Childless | Going Through My Photo Album

After 6 IUI’s, 3 IVF’s, ten thousands of dollars, relationship challenges, and being really close to a depression. It was enough… Quitting was my act of self-love. Trust me, that was the hardest decision of my life! And now we’re entering a whole new phase… what does life look like being childless?

Despite all the reasons to stay silent, I choose to speak up… Not because I’m looking for sympathy or pity.. But because I know that opening up these honest yet sensitive conversations will benefit so many people around me..

I’m on a mission to raise awareness around childlessness so that together we can help change the conversation… and make sure that unsolicited advice turns into support… real support that leaves us feeling empowered and a little less lonely in this incredibly challenging journey…

Transcript

Thank you for being here.

My name is Rianna.

I'm a serial entrepreneur,

Full-time traveler,

Happily married and childless.

Not by choice.

That's me,

On a beautiful beach.

I don't remember where this was.

To be honest,

I don't even remember that I was there.

In 2011 I packed my bags and drove to Paris to work for three months as an au pair.

The day I arrived,

Standing on a bridge overlooking the sand,

I made a promise to myself to stop pleasing others and create a life that would make me happy.

It's been 12 years now.

I'm a traveler,

I'm a nomad,

My whole life fits in one backpack,

Yes,

I've got nothing else,

And I rarely stay in the same place for long.

Now,

This might not be your type of happy,

But for me it is.

To me,

Travel isn't just about hopping on a plane and exploring new places and cultures,

It's like a journey into myself.

I started traveling not to find myself,

But to remember who I've been all along.

To me,

Living as a nomad is freedom in its purest form.

The first five years I did it by myself,

And the past seven years with the love of my life.

Now,

How do you do that,

Some people ask?

You see,

Money is not the issue,

Courage is.

I said yes to myself and figured it out all along the way,

And that has made all the difference.

So,

What's up with that photo?

You've been traveling so much that you cannot even remember where you were?

No,

It's not my lack of memory,

It is what six years of struggling with infertility has taken away from me.

The emotional toll of the treatments has erased so many precious memories from my mind.

That's why,

In March 2022,

I said,

With freaking much pain in my heart,

It's enough.

I'm tired of it taking things from me,

I'm tired of it defining my schedule,

My happiness,

My body,

I want my life back.

And in the past 13 months,

It has been hard,

To say the least,

But I made a promise to myself,

And I know I will figure it out along the way.

To all the warriors out there fighting the battle of infertility,

I see you and I know you're doing your best,

Be kind to yourself.

To all the queens rebuilding their life despite not having what they wanted the most,

I see you and I stand with you.

You're not alone.

Thank you for listening.

I am here to remind you that your journey is valid,

Your emotions are valid,

And that you're not alone.

You can follow me for more talks on living this unexpected life.

Reviews

I admire your self-knowledge and courage to take action. May you continue living a life of unexpected and fulfilling dreams. Thanks for sharing your journey and example.