Inner Critic: Where It Comes From And What It's Trying to Do

So many of us have a mean inner critic.

Where does that come from?

And what is it actually trying to do?

So an inner critic is a voice that we might have internalized from childhood.

If you grew up in an environment where you had a parent who was really critical,

No matter how hard you worked or how much you accomplished,

It was never quite enough.

Then you might have developed that inner critic.

You might shame yourself,

Call yourself names.

There's a lot of ways that that shows up.

Sometimes it's obvious like that.

I'm so stupid,

I should be able to or shouldn't do this or whatever that might be.

A lot of times it's a bit more underground.

It's this pressure we feel to do something perfectly,

To achieve,

To not be weak,

To be strong,

To never let our feelings get the best of us,

To be financially successful.

There's a lot of ways the inner critic shows up.

So why is it here?

One of the things that happens as a child is that our survival depends on the approval of our adults.

There's a lot of ways that we can be shaped through criticism into being a certain kind of person.

Why do we do that as an adult?

One thing is that it helps to keep us safe by playing small.

It might seem mean and there's a lot of power there,

But it's actually a form of fear or anxiety.

We might have turned against ourselves in an attempt to make our environment more predictable and safer.

We might have internalized a critical voice and we drive ourselves to perfection.

Procrastination is another element that comes along with perfectionism.

We can't afford to do anything less than perfect.

I can't take the risk of not doing this perfectly.

These are all related to trauma.

Sense in for a moment to your inner critic.

If you were to ask,

What do you see as your job?

Why are you constantly denigrating me,

Making me feel small?

What is it you're trying to accomplish?

And let's sit with that for a moment.

I don't want you to take that risk.

What if you fail?

So the inner critic mistakenly believes that by shaming us and putting pressure on us,

That we will be better.

That we'll get along better,

We'll be more accepted in our family,

Our job,

Our relationships,

And it's not true.

Shaming debilitates us.

Compassion,

Being kind with ourselves,

Being around people who appreciate us and validate our worth,

That's what helps us to be successful.

The first thing we need to do is recognize it.

This is an inner critic attack.

I'm not gonna listen to that.

I'm not gonna let my own mind be that critical and mean.