Before we start,
Are you a quitter?
Be very honest with yourself.
Now I'm not a quitter.
When I want something,
I fight for it.
I keep going until I get it.
That's how I got my first boyfriend too.
I was 17,
We'd been dating for two years,
And one night after work,
I decided to surprise him.
I went home,
Put on a cute dress,
And I cycled the 5 kilometers to his house.
Then when I opened the door,
I was so excited,
And there he was.
My boyfriend,
Kissing my best friend.
I don't know where I got the courage from,
But I walked up,
Tapped him on the shoulder,
And I slapped him right across the face.
True story.
I'll never forget that moment.
And I'm pretty sure he won't either.
Now sometimes you choose the ending,
Like I did that day.
Other times,
Life chooses it for you.
And that's what I want to talk about today.
The two kinds of transitions we all experience.
Chosen and unchosen.
Chosen transitions are the ones we brag about online.
We quit the job,
We moved to Bali,
We started a business.
Unchosen transitions are the ones we definitely didn't put on our vision board.
The breakup we didn't want,
The job that ended too soon,
The person we lost.
Funny enough,
Chosen or unchosen,
They feel the same on the inside.
You probably heard the saying,
When one door closes,
Another opens,
Right?
Yeah,
I don't buy that.
When one door closes,
Whether by choice or not,
You end up in the hallway.
That space between doors.
The messy middle.
It's where one thing ends,
And the next hasn't started yet.
And it's full of uncertainty,
Loneliness,
Hope,
Fear,
And doubt all at once.
And your brain hates that space.
It craves control,
It wants certainty.
So we spend all our energy trying to get out of the hallway.
But what if the hallway has a purpose?
What if the waiting,
The not knowing,
The struggle is actually what prepares you for what's next?
Did you know that when a butterfly is about to come out of its cocoon,
It has to squeeze through a tiny hole?
It looks painful.
It struggles,
It pushes,
It takes forever.
But that hard work is what sends fluid into its wings so it can fly.
If someone cuts the cocoon open to help,
The butterfly comes out easily,
But it will never fly.
That struggle is the transformation.
And that's what uncertainty does for us.
It's not punishment,
It's preparation.
If you rush through it,
You miss the strength that only struggle can build.
It's like cutting your own cocoon open too soon.
So how do you deal with this messy middle?
Three years ago,
I went through the biggest change of my life,
One that still echoes through everything I do today.
And that inspired me to write my third book,
How to Accept What You Cannot Change.
And in it,
I explain something I call the accept model,
A six step framework to help you find your balance when life turns upside down.
And today,
I wanna give you the first two steps,
Because if you can master just these two,
You will already feel a big shift.
Step one is acknowledge your reality.
I want you to think of one thing in your life right now that feels uncertain.
Maybe that's a relationship,
Your business,
Your health,
Your financial situation,
Got it?
Now,
Instead of trying to fix it or figure it out,
Name it.
Say it out loud in your head.
Maybe it's like,
I thought I'd be in a relationship by now,
But I'm still single.
Or my business isn't where I hoped it would be.
That's acknowledgement.
Sounds simple,
But most people skip this step because it's uncomfortable.
We wanna jump straight to fixing or pretending everything is fine.
But you cannot change what you're not willing to face.
Acknowledging doesn't mean you approve of it,
It just means you stop pretending that it's not there.
Because the moment you can acknowledge your situation,
Your brain stops fighting reality and it starts finding options.
Step two is control the controllable.
We grow up thinking that if we work hard,
Love deeply,
And do all the right things,
Life will play by the rules.
We will get the future we imagined.
And then life says,
Nope.
And that's the hardest part,
Realizing that effort doesn't always guarantee results.
And that's a problem,
Especially for your brain,
Because it likes to control everything.
And that's exhausting,
Because you cannot control what already happened.
You cannot control other people.
You cannot control timing.
So ask yourself,
Where are you trying to control something you can't?
How is that making you feel?
Tired,
Stressed,
Frustrated?
What if you let go,
Just a little?
What might that open up for you?
So,
Yes,
I'm still a fighter,
But I've learned something even better.
You don't have to fight every battle.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is stop fighting what is and start trusting who you're becoming.
So if you're in the hallway right now,
Keep going.
Because the messy middle isn't here to break you.
It's here to build you.
Thank you.
My name is Rianna.
If you want to listen to the Accept Model course that I've recorded,
Go to my profile,
And you can find all the sessions there.
Have a great day.
