you come in and feel it when you come in and feel your feelings your emotions right and emotions again just remember emotions are just the story plus the feeling right? The feeling, The physical sensation, The story plus the feeling. We can be in a state of high arousal. And that can either be excitement, Or it could be anxiety, Same physiological sensations. But depending upon the story, I'm excited about that, I'm looking forward to something, Or I'm dreading something, But it's the same physical sensations. So the emotion is really the story on top of it, The thoughts on top of it. And so every time we come in and feel that me that felt so threatened, That me that I was so believing I couldn't feel okay until I somehow thought my way through this. We realize, Oh, To whom does that bow? To whom? Do these feelings belong to whom? Did that emotion belong to whom? Did that thought belong? And we ask in a way. That starts, Again, Putting kind of really taking our attention back in a way to see like, Oh, There is no one, No one, Not saying not something here, But no, The one that we believe that was so upset that we couldn't let go of. Remember, We could be sitting in our living rooms perfectly safe. Everything is okay, Not a problem in the world. And yet in our minds, We're still feeding on some resentment, We're still irritated about something someone did, Right? And that's the image that we believe, Yes, There's something wrong with me. I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I thought that. I can't believe I said that. I can't believe they did that. I can't believe they said that. And we're so believing that as me, But yet we come in and we feel it, And we're like, Oh, Actually, I'm okay. Most of us, So many of us. Are safe. Not everyone. But most of us are safe. Most of us on a call like this, If you have the conditions that you have the time to be on a call like this in the middle of the day, You're most likely safe. You've got a roof over your head. You've got some food in the fridge. And yet we're still thinking, No, I'm going to, No, My life is going to start next week. My life is going to start in two more weeks. My life is going to start next year. It's never it's it's it's been happening and yet we keep putting it off because we think no i'm not ready yet i'm not the I'm not the improved version of me that I need to be to actually enjoy my life and the safety and the good conditions that I have. I better keep thinking about what else is wrong with me and what else everyone has done to me. I mean, All it does is we're not here for our lives, We're not present, We're not appreciating what's here. We have moments and then the story comes back and we go, Oh, Yep, I forgot. Oh, Here I was being happy for a while. How foolish of me because I forgot what a loser I am. I forgot. What that person did to me 10 years ago. I should be thinking about that. And that just keeps getting all of our attention. About when we come in and feel we're here with direct experience. And as we're feeling, Feeling is direct experience, One of the way we sense the world, Right? Feeling, Tasting, Smelling, Seeing, Hearing. It also opens up that we do start seeing like, Oh gosh, Here you are in your lovely home. You're out in nature for a walk. And you're like, This is it. This is it. It's happening. It's happening right now. So yes, It's that we so believe in the thought created me. That anytime that I'm thinking about myself, The tension's up there, Starts distorting the way I'm seeing the world and the way I'm seeing myself in the world. And that's what we take to be real. And we can live our whole lives and then we can be, You know, At the very end of our lives and think, Oh, Actually. Man, It was pretty good. Why wasn't I paying attention? Why was all my attention to the secondary story? Of me never getting what I want, Or not getting close enough, Or everyone else is getting ahead, And I'm falling behind, And I'm getting all the bad things. Why was I so focused on that? And now this is about to be over. And I was just following this kind of narration that wasn't happening, But I was believing that that's what was real. We don't have to wait. To get to that stage. This is what our practices are teaching us. To see. Who you have taken yourself to be is just, It's a habit, It's a pattern, It's an illusion, It's a very convincing one, We've looked at all of the ways, It's so convincing, It's the master of disguise, It's constantly fooling us. Constantly fooling us. But we know it's calling card is tension and contraction in the body. And the more that you're able to feel and be with what's here, To not fear feeling what's here in the present moment. You can bear almost anything in the present moment. And each time, That's where the wisdom and compassion is, Right? Those seeds start to grow in us. And it is its wisdom and compassion that's guiding us now, Instead of separation and fear and desire. And Mari, Thank you for the donation. Thank you. Yeah, And Angela. It's hard to appreciate when the story of worry about your son is taking all your attention. Yeah, It's good to think that you're in reality, You know, You are safe. Yeah. And so that's, It's the practice that coming in and saying, And I wouldn't just put a Band-Aid on it and just say, Oh, I'm safe. Especially when worry is there, Come in and feel the worry. The more that you bring your attention to it, The less power it has over you. But because our emotions have such an intensity, Or the feelings that come with them have such an intensity, That that we're so fearful of feeling them, We're so afraid, We give them so much power. But each time you come in and feel, You realize, Like, Yeah, I can actually bear what's here in this moment. And it fades. It always does, Because things are always changing, Always changing. I mean you there truly is a seeing you how much, I mean, Just moment to moment change. You're changing, Everything around us changing. That the seeing is that there truly is nothing to hold on to. But the me keeps thinking that it can. It's just a thought that believes that we're holding on to something. And then we believe the thought that believes it's holding on to something. So our practice is really teaching us to get into the feelings and then to also inquire to whom do those thoughts belong, To whom do those feelings belong. To keep putting a spotlight on it. Right, To keep pulling the curtain behind. You know, What we imagine that's me and then keep seeing that, Oh, There's nothing there. There's nothing there. Not saying that there's not something here. Right? Yes. Hearing, Seeing, Talking, Feeling, Smelling, Tasting. Doing, Decisioning, But no one, No thing, Not nothing. No thing. Behind it. It's just all happening. That's the freedom. You don't have to become something. You don't have to become someone. That's just more selfing. When I become more spiritual, When I become more realized, That's just the carrot just going out in a different form. It's the seeing, Oh, There was nothing to become. And it's ah! My god we can finally just be yay and again being guided by wisdom and compassion wisdom and compassion we don't fall apart I would argue we fall apart much more under the selfing scaffolding. Because in being, There's no scaffolding. I don't need to be anything. Oh, How fantastic. I don't have to be this or that or anything. And in that, Without the burden of it, Without the burden of needing to be something. It's the freedom of being. And generally, Because you're not seeing the world through that self-centered view, That being is much harder. Much softer, Moving through the world, Not so concerned, Me, Me, Me, And what am I going to get? And how are they going to perceive me? And how am I perceiving me? It's like the image arises and you say, Oh, That's not me. I don't need to be something. Think of the freedom in that. And it's right now. It's right now, In this moment, You don't need to be something. You don't need to be someone. You don't need to be better. You don't need to be more improved. Let go of all that, All that. Scaffolding the selfing uses to build itself. I need to be better. I need to be over there. I need to be more disciplined. I need to eat less. I need to work out more. I need to be kinder. I need to be wiser, Right? And as we've talked about, The selfing, It's always going to see itself as the center of the universe. It's always going to have that self-centered nature. It's not going to become kinder. It's not going to become more improved. That's its nature. It's not going to stop comparing. It's not going to stop judging, But you start to see that that habit of thinking, And that's how the selfing happens, Right? Through thinking about myself. And it's just a habit. It's a habit, And it's kind of like in the zeitgeist almost of our collective consciousness, If you will, Right? Because it's just in our culture. It's in our culture. I imagine 10, 000 years ago, Cavemen weren't sitting around thinking about, Do I look good enough? Am I wearing the right, Am I wearing the latest, What do you call it? Skin, You know, Whatever, Deer skin. You know, Did I look fat in that today? What do they thought? Are they talking about me over there? Right? They wouldn't have been spending so much time freaking out because, Of course, They really had to survive. But it's almost the. Where it's just continued to get more amplified, More amplified, The selfing, The less or the more safe we've become, The more neurotic we feel. It's almost like this free time has given us more time to worry about things that aren't happening. Like that it hasn't helped us. But it is, It's just so, It's, It is. It's just thought, Habits, And patterns. They will keep playing out. The comparing will still happen. What they think about me will still happen, What do I think about them will still happen, But there's a starting to see it the more that you do the practices. Just come in and feel. Just come in and feel, And then keep inquiring to whom do those thoughts belong. So maybe you find yourself judging someone and then of course right then we start judging ourselves oh i can't believe i judged someone of course the thought you know it's a pattern right and so the more that you're noticing that just here's the judging recognize allow the feelings inquire what else is here because behind the judging of someone else was oh i was just feeling I was feeling a little unsettled, Or I was just feeling a little bit off. I was feeling a little bit left behind. And you, Oh, Yeah, Sweetheart. And you acknowledge those feelings, Right? And you really bring some kindness and care, Right? And then it's to whom did that judging belong? Because now there's no sense of me anymore, We're just with the feelings. There's no sense of a separate me, Sorry, There's no sense of separate me. So now we're just with the feelings and it's like, Oh, Yeah, It's just a thought pattern that keeps happening. That I'm so strongly identified with, Right, That we think is us, Right? So the more that we do the practice, The more that we keep seeing like, Oh, Yeah, That's not me. But it's okay that it's still, You see someone and you think, Oh, Am I still irritated by that person? I thought I was more evolved, Right? The thought's going to happen. But the moment you recognize it's not you, It loses all of its, Fuel, Loses all of the fuel, Just pushes it away. Peters out immediately, Because you're not giving it any fuel. It's not you. It's just a thought that happens that 8 billion other people are having around us. So of course they're landing, You know, We're all conditioned, Right? Watching same kind of media, Especially, You know, Those of us in the West watching the same kind of media, You know, Kind of having the same kind of cultural values like in America. It's very much the individual and what did I do and the success and how do I look and how can I get myself in so much debt to appear a particular way, Right? Because I want everyone to see me as a success, Even though inside I don't feel it. But if you could tell me that you think I'm a success for a moment, For a moment, I might have a brief, Brief moment of relief, Only to come back up again. Right? It's just, It's just this, This It's almost like the script, The programming that's just been going out, Everyone's doing it. Right? But we start to see it's not me. It's not me. That's the freedom. Oh. Yeah, Of course it's spinning out about something. Of course, It's what it does. It's what it does, But it spins out less and less, Less and less and less and less and less. If you do the practices, And I would just say in my own experience, The feeling, Not getting overwhelmed by the feelings that were arising. By coming in and being with them to the point where when they come in, It's just like a little ripple. Because you're like, Oh, Yeah, Just changing feelings. No story to have to make out of it. And then it is so the intensity just becomes less. It catches you off guard less. And then there are just a lot more times, A lot more times you can just see it like, Oh yeah, It's just doing its thing. It's not me. It's not me. But it's truly, You're not just saying that. You've done the investigative work you've seen. It's not you. If everyone's having the same thought patterns, How can it be you? If you don't know what your next thought, Feeling, Or emotion is going to be, How can it be yours? And yet we take ownership immediately of it. I had that terrible thought. I didn't ask to have that terrible thought. I didn't ask to have that judging thought. But the more that I believe it's me, The more fuel I give it. And the moment that you see it's not, You take the fuel away. Or you drop it and you feel first and you take the fuel away from it. So thank you, Rob, For the donation. Thank you. Abe, I'm going to come back to you. I want to go back because I know I missed some questions that were in the very beginning. Oh, And hi, Nancy. Good to see you. Is this Nancy? Oh, In Rockport. Oh, Yeah. Good to see you, Nancy. Okay. And Jane's, Sorry, It moved down on me. Oh, OK, You were just saying you arrived late. Yes, Stephanie. Actually, Stephanie, That's a great point. So Stephanie in BC. Even when you feel you've let go or forgiven something, The programming doesn't die on that. It maybe dies for that one, Or maybe it feels like it's gone for a while. But yeah, It can catch us off guard and it just wants to replay again under the right conditions. Maybe you're tired, You've had some disappointing news, And then that kind of creates the conditions where the mind just starts looking for more things. Like we want to become an attorney and really make a good case for why my life is miserable. So now that thing that I'd forgiven or let go, Now I actually want to pull it in because now I need to make a good case for why I feel so bad and why my life is so miserable. And it's just to say that, Yes, The thought patterns will still be there. And I think that's, In fact, Just a great point that you brought up, Stephanie, Because I think that can be very derailing for us on the spiritual path, Where there is a lot more seeing it's not me, Like that's what's happening. When you're using self-compassion, When you're doing loving kindness, When you're doing tonglen, When you're doing your practices, You're not lost in the selfing so much anymore. That's why we feel better. But it will still then kind of the right conditions, Yeah, It'll come up. And then we can really get thrown because we can think, Oh, My gosh, I mean, I thought I was beyond that. How could this happen to me? Right? And all of a sudden, It's like, How could this happen to me? I'm so evolved. I was so kind. I was so compassionate. I did all these things. And it can really kind of throw us off because we start to have an image in our mind Like, Oh, But I'm so spiritual now. And then we realize too, Oh yes, Oh yes. First of all, Don't have the spiritual image either. Get rid of any identity, Any image. It's all selfing. It's all selfing. And then it's just to recognize, Oh yeah, Those patterns still playing out. Yeah, Right conditions, It can absolutely come out. Because then you don't give it the fuel. You don't give it the fuel and you don't give it particularly the double down fuel of, Oh my God, I thought I was beyond all this. And Angela, Just because you popped up again here in the bottom, I'll just say, The worrying is a form of selfing, Right? Because you're worried about what's going to happen. In your case, Your son, What's going to happen to him and how is that going to affect me? And how can I fix him? And so the worrying does create the sense of a me like right now, And I know you're in a tenuous situation with your son. And I know because we've shared this on a few lives, We've talked about this, The worrying, And as you said, Like, It can consume you, It can take over. And yet he's an adult and there's not a lot you can do, But the worrying is driving you crazy. The worrying is driving you, The sense of the feeling of helplessness, The feeling of anxiety, You're looking for a fix, You're trying to solve something that you can't solve. And so the worrying is like there's this me that's not getting it right. There's the me that needs to do something. There's the me that's feeling frustrated because I can't do anything. And then when you come in and you feel it. The feelings start to settle down, And you're really here with the worry, And you're here with that sense of, I don't have any control over the situation, And you're here with that feeling of maybe the hopelessness in it, And you really come into being with what's here. As you bring compassion and wisdom to what's here, The me that was freaking out a few minutes ago is no longer there. Now there can still be a sense of like, Yeah, But there's still you know, You're not going to jump up and be happy. But it's a sense of like, Yep, It's not an ideal situation. And, And I want to be there for him in any way that I can help. But my worrying is really just maybe even in some ways driving actions where we are pushing the person further away because we can't take the worrying any longer. We feel they've got to fix their situation right now so that I don't have to deal with this worrying anymore. And yet you can't control what they're doing. And then sometimes we, You know, Our actions end up Exacerbating a situation, Not helping. Not helping. And again, It's when you come in and feel it. So yes, The worrying is the worrying about me. If it's my worries, Angela, You're not as concerned about my worries. You're not as concerned about Stephanie's worries, About Janine's worries. You're concerned about my worries, Me, Mine, Right? That's what gives it so much intensity. They're mine. You could be hearing someone else's worries, And you would probably be giving all of this advice and saying, This is what you should do. But then it's my worries. And oh, No, Oh, No, No, No, No. So it becomes that's absolutely the selfing happens. Yeah, Through that. Yeah, And just, Stephanie, When we ask the question, Who is judging? It's not meant to be an intellectual answer, Right? This isn't a self-inquiry is meant to, It kind of like short circuits the mental the selfing process that we just so take for granted there's a me behind this, Right? Behind my worrying, Behind my comparing, Behind my judging. We absolutely take it for granted that that's true. And so when we ask, Who is judging? And it's meant to all of a sudden go, Well, Hang on, You're shining a spotlight on this. It's like, Oh, You were never supposed to do that because there's nothing there. It's like pulling back the curtain on the great Wizard of Oz, Right? And then you go, Oh, I thought you were this big, Powerful Oz, But I see you're just this little man. But in our case, This little man pulling all these levers, You weren't great at all. And in our case, It's pulling back the curtain and going, Oh, There's nothing there. So while you're saying no body right here, That is the sense. It's like, Oh, And what it does. It's almost like because all of our attention was so believing it. And our attention is so narrow and fixed on me and my judging and my comparing and me the one doing it. It opens everything, All of a sudden it's like poof. It's like, Oh, Look at this whole world here. There's seeing happening, Hearing happening. But it's like, Oh my gosh, There's not a one behind it. There's no seer behind the seeing. There's no hearer behind the hearing. There's no thinker behind the thinking. That's what it reveals. It's like a Zen koan. That's what it's meant to do, Like a Zen koan that isn't really meant to have an answer, But it short circuits the mental logic in a way that reveals. Just in case you're new to that. So in case you're new to that, I wanted to add that. And hi, Emma, Good to see you. So Janine, Would I say that some of us are born more sensitive. For its conditioning. I mean, Everyone, I mean, First of all, Part of our conditioning is how our brain developed. Everyone's brain develops, Even your twins that are in the same household, They can't have every single experience exactly identical. And then, And so everyone's brain is forming in a little bit of a different way. And if we were quite young and we had an experience, Maybe your parents argued a lot lot, And you kind of walk in the house, And every time you'd walk in the house, There was that immediate, Okay, What's going on? I need to notice what the tension is in the household, I need to know what the temperature is in the household, I need to know, Right? So there's this sense you're learning very early on to be sensitive to what's happening to everyone else, Right? So absolutely, It's not even so much that I would say, I mean, Again, Just our DNA, Everything, Yes, Of course, There's Billions of flavors, There's billions of different flavors arising, Each of us a little bit different. And some people having the same experience in the same household, But it affecting them a little bit different. And so, Yeah, I mean, We, Each of us is the result of our conditioning. Each of us is the result of our conditioning, Trillions of conditions. And Mari, Sorry, So you're saying, Can I answer your question next time? Did I miss your question? Oh, OK. I think you may be gone, But you'll get this on the recording. When you think of a story from years ago, The feeling comes back again. And you don't want to keep feeling that feeling over and over. I think what you're probably saying is that you don't want to keep thinking about it. But come in and feel it. The thinking about it will never let it go away. It feeds the feeling, The feeling feeds the story. It just keeps you trapped in the loop. And feeling it, And you might, Maybe you are saying, Well, You have been feeling it, But as long as it keeps coming up, It is to come in and feel it, But there is a sense. Over time. That it's not. . . Because we're you're getting more attuned to what's here and because you're getting more attuned also you're starting to see more clearly you're having the realizing of oh there is no one that that happened to but feelings are still working their way through the body Yeah, And sometimes, Again, Certain triggers, Certain conditions, Something arises, And we don't We can't predict any of that. But the more that you do feel, It doesn't feel unpleasant to feel what's here. It feels unpleasant. To fight feeling what's here. It feels unpleasant to feel what's here with the idea that it should go away. That's where the real struggle, That's where a lot of the pain comes in. But the feelings, You just, There's more of a noticing it. And what you might do, So Alice, Because I just love this, What you had recommended, And it's kind of what really prompted today's meditation. Set an appointment once a day to come in and feel it. If you know the story, There's a particular story, Be more proactive and come in and feel it. And in fact, Because we'll do maybe the meditation that we did early on, I will. I know I don't often post the meditations from here, But I'll post that as well. So you have a meditation to come and do and so that you can keep doing it while hearing someone's voice guiding you through. And I'm sure there's tons of those types of meditations on insight timer as well. But maybe be a little more proactive as well with it. So that when you come to it, You set a time, Okay, Noon, I'm going to do it. And maybe it's just you want to do it on your own for a few minutes, Or you want to do the meditation, You know, The more formal meditation. It's not as intense when you come to it proactively and for anything that any of us are still realizing that there's still some holding on to something we haven't been able to let go. We can come to it proactively. And it is less intense. When we come to it, Like kind of just set a time. I think, Alice, I think you said your therapist said three times a day. And maybe you don't have to do it three times a day, Twice a day, Or once a day, Or once a week. Right? And then the more that you get comfortable with it, It just, It, It, It is that getting comfortable with the feelings. Too often we're coming in and feeling, And we're We really are doing it with the intention that this should go away. And that's resistance. And that's selfing. So it's coming in and feeling. Feeling is direct experience. So even that just saying like, I don't want to keep feeling that over and over, Right? There's the resistance in it. Whatever you're still pushing away is going to keep coming in. And sometimes, Depending upon what it is, Like sometimes it just has to keep coming for a while, But it's coming anyway. You're not, You're not, Changing it by saying, I don't want to feel you anymore. But see what changes. When you say, I can welcome what's here and I can feel it in the present moment. I can feel what's here. Omari, Hopefully on the recording that will be there for you. So Alice, You're saying something really shifted for you today. Someone that hurt you a few years ago and kept saying, I need a place to land. Today I could ask, Who needs a place to land? And no thing was there. Yeah. Yeah. That's great to hear. Yeah. And we do want to savor those like, Yeah. It wasn't that that person all of a sudden said the right thing to us. It wasn't that we put them in their place. Place. Like that's the insight. That's the seeing. There was no thing there, Not nothing. But no thanks. Yeah, That's wonderful. And thank you for sharing because I think it does help. For I mean I think that's one of the things that can be really helpful on in our community here in the sangha is sharing like yeah those wins it's like man it works this works So Shira. And hang on, Let me just make sure, Sorry, In fact, Let me just go back a little bit further. Okay, So Shira, In fact, We're back to your first question. Where you're saying there is a close connection between spiritual trauma, PTSD, Moral injury. Oh, You find it confusing to apply which is activating the clinging. Whatever it is that's arising. And also, Let's also just caveat what we're doing here. This is a spiritual Buddhist perspective that's coming here. If we're really experiencing trauma, PTSD, Something that we are having a lot of difficulty coping with to the point where we are really having difficulties coping in our day-to-day life. Then having a therapist is really helpful to help you come in to most likely a lot of therapists, A lot of therapists have taken on a lot of Buddhism of mindfulness and self-compassion and kind of really being here with what's here. But also to help kind of talk you through what's happening. Because if there is such a sense, If the self is so traumatized, If there is that sense of being so traumatized, Not that what we're doing here can't be helpful, But it should be balanced. It should be balanced working with a professional in that capacity. But with that said, So I just, I do want to offer that caveat. That of course, Ideally, You know, In a situation like that, You are working with a professional. And so, Yeah, So you're saying you have a good therapist that understands the difference, Fantastic. So from where I'm talking here is that, Yes, Wherever we can gain a thread into whatever the story is, You know, Whatever it is, It's just whatever, If it's the anger, If it's the judging, If it's the feeling I'm not enough, If it's the feeling of unworthiness. And of course, There's different responses that are happening in the brain and the nervous system. Of course, There's going to be slightly different responses. Almost always, You're going to have amygdala activation, Probably always. But it's, Yeah, And if it's hard to enter on your own, Then absolutely. Then, You know, Work, We should work with someone that is experienced in helping you be with these things, Right? Does that as a profession that's had the training for that, That is able to help you come to um, Some kind of semblance of where it doesn't, It doesn't, You're not as reactive to it, Right? So from our perspective here, It is finding any thread to come in to be with it. And even, And I have many clients that I work with that are maybe already working with a therapist or that I've recommended you also need to be working with a therapist, But still, You know, They can't always be with me or the therapist when they're on their own. Just doing your best to come in and feel. Because if we, The more that we repeat the patterns, The more that we're activating those those neural pathways, Those triggers. And so even when we're on our own, Which is most of the time, Right? Most of the time. I have one client, I see him every week, But he also sees his therapist every week. So you've got a lot of time when you're on your own. And so self-compassion and coming in and feeling as best you can, As best you can, Is still helpful, Is still helpful. Okay. Oh, And so Michelle in Ohio, I'm so sorry, I'm just now getting to you here. How do we inquire the third step in rain without going to that part of the story? Once you've recognized what's happened, So the R in RAIN, Right, You recognize selfing happening, Judging happening, Comparing happening, Jealousy happening, Reliving an old story happening, The moment there's even just some recognition like, Oh, Here it is, Here's the story of what they did to me 10 years ago. Even in that, And in fact, What happens in your brain just in that labeling it, The fear centers start to quiet down and you start to have more of your prefrontal cortex coming back online. So there's a little bit more of like, Just that imbalance that happens when we're lost in it, To all of a sudden, We're starting to get some of our frontal lobes back, Right? Helps us manage our emotions, Helps us with you know paying attention in a particular area, So kind of holding our focus there, So just in that first part in the recognition of what's happening, You're either in it, You're lost in it and believing it's 100% real or all of a sudden you're seeing like oh here's the story of it and there's you're not completely out of it but there's enough, It's almost like enough room for you to go, Oh, Okay, I see what's happening. I'm seeing the pattern. And then with the a in rain allowing the feelings right and you start breathing, Okay, Here's the feelings, Right? Here are the unpleasant sensations. Here are the feelings of resentment, Of anger. Just pick one to start with. And sometimes the story's so muddled, And we're like, I don't even know what the emotion or feeling is. I can't even decide. Just say, Here's unpleasant sensations. OK. And as you breathe deeply and you allow yourself to feel what it is that's here, Right? So you're not pushing it away. There's not aversion. You're opening up to it. And even just in the breathing deeply, That's also sending another message to your brain because you wouldn't be breathing deeply if there were a tiger in front of you. So again, Your kind of things are starting to shift a little bit. You're not lost in the story. You're coming in and you're feeling. So different parts of your brain start to become more active, Right? Like, Oh, Okay, We're here with what's here. You're here in direct experience. And then as you inquire, Right, What else is here? What else is here? Like, And at any point, In fact, You can come in and feel and then a flash of the story comes up again. Okay, Come in and feel just come in and feel without, Or as best you can, As best you can, Without all this isn't working, Or all this is so difficult, Just okay, Just stories reappearing. Here's the frustration. Of the stories keeps reappearing. Okay. Feel that, Right? That's the thread now, Right? And you keep, You know, It's really, It's being with what is happening. Not that it has to go a particular way. I mean, We're still following that pattern of recognizing, Okay, Now here's the frustration. That the story keeps arising. Oh, Okay. Now let's feel that. Right. And so it's just to keep noticing any time because it is it's a great question, Michelle, By the way, Because it can sound like when we're going through the RAIN acronym that it's just all bang, Bang, Bang. And it just, You know, The story is completely gone. But there is. Yeah, There will definitely be some kind of, You know, There can be a feeling where you're actually feeling quite grounded and quite like, Oh, This. Wow. Yeah, This works. And then just bang, A flash of the story again. Oh, No, It's going again. It's like, OK, Here. OK, I can Do you recognize that too? And feel that too. And the more that you do it, The more comfortable that you get doing it, The more familiar that you are doing it, The more that we trust direct experience over the story. Because we're also seeing the story, The story is, The me at the center of the story isn't real. It's just a thought. So we keep inquiring and we're seeing that. And so inquiring, I'm seeing inquiring a little bit after the rain. In fact, The RAIN acronym originally, When Michelle McDonald came up with it, She's a Buddhist teacher, It was NO-SELF. NO-SELF. Recognize allow, Inquire, NO-SELF. But because I think in the West we have a lot of. . . A lot of wounds, A lot, I mean it's really our society's values have really done a number on us where so many people So many people, And it doesn't matter if you're successful or not, So many people feel the sense of isolation, Of disconnection, Of unworthiness, Of falling behind, Of not being enough. Kind of a little bit more so than even in certain other cultures. And so the end got, And I think it was either Tara Brock or Jack Kornfield that said, Let's put nurture in here, Because that might be a little bit of a leap for people right now. There's a lot of tending to these wounds that we need to do. But I keep adding it back on in the form of asking the question, Then inquiring after RAINN, To whom do those thoughts belong, To whom does that story belong, To whom do those feelings belong? Because it is also that spotlight that we're shining on something that we absolutely 100% believe to be true. And the more that we keep seeing it, The story becomes uh i mean there's just seeing that there's nothing there it's not me and you do see the the how uninteresting the story really is. The story of me, The most boring story in the world, The most repetitive, The most… selfish, Self-centered. It's just, It's so boring. It's like, Why would I pay attention to that anymore? It's always, You know, It's always kind of get over there. You finally arrive over there. No, You won't. No, You won't. You know, Oh, That person. You know, That person doesn't like you or that person looked at you the wrong way or you said something stupid back there. Like it's just always distorting. What's happening. And there is a just kind of like, Oh, My God, I, You know, An exhaustion and a boredom from it. If you would never as much as we love to go to the movies, And we love to read books that have kind of things happening and oh my gosh, What's going to happen to the lead character and. They always go through some trials and tribulations, But there's always an end, Right? There's the happily ever after. But if we saw that they just kept going over it again and again and again and again and again, We would go, Oh my God, This person's like never going to get out of this. Like this is hopeless. We would find it very disinteresting after a while. Yeah. And the story of me, The most boring story in the world. And the more that we give the attention to the story of me, The being, The living is not happening. And what's happening is far more interesting than what I'm thinking about is happening to me. But what's happening, And this is happening too, Right? This, Meredith, Michelle, We're all just happenings. It's much more interesting, Much more interesting. So be kind to yourself on that too, Michelle. Okay ruth and i'm sorry i'm just not getting back to you i hope you're still here so you're curious to know why most all of us feel a little fear around knowing we can't count on anything in this life except for the present moment is this feeling 100% ego formed or are we humans innately a little fearful I think there's. . . Again, I'm going to say something kind of uniquely about our modern culture. Where we're so lost in our thoughts and the me all the time, Even when we have safety, We don't feel it. It's not enough. There's never enough. And that's, Again, Another telltale sign of the selfing, Right? It's never enough. I mean, This is what's really like a head scratcher. How many times, Or right now, We're perfectly safe. And yet, All of a sudden, We're thinking about how could I get safer? How could I get more? Because our culture has taught us to live in our heads, To think that more is better. If you've got a Ford, You should have a BMW. If you have a BMW, You should have a Lamborghini. If you have a Lamborghini, You should have a Bentley. If you have a Bentley, You should have 10 Bentleys, Right? It's never enough. And so we did evolve. Humans did evolve. To focus on kind of more on the negative a little bit what could go wrong as a way to like yeah we've got to prepare we've got a winter is coming we've got to try and and preserve some food for the winter we've got to get more meats it kind of would bring our attention to the things that we needed to focus on but it has been amplified and amplified and amplified over time where even when you have enough, I mean, Cavemen would probably be looking at us today and go, These people are nuts. House, Food, Little money in the bank, Maybe not a lot, But enough. An income coming in. And you think, What are they all freaking out about? And everyone's looking for more safety, More security. But you've got it now. We've got it now and yet. It's still not enough, Because I gotta get more. If you can't feel safe and secure now when you are safe and secure, No amount of money, No amount of followers, No amount of influence, No amount of accolades is ever going to do it. If you have it now and you can't appreciate it, It's never, You know, That's kind of, I think it's just partly our culture. But again, The way the ego, And we talked about the other day how, You know, Really like 7500 years ago, When the ego really from one theory at least, How when resources became scarce, And then it went from a reasonable kind of understanding, I'm here, Meredith, You're there, Chris, Monica, Michelle, If I'm going to buy groceries, I know I'm going to come back and put them in my fridge, Right, Or, Right, A reasonable sense of just a self and an identity to this supersized ego where we just live in our heads all the time, Always thinking about ourselves, Always seeing ourselves as a center of the universe. Because even before, Like, If you think of, Like a lot of Native American tribes, Let's say, Even in South America, Where they can still have a sense of self, But they also understand that they are a part of the universe, They understand they're a part of the land, They understand balance, Right, Not taking too much. But something happened where, And again, Seems like 7500 years ago, A lot of people were living along the Sahara when it was a very bountiful place, This is just one theory, It does seem to explain it. And something happened, Something must have happened like this. Because even if you go to South American tribes where they would also think we're nuts. Like, Oh my God, Why are they constantly freaking out when they're safe? So something happened, Scarcity of resources, All of a sudden it went from we're all sharing the land and we're taking what we need to this is my land, That's yours, That's mine, I need more. And it's just, It's never ended from there. It's become more and more insatiable. And then you look at our cultures today that have really the trajectory that it's gone on. Like we look back at a thousand years ago, The monarchies and how could they have done this to the peasants and the serfs and how horrible it is. We're still doing it. We're still doing it. I mean, Because, And people act surprised. Why? It's the same mind movement. It's just got more things to want now. Bigger things and going to the moon now or to Mars, Right? It's just become more. It's insatiable. It's insatiable. Bye, Janine, Good to see you. And thank you, Mary Lou, And thank you, Michelle. Thank you for the donation. Thank you. Thank you both. Okay. And I know because I did tell Abe. Hmm. So, I'm not entirely sure of your question. Do I prefer to do this over a job outside of Insight Timer? Do I prefer what I'm doing right now? Oh, Lotus, I'm glad to hear that. Thanks. Thanks, Ruth. It's the conditions. It's the conditions of what's happened. And yes, I do like this. I do like this. I give up a lot. I mean, I used to work in the financial industry for 25 years. I made a lot more money doing that. You don't do this if you want to make a lot of money. It. . . It wasn't like I set out to do this. It was I set out to leave my home. And follow my spiritual path, Which was for a very brief stint at a Buddhist monastery, Thinking I was going to be a nun. And then when I left the monastery, I didn't change my idea that I don't want to live a traditional householder's life anymore, And that was back in 2013. So I had left my job and my boyfriend and my home and everything behind and said, Like, I want to I want to do this. And and then it became like, Well, OK, Well, I'm not going to have the support of a monastery, Which is what I thought. Like, I do need to make a living doing something. But I had enough savings that it's like, OK, You can if you can just make a little bit of money so that you're not spending all your savings. I mean, It's it's just enough. And I mean, I live down here in Mexico. Where it's very cheap to live down here so I make just about just enough for my outgoing expenses but it's very very cheap to live down here and that that was a big part of moving to Mexico I like the lifestyle it's very simple it's very easy I don't you know in my lifestyle is very much I'm not going out I'm not I mean my biggest expense now is I'm going back to Ohio every few months because I'm looking after someone but But yes, I mean, I like the way this has all turned out. I'm very happy with the way it's turned out. I mean, I would never want to go back and work in the financial industry again. This is all but but it wasn't planned. It wasn't like this, Like, I'm going to go and be a teacher. It was almost like, OK, Well, How am I going to do this? I do need to make a little bit of a living. And and yet I want to keep it very much aligned with what it is that I'm doing. So so sharing what I'm learning in teaching, In teaching, It really helps because I hear my own words it's, It's, It's very helpful. So this has been so I get just as much out of this. So, So I thank all of you for that, Too, Because I do get so much out of this. And it just keeps everything kind of very much aligned with, With, With being, With being. Yeah. And Lindsay, Thank you so much for the donation. Thank you. Oh, Sean, So Mexico. Oh, You're in Wisconsin, But also in finance, Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, I don't, I don't have any desire to go back and do that. But if something shifted, And I had to do something else now, At this point, It would be like, Yeah, That's fine. I wouldn't go back to do that. Because I wouldn't, It wouldn't be the money wouldn't be the motivating. If I had to, I don't know, Sell tortillas on the side of the road, That'd be fine. That'd be fine. You know, I wouldn't, Wouldn't be too bothered by that. Yeah, And just so Chris, Yes, The powerful force of greed, I think what you're referring to what I was talking about, Like everyone acts so surprised at like, Kind of what's happened in our culture. It's like, Oh, My God, This, This is the result of what greed, Everyone being driven by greed. Yeah. And fear, Greed and fear, Right? Right? Desire, Fear, Desire, Aversion, Right? Greed, Aversion. This is the result. This is why so many people are so unhappy when we have so much and why so many of us and it's why in 1999 I started meditating at the time I worked at Merrill Lynch and no one then meditated, Right? I was really like kind of keeping it secret. Like I wouldn't tell anyone because I thought they'll think I'm nuts. You know, I'm like, Oh, You know, Back then it was only people that wore Birkenstocks that did it. And I had no idea then the trajectory that already my life was starting to take simply by starting to go into this meditation center. And what a difference that it started making. And it is interesting when you go back, And all of us can do this when we go back and look at our lives. And you think, Wow, I didn't really know where I was going to, We didn't know where we were going to end up. And yet, It's kind of like, How did you get here? And you think back, And you're like, Well, That happened, And that happened, And if that condition hadn't happened, Then that wouldn't happen and I could still be working in finance. But for however the conditions were unfolding, I'm incredibly grateful, Incredibly grateful. And there was, I don't want to discount this, An enormous amount of suffering that went with that, An enormous amount. And I wouldn't change that either, Because if it wasn't to the degree that it was, That was obviously one of the conditions or however much it influenced it that really kept pushing like the next nudging kind of going along and it's really been since then since you know I decided it wasn't going to be the monastery and I just said okay I just have enough faith in this path and I'm going to see where it goes and it's not always been easy but It's been very conducive and I'm very grateful, Very grateful to be very grateful for how this has unfolded. But I didn't do any of it. I, Meredith, Didn't do any of it. It wasn't my suffering. But it was just the conditions, And that's what we're really seeing here, Right? We're seeing we're not the separate self, Of course, Because the separate self thinks that it's the one driving everything, That it did this. And it's the letting go of that and going, Oh, I wasn't doing any of it. You know, And then, And in that, Like, Just get out of the way, Get out of the way and let it unfold. Let it unfold. Oh, Thank you, Angela. Thank you, Ruth. I appreciate that. Thank you. And Sophie. And yeah, And Stephanie, Just to what you're saying, The scarcity trauma is real. Yeah, Parents raised during World War II. And you know how that affects you growing up. And there is generational trauma that, You know, We're just, Humans have just, Yeah, For all that we have, For all that we have. It's really, Excuse me, It's really unfortunate how little we appreciate it. And I think that these Eastern teachings that have come to the West have been a true gift and a true blessing for us, And that we can share in this way, You know, Over the Internet. That was a part of my reasoning in staying. I was coming down to Mexico each winter, And then I decided to stay six years ago because I was like, Oh, You know, All of a sudden the Internet's getting pretty good down here. Before it was terrible. And then I thought, Oh, And it was COVID, And I had already started started teaching online. And I thought, Oh, I could do this down here. And it was cheap to build a house, Super cheap. And I thought, Oh, I could do this. I mean, It just kind of all like was like, Oh, It was like kind of just. Oh, Oh, Oh, Just following it along. And it's like, Yeah. So very grateful. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you. OK, So I think we will bring us to an end. I think the conditions are arising in that way. Time for lunch here. Um. . . Oh, Thank you, James. Thank you. And I will just add on Chris. Witnessing happening, Observing happening. If you make a thing out of this, That's still selfing. And you might just be the way you put the language in there. But there is no witness. There is no observer. Everything is activity. But that is, We have to be careful the way all of a sudden it'll come back in. And making it a thing again. Right? So witnessing happening, Observing happening. And that's the freedom and that's the freedom and it could just be the way you wrote it that maybe I'm misperceiving the way you wrote that but I just thought I would add that because that is something that gets thrown around a lot in spirituality and And then people get off track because they think, Oh, I'm the witness, I'm the observer. And it's just. . . Anytime you make yourself anything that's selfing that's selfing and there's not seeing there's not being in that and so describing you're saying i think you probably are on the same page with me on that but i just thought i would add that so thank you laurie thank you james appreciate it so much And to everyone, If I missed your name, Please know I appreciate that you were here. We will meet again next Sunday. We will do it again on Sunday because it does, The repetition helps. The repetition definitely helps. To hear this again and again. Think about how much brainwashing we've had. For the self right all the media what else can you get to feel you know to look at you being successful driving this car getting this promotion we've had a lot of brainwashing happening there so it really does help to hear it again and again and give it some space in between of course right give some space after this to just let things kind of see what settles in and what kind of moves through you because we don't want to grasp at anything right we don't want to grasp at anything it's all just activity happening so Yeah, And just know that it is happening. It is happening, So that you're here means it's happening. Okay, So thank you to everyone. Thank you again. Thank you for the hearts. And we'll see you again on Sunday. Thank you.