Clarity Without Apology - November 01

If you tend to be a people pleaser—always trying to guess what others want—today’s 5 Minutes In Nature is for you. Liz explores the power of clarity in communication and invites you to consider what it might feel like to simply express what you’d like to do, without feeling the need to justify it. As you notice this pattern within yourself, be gentle and kind with your awareness.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to Five Minutes in Nature with me Liz Scott.

I've come out and there is a forecast of heavy rain coming in off the Atlantic and I'm just looking towards the west,

Towards the grey grey clouds.

I can feel the odd water droplet coming out of the sky and I'm hoping that I'm going to miss the worst of the rain.

And today my reflection is all about being clear in communication and it's something I've been reflecting on recently and want to share with you.

There's something about having clarity in what you communicate.

There was somebody who I read a book about,

I think it was Michael Neal,

I read in his book that he used a quote which said,

When you're speaking or when you're in life use more full stops rather than commas.

More full stops rather than commas.

Let me explain a bit more.

I've noticed with some of my friends that I might ask them a question and there is a propensity,

Rather than to say yes or no,

There's a propensity to come up with a story or to try and second guess what you want to do.

I'll give you a simple example.

I asked a friend the other day,

I just messaged her and said would she like to go for a walk?

And looking at the forecast I said look we can go at this time of day or we can go later in the afternoon,

I don't mind which,

And it might be drier later in the afternoon.

And she got back to me saying well it sounds as though if you prefer to go in the afternoon then we can go in the afternoon.

So it wasn't like yes please I'd like to go walking in the afternoon,

That's my preference.

It was a if that's what you want to do then I will accommodate that.

Now she said it from a really good place and this is just her habitual way of talking and I felt a bit of like a bit of frustration because all I was after was a yes or no like or I would prefer this to that or I don't mind and then I would have made a decision.

But instead the answer came back that she was trying to second guess what I was actually trying to say and she was trying to accommodate that answer.

I think there's something to be said about clarity and communication and I'm noticing it more and more in myself as an older woman,

As someone who really sees deeply the power of the inside out understanding,

Seeing the beautiful nature of who we truly are,

That rock solid core essence and coming from that place of love,

Seeing that that's the place to come from.

The more I see that and practice that and patiently bring myself back to that place of love the more I realize that there's huge power in communicating simply what you want or don't want without an explanation.

I've got another friend who's really clear in her communication.

I might say to her can we meet at this time on this day and she'll say that doesn't work for me,

Can we meet on this time on this day?

There's no long explanation,

There's no trying to second guess what I want,

We just are clear about what we what we want,

The requests we make and the answers we give each other.

And all I'm asking you to do today is just notice how clear you are in your communication,

How often do you try and please the other person or second guess what they actually want.

Coming from a place of love,

Coming from that core essence within yourself,

My hunch is that coming from that place of love and that core essence from within yourself,

My hunch is you'll notice a difference in the way you communicate.

You'll communicate more straightforwardly,

You don't have to guess what somebody else wants.

If somebody is asking you what you want,

Come from that place and with clarity and without a story attached,

Let them know what it is you want.

And if you find yourself going into old habitual habits of trying to second guess or people please or work out what somebody else wants or bring up a story and trying to explain something to somebody else,

Just notice that,

Be kind with yourself,

This isn't something you can get right or wrong.

All I'm asking you to do is just to notice how clear are you in your communication and what's it like when you communicate from that settled space of love and think about communicating with more full stops and fewer commas.

Reviews

A great reminder, Liz and thank you again. Reminds me of a friend of mine who tells us all he is looking for a yes or no when he invites us to someplace or another. I don’t know about you but if I have to answer “no”, I feel I must give a reason which of course is not necessary at all. This friend reminds us in a particularly funny way that he is not looking for a story, he is looking for a straight forward answer. Sending you best wishes. Tony.

Thanks Liz 🙏🏼
I like more full stops. Less commas.

The Chyrsanthemums are glorious.
🌿💐🌿

Good advice. I wonder if you were perhaps trying to please your friend by giving her a choice in the first place? I do that all the time. 🧡

I apologise for the myriad of commas and ellipses my neurodivergent brain uses both internally as it creates and considers the many alternatives and possibilities in a nanosecond, and externally in written, and spoken communication to share just a few of those alternatives, and try to reduce it all to a simple yes or no response to mask my reality and conform to a neurotypical world. (This is said with love, to give an example of how it works for me, and my struggles to 'fit in with the expectations of others' préfèrences for communication, as we are always trying to make sure we are seen as 'normal' and not 'broken' or non-compliant in some way)