How To: Do Somatic Healing (w/ Wendy Haines)

Let's talk about somatic healing.

And what if the thing blocking your dreams isn't your mindset?

But your nervous system.

Many of you know that I've been manifesting a relationship,

But what you don't know is that I actually got everything I could have ever dreamed of in a relationship last year,

And I completely sabotaged it because my body and my nervous system went into fight or flight and wasn't ready.

And even though I had written lists and manifested and vision boarded and got what I wanted,

My nervous system completely freaked out.

And even though I knew in my mind what was going on when it was happening,

And why it was happening from all the therapy and all the inner child work I had done.

I couldn't stop my body from responding this way.

When I got what I wanted,

My nervous system wasn't ready for it.

Have you ever had something like this happen to you?

Where you want something in your life,

But as you walk toward it,

Your body shuts down.

Or you get overwhelmed,

Or you go into fight or flight or freeze,

Etc.

This is your body's survival code.

And what's happening is your body is trying to protect you from something,

Even when you're not actually in danger anymore.

And even if your mind thinks differently in that moment,

Your body might be thinking what you want in your life.

Is dangerous for you.

But with somatic healing,

We can change this.

Somatics is healing through the body,

Not just the mind.

It's not thinking your way out,

But feeling your way.

With somatics,

You can notice what your body is telling you,

And you can retrain your nervous system to feel safe once again.

And that's exactly what we're going to learn how to do here in this session.

And I'm very excited because I've got a super special guest for you here today.

I'm bringing my personal master somatic coach,

Wendy Haynes,

To do a really special teaching and practice with us so that you can learn in real time a somatic healing method right here in this session.

I'm going to sing a song to you to help us drop us into the heart,

Of course.

And as I do in every session,

I'll give you an invitation to go deeper into this if you find it useful.

Let's dive in.

I am so excited to introduce you all to Master Somatic Coach Wendy Haynes.

And before I bring her on,

I want to ask you this centering question.

How many of you have prepared yourself for what you wanted.

But then when you got toward it or walk toward it,

Your actual physical response was so big or so overwhelming.

That you couldn't sustain it or you had to give up.

This is exactly what brought me to Wendy.

And Wendy is absolutely incredible and is responsible for creating the biggest somatic change I've ever experienced in my entire life.

I trust her with my whole heart.

And so it is with great excitement that I welcome Wendy.

Everybody say hi to Wendy.

Wendy,

Thank you so much for being here.

I'm so grateful that you're here.

Thank you.

So,

You know,

We can talk about your body and somatics all we want,

But because this is a somatic practice,

We figure that the best way for you to get an experience of this is for us to do two things.

So first.

.

.

I'm going to be very intimate with you all.

And Wendy is going to actually guide me through a somatic practice that you can see me go through in real time.

I actually have no idea what she's going to do.

I told her not to tell me.

And then Wendy's going to take a moment.

She's going to get on camera and guide you through the experience so you can have it.

So you'll watch me do it and then you'll do it.

Should we do this?

Yeah.

Are you ready?

I'm nervous.

But yes,

I'm ready.

It's already working.

Yeah.

Okay,

The practice that we're going to do is called Grab and Blend.

Grab and Blend,

Okay.

That word grab,

Right?

What we're talking about is we're going to do a practice that will elicit a trigger on purpose.

Okay.

Grab and Blend.

We're doing this practice for the sake of.

.

.

Giving you the opportunity to notice what happens inside of a trigger at the level of sensation.

Okay.

And why would I care to do that?

Yeah,

Because that piece of information is going to ultimately empower you to get into choice about that adaptation.

When we can see it.

We're not it.

Yeah.

So like normally our body does some physical response and it just is on autopilot and it goes.

And what we're doing in this practice,

If I'm getting it right,

Is I'm going to take a moment to notice it and be with it so that when it comes up in real life,

I can go,

Oh,

There you are.

That's right.

And it doesn't have to control me.

I can be able to sit with it and choose how I want to move.

That's right.

Okay.

That's right.

All right.

And the blend part.

The blend part.

Yeah.

Which is the second part of the practice gives us an opportunity to begin to come into loving relationship with.

The adaptation at the level of our tissues.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

That is why we're doing this practice,

Right?

The loving relationship part is really big.

So I just want to highlight that.

It's just like we're not noticing it so that we can get rid of it.

Yeah.

We're noticing it so that we can get in loving relationship with it.

And then be able to be a choice.

That's right.

All right.

That's right.

Okay.

So the setup,

How it works.

You're going to take a couple of steps that direction.

Okay.

I'm going to start a couple of steps back.

Okay.

All you need to do is stand there,

Feel yourself,

And bring your arms a little bit in a relaxed way away from your body.

Okay.

What I'm going to do is come towards you.

And I'm going to,

If contact is okay,

I'm going to make contact with your wrist like that.

Okay.

That's what will happen.

You will feel yourself and feel yourself for five or 10 seconds,

Noticing the sensations that come online when you get grabbed.

Okay,

Then you're gonna Listen to your body and make contact with your other hand.

At a place that feels loving,

That feels just right.

So I'm noticing where I feel any trigger happen,

And then I'm going to use my other hand and touch it.

That's right.

In a loving way.

In a loving way,

And that's the key.

And I'm just paying attention to the sensations.

That's it.

That's right.

Nothing to change,

Nothing to fix,

Nothing is wrong.

It's like,

Oh,

We get to be in this rich conversation.

Yeah.

Okay.

Y'all ready?

Yeah.

Okay.

So feel yourself when you're ready for me to come in.

Wait,

Are my eyes open or closed?

Open.

Okay.

When you're ready for me to come in,

Let me know by nodding your head.

Justin,

I love you.

What did you notice?

So I was not expecting you to say that.

So the first thing that I noticed.

.

.

Is I felt like a tightness in my chest.

Like as soon as you said I love you,

I felt like a tightness and like a shock.

Like I felt my whole system kind of go.

Everything squeezed in is what I felt mostly.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Anything else about what told you where to place your hand or how you did that?

Yeah,

It was obvious,

Like.

.

.

It's just I felt all the energy move up and tight and I felt most of the tension in my chest,

Which is why I put my hand on my chest.

And at first I like braced and then I remembered,

Oh yeah,

Loving.

Mm-hmm.

And what changed in that?

Oh,

Yeah,

Loving.

The tension softened.

It was still there,

But it wasn't in control of me anymore.

Okay.

Yeah.

So what like right there?

Oh,

This tension softened.

What does that make possible?

Haha.

Okay,

So.

.

.

Can I share something that came up in my mind when it happened?

Like I felt the feeling in my body,

Which I know you want me to stay with,

Was tension.

But I was like,

This makes sense.

I felt like the word was nervous.

And it makes sense to me because in my life,

My historical part of my life is.

.

.

Love was dangerous.

And so when I hear somebody come and say,

I love you,

Especially grabbing me like that,

Like I love you,

It turns that nervousness back online.

And so.

.

.

If I am able to be with that nervousness and soften into it,

Like you said,

Then when someone comes to me and says,

I love you,

I can notice the response but not feel like I have to close down.

That's right.

Or close off to it.

Yeah.

I can just be with it.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Okay.

Is that it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks for your practice.

So that's the real deal,

Y'all.

Um.

.

.

Wow.

Thank you,

Wendy.

I think what I want you all to notice before you do your practice is just.

.

.

Noticing this sense of you are going to have adaptations.

I could probably be in therapy for another 10 years,

And when somebody comes up and says,

I love you,

I might still feel nervous.

But if I can learn like,

Oh,

This is just what my body does,

Then I don't have to fight it or get controlled by it.

I can actually be in a moment to choose something different.

And this is what we want for you as well,

Starting with you being able to sit with a sensation.

So in a moment,

You are going to do the practice so that you can get into more friendly relationship with this experience inside of you.

And Wendy is going to guide us through.

So let's get ready to do the practice.

Okay,

Let's practice.

Again,

The setup of the practice.

You will position yourself in a way that feels right.

You can be standing,

You can be seated.

Turn.

One side or the other toward me.

We're engaging our imagination here.

I'm going to come and take your wrist on that side.

We're going to practice on both sides.

So just feel for which side wants to be forward first.

And I'll come in.

I'll use a universal prompt the first time.

Your job,

Feel yourself.

Give yourself five or ten seconds to be with those sensations.

And then listen for the impulse.

Where does your body then want loving contact?

Do that.

Be with it for another five or ten seconds.

And then we'll come out.

Ask you a couple of questions.

Okay,

So that's where we're headed.

Position yourself.

Feel what's here.

Nothing right or wrong.

Just feel yourself.

What sensations are happening inside of you?

And I'm going to come in with the grab.

Hey!

Feel for the impulse of where you want to make contact.

With your own body.

Bring some loving contact.

Where it feels just right.

Notice what,

If anything.

Happens as you do that.

Come out of the shape.

All right,

Before we go to the questions,

Let's do the second side.

Face your other side towards me.

Feel yourself.

And before we do the grab and blend on the second side,

Bring to heart and mind.

Something you're longing for.

Real time in your life.

What dream are you going after?

Or do you have what vision are you looking to fulfill on?

Yeah,

And bring it to heart and mind and notice what happens in your tissues as you connect with that.

We're going to add that in for the second round.

Okay,

Feel yourself.

That's not possible.

Be with the sensations.

Notice.

When you hear the impulse,

Make contact,

Loving contact.

With yourself.

In the place that feels just right.

The pressure that feels just right.

Okay,

Feel yourself.

Yeah,

Notice what's here.

And as you're ready,

Stay with all of that.

You can come out of the shape.

And I'm going to ask three questions here.

Just feel.

For the answer.

First question,

What did you learn?

Happens in you at the level of sensation when you get grabbed.

Second question.

What told you where?

You wanted loving contact.

Third question.

What happened inside of you?

As a result of that loving contact.

No need to write these questions down.

They'll be here for you.

Okay.

There's the practice.

Justin,

Want to come back and join us?

Goodness wendy thank you so much of course wow everybody So I want you to just be with what you're feeling,

Notice what comes up,

And pay attention a little bit later throughout the day to see how this keeps unfolding with you.

And you can keep coming back to this practice again and again,

And even noticing if you bring a different prompt or turn to a different side,

You know what comes up for you.

Thank you so much,

Wendy.

And now,

For those of you who have found this to be really useful for you,

I want to tell you how you can take this deeper.

This is called It Gets Better.

And I want you to think of something in your life that you're trying to break through.

And we'll sing to that.

When everything is on top of me and I feel I cannot breathe.

The glass is empty.

I need a drink,

A shot of sobriety.

Oh,

When the night gets darker,

So black it's torture.

And when the fight gets harder,

We must get stronger.

Ha,

Ha,

Ha,

Oh,

You ain't seen nothing.

It gets better.

You ain't seen nothing.

They ain't seen nothing.

It gets better.

They ain't seen nothing.

So whatever you're going through in your life right now.

However you're feeling about breaking through.

I want you to know that when you do This kind of deep work.

You can start to step forward towards your dreams.

Your body will release you.

It's not just in your mind.

It's in your tissues.

And so together,

We're going to do this work.

And as we do this deep work,

We're going to get better together.

So on this last chorus,

I want you to sing it with me.

Here we go.

One,

Two,

Three.

Here we go.

Come on.

Ain't seen nothing.

It gets better.

They ain't seen nothing.

They ain't seen nothing.

It gets better.

They ain't seen nothing.

So go ahead and place your hands over the center of your chest with me.

Close your eyes and take a deep,

Full breath in.

And a breath out.

And ask yourself,

What is the one golden nugget or key takeaway you're taking from this session?

What's worth remembering?

And once you have it,

You can open your eyes and type it into the comments here.

Or if you're a member of our Transform My Life community,

Go share it inside of our app and our community forum.

I absolutely love hearing your golden nuggets and getting to read them.

My golden nugget is this.

Yes,

I really,

Like,

Really flubbed what I think might have been a really beautiful relationship that came into my life.

But the gift is,

It brought me to somatic work.

So no experience is wasted.

Because now my nervous system can actually enjoy having the things that I want instead of being so anxious all the time.

And I hope that today you learned about the responses that your body is making.

And I want to thank Wendy so much for taking the time to come in today.

If you want to learn more about her and her work,

You can see all of the information in the description.

And I hope that you know that when you work both the mind and the body.

It gets better.