When Gentleness Feels Like Giving Up | Selfgentle 26

This episode is part of the Two Minutes of Self-gentleness with Femke series. There is a fear that can live underneath resistance to self-gentleness: that softening means losing your edge, that accepting where you are means you'll stop trying to change. This episode sits with that fear and distinguishes between gentleness as surrender and gentleness as a more sustainable way through. If you would like to explore self-gentleness more deeply, you can find Femke's Self-gentleness courses on Insight Timer. You are also warmly invited to join Femke's Self-gentleness Hour, a free live session on Insight Timer every second Friday of the month.

Transcript

Welcome to Two Minutes of Self-Gentleness with Femke. Do you ever think this? If I stop being hard on myself? I will stop trying. If I soften right now, I will lose my edge. If I accept this, I will never change it. I understand that fear. And for a long time I used harshness like. . . Only reliable motivator that I had. But I know that harshness doesn't produce lasting change. It produces temporary effort. And long-term exhaustion. Yes, It keeps you moving, But not towards anything. Just a way. From the threat of your own disapproval. Self-gentleness doesn't mean that there are no standards. Or that you are going to be lazy. Self-gentleness is offering a different relationship with yourself. While you work towards your own standards and ideas and desires. You can want more for yourself. And still be kind to yourself in the wanting. When you soften, It's not like you surrender. Softening is the more sustainable way through. Now let's affirm this together, So listen to my voice or repeat the words after me. I can have high standards and still treat myself with care. Gentleness doesn't make me less, It makes me more steady. I can want to grow? And still accept where I am right now. When I'm softer with myself, It doesn't mean I'm giving up. It's a different way of moving where I want to go. I am the most important person to consistently deserve my own gentleness. And whenever you're doubting. At being gentle with yourself. Will hold you back. Come back to this. Anytime, I will be here.