Genuine Surrender

Hi,

Welcome.

I want to talk to you today about genuine surrender.

I will start at the beginning.

So we humans all have desires,

Right?

We have wants,

Things that we want all the time.

It might be as simple as I want an apple and I go get an apple.

I get what I want,

Nobody gets hurt.

Or maybe somebody wants a job,

They apply for the job and they get it.

I love when that happens.

And then there are those times in life,

Cue up the Mick Jagger,

You can't always get what you want.

There are those times we don't get what we want.

Now,

There are a lot of different ways we can deal with that.

We can accept it and move on.

We can stay open to maybe getting it in the future.

We can grieve that we didn't get what we want or we're not getting what we want and hopefully eventually come to acceptance.

Or in some cases,

Which is where we're heading towards genuine surrender,

In some cases we can stay focused on the thing that we want that we don't have and keep focusing on it and keep focusing on it and keep focusing on it.

Obsess on it,

Hitch our okayness and our esteem to having it.

Compare to other people who have it and it can become a really painful way to live.

Having a desire is completely normal,

But staying overly focused on a desire that we haven't achieved or haven't gotten,

Maybe yet,

Maybe at all,

Is a painful way to live and keeps us from living in the present moment.

Now,

If you have something or more than one thing that you've really been wanting in your life,

And you've taken the actions you know to take,

And you relate to some of the things I said,

You're focusing,

You're obsessing,

You're really comparing to other people who have this whatever it is,

Fill in the blank,

This is where the idea,

The feeling,

The practice of genuine surrender can be very,

Very liberating,

Very relieving.

And in some cases,

Not always,

But in some cases that's actually when the thing we want shows up,

When we genuinely surrender.

The tricky thing is though,

We can't surrender to trick the universe into giving us a thing.

That's why I say genuine surrender,

Because sometimes it's like,

I let it go,

I let it go,

I let it go,

But I'm peeking to see if it's coming.

I'm peeking to see if I have it yet.

Genuine surrender is going from clenched obsession,

Comparing,

Your okayness is dependent upon this thing,

Whatever it is,

Situation,

And really letting it go.

Finding that place inside of you,

That's okay,

Either way.

Now this is a practice,

As many of these tools you're hearing are.

So genuine surrender.

When I talk about surrender,

You might ask,

Who or what am I surrendering to?

Well,

This is a very personal experience.

So some people might surrender to life or their path in life or life force or whatever name or energy you believe in or can reach out to or connect with that's bigger than your mind,

Bigger than material world.

Some people call it source,

Some people call it creator or God,

Some people call it life force energy or infinite intelligence.

When I think about surrender and when I genuinely surrender,

I think about whatever force or source made butterflies and hummingbirds and people and babies and snowflakes and no two fingerprints the same,

There is clearly something bigger than me and my little mind.

So going from,

I've got to have this thing,

I'm not okay if I don't have it,

I'm looking at everybody else in the world who has it,

I'm comparing myself constantly,

To I am letting it go.

I surrender,

I give it up.

It doesn't mean you don't still want it,

You keep the welcome mat out,

It doesn't mean you don't take action if there's action to be taken or you're moved to take some kind of action,

That's all part of the deal.

It means you're letting go of the constant focus on it and you're letting go of hitching your okayness to it.

So I want to give you a little example of genuine surrender in my life.

I have a lot of examples but I thought I would share the most life-changing example for me.

It was many years ago and I was single and I wanted to be partnered and I had taken the actions that I knew to take.

I was dating and went on some blind dates and tried and went to some group things and I was trying to be partnered and what's most important for me in this story is that I didn't feel okay not being partnered.

I felt less than,

I felt inadequate,

I compared myself to couples all the time.

It seemed like the whole world was coupled because that's how the brain can work,

That's like all we see is what we want or think is missing.

And even though the couples I was comparing myself to might not have even been happy,

That didn't matter,

That doesn't always matter to the brain.

I felt inadequate and I felt less than and I felt very obsessed with the idea of being coupled and partnered.

And then genuine surrender arrived.

Sometimes we can make a decision to genuinely surrender something and sometimes it can just sort of descend upon us like I got graced with genuine surrender.

I'll never forget the day I was walking down a path near the beach,

Heading to the beach.

I had my little dog at the time,

She's no longer here but I was walking down this beautiful path with flowers on both sides,

So lovely.

I could start to hear the ocean as I was walking and this thought just came to me,

Why can't this be enough?

Why can't I just be enough?

Why can't this moment of walking down this beautiful,

Colorful path with my precious dog,

Heading to the beach,

With my life as it is,

With shelter and food and water and friends and work I love,

Why can't this just be enough?

And I genuinely surrendered,

Not like I surrender to see if then I get it kind of surrender.

I really,

Really let it go.

Now because it was a genuine surrender I didn't write it in my calendar,

So I don't know what date that was.

You could probably see where this is going but I really let it go and sometime after that,

I have no idea how long because this was a long time ago,

This was like almost 20 years ago.

Sometime after that,

Maybe months I'm guessing,

Maybe six months,

It's total guess at this point.

Sometime after I ran into an old friend,

An old colleague,

We had both been studying to be therapists at the same time many,

Many years earlier and we had so much in common,

Both therapists,

Both into nature,

Both very,

Very into spirituality and spiritual practices,

Both kind of homebodies and it was like who is this guy?

And I'm sure you can guess the rest of the story.

So we've been married for a long time,

Very happily,

And that came from a very genuine surrender.

Now if it hadn't happened,

I had really surrendered and I had really dipped into that place of,

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

I'm okay now as is and that's the key.

Now I don't fully understand why sometimes when we let go of something we get it,

Not always,

But a lot of times you may have heard stories,

You may have experienced this where you let go of something and then you get it and I think why didn't we get it when we really wanted it?

Why do we get it when we don't care anymore?

I'll speak to the manager about that someday,

But my guess is that it's the universe's way of helping us have our okayness be unconditional,

But that's just a guess.

So if you have something in your life or maybe more than one thing that you are ready to genuinely surrender,

Let's do it now.

So if you're not sitting down already or lying down or really comfortable,

You can change your position and get really comfortable.

You can close your eyes if you'd like.

You're also welcome to just lower your gaze and just take a couple of slow,

Deep breaths.

Let your shoulders soften.

Let your hands soften.

Give your jaw and your eyes permission to relax and soften.

Really feel the surface beneath you holding you up.

Feel the support.

And when you're ready,

Call to mind what it is that you are ready to genuinely surrender.

You can still be open to receiving it.

You can still take action if there's action to be taken,

But ready to release the battle.

Ready to release the focus.

And if you'd like,

You can even gently or tightly clench your fists as a symbol of how you've been holding on to this,

Opening your fists,

Surrendering.

I let this go.

Go.

I let go of attaching my okayness to this fill in the blank.

I'm okay now.

I'm going to keep my focus on reality,

Present moment reality,

More and more.

I'm going to let my life unfold.

I surrender.

I'm open and I surrender.

I'm letting this go.

And make sure you're breathing deeply or consciously.

And whenever you're ready,

Bring your attention back to the surface holding you up.

The breath moving through your body.

And you can open your eyes.

So this isn't always a one and done.

Surrender can be an ongoing practice,

Especially if you've been hanging on to something for a while.

I hope this was helpful.

I hope you will continue to genuinely surrender whatever topics have been pulling you from presence or convincing you that you're not okay without.

And I thank you for joining me.