Welcome to this practice,
The calm meditation.
This practice has been years in the making,
As I thought about different ways to help people calm their anxiety,
Worry,
Anger,
Agitation,
Upset,
Hurt,
Or any other painful emotional state.
Calm integrates 30 years of studying psychology,
As well as 16 years as a trauma therapist,
Helping hundreds of people feel calmer,
Happier,
And more at peace.
The calm meditation combines breath work,
Somatic healing,
Nervous system regulation and parts work,
Focusing on calming and reassuring your inner child.
This practice will focus on anxiety.
.
.
But you can use it anytime you're struggling.
And please do pause the meditation at any time if you'd like more time to speak with your anxious inner child.
Start by feeling your feet flat and grounded on the floor,
Sitting in an upright but relaxed posture,
And gently rolling your shoulders back so your chest opens up.
Close your eyes if that feels comfortable for you,
Or soften and lower your gaze.
Then take some deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Try counting to four on the in-breath and four on the out-breath.
Keep breathing slow,
Deep and steady.
As you are breathing,
Let your belly rise and fall with each breath.
Keep breathing for 60 seconds.
Now let's move into our practice.
First,
Be curious about your experience.
Scan your body and notice where you feel the anxiety.
For most people it shows up in their belly.
In this step,
We are turning towards the difficult emotion,
Rather than trying to avoid it or shut it down.
What do the sensations of anxiety actually feel like?
You might notice tension in the muscles of your abdomen,
Butterflies,
Fizzing energy,
Or a heavy feeling of dread,
As if something bad is about to happen.
Remember that it's just anxiety.
A normal healthy emotion like sadness or joy.
Anxiety can't harm you in any way.
So turning towards it with curiosity.
Is a powerful first step in softening and easing the emotional and somatic tension in your body.
If you feel overwhelmed at any point,
Feel free to pause the practice and return to compassionate breathing until your nervous system has settled.
Everything about this practice should be gentle,
Kind and unforced.
So if it's too much right now,
Just stop and try again later.
Extend the same open-hearted curiosity to your mind,
And notice what you're thinking.
Probably worries whirling round and round.
No need to do anything with these thoughts.
Just let them play out.
Then bring your attention back into your body.
And begin to connect with your inner child.
Which is the part of you feeling so anxious.
Say hello,
Welcome them in,
And let them know you get how scared they are right now.
Ask this little part.
Why are they feeling so anxious?
And just listen to what they have to say.
Be careful not to jump in and rescue them.
Or move into problem solving mode.
Just be with them.
Offering comfort and care.
Again,
If you start feeling overwhelmed at any point,
Just pause and return to the compassionate breathing.
The next step is to accept whatever is happening.
When you feel a strong emotion like anxiety.
Protective parts of you might want to take you out of the experience,
Numb or distract you,
Have you detach or dissociate.
You might feel a strong urge to grab your phone,
Play a game or doomscroll to distract yourself.
You may also use food or other substances such as cigarettes,
Weed,
Alcohol or other drugs to numb your feelings.
As much as you can,
Just notice these strong impulses and urge serve them,
Letting them come and go.
If it's helpful,
You could speak to the protectors trying to get rid of your feelings.
And reassure them that big strong adult you.
Can handle this.
It's just an uncomfortable feeling and won't last forever.
And reassure your anxious inner child that it's okay to feel scared sometimes and is completely understandable.
If there's something scary you're dealing with right now.
The third step brings in the nourishing energy of love.
Turning towards yourself and your inner child.
With open-hearted,
Tender love.
In this step,
We hold our suffering with great care,
Kindness and compassion,
Loving that scared little kid inside,
Who is probably feeling scared the same way you did as a child.
There is a beautiful saying in Buddhist teaching that when we feel empathy,
We let our heart tremble at another's suffering.
Let your adult heart tremble at the pain your little self is experiencing right now.
Place a hand over your heart in a warm,
Comforting manner.
Send that anxious little kid some warm,
Friendly,
Compassionate breaths.
Feel the breath permeating deep into your body.
Helping your inner child and nervous system settle.
Talk to the little kid inside.
Telling them how much you care for them.
That you love them and ask what they need right now to feel calmer and safer.
That might be a big hug.
More reassuring words.
Promising them they don't have to deal with the scary things.
Giving a speech or dealing with family conflict that is provoking so much anxiety in their little mind and body.
Reassure them that you will handle the scary thing and will shield them from harm so they can feel safe and protected.
Keep being with them in this way.
Unhurried,
Patient,
Loving,
Until I feel a bit calmer.
And when they do feel calmer,
So will you,
Because of course this is just part of you and their feelings reverberate through your body.
In the final step,
It's helpful to be mindful of your body.
How is your inner child feeling after this practice?
A little calmer,
More relaxed,
More peaceful.
You will know how they are feeling,
Both by the emotions you notice inside and somatic changes.
Is your belly a little softer?
Your chest looser and more open.
Have your shoulders softened and dropped?
If you do notice those feelings,
Focus on them,
Enjoy them,
And let them soak into your body.
That's the gold,
The healing magic of parts work like this.
So if you do notice any good feelings inside,
Make the most of them.
As you focus on the feelings,
If you notice them fading,
Imagine turning them back up,
So you get to enjoy every last drop.
Now enjoy them for 30 seconds.
Then take one last deep breath and open your eyes.
I very much hope you enjoyed that.
And that your anxiety has eased a little.
If so,
Try to take these calmer,
Safer feelings with you into the rest of your day.
Thank you so much for practicing with me,
And I hope you have a lovely day.
