The Trap Of High Expectations - July 8th

Do you know someone who always seems to focus on what’s wrong — the flaws, the inconveniences, the things that didn’t quite meet their expectations? In today’s 5 Minutes in Nature, Liz reflects on how some friends struggle to fully enjoy experiences because they hold on so tightly to how things should be. She’s discovered that life becomes much more enjoyable when we loosen our grip, go with the flow, and stay open to what unfolds — even when it’s not perfect.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to five minutes in nature with me Liz Scott and you join me on a rather grey day,

Very low grey clouds,

We're in the middle of summer and I'm here up on Dartmoor just enjoying this still day and the warmth even though it's grey it's not hot it's sort of a nice pleasant ambient temperature and you might hear the occasional sheep bleating in the background and that's because there's quite a few sheep near me right at the moment and today I'm reflecting on the joy of not having too many expectations in life I think that might be the best way to put it I've just come from having a cup of coffee with some friends and these friends are really dear people and yet one of the things that I've noticed habitually that they fall into is that they fall into telling stories of what has happened in their lives with a real lens or viewpoint of things having gone wrong so if they've been out for a meal a beautiful meal nine times out of ten when you ask them you know what was it like they'll start off by listing the things that didn't work it was too expensive the service wasn't very good or it took a long time to find the restaurant or the food wasn't up to scratch or whatever it might be so they list all the things that didn't work or they go on holiday and they've been on a fabulous holiday and it's been in the UK and they didn't have any rain which is very unusual for a week holiday in the UK blue sky just the occasional grey day and it's like how was your holiday and it starts with a list of all the things that didn't work out and it occurred to me as I was listening to them that when they or I and I do it too I'm not sort of pointing the finger at them but it was just very obvious in the way that they were expressing themselves when they or I have real solid concrete expectations of how something should work out then invariably we're going to be disappointed that's that's the way it seems to work is that if we have a sense if I have a sense that something needs to be a certain way in order for me to enjoy it then invariably I'm going to be disappointed and I'm going to spend a lot of my time measuring the distance between how I think it should have been and how it actually turned out in contrast when I go walking there's very few walking companions I really enjoy walking with because I don't mind going on walks I don't mind going on walks where they get muddy or I lose my way a little bit I don't mind get going on walks where they're slightly longer or slightly shorter than I originally planned and it's really good when you have a walking companion that isn't complaining or saying I've had enough or I don't want to go up another hill or can we have lunch now or can we stop or it's very muddy it's it's quite it's that's not the kind of walking I like to do so when I go walking my favorite walking companion is my sister and she like I just loves getting out and we just enjoy and deal with whatever turns up in front of us on the walk and we see the beauty around us regardless of the challenges that we might might encounter and going through life like that I can see is so much more enjoyable where you just sort of roll with the waves however they are rolling if on the other hand you feel that it has to be a certain way in order for you to enjoy something then life invariably is going to disappoint so my question to you or maybe the reflection for you is just I don't know see maybe where you are on that spectrum are you the kind of person that feels life has to be a certain way in order for you to enjoy it or are you the kind of person that is spontaneous will roll with the way life is and very likely or in between on certain occasions with different things but what I really do notice is that there is incredible freedom when I stop trapping myself in concrete in concrete expectations of how life should be and when I free myself from that I'm able just to turn up and enjoy the way life happens to unfold on that particular day

Reviews

Your voice is nice. I love these short reminders of our need to be present.

I am trying to allow myself smaller expectations! I was unaware, until I discovered my neurodiversity, that I had big expectations which could throw me completely if they weren't met in full. Now I know it's a symptom of wanting/needing to know what to expect so that I can prepare myself in advance. I'm getting better at setting lower expectations but sometimes I'm still caught out and it can upset my day. Learning to live with the not-knowing can sometimes be quite hard!

Thank you for this reminder. I recognized my pattern of having high expectations that turn bitter when everything doesn't go as planned. I have been making it a practice and pause daily in gratitude for whatever is flowing in the moment. My sis is my fav walking partner too!
Much Love,
Stephanie