How To Calm Your Inner Worrier: IFS Meditation

This guided-imagery practice will be especially helpful if you struggle with worry and anxiety. If so, you probably have a loud Inner Worrier, who worries constantly about everything that might go wrong in the future. Dan leads you through a powerful, highly effective, IFS-based technique he created for his anxious clients – you will learn to calm your Worrier down, which will help you worry less and feel calmer, more relaxed and at peace.

Transcript

Welcome to this guided imagery practice on working with your inner worrier.

It's for anyone who struggles with worry and anxiety,

Which is most of us at some point in our lives,

Even if it's not an everyday debilitating problem.

Start by closing your eyes if that feels okay for you,

Or softening and lowering your gaze.

Find a comfortable posture,

Either sitting or lying down.

Gently roll your shoulders back and take some deep breaths,

In through your nose,

Out through your mouth,

To a slow count of four on the in-breath and four on the out-breath.

Keep breathing deeply.

Now I want you to imagine there's a part of you inside we'll call your worrier.

He or she is the part that does all the worrying for you about future events that feel daunting,

Threatening,

Scary or difficult in some way,

That might be worrying about an important meeting or big presentation at work.

It could be anticipating a wedding day,

Which despite all the joy and happiness involves a huge amount of planning,

With a thousand little things that could go wrong on the day.

You may be worrying about a health problem that you or a loved one is dealing with right now.

For some people worries focus on financial issues.

For others they're more about their children,

Body image or relationships.

Whatever the particular focus and flavor of your worries,

Know that this worrier living inside your mind is the part who does all of that for you.

Now I want you to go inside and see if you can find this worrier part.

They might show up as an image of a man,

Woman or something else.

You might just get some thoughts or memories or other kinds of images.

The part might show up as a feeling,

Like anxiety or stress,

Or they could appear in your body.

Perhaps as a tightness in your chest,

Neck,

Shoulders or jaw.

However the worrier shows up.

Just say hello by thinking that message inside.

Let them know you're curious to understand and find out about them,

And that you want to help them a little if you can.

Now check in to see how you're feeling about this part.

If you notice any judgmental or frustrated thoughts,

Feelings of dislike or disapproval,

That's another part getting involved who doesn't like the worrier.

Tell this new part that they're welcome,

But then ask them to relax back,

Use those words,

And give you some space so you can help the worrier.

Now focus back on the worrier and see how you feel.

You may feel different,

Perhaps some sympathy for how frazzled and stressed out they probably are.

After all,

They've been doing all your worrying for years,

Perhaps decades,

Working hard and never switching off,

Hyper vigilant and on the lookout for anything that might go wrong.

You may also feel some concern,

Interest or curiosity about them.

If you're feeling any of those things,

Let the worrier know that.

For example,

By thinking,

I do feel for you,

You must be exhausted.

Or,

I'm interested to find out more about you.

Also send them those feelings from your heart.

Then let them know it's time to help.

First,

I want you to imagine an amazing office in your mind.

Go ahead and build it mentally,

Filling it up with a huge beautiful desk,

Shelves lined with books,

A big comfy sofa,

TV,

Fridge full of drinks,

Coffee machine,

Plants,

Paintings.

Make this office a really beautiful space.

When you're done,

Let the worrier know this is their office.

And say it's so big and luxurious because they're important.

They're one of the key parts inside protecting you from bad stuff.

So they deserve a place to be.

So they deserve a lovely office like this.

Get them to explore it and check it out.

Then have them sit behind that huge desk.

And on the desk,

Imagine there are two intres.

The one on the left has a sign reading realistic worries.

The one on the right has a sign that says unrealistic worries.

Now focus on something you've been worrying about recently.

Think about this event and all of the worries that were going through your mind.

Now take each of these worries in turn and,

If it seems realistic,

Which means it's proportional,

Is actually likely to happen and,

Hopefully,

Is a problem that can be solved,

Visualize it as a piece of paper that goes in the left intres,

Marked realistic.

Then find an unrealistic worry,

Which means disproportionate,

Unlikely to actually happen,

Perhaps catastrophic or illogical and,

Even if it is a problem,

Is not one that can be solved by you.

That piece of paper goes in the right intres,

Marked unrealistic.

Add a few more on each side.

Take your time.

Now the next step is to say to the worrier,

All these unrealistic worries just stay in that intres.

We know they're there,

But there's nothing to be done about them,

So just accept that and let them be.

Sometimes the worrier is not keen on this step,

But let them know it's important for both of your well-being,

And will help them worry more effectively about everything in the realistic intres.

Now say,

OK,

So all these realistic worries are essentially problems that need to be solved,

And it's my job,

Meaning big adult you,

To solve them.

Then break each one down to find small problems that are not too big,

But that you can solve.

Then break each one down to find small,

Solvable steps.

For example,

If you're worried about a mole on your arm,

Step one is telling your partner or family member you're concerned,

Step two is making an appointment with your doctor,

And so on.

Try imagining this with one of those realistic worries,

And again,

Take your time.

By this stage,

The worrier should get the gist of his or her new role.

To accept unrealistic worries,

And just let them be,

You can say,

OK,

I'm going to focus on realistic,

Solvable worries,

And help you take action to resolve them.

Ask if that seems OK,

Or whether they have any problems or issues with this new approach.

If so,

Just hear them out.

Let them know it will take time to adjust,

And you'll be back to help every day until it's running smoothly.

Then leave them to their task,

Say goodbye,

And do what you need to do to finish that up.

Then in your own time,

You can say,

Come on back,

Take a deep breath,

And open your eyes.

So,

How was that?

I hope it seemed helpful,

And will over time,

Allow your worrier to worry in a way that's effective,

Useful,

And focused on problem solving,

Not wear you both out by worrying about things that will probably never happen.

Check back in and repeat this exercise every day until you get the hang of it.

Thank you for accompanying me on this inner journey,

And I hope you have a lovely day.

Reviews

WOW. This was amazing. I saw my Worrier right away. Almost instantly, I could recognize this person despite never “seeing” them. And right now, they are resting on a recliner in their cozy office because “I’ve got it” today. Thank you for this incredible meditation!

Thank you so much for this visualization exercise. I’m currently in CBT therapy and it’s so helpful to learn more about IFS and do meditation exercises with that extra touch of therapeutic compassion from an experienced professional in the mental health field.

Love this meditation! Having a gentle chat with my inner worrier (suspiciously similar to obsessed-with-Pepe-Silvia Charlie in It's Always Sunny) and giving them a little rest is incredibly soothing. This visualization is effective and pretty fun!

It was awesome technique to deal with our anxiety and worries that tought us.
Thank you for this.
Pranaam.

This was profound! I felt right away how my worrier part was just very young, lonely, and overwhelmed, and wanted someone to help her. The visualization process was helpful and comforting. Parts work really is amazing! I’m so grateful for your offerings here. 🫶🏼

Thank you so much, dear Dan, for your wonderful meditation and your wonderful suggestions. Yes, I remember my inner critic, warrior, and watchdog, and thank you so much. It's wonderful that you brought it up again in this way. I love your voice and your clarity. You help me so much. It's a wonderful support and so precious to me.

As someone currently in IFS therapy I found this meditation fantastic

This was a really helpful visualization! I'm learning about IFS, as a practising psychotherapist, and being able to experience it personally and have it be helpful is a huge gift. it's brought up some feelings that I'm excited to explore. Deep gratitude.🙏🏼

Thanks for helping me guide my inner worrier into a beautiful office with all the comfort they deserve 🙏🙏🙏💙💙💙

The IFS model really resonates with me, and the practical visualization in this meditation help make it accessible and effective. Thanks!

🙏🏼very helpful inspiration! The only thing I wished, I had a bit longer time without guiding voice to have more time to built up my worrier and office scenenario. Just my preferences…

Helpful exercise that I will return to. Thank you 🙏

Such a beautiful calming voice with clear guidance. Thank you. 🙏🏼

Really helpful practice for when you’re feeling anxious. Thank you 🙏

Helpful and a very useful exercise even though I still feel worried..I guess I have to keep doing it

Your IFS meditations are incredible, thank you so much!