Welcome to this guided imagery practice,
Working with the critic.
I developed this technique to help people work with their inner critic,
Which is often a crucial element of therapy.
We all have an inner critic,
It's just how our minds and internal system of parts work.
If we are lucky enough to grow up in a reasonably functional family,
With parents who loved us and did their best,
However imperfectly,
Our critic might be fairly mild,
Not too harsh or negative.
But if you experience trauma or neglect in your family of origin,
If one or both of your parents was especially harsh,
Demanding or critical of you,
If you felt defective like a failure or not good enough as a child,
Then your critic will,
I'm afraid,
Probably be loud,
Super harsh and relentlessly negative.
That's how it is for most of my clients and used to be for me before I learned how to calm my critic down.
Let's start this practice by finding a comfortable sitting posture on a meditation cushion or straight back chair with your feet flat on the floor.
Close your eyes if that feels comfortable for you,
Or soften and lower your gaze.
Gently roll your shoulders back and feel your chest open up,
Sitting in an upright but relaxed posture.
Now breathe deeply,
In through your nose and out through your mouth,
Slow,
Deep and steady.
As you breathe,
Imagine your abdomen is like a balloon,
Gently rising on the in-breath and falling away on the out-breath.
Keep breathing.
Now bring to mind a recent time when you were criticizing yourself or giving yourself a hard time about something.
It could be a moment where you said something that seemed awkward,
Clunky or insensitive in some way.
It might be a situation where you felt you messed up or didn't meet your own high standards.
This could be a time where you felt vulnerable,
Exposed or threatened,
Because that's often when our critic gets loud,
Either at the time,
After the event or both.
If that critical voice is loud inside your head,
It shouldn't be too hard to find something that happened recently.
So just pick one situation and imagine it in your mind's eye.
Put yourself right back into that situation,
As if it's happening now.
What's going on?
What are you thinking?
About yourself?
About what others might be thinking of you?
Are there any other kinds of self-critical thoughts running through your head?
How do you feel emotionally as you think that stuff?
You may notice anxiety,
Feeling hurt or upset,
Perhaps some embarrassment or even shame.
And what's happening in your body as you feel those things?
There may be a tight feeling in your chest or gut.
Perhaps your heart is racing.
Your muscles may feel tight.
You might feel heat rising in your chest,
Throat and face.
There is no right or wrong way to think or feel in this situation.
So just allow whatever's happening right now to be there.
Accept and lean into it as much as possible.
But remember to keep breathing.
Now let that situation fade away.
It's fading,
Fading and then it's gone.
Then I want you to imagine that you're in a room,
Looking out through your eyes at this big space you find yourself in.
Notice that in front of you is a large glass window with a closed door in the middle.
And as you look through that window,
See your critic inside,
Saying all the harsh or mean things you just imagined in your triggering situation.
Take a moment to see how the critic shows up.
They might look like a person or be in some other form.
Don't try and make them look like anything.
Just see how they appear.
Then notice how you're feeling as you look at this part of you.
You could be feeling a bit stressed,
Tense,
Frightened or hostile.
Again,
There is no right or wrong way to feel.
So just go with whatever's happening.
Keep watching the critic,
Saying whatever they said when you felt triggered.
You then have a choice.
You can stay outside the room,
Which is totally fine.
Use the rest of this practice just to get familiar with this part of you and the impact it has.
Or you can choose to go into the room.
Importantly,
As big,
Strong adult you,
And speak to the critic.
Again,
If that feels too much for you,
It's completely fine.
Just spend some more time watching and learning.
But if you do feel able to go in,
Open the door and join the critic.
Remember to be polite and civil to this part,
Even if that's hard at first.
And if you find yourself being hostile,
Angry or anxious,
Ask the critic to wait and take a few deep breaths until you feel calmer and can re-engage.
Sit opposite the critic and say you want to find out more about them.
Ask them why they gave you such a hard time recently.
Then ask them what they were afraid would happen if they didn't speak to you this way.
Just listen to whatever they have to say.
It's possible that they might still give you a hard time,
In which case you may need to be a little firmer and say it's not okay to speak to you that way,
That you're there to listen to and understand them,
So could they please be respectful.
But it's also possible that they may say something surprising,
Perhaps sharing their fears about what bad things might happen to you if they stop being critical.
Again,
If so,
Just listen and take that in.
Finally,
If they expressed any kind of protectiveness,
For example,
Saying that they spoke to you like that to stop you saying something that would get you hurt or attacked,
Or to stop you doing something that would lead to a bad outcome,
Thank them for trying to protect you.
This may feel a bit weird or counterintuitive,
But the more you get to know your critic,
The more you'll realise that,
For the vast majority of critics,
Everything they do is either trying to motivate or protect you in some way,
Even if the method they use can be clumsy or hurtful.
Then thank the critic for speaking to you.
Go back outside and close the door.
Take a few deep breaths and spend a moment digesting what you just learned.
Were you surprised by what the critic said?
Is it any less scary now?
Does it look different in any way?
Perhaps taking on a different form?
Or is it exactly the same?
Was it okay to speak to this part?
If so,
Could you try this again whenever they start giving you a hard time?
Just spend a few seconds letting all of that percolate.
Then let that image fade from your mind.
It's fading,
Fading and it's gone.
Now bring your attention back to your breath,
Travelling in and out of your nose and mouth.
The weight of your body resting in the chair.
Sounds coming to you from all around.
Then slowly open your eyes and move into your day.
As you do,
See if you can catch the critic every time it's harsh or negative.
Then respond just as you did in this practice.
Day by day,
Bit by bit,
That will get easier and you should start to think and feel differently.
Thank you for meditating with me.
Sending you love and warm thoughts wherever you are in the world and whatever you may be struggling with right now.
