How We Stop Being Unkind To Ourselves

We are particularly harsh and cruel with our self-talk - rarely giving ourselves a break. There are two practices that really help reduce our self-talk that I share in this excerpt from a previous talk.

Transcript

And this is the ego,

Right?

We're so brutal to ourselves.

And so compassion for others,

We cannot forget.

In fact,

I think compassion starts with ourselves,

Right?

This is one of our practices,

Self-compassion,

Self-compassion.

Notice when you're beating yourself up,

Notice it.

And then,

You know,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

Well,

You're a little rough back there.

It's okay.

It's okay.

You make mistakes.

We all make mistakes.

We all make mistakes.

I make mistakes.

Every one of us here makes mistakes.

Nobody is perfect.

And this practice is not about teaching us how to be perfect.

It's teaching us how to be okay with not being perfect,

Right?

Because beating ourselves up is just like we do something.

We make a mistake.

Maybe we're beating ourselves up because spiritual practitioners love to do this.

You're not being very mindful.

You're judging someone else or comparing or something.

You're a little lost in your thoughts.

And then you recognize what you're doing and you beat yourself up because you were judging or comparing or chasing or resisting or something,

Right?

So it's like the ego just coming in another back door.

It's kicking you over here.

And then it just comes around another back door and kind of punches us in the side by beating ourselves up about it.

We all have mindless moments.

We have those moments.

Of course we do.

There's no need to beat ourselves up for it.

And for those of you that know the Buddhist forgiveness prayer,

Which I'll just say very quickly because of what's so important for the fourth verse,

For anyone that I have harmed either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions,

Fears,

And desires,

I ask for your forgiveness.

For anyone that has harmed me either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions,

Fears,

And desires,

I forgive them.

For anything I am not yet ready to forgive,

I forgive myself for that.

And for all the little ways I harm myself,

Negate,

Doubt,

Belittle,

Judge,

And criticize,

I forgive myself for that too.

This is one of the most powerful prayers and I say it every day.

I said it for years,

Like three times a day before every meditation.

Then I kind of stopped for a couple of years because it really,

It worked.

A lot of things that used to,

I couldn't forgive.

I mean that's where the third verse comes in.

For anything I'm not yet ready to forgive,

I forgive myself for that so that I'm still practicing forgiveness.

I'm forgiving myself for not being able to forgive.

But that fourth verse is so important as well.

For all the little ways that I harm myself,

Negate,

Doubt,

Belittle,

Judge,

And criticize,

I forgive myself for that too.

If you say this prayer over and over and over,

The words just sink in.

And you notice because you say the words,

Right,

And you can say it before you meditate.

I say two prayers before I meditate.

That's one of them.

And then the prayer of Saint Francis,

Which I love,

That beautiful prayer.

And when you say the words over and over,

You'll notice.

Then you start belittling,

Judging,

Criticizing,

Because you've said the words so many times,

You're aware of it.

And you're like,

Oh,

I forgive myself for that.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

You're being a little tough on yourself back there.

You're human.

You're allowed to make mistakes.

You're allowed to do that,

Right?

And so it just has a way of bringing it more to our attention.

Reviews

I loved listening to this 🙏🏼

Short and to the point: self-compassion and forgiveness are the way forward out of criticism and harshness with ourselves. Thanks!

This was my first introduction to your work. I loved it and will definitely be back. Thank you for your kindness. 🌿🕊️✨

I will begin using this prayer before my meditation. Thank you.

This was really good but I had to play it a couple of times. It was a little too fast for me to quite understand all of the prayer but I can find the prayer online I imagine. I’ve not heard it before! Thank you ☺️

“I forgive myself for that.” such a powerful affirmation, thank u!

Truly helpful. Exactly what I needed at this moment. 💕🙏

Short simple at straight to the point, both prayers you speak of are excellent. That’s the first I’ve heard the Buddhist Prayer on Forgiveness and it’s beautiful thank you. Prayer to St Francis is a personal fav. Thanks again.

This was the first time I’ve found you. A very accurate description of what I needed today. Following and thank you! 😊

Thank you for reminding me of the healing power of forgiveness. I may not always remember this, and I forgive myself for that 🙏🏻

I’m so grateful that I learned the forgiveness prayer from you. Thank you for introducing me to it. Very powerful. Very healing. 🌈🥰🌹🌈🥰🌹🌈🥰🤩

Excellent words of wisdom, Meredith. I have screenshots of both prayers and I thank you for sharing them!! 💕🙏🏼