Feeling Behind? Stop The Rush And Change Your Perspective

Today's topic is really an example of how inner and outer journeys impact each other.

It's this question that I have often asked myself,

And it came up in a coaching session this week,

Again,

With a coaching client of mine,

And I thought,

Okay,

I think I should record an episode about this,

Because I feel like it's something that people often think about,

And it can actually really impact your life.

It's an inner journey we go into,

But it impacts the outer journeys we take,

Basically.

So it's this question of,

Am I behind?

And if you're listening to this right now,

I'm sure you can resonate with this question,

And you probably have asked yourself this,

Perhaps more than once.

I certainly have,

Especially,

I think,

In the last couple of years,

There have been so many changes in my life.

Moving countries,

Five years ago,

I started my business,

And I completely changed my career.

All of those changes,

And with every step I took,

I wondered,

Okay,

Am I behind?

Shouldn't I have started this years ago,

Or can I still move countries and just start over and leave everything behind?

And the answer is yes.

I have never stopped myself when that question came up of,

Am I behind?

I did go through those doubts,

But took the steps,

And that has been incredible.

If you have followed my journey,

You know that a couple of months ago,

I moved back to Australia.

And if I had listened to those doubts and felt like,

Oh,

No,

I have to follow a certain timeline,

I wouldn't have been here today.

I would probably still have been in my corporate job.

Maybe I would have thought that I had to buy a house by now or start a family.

And that's what we're going to talk about in this episode.

The first thing,

Actually,

Let's just dive right into it.

Is this vision that we have of,

Okay,

My life has to go a certain way,

And if it doesn't go that way,

Then I must be behind.

And it's sort of like thinking about time in this linear construct,

Like there's a timeline that we have to follow.

But who made up that timeline?

Right?

If you really think about it,

Where does it come from?

Yes,

Of course,

I think you can think about a few options,

Right?

Society,

Perhaps your culture,

Your family,

Where you grew up,

All of that,

You know,

Your school,

For example,

All of that has formed how you think about how you have to live your life,

The timeline that you have to follow.

First,

You go to school,

Then you find a job,

Then you work hard to get promotions,

Then you can buy a house,

Perhaps start a family.

Eventually,

You work until you're 60 or 70,

Depending on where you live,

Then you retire,

And that's the timeline of your life.

But I know if you're listening to this podcast,

If you resonate with what I've been sharing so far,

That perhaps you want your timeline to look a little bit different.

And perhaps now you're figuring out,

Okay,

What is the next step in my life?

Am I actually making the right choices right now?

So perhaps that timeline that I just shared with you is not the timeline that you envision for your life.

I certainly have not,

And there's nothing wrong with that timeline if that's what makes you happy.

But I think often we feel like very constricted by it.

And it's often this realization that once we start to think about this,

That we realize,

Okay,

This is actually not exactly how life works.

Maybe I want a couple of those things of this linear timeline,

But maybe life doesn't happen in that order,

Right?

For example,

I moved abroad for the first time when I was 20.

No one else around me did that.

And perhaps people thought it was a bad idea.

Perhaps some people thought it was really,

Really exciting.

But eventually,

I had to listen to myself and realize,

Okay,

This is what I want to do in this phase of my life right now.

So that's the first thing.

It's often,

If we think about this question of,

Am I behind?

Where does it come from?

It's often this timeline that we feel like we have to follow.

And another thing related to that is that we often compare ourselves to other people's timelines and how other people live their lives.

There's often a gap with how we feel on the inside and how we compare ourselves to the life that we see someone else living on the outside.

So we compare our internal circumstances with the external circumstances of someone else.

And of course,

You get a mismatch then,

Because maybe it looks like this person is further ahead in life,

If you would call it that way.

But you also don't know the steps that person has been taken and also what's going on in the inside.

If you compare your own doubts with someone else's highlight reel,

There will always be a mismatch.

And I've spoken about this in different episodes as well,

That you don't know what's going on in someone else's life.

And for example,

On social media,

You only see 1% of what is actually happening.

So it can look beautiful.

But there are also other parts that are very challenging.

Life happens to everyone.

And there's no linear timeline.

It goes with ups and downs,

And there's no specific order to follow.

But if we start comparing ourselves to other people,

Then really this question can come up of like,

Oh,

Am I behind?

Because this person is already doing that.

And that person is doing that.

And it just creates more of this feeling of being behind and this feeling of lack.

And related to that is the third reason why we often feel like we're behind.

There's almost this fear within ourselves.

You could almost call it FOMO,

The fear of missing out.

That makes you create this sense of urgency.

It's like,

Oh,

I have to do this now because I'm behind.

I have to hurry.

And I've been living with that feeling of rush for a long time.

It's something that I've really worked on hard to get rid of and to really enjoy being more in the present moment.

But there have been many years in my life,

Especially in my 20s,

That I was like,

Oh,

I have to work hard.

I was climbing this corporate ladder,

But also chasing this timeline and rushing and rushing as if I had to,

You know,

Catch the train.

And I don't even know what the destination was of that train,

You know,

But I felt like the faster I go,

The better it is.

And I feel like a lot of people live in this rush state without even knowing what the destination is.

They feel like,

Oh,

I just have to rush through life because otherwise I'm behind.

Let me know which one of those three resonates the most with you.

Is it this this construct,

This timeline that we feel like we have to follow,

Whether it comes from society or family or school?

Is it this comparison that we often get stuck in comparing our lives to other people's lives?

Or is it perhaps this fear that creates this creates a sense of urgency?

And what can we actually do to to reframe this for ourselves so that we don't feel like we are behind?

Well,

First of all,

As I said in the beginning,

Who decides what the timeline is anyways?

If you really think about it,

Time is just a construct.

And I know that sounds super abstract and vague,

But it is really true.

And I always find I realize this when I'm traveling,

For example.

So yesterday I was looking for flights for vacation and I looked up these beautiful islands and I was was checking like,

OK,

Flight time is about five hours from Sydney.

But then I got so confused with arrival time and I was like,

How can it be that the flight is only five hours,

But I arrive almost a day later?

It didn't make sense.

And then I looked up the change in time zones and I realized,

Wow,

This destination is yes,

It's only a five hour flight,

But it's 20 hours behind.

And it just it's just funny to me because it made me realize like,

Yes,

Literally,

We live in different time zones,

But at the same time we're living at the same time.

Right.

Like if you think about it,

If you have a phone call with someone on the other side of the world in a different time zone,

Yes,

You live in different time zones.

But when you have this call,

It's at the same time.

Right.

And this can get super confusing if you think about it,

But it's true.

It's time in that sense is just a construct.

Don't you feel like sometimes time just goes slower than other moments?

For example,

If you're really in the present moment,

Perhaps you're reading a book or you're just at the beach or whatever it is that you really feel relaxed and and just really present in the moment,

Doesn't time just go much slower than when you are stressed and you feel like you have a lot of things to do and you're rushing from one thing to another thing and feels like you never have enough time?

Well,

Guess what?

If you look at your clock,

The minutes just go by at the same pace,

Right?

It's always 60 seconds.

So that in that sense,

Time is the same.

But how we experience time can be very different in different moments.

And this is also what happens when we have this feeling of am I behind?

Just realize for a moment.

Are you really behind or is this just your perspective?

Is this just your experience of time?

And it's something beautiful to reflect on.

And another thing related to that is you're never too late.

And I know this is like a very motivational cliche thing that I'm sure you have heard before with a quote like,

You know,

It's never too late,

But it is really true.

And sometimes you just need that reminder of,

OK,

You're never behind because you are just living your own life.

There's no one to compare yourself to because you are living your own life and you have that time that is for you.

And it's about the choices you make.

And let's dive a little bit deeper into that,

Into those choices,

Because that's how you really,

What people sometimes call collapse timelines.

And this is really about thinking how you want to experience time and the decisions you make.

So let's say you really feel like,

Oh,

I should have been further along in my life.

Think about what is triggering you and if you can actually make a different decision,

Because perhaps it can also tell you something about a desire you have,

A vision you have for your future.

And in that sense,

You can use it in a positive way.

You can reframe it in a way that you feel like,

Oh,

OK,

This tells me something of a desire that I have,

Of something that I want in my life.

But who says that it has to take 10 years to get that?

Why not really tune into that vision,

Make the decision to go for it and see how you open yourself up to the possibilities.

And often what happens,

And this is something that our minds cannot comprehend in that sense,

But if you really decide to go for something,

Opportunities will show up much faster than you could have imagined.

And that's how you can make this quantum leap that you really feel like,

Wow,

Suddenly I put my mind to it and opportunities show up and I'm just stepping into this next version of myself much faster than I imagined was possible.

And that's another example of how time is not linear.

It's really about how you experience life and the decisions you make every day.

And then you can really see things happening so much faster.

Some moments in your life,

It feels like nothing is happening.

And then at a certain point,

You decide I want to change and you decide to make that change and you start taking steps.

And suddenly it feels like everything is accelerating and you're really collapsing timelines in that sense.

So this is another thing you can really reflect on if you perhaps feel like you're at a crossroads right now in your life.

And I recorded another episode about this,

About the in-between phase.

So definitely listen to that one as well.

If you currently feel like you are in this in-between,

Like part of your life,

There's this old version of yourself in a way that you feel like that's not really me anymore,

But you also don't know yet what the next version of yourself could look like or what the next step in your life could be.

I hope this episode made sense for you if you feel like this thought shows up often of am I behind?

And it can really bring you down.

So I gave you some ideas how you can reframe this.

So you can really work with this.

For example,

I have a beautiful meditation that can really help you anchor your future vision.

And what I said before,

How you can bring that towards you.

I feel like if you really live in a way that feels aligned,

If you're really taking the steps that you're passionate about,

That you feel like you're living your purpose,

You will never feel like you are behind.

You will feel like you're exactly where you need to be at this moment in time,

Because you are living your deepest truth.

You are living from your passion.

You're doing the things that you're passionate about.

You are living your purpose.

So how can you be behind in that?

No,

You're not.

You're exactly where you need to be at this moment in time.

For now,

Thank you so much for tuning in and I see you in the next one.