This is a short practice you can use every morning to help your system calm down before the day begins,
Or any time you're feeling triggered or upset in any way and want to help your parts feel seen,
Heard and cared for.
Close your eyes if that feels okay for you,
Or soften and lower your gaze.
Then find a comfortable posture,
Either sitting or lying down.
Gently roll your shoulders back and open your chest,
And take some deep breaths,
In through your nose,
Out through your mouth,
To a slow count of 4 on the in-breath and 4 on the out-breath.
Keep breathing.
Now mindfully scan your body to see if you can find any places of physical discomfort,
Like tension,
Tightness,
A sense of bracing or holding on,
Or emotional discomfort,
Sadness,
Hurt,
Upset,
Agitation,
Anxiety,
Depression or anger.
Or discomfort in your mind,
Worries,
Rumination,
Obsessing over something you said or did,
Or that someone said or did to you.
In internal family systems,
Any discomfort like this,
Whether physical,
Emotional or cognitive,
Is called a trailhead.
And these trailheads,
Once we find and follow them,
Always lead to a part of us that's in some kind of pain,
And needs comfort,
Reassurance or validation.
Settle on one place in your body or mind.
And as you focus on the trailhead,
Whether that's a physical sensation,
Painful emotion or difficult thoughts,
Let that part know you feel it,
That you know it's struggling right now,
And that it's not alone.
You're there,
You want to help,
And you care about it.
Try sending some warm,
Deep,
Nourishing breaths into that place in your body or mind.
Imagining that you can send those breaths all the way in through your nostrils,
Down your windpipe,
Into your chest and back and belly,
All the way to the part that's having a hard time right now,
Wherever it's showing up inside.
Then,
Don't try and force anything,
But if you can send some warmth,
Friendliness,
Compassion,
Even a loving energy,
From your heart to this part of you that's struggling so much right now,
Go ahead and do that.
And now see what happens.
See whether sending the warm breath,
Loving energy,
Compassionate thoughts has helped this part feel better.
Sometimes,
Just letting the parts know they're not alone,
That you're there,
And that there is a you who is not apart,
Which they may not be aware of.
That you get them and care about them is enough to help them relax.
If they do relax,
See what that's like.
You may notice some warmth inside,
Feel lighter in your body,
Have a sense of relaxing,
Softening or ease.
You may notice your thoughts stop racing and slow down a little,
So your mind feels a little calmer and more spacious.
You might even start to feel sleepy or notice yourself yawning a lot.
I love it when this happens with my clients,
Because it means their agitated part has calmed down a little and their parasympathetic nervous system has come online,
So they feel calm,
Sleepy and relaxed.
Sometimes none of this stuff happens,
And that's perfectly fine.
It just means this part is still upset and not ready to relax yet.
If that's the case,
Let them know there's no rush,
No pressure,
That you know they're there and will keep checking in on them throughout the day.
They may need to stay active and blended with you,
Letting you feel their upset feelings so you don't ignore or forget about them.
But if the part does relax,
Just take a moment to enjoy that experience,
Whether it's a physical sensation,
Emotional ease or mental shift.
Focus on it,
Savour it and let it sink in.
This is a practice you can do often,
But it's especially helpful if you're feeling some kind of bad,
Stressed,
Upset,
Hurt and so on.
Because then you get into the habit of realising that bad feeling is coming from a part,
Probably a young one,
And you learn to listen to,
Comfort,
Soothe and reassure those young parts,
Just like this,
Over and over throughout the day,
Whenever you need to.
And it becomes a kind of process or flow,
Rather than a thing you only do when you sit on your meditation cushion.
It's just part of the moment-to-moment flow of your life.
Now do whatever you need to make this feel complete,
And then,
Whenever you're ready,
Take one last deep breath and open your eyes,
Then carry this greater sense of connection with your parts into the rest of your day.
