A Deep Healing Experience

I remember water just falling from my eyes my cheeks wet it wasn't crying there was no noise no emotional breathing pattern just water and there was no sadness in it it happened twenty years ago I was on meditation retreat we were on about the third day I was sitting with Ajantanya she was the head nun at Chittast Buddhist Monastery at the time sadly I found out later that she disrobed shortly after something she said I don't remember what but it triggered this dam of damage inside of me which just released it was a huge catharsis,

A huge letting go it was like a dam just broken through and it left me in a state of profound joy I recently rediscovered a Jack Kerouac quote and this time I was ready to hear it it went so much deeper accept accept loss forever be submissive to everything open listening no fear or shame in the dignity of your experience language and knowledge be in love with your life this quote speaks to me on the other side of dropping the rucksack of letting go the last line be in love with your life it doesn't command me to live any differently rather it points to the fruits of dropping the rucksack of how life really can be the natural order of walking this world weightlessly is a life of love and joy and we don't force it instead we soften into acceptance so there's no pushing there's no trying to get rid we have to hold things before we can let them go but you've held that rucksack for a very long time for a very long time see if you can even for a minute drop it and walk this world weightlessly and that to me is pure freedom