Let Love Rule Your World (Live Recording Of 14 April 2023)

This is the recording of Femke's Monthly Live of 14 April 2023 with the topic: Let Love Rule Your Life. In it, Femke first talks abou the power of love and how to engage with it, and then guides you in a meditation to experience for yourself how to connect with the innate knowing that you are loved. She also answers questions of participants during the Live. To be present at one of Femke's lives, visit Femke's profile and follow her, so you'll be notified when new Lives are planned!

Transcript

Hello everyone, Welcome to my monthly live. My name is Femke Bakker and I am here to talk with you, To meditate with you. And I'm really happy to see you all. Let's take a few minutes for everyone to drop in before I start. And I would love to hear who you are, What is your name, Where you are in the world. And I'm also really curious in what way do you let love rule your life? Because that is the topic of today. Let love rule your life. And what I mean by that I will get into in a few minutes. Let me just welcome you all here. So hi Petta, Lovely, Good morning to you. Lovely that you are here. Hi Mary, Hi Mona, Nice to see you as well. Hi Cherry, Lovely that you are here. Hi Christine from Canada, Good afternoon to you. So nice that you are all here. I've missed you. It was not so long ago that I was here every week, Which I really, Really enjoyed. But I have to say, Being here only once a month makes it also kind of special. Already a few weeks in advance I start to really look forward to it. And then during the day I'm so eager to see you all, See who is popping up. So thank you so much for being here. And for everyone who is in my meditation group, Formerly known as a circle, On Insight Timer you can find it. If you are not yet a member you can go over to my profile afterwards. It's called Femke's Meditation Group. And there my dearest Mel, Who is also starting as a teacher here on Insight Timer really, Really soon. She is organizing there every Friday at this time a meditation. So you can meditate together with one of my previous lives, Which I record. And if everything is going well with the recording, Sometimes I mess up the technicalities. But if it's going well I edit it and then I post them in my track list here on Insight Timer. So if you like my lives and if you would like to hear more of them, Go over there. Go to the tracks, Scroll down to the end, Because the lives are always long. And they're less played. I mean on the top I think there is my sleeping meditation, Which is the English version is played about 85, 000 times. The Dutch version, Because Dutch is my native language. I have a lot of meditations in both languages, English and Dutch. I think the Dutch version is also played about 80, 000 times. So those are on top. But if you want to listen to my life, The talks, Including the meditations, Then scroll down in the track list and you will find there a lot. So hi V, Lovely that you're here. Hi Jos, Great to see you. Hi Michelle from Richmond in Virginia. Cherry said we missed you too. Lovely to see you, Cherry. Thank you so much. Julie says hello, I've missed my fam girl. Thank you so much, Julie. Lovely that you're here. Hi Maria from Mexico. Welcome. And Cherry says thanks to Mel. Yes, Absolutely. Mel couldn't be here. I just called her message in my group that she was really, Really tired. And she said I've learned self gentleness because I'm not just a meditation teacher. I'm also a teacher of self gentleness. And Mel says I'm so tired. I just need to go to sleep. I will catch up on the recording later. So she's applying self gentleness. So that's really, Really great. Hi Nancy from Florida. Mary says how are you getting on with preparing your courses? Well, Thank you so much. Well, There's a lot in the workings. So as soon as I have more to tell you about it, I will let you know here for sure. And in my group. And Terry says it's nice because we can chat and support each other. Yes, That's that's what I love about a meditation group. That there is a really bunch of active folks who love to reach out to each other who discuss things. Sometimes there are questions for me which I then try to answer. But also a lot of you answer the questions to each other. So it's it's it's it's really heartwarming to see how everyone is supporting each other there. Hi Maureen. Lovely that you are here. Also really grateful that you are here. Michelle says letting love rule my life by sitting with my heart in meditation. Getting quiet and opening to the wise voice of the heart. That's it, Michelle. That's it. That's the core of what we're going to do today. That's so beautiful. And is it hard for you to do that or have you practiced it so much that it's easy to get in that heart space? Really curious to hear from you. Maureen's from Vancouver in British Columbia, Canada. Lovely. Hi, Debbie. Hi, Louane. I hope that you're well and that you're happy with your spring. Hi, Marius from Rotterdam. That's close. That's in the Netherlands. And Barbara from Philadelphia. Lovely. So welcome all. So we're already five minutes in. Let's start. So as you might know, I'm here once a month. And then I discuss with you a specific topic. I always start with sharing my thoughts, My ideas around that topic. And then I guide you in the meditation so you can experience for yourself what I mean. Because I can speak a lot and I love to speak a lot. If you've been here more than you know that I do. But I do believe that the power of any learning is in your own experience. So I can speak for hours to you and give you all kind of ideas that might resonate with you or not, That you might love or not. But by really experiencing what I mean, You experience what it can do for you. Because what is really important for me when I'm here, I don't want to be your guru. I don't want to be the one that you come to feel better. I love it that you are here, That I can guide you. But what I want to teach you, I want to self-empower you. I want to show you that you can take care of you. You can make sure that you feel better. So it's perfectly fine if you come to me to feel better. But know that what I'm teaching you are all kind of tools that you can pick and choose from. Some tools might work for you, Some tools might not work for you. That you can progress slowly, Slowly towards a life that feels better. Using tools that you help yourself to feel good as often as you can. Because I think that is the key to any happiness and joy in life. Is the feeling, The ability, Feeling the power that you have over yourself to guide yourself towards feeling better. And better is relative. So even if you feel really, Really good, It's always good to know that you can keep up that level. And even look for even more expansion of that feeling. But also when you have an unpleasant emotion, You're feeling really down. That you can work up your way to feel a little bit better. And the key for that is always what do I feel? Do I feel some kind of a relief in my body? So that's self-gentleness. The next live, Which is going to be on the 19th of May, Is about that. The power of self-gentleness. Because that is what I teach. If you go to my profile afterwards, There is, If you click on the link there, There is one, Then you find a site with a lot of links. And on the top there is a link where you can download a free self-gentleness checklist. Wait, I have it here. I will show you. This is a list with all kind of practices that you can use. You can pick and choose from basically. To help yourself, To be gentle to yourself. And what is being gentle to yourself? That is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness. And that might sound easy. And maybe it is. But for a lot of people that's sometimes hard. Because we can be gentle to ourselves when we are proud of ourselves. Or when we really love something that we are doing. But can we also be gentle when we fail? When we do stuff wrong? When we feel guilty? Or when we feel that others have high expectations of us that we cannot live up to. Because we have to take care of ourselves. Or maybe it is just important that we stick with ourselves and not be there for others all the time. And that's a tricky part for a lot of people. Especially when you are empathic. We love to be there for others. So all those things. So why am I stressing this self-gentleness? Because everything I teach is about self-gentleness. I speak now about letting love rule your life. And that's also about self-gentleness. Because the choice to let love rule your life is a choice of self-gentleness. So what do I mean with that? When I picked the title I thought that sounds pretty harsh. Let love rule your life. Just the word rule, Right? But it is a decision that you can make. Because so many of our lives are ruled by the opposite of love. Which is, At least in my perspective, Fear. And of course that fear can be disguised as a different feeling, Different emotion. It can be disguised as anger or rage, Hate, Grief, Sadness, Feeling like a victim. They are all kind of emotions that are boiling down to fear. And that is mainly the fear of not being loved. Or not being able to love. And often both. The other side of the coin is to love. But to love, That is something that raises many, Many questions. First of all, What is love? There are so many thinkers, Philosophers, Poets, Artists, People, Writers, Movie makers that have tried to define what is love. But in the end it is kind of a mystery, Right? And we all have different connotations about this. What is love? How do we feel loved? How do we give our love? So I am not really getting into that, What it is exactly. Because that is a really personal thing. Just know when you use the word love or you tell someone that you love them, That it is a word with a lot of meaning. And the most important is that you get for yourself, What is it that you mean with this word. So in our lives, We very often feel that love is conditional. We hear from our parents, Oh yeah, I love you so much, But this and this and this you did and I really don't like that. And that is a mixed message, Right? I love you, But. . . And that is not intended in any harmful way. But we don't think so well about these phrases that we use when we say I love you, But. . . We don't think so much if we say, Well, If you would love me. . . This is something that happens a lot in romantic relationships, But also in families. If you would love me, Then you would do this or that for me. So with all this, You know, Think of your own situation. Everyone has heard this sentence at least once in their life. And many other times it is like a thousand times in our lives, Right? That we heard this maybe explicitly, Maybe implicitly, Because sometimes we think that people mean that, While they are not. So there is a lot going around that. Bottom line is, A lot of people, If not everyone, Has from time to time and sometimes all the time, The feeling that we need to deserve love, That we have to do something to earn it. That if we don't live up to expectations, If we don't adjust ourselves, If we don't behave well, If we show things of ourselves that we don't love so much from ourselves, That we are not loved. And this is wrong. We are all so much loved. Everyone, Every being, Not just people. Every being on this earth is just loved. Born from love, Is here to love, To give love and to receive love. But we have forgotten that. And we have forgotten that because of those dynamics around love. And I know this doesn't go for everyone. I am generalizing here, Because I know a lot of you have different feelings about that. And that is really, Really great and really happy for you. So, Let me speak a little bit about unconditional love. Because that is where we are getting, Right? Unconditional love. Unconditional love is that you love someone without holding expectations, How they should be, Behave, Say things, Not say things, In order for you to love them. And that is hard sometimes. Because in any interaction with whomever it is, Whether it is your spouse or your parent or your kid or your sibling or your best friend or your boss or whoever it is, We do have expectations, We do want things from others. And no one can always live up to your expectations all the time. If you are lucky to find someone who resonates with you so much, It seems like they are living up to your expectations all the time, It seems really, Really easy. But still then, No one can always resonate exactly the same way all the time. So, The core key of loving unconditionally, There you hear it coming, Is that you start to love yourself as unconditionally as you can. And that is very often a hard thing for a lot of people. I know, I know, I know it was for me and sometimes it still is. That is also why I came up with the concept of self-gentleness, Which is basically the same as starting to love yourself, But it sounds easier. It sounds easier to be gentle to yourself than to love yourself. It is easier to learn to be gentle to yourself when you are failing than to love yourself when you feel that you are a big failure, Which you are never, Right? And that is a work in progress that takes your whole life. It is a lifelong work in progress process. I keep saying that because with every new step in your life, With every hour that is there, You are experiencing new things, You are meeting new people, You are getting in new situations, You are growing, You are getting insights, You are getting new wishes, New desires. So, There are more opportunities to have expectations of others, Feel the expectations of others of you, Because that is another part of that. So, That unconditional love is something that is a choice. And a choice always starts with starting to be gentle to yourself. The beauty of becoming gentle with yourself, And I know a lot of you here have followed my courses on that, Have been in my workshops to apply self-gentleness to your life, A lot of you have experienced that when you start this process of being gentle for yourself, That something changes in the way you see others. The beauty of becoming more gentle with yourself is that you are becoming more gentle to others. Even if you are not planning to do that, You are. And the beauty of that is that you start to notice that you might not live up to expectations of others, But you are also not going to defend yourself anymore, You are not going to explain yourself anymore. You can be there for the other, You can hear what the expectations are, Listen to them, Tell that person that you understand that this is what they want, But at this point, With all the kindness, All the gentleness in your heart, You have to be gentle to yourself, Take care of yourself. And then something miraculous happens, Because the other person does feel seen, Does feel heard, And although you might not live up to such an expectation, They do understand that they have been seen and that you are kind to yourself. And that's a really beautiful, Magical mix that can really bring a lot of good to you, To you, And to the other persons. So, Yeah, That's basically in a nutshell what I mean with unconditional love and how I see it. And I know it's sometimes hard, Even if you are really good at loving unconditionally. A lot of people, Especially when you are a giver who wants to be there for others, Who finds a lot of joy in helping others, Especially when you are empathic. I know a lot of people here are like that. It can really fill your heart to be there for others. Sometimes we cross that line where we stop taking good care of ourselves, And then we deplete ourselves by giving to others. So you in this mix, It's really, Really important to take care of that also. So as I said, I think that almost every choice in life, Or every situation in life, Can bring you to the choice. Do I choose love or do I choose fear? Think of it. Think of every difficult situation. And of course you can switch the words love and fear into different emotions, But that is the bottom line. And when I say let love rule your life, I mean becoming aware of that choice that you have, And then making a deliberate choice that you will choose love. And choosing that consciously with your head might be step one, But actually doing it might be difficult because you might be in your own way. The expectations of others might be in your way. And there comes in again that self-gentleness to start to connect to yourself and to feel where that love resides and to let that just shine upon everything. Because sometimes you can want to choose love, But you still feel a lot of fear to do so. Every person in this life has been disappointed by others or have been feeling bad or sad. Sometimes it feels safer to choose the darker side, To choose the fear side, To make sure that you are safe. So you don't have to be so vulnerable when choosing love, Because what if you are rejected? But the process of choosing love and being gentle to yourself, Because with being gentle with yourself you empower your heart, You empower your love. In the beginning that might feel a bit awkward because you're not used to it, But the more and more you start to apply it, You will feel strength from it, You will feel power from it. You will start to feel how you empower yourself. And the beautiful thing is you start to radiate this choice and other people around you will be inspired to at least be curious about what you're doing or maybe be inspired to make similar choices for them. And they will respond differently to you. So that is basically the whole idea. The big question is of course, Hey how do I do that? Nice talk, But how do I do that? And that is a trial and error process. It's a lifelong process, But it's also by trial and error. Because no one is the same and we all need different tools. That's why I said check out this checklist of the self-gentleness tools. You can just pick one and do it all the time, You can pick a different one every day. Just go over them, Take a look, Feel what is working for you, What is not working for you. It's a process of becoming aware that you are who you are, That you're exactly right as you are, That you are lovable, That you're worthy exactly as you are. Even when you think that you've been failing, That you've been doing things wrong, That's not true, You're just being you. We don't have to be perfect, We don't have to be on top of everything, We don't have to be successful all the time, We don't have to be beautiful all the time, We don't have to be liked by everyone all the time, As long as we start to embrace ourselves as we are, Just as we are right now. And that differs from second to second. The processes in the checklist and also the processes in my courses, If you have a premium account on InsightTimer, Then really check out. Anyway, If you have the means, Take a premium account on InsightTimer, Because you unlock like 2000 courses of the best meditation teachers in the world, Including courses of me, And I have also there a self-gentleness course, And some other courses as well, Where self-gentleness is always at the core, But there you find the first practices that you can do to support yourself in that process. So what I'm going to do now, I'm going to take a look at some questions that might be here, And then I'm going to guide you in a meditation. And in that meditation, It will take about half an hour, It's a practice that you can use to actively connect to your heart, Feel the power of love, And how you can connect to that flow of love, Because love is just a flow, It's all around us, It's all the time flowing, We just sometimes forget to let it flow through us, And that is also a choice that you can make. We do this through visualization and meditation, That I find really helpful. But let me just take a look if there are any questions that I can answer. I have to scroll up. Let's see. Liz is also here. Debbie asks, Feelings are separate from love. I'm not completely sure what you mean with that. So feelings are the sensations in our body when, Actually before we become aware of the emotion. So something happens, We have thoughts about that, And there is a response in our body, And that's what we basically call feelings, If we just have to define it. It becomes an emotion if we start to attach stories to that feeling. So, For instance, Someone says something not so nice to you, And you immediately have a response in your body, Like your stomach clenches, Or your throat closes. That's the feeling that you have. But then you remember, Maybe not even so consciously, Something that once happened, And then immediately you attach a story to that feeling. So rather than having the physical response of that feeling, And just being with it for a moment, And see it's there, And then you can release that feeling, Because we all have that really normal biological response of our body, We create a story that we are right to feel that, And with that we keep that feeling stuck in our body, And then it becomes an emotion. And then it becomes stronger, It starts to resonate with other parts of our bodies, We often can cry or get angry, And there we go. I have had lives about how to deal with emotions, The recordings are in my tracklist also, So I'm more curious to hear about that. I would check those out and listen to that if you have time one moment. I hope I answered your question with that, Debbie. Thank you, Liz, For your nice words. Hans says, Totally new concept, Unconditional love. Yes. I think we spoke on more occasions about it, My dear Hans. Kila says, Why do we often hear that expectations aren't good in relationships? Aren't healthy expectations acceptable? That's an excellent question, Kila. It depends what you do with those expectations. I think that expectations, If you are in a relationship, Whatever relationship it is, And then you have expectations of the other, Basically those expectations are about desires, Needs that you have. That you feel that if the other meets up to those expectations, Your needs are met. And of course, If those expectations are healthy, And the other person resonates with that, There's nothing wrong with that. I think it's beautiful if in a relationship you express whatever you desire towards each other, That you express what it is that you would need, What you feel, What you would like the other to do. That's perfectly fine. We don't have to keep that in. But it's important that the other one then can hear you, Can show you, Let you experience that they hear you and they see you in your need, And that then, From that really respectful place, They can communicate with you whether they want and are able to give you this now to meet your needs, Or that they have at that moment a different need that is important to them. And sometimes that might cause friction, That might give tension or maybe even fights. So it's not about not having those expectations, But it's also about understanding that those expectations are about you. And that if you feel that the other will not live up to those expectations, And thus they will not love you, Then it becomes conditional love. Then you're basically saying, I need this, If you don't do this for me, You don't love me. And that's what we often think, Not so consciously, But this is how we've been trained. You know, Our parents often train us by behave good and I love you, And yeah, I love you, But you were a bad boy, You were a bad girl. And they don't mean it like that because they do love us, But this is how they've been raised. So the core is you can always have expectations and address them, But just know that if the other one is not able or not willing to live up to these expectations, It doesn't mean that they don't love you, Because they always love you. You are lovable. But it's something that you have to communicate about. And in my own experience, It is important to be seen, To be heard, To be understood. And when that happens, You get so empowered by understanding that the other person loves you, That they don't have to live up to the expectations for your needs because you love them. I would never want my partner to live up to my expectations if he wouldn't want to do that. Because you don't want someone to do something just for you if it goes against their own wishes, If it goes against their own needs. And I know it's a really delicate thing. In a lot of relationships, This is what happens. This is why people fight, Why they want to be right, Why they want to be seen and heard. But basically, It's not about I expect something from you and you have to do it for me. It's more like I have these needs. Can you see me in those needs? And if you cannot help me with that, At least you see me and I can understand why you cannot be there now for me. And I see that you have to be there for you and I'm going to do that for myself. So there comes that you part in the equation. That unconditional love starts with you being gentle to yourself. If you are able to fulfill your own needs or at least to understand what your needs are, To tune in and to feel that, Then the next step is to be able to communicate with that. And of course, Most partners, Most people you're in a relationship with will want to meet you in your needs. But there are always situations when it's not possible. Because sometimes the needs, The desires, They clash. And that's okay. That's really okay. The question is how are you going to deal with it? Are you going to choose for love by expressing what you're feeling? By making the other understand what you are going through? And also understanding what the other one is going through? So you have a really beautiful talk and you can understand that you both have needs, That you both see each other, But that you will both have to take care of your own needs in that moment. And there happens something really, Really beautiful. Or do you choose the fear part? Where you say, Well, If you don't do this, You don't love me. If you behave like that, I don't want to be in this relationship with you. And I know you always have to take the context and the nuance because I know there can be relationships that are really hard or really toxic sometimes. There can be all kinds of nuances in this. Where it's not so clear cut, As I'm saying right now, But in that instance, You being gentle with you is so important because if you follow this line of thinking, It is also possible to realize I have all these expectations of the other. Those are my needs. And this other person is almost never able to meet my needs. Am I going to fight for it? Am I going to let them prove that I'm worthy? Or maybe it's also a decision to take a different route. Maybe it is easier not to be with this person. And I'm not saying this for anyone to take a decision like that. But there are infinite possibilities in the way how you can relate to another. And sometimes it also to decide that if that connection cannot be made, Where you can both express your needs in love. But when fear is always ruling the relationship, That you can also take steps in that. So that is about choosing love. Let love rule your life. It's not just loving another. Unconditional love is not just about loving someone unconditionally at your own expense. No, It's you in the mix. Unconditional love can only exist if you include yourself in that mix. So I know it's a lot that I'm speaking about and it's a lot to grasp. Something that every person has to find out for themselves what to do with it. I also don't have the ultimate answer. I for sure don't have a generalized answer because for every person it's a little bit different. But on an abstract level, This is how I see life and how I try to live my life. And it's not easy and I'm not always succeeding. But I'm getting better at it. And I think self-gentleness is the big core in that. Because knowing that you can be gentle to yourself really gives you something special. I hope that answered your question, Kila. If you want to come back to that, Let me know. Jerry says, Yes, Totally true. Today I had to take some time for myself instead of others to be gentle for myself. Listen to my heart, What was important for me. The funny thing was sending love to my beloved ones and talk to a good friend because that was the core thing my heart wanted. That's beautiful, Jerry. Thank you so much for sharing this. And Jerry also says that it helps him to write in a journal, Have a walk in nature and touching your heart. Yeah, That's really beautiful thing. That's a few of the practices also that are in the checklist. Really great. Marius says, I'm always amazed I get so much love back when I share a loving voice message. That's love, Honesty and love transparency. There you go. That's beautiful. Yes, Sending our love is often also being able to receive love. Thank you for sharing. That's beautiful. Hi, April. You are happy that you're here. Yes, I've missed you too, April. Lovely. You're most welcome, Jerry. So, Ellen asks if your expectations are reasonable and the person doesn't meet them, They might just not be right for you. Not useful to ask for what isn't on the menu. Yes, So it boils down to what I just said. But also reflecting upon yourself in this is also an important part because I believe and I know where two people have expectations and they feel they don't meet, It's always two people in that mix. You always bring yourself. It's never black and white. There are always grey colours in that. But it really shows the aspect that sometimes it's most important that you're gentle to you, Whatever that means to you, Right? And that can be taking a break, That can be going in a different direction. But it also can be choosing to have different kind of talks or to address this. Or to be honest about your needs rather than saying, I want you to do this and this and this. To say, To keep it with yourself, Not I want you to do this, But I feel that I need this. And I would love for you to help me with that. Are you able to do that? That's a whole different question saying, I want you to take the trash out, Because if you don't, You leave all the thoughts that you have, Why you want the other one taking the trash out. But there's a different question on it, That's your self-reflection. I feel that I'm alone in doing things and I just want your help. So you could say, I often feel alone in the chores that we have here in the house. Could you tell me in what way you would be able to speak with me about these things? How we can solve this so I don't feel so much alone? That's a whole different question and that will change the dynamic in many instances. So you always bring yourself to the mix. Where two people or more people are, All those people have their own, They bring their own past, They bring their own experiences, Their own needs, Their own disappointments from the past, Their own hurts from the past. So it's really important to weigh them. Debbie says, I really appreciate how incredibly insightful you are. Your responses are so beautiful. Thank you. Well, You're most welcome, Debbie. Let's see. Oh, Thank you, Kila. I'm happy that you liked it. So Liz is sending a lot of love to everyone. All right. Let's meditate. OK. Lizzie shares here also a book from Marshall Rosenberg. I don't know that, But that might be a good tip. Yes, If you feel that it resonates. All right. Let's meditate. So we're going to do a visualization. And in this visualization, I'm going to let you experience where you feel love in your body and how you can connect to that through this. Now, The word visualization might give you the idea that you have to see things. So, Yeah, I'm going to use the word of imagery, The words of imagery, The language of imagery, I have to say. But you might be someone who doesn't use images when you fantasize. You might use words, Knowing, Feeling, And that's perfectly fine. Just use my words to fantasize in your way. So in other words, If you are listening to me and you think, Oh, I don't see it, I don't see it. Don't worry. You know how you fantasize. Just let my words inspire you to use your own fantasy in the way that you do. Now, Let's start by just sitting as comfortable as possible. You can also lie down if that's more comfortable to you. Really take the time to find that place, That right place. And you don't have to sit up straight and use all your muscles to keep up, Unless you love that, Then do that. But you can lean against something or you can lie down. Just take a moment to feel your body, How you're sitting. So your bum on the seat, Your back against the back of your chair, The wall, Maybe the mattress if you're lying down. Can you feel how your feet touch the ground? Our feet are an amazing thing. Whenever you feel emotions or you don't feel so grounded or you feel confused or you are in a weird mood, Just bring your attention to your feet for a moment and feel how they touch the ground. There's some magic there. Because now you feel how your feet touch the ground. There's magic there. Can you feel that? Just bring your attention to the different points in your feet. If maybe you're sitting cross-legged, Then you feel the sides of your feet or your feet on the ground. Then you feel the soles of your feet. If you're lying down, Then it's just the back of your feet, The heels, All connected to the earth. Now gently close your eyes. Just tune in to your body. Is there any tension somewhere? So you have these notorious places where we make tension, Our shoulders, Our bellies. We pull in our bellies, We pull up our shoulders, Or we frown our foreheads. If any of that is the case with you, Then just see if you can relax it. And sometimes it helps to first make more tension and relax. So if you feel you're holding your belly in, Then really pull it in and then drop it and sigh it out. If it's your shoulder, Then just pull them up and drop them and sigh it out. Oh, When you sigh it out and you make it really, Really long, That feels so good. You know what it is? When you make your out-breath really, Really long, You cue your nerve system to calm down. It's really just a biological fact. If you extend your out-breath longer than your in-breath, You tell your nerve system, Relax. Everything is okay. You can relax now. No more worries. No more dangers. No more fear. Let's try it again. Just breathe in normally and then really make a long, Long out-breath. And again. Do you feel that relaxing quality? How pleasant that is? It's nice to know that you can do this by yourself. Just a few minutes, You can help yourself to relax. Again, Just breathe out as long as you can make it. But when you breathe out, Keep it comfortable. Make it long, But don't push yourself over the edge that it will feel uncomfortable because then you arouse your nerve system again. All right. Now, I would like you to bring your attention to your heart space. That's the middle of your chest. It might be helpful to put your hands on your chest if you like. You don't have to. If not, Then just leave your hands in your lap. Bring all your attention to your heart in the middle of your chest. And if you find it hard to see your heart, Then just imagine that there is a light shining in the middle of your chest. A little light, Maybe it's like a candle, A reading light. You feel drawn to this light. So you let your attention sink slowly to that light as if your attention wants to touch that beautiful light in your chest. And if you still find it hard, Then you could imagine that you're getting into an elevator. Beautiful white doors opening. You're getting into the elevator and there is the button. And on the button you see a heart. You press the button and the elevator starts to go down. It moves downstairs and descends into your heart. And when those doors open, You get out and you're in this beautiful room. With a beautiful shining light around you. It's like the sun on the most pleasant sunny days when the sun is not too hot and not too cold. It's just perfect. And the light is beautiful, Golden and warm. The light, The warmth of the sun caresses your skin. It feels so good. It feels so relaxed, Pleasant. Now take a look in this room. It's a really bright room. And the place where you are now with your mind is your heart space. And it can be really helpful to imagine this as a room that you can visit, That you can get in an elevator, You can just bring your attention there. And now you are in this room. But let's shape this room to your liking, To your needs. So right now this room is filled with this sunny light. Everything is white. But let's change it to a color that you like. If you still like white, Then leave it white. But maybe you prefer a different color. Just choose a color that you feel comfortable with, That you feel calm with, That you feel relaxed in. And now that light, Is there anything on this light that you would like to change? Would you like to make it warmer, Colder, Brighter, More dimmed? Would you like to change the color? Go ahead. Make it your own. And again, If you can't see it, Then use your fantasy to tailor, Make this image to your fantasy. Now if you take a look in this room, You can see that there is this beautiful seat. A seat that when you look at it, You know this is going to be comfortable if I'm going to sit here. So make it something for you. Maybe it's a really beautiful soft chair. Maybe it's just a cushion. Maybe it's a lot of cushions. Maybe it's a bean bag. Maybe it's a desk chair. Whatever feels good to you. Make it, Create a place where you like to sit, Like to relax, Like to just be and feel good with who you are right now, Right here in this place. And when you have created this in your fantasy, In your imagination, Then just go there and sit there. And when you sit, Feel then how the support is perfect, How the support is excellent. It's not too hard, Not too soft. It's exactly how you like it, The way your back is supported, The way your bum is supported, The way you can sit. Oh, This is comfortable. This place is made for you now. Is there anything in your surroundings that you would like to shape? You might want to create big windows to look over a garden or the ocean or the mountains or the woods or the big city lights. Maybe you're on top of a skyscraper. Maybe you are in the middle of nowhere in the woods. Whatever you like. And those windows, You can open them. You can create a garden inside this room if you like. You can imagine that you are on a boat at sea, That this is your room. Just shape it as you like. Maybe you have art on the walls. Maybe you have special lights. Maybe you have pictures of loved ones. Maybe you have pictures of memories. Maybe you are in your old childhood bedroom. Whatever makes you feel that this is your place to feel safe, To feel comfortable, To feel loved, To feel healthy, To feel good. This is a good place to be. This is a place where you would love to come every day. This is a place where you know that you can just bring your attention here. Now you've created this. This hard space that you're creating is a place where you can come whenever you want, Whenever you need, All the time. So make it yours. Put some plants, Put some flowers, Put some pets if you like. Make it completely white and neutral without any furniture or without any color, If that is what you like. Make it pitch black if that is what you feel good with. Whatever you like. It's your place to be, Your special and unique place. I want you to feel good right here. I want you to know that you can come here any time for you. This is yours. There's this beautiful feature in this room. When you turn a little bit, You see that there is a big movie screen here. It's like a home cinema. It's so beautiful. You can make this home cinema as large or as small as you want. If you just want to keep it as small as your iPad or laptop, That's fine. If you want to make it as big as in a real cinema, That's also great, Or anything in between. I do want you to realize that there is something that you can watch things on, Like how we watch TV, How we watch movies, Because we're going to see some beautiful things here. On this screen, You can get answers to questions that you might have. On this screen, You can reflect upon the most beautiful, Loving, Caring, Wonderful things in your life. This is your heart space. On this screen, You don't see painful things. You don't see things that hurt you. You don't see fearful things or whatever is connected to fear. On this screen, You see what love means to you. Let's start. Maybe you just want to push a button that the screen lights up. If you like that, Maybe it's already lit up. Oh, You see your name in big letters. You see that? Yeah, It's about you. It's all about you. Everything here is all about you. Just receive that. That's okay. You don't have to feel guilty that this is a place that is all about you. Yes, It's all about you. You deserve that. You deserve everything. You're worthy and you're lovable. You deserve to have this place. Now, Look at the screen. If you take a good look, You see a person there. When you look, They turn to you. You see this is a person in your life that loves you so much. This is a person. It doesn't matter if they're still in your life or they're not anymore in your life. It doesn't matter if they have transitioned or that they're still here. It's someone that when you see them, You know you're loved. It could also be a pet. If there's not a person in your life, But there is a pet in your life that made you experience this, Then that is that being that you see there. You don't have to overthink it. You just see someone. You just see that being. They look at you and they smile. Such a beautiful smile. Take a look at their eyes. Can you see how much they love you? It's almost as if the love pours out of their eyes. I would love for you to just be aware of how comfortable you are in this seat, Realizing that this person, This being, Loves you with all their heart. That's so beautiful. That's so warming. You know what? Take a look at their heart space and you will realize that you can see the love there. There is light there. Maybe it's the same color as your own light here. Maybe it's a different color. It doesn't matter. Now just imagine that a beautiful light in their chest from their heart space is now sent to your heart like a big laser beam. It's just floating over all the time. It doesn't stop. It's just flowing, Flowing towards you. So you might want to fantasize how this beam of love from their heart to you flows into your own heart. Now when this happens, Realize that you can receive this. It's okay. You can receive this. It might be a little bit hard. It might be easy. That is okay. You are receiving this. Even when you think, Oh I cannot feel it, Yes you are receiving this. Believe me. When you think that you cannot receive it, It's just your head making up stories. You are receiving this. Because this love from this person, Whether they are still in your life or not anymore, This love is real. This love is all the time flowing towards you. Because love never dies. Love is all around. You just have to tune into it. So see what is it that you need to receive this. Maybe it's literally just thinking of your own heart. Seeing it floating in. That's very often the most simple solution to just visualize, Imagine, Fantasize how the beam of light flows into your own heart. How it mixes and mingles with the light that you have in your own chest. And if it happens that you feel that you have some tears or you have to cry, That's okay. That's okay. It's just a release of some tension. It's a release of being afraid that there is no love for you. That's okay. Just be kind to yourself. Just realize that this flow of light is there for you. And if your emotion gets too strong, Then just stop, Open your eyes, Take a look at me. I'm really making silly gestures with my hands while I'm guiding you. So you can have a small laugh. Or maybe even quit for now the life if it's too hard for you. That's fine. You can always listen to the recording later on. But if it is at all possible, Then just feel, Receive. Feel how good it feels to receive the stream. Now, Realize that from your own heart, There is another stream that flows toward the heart of this person. Can you see that stream? Can you see how it's flowing towards them? And how it mixes and mingles with their heart, Their color? Maybe it's the same color, Maybe it's a different color. It doesn't matter. And when you realize this, Can you see that this is like a loop? How love is just flowing between you and another person. And how good it feels to receive that love and to send that love. Let's try something else with this. When this beam of love enters your body, Let's see if you can get it through your whole body so it enters your heart. Now let it descend all the way down through your belly, Through your legs, Through your feet. And then it goes up through your toes, All the way up again, Back to your heart. Going up through your head, All the way down, Back to your heart. So it's filling you up and then it's flying back again to this loved one. And you see the same process with them also. Within them the love starts to flow. It's kind of special, Don't you think? Being so aware of how love always flows between people. When you love someone, This visualization shows how this love is floating. If you don't resist it, If you don't think different thoughts that it might not be there, Because this flow is there. Whether you feel it or not, Whether you realize it or not, This is here. This is always here. Even if you think that they don't love you, This flow is always here. But you know that they love you, Right? Because we picked someone who loves you dearly. So it's really easy for you to receive the love, To give love. Alright. Now, Take a moment to bring to mind a situation in your life where you felt so much love. Where you felt that you were filled with so much love that you couldn't describe it. It could have been being together with your spouse, Your partner. It could have been the moment you were holding your firstborn or your lastborn. It could have been the moment that you held the hand of one of your parents. It could have been that beautiful encounter with one of your best friends when you felt you could really connect. It could be when you were hugging your pets and they were licking your face. It doesn't have to be something big. It can be really small. Just pick that moment. And don't overthink it. Generally, The first thing that you remember, That bubbles up in your mind, That's the one to use. Now, You might wonder this flow with this person. This is just ongoing. If you like, You don't have to focus on it anymore. You don't have to see it anymore. Let go of the picture. But we're not going to stop it because wherever they are in the world, This is going on. This flow of love is there. So just know it's there. Now, Bring your attention to this situation, This moment where you were really loved. Maybe you can even picture it on the movie screen. To see that moment. To see it as if you're looking at the movie of your own life. To see yourself in that loving, Caring moment where you felt so much love. Where you felt so loved. Now, When you're watching this, Where do you feel this in your body mostly? It can be that you feel it all over your skin. It can be that you feel it in your heart. But sometimes you just feel it in our toe or our belly or our nose. Or we see an image. It doesn't matter. Everything is right. There is no right or wrong here. Just acknowledge where this feeling of love resonates in your body. Then, When you know it, Bring your attention there. If you can, Put your hands there and notice how it feels to love. Notice how it feels to realize what love is to you. How it feels in your body. And try to remember this. Because sometimes, When we are in the rat race of life, Doing our chores, Doing our jobs, Doing lots of things, We do not notice always this really gentle feeling of love. But it's there all the time. And when we learn to recognize it, And to feel it, And just bring our attention there for a moment, It becomes so much easier to choose love over fear whenever it comes up. So, Now you know where and how it feels in your body, I would like you to ask the screen to show you something that will help you to remember this. So we are going to work with your unconscious. You are going to ask the screen, Show me how I, In daily life, When I am doing things, And I am sometimes harsh on myself, And I am working hard, And doing all kinds of things, How can I be reminded that there is love in my body? So, There will be an image, Or a knowing. It will come to you, Maybe you hear a song. It doesn't matter how. Don't overthink it. Something bubbles up. And if there is nothing there, Then just know that you have asked this question, And you will know later. Maybe later in the meditation, Maybe tomorrow, Suddenly, Maybe you will dream about it. But it can be that you now see an image of something. Or that you hear words, Or a song. So, Let's say you suddenly see a butterfly. So this will remind you that every time in your life, From now on, When you see a butterfly, That can be a live butterfly, It can be a printed, It can be a picture, It can be in a commercial, The moment you see a butterfly, You will be reminded of, Oh yeah, I have love in my body. That you bring your attention to that place in your body, And you remind yourself, I am love. Because that's the truth. You are love. You are love. Every being is love. Sometimes we forget, Sometimes we don't remind ourselves, But now we have found, Token, A symbol, A word. So if you hear a song, Then you will hear this song from time to time, And it will remind you, Yes, I am love, And you bring your attention to that place in your body to feel that love. Now bring your attention to that place, Right, For a moment. And feel how it feels, And see if you can let this expand. Let's give it a color. Again, A color, The color just bubbles up, You don't have to pick a color, There's just a color. That's the color you work with. And you see that this light starts to expand from that place, Starts to flow, Like liquid love, Liquid light, All in your body. So if it starts in your heart, Or in your belly, Doesn't matter, Doesn't matter if it's your big toe, Just let it expand, And fill your bottle, As if you are your body, As if you are a bottle that needs to be filled with this light. And the moment that you're completely full, It starts to burst out of you, So beautiful, It's just light. You start to radiate, You start to shine, It starts to come out of you, Until you are in the middle of a bubble of light. Beautiful color, And it all originates in this place in your body. And there's a wondrous thing going on right now, Because you feel like you are radiating love. You could be like the sun on your world, Radiating this love. It's a beautiful thing to know that you can go to this spot in your body, Let it fill your whole body, And then you just go on in your life, And you radiate love. And it might be that some people resonate with you, Will give you love, In whatever form it comes, It might be a kind word, It might be a smile, It might be a helpful hand, And some will not radiate this, But that's also okay, Because you have your own core, You radiate love. The beauty of this is that you don't need others to love you now, To radiate this love, But they will send it back to you, Whether they know it or not. Remember, This person that loves you so much, How there's always this flow going on. When I'm saying that love is all around us, It's true. It's all around us, It's everywhere, It's like flowing by us, It's flowing through us. It's just making ourselves aware that this is here, And that you can connect to this. You can realize that this is always flowing also through you. And you know what? You might have some doubts about the words that I'm speaking right now. You might think, Yeah, Femke, Of course, It's really nice, But maybe it's a little bit naive, Maybe it's a little bit hippy-dippy, Maybe not so tangible, Because I see a lot of bad things going on in the world. I'm not denying that there are, But you have the ability to connect to this stream of love. That's a choice. Do you choose this stream of love, Or do you choose fear? Do you want to believe in the power of love, Even though people around you might not believe in it, But you want to believe in it? You know why? Because it will make you feel better. Choosing love over fear will make you feel better. It will make you feel loved. It will make you gentler and kinder to yourself and to others. So why not choose love? Why not connect to this feeling? So you are naive, So you are a Pollyanna. That's okay. That's okay. It's a beautiful choice. I wish everyone could make this choice, But it's okay. We can do this. We don't need to expect others to do it as well. As long as we can do it, As long as you can do it for you, That's so powerful. A person who is able to connect to love is like a million times more powerful in their environment, In this world, Than someone who chooses fear. And if you sometimes choose fear because it just is too strong, That's okay. That's very human. That's okay. Everyone has that. Also I have that. Just know that you can come back here. You have the ability to come back here. It might take a minute. It might take a day. It might take a week. It might take a year. It doesn't matter. You know you can come back here. Be gentle with yourself. There's no right or wrong. There's no failure. You're doing it exactly right. You are exactly where you have to be. You're doing it exactly right. Oh, Nice, This flow of love. It's all warming me up. Do you feel that too? All right. So you're sitting here in this comfortable chair in this heart space. You know this symbol, Song, Word, Feeling, Memory. Whenever you are in your daily life, You will think of this. You will be reminded that you can connect to love. And maybe you think of it more and more by yourself. You don't need to be reminded. That's also very well possible. And we don't have to disconnect with all this flow that we've created here because it's there. You can go on your way just knowing that it's there. You just made it visible for yourself. You just made it more tangible for yourself. So I'm going to guide you out of the meditation now. Just enjoy this flow. You can put your hands on this place where it originates. Just being in this feeling, Being in this knowing. How good it feels, How much better it feels than not having this flow, Not allowing this. So bring your attention back to your heart space in your body. Bring your attention back to your body. If that is hard, You could help yourself by moving a little bit your spine, Feeling your buttocks on the seat, Feeling your feet on the ground, Bending back in your body and knowing that you have a heart space here in the middle of your chest. This is the place where you can always go. This is the place where you can be in that beautiful room that you created to make this connection more tangible any moment, Any time. And you don't need to take half an hour like we did right now. It could be just one minute. When you're in the restroom, When you have a moment, When you're on lunch break, When you just wake up before you go to sleep, Whenever you're waiting in a line, Whenever you're on your commute, It's all possible. The world is yours and love is yours. Take the time to get back to your body, To bring your awareness back in the here and now. And really take a minute or so for that, Maybe two. And then when you feel that you're landing in your body again, Then you take the time to slowly come back. You can wiggle your fingers and toes, Move around a little bit. Keep your eyes still closed, Keep your eyes still closed till you feel you're more here again. If you make this transition too quickly, Then you might get a headache. We don't want that. And then whenever you're ready, You can slowly open your eyes. And if you're lying down and you feel really, Really sleepy, Then go to sleep. That's okay. Unless you have to still get the kids from school or do your job, You know, Or cook, Or have a fun evening. Then you don't want to go to sleep. But maybe you can take a small nap. Maybe you can just relax a little bit. That's also okay. Be gentle with yourself. Take your time. I see a question here from Teresa. Why did looking at the person who lost me unconditionally make me cry? What is that fear about that is there? Well, Teresa, I think what it is about is something that you might know. But I have something to say about crying. Crying is okay. Crying is a release of tension. Crying is letting go. So there might be that the person that you picked is someone that you might miss, Or there might be some fear that they don't love you unconditionally, Which is sometimes the case. But it's all okay. It can also be just gratitude, The realization that this person loves you unconditionally. That can also make you cry. It's generally a release of tension. So if you think in those terms, See what did it release. What did it give you that you could release this through tears? That might be a helpful question. Thank you, Linda. Thank you, Yen, For your donations. It's really greatly appreciated. Thank you so much. Listen. There's something that you can do better than anyone else. Listen to your own inward voice and bravely obey it. Absolutely, Yes, I agree with that. To listen to that gently whispering sound of your heart, Your intuition. Absolutely. That's really, Really beautiful. Joyce says, Thank you so very much for the beautiful meditative experience. So I needed, I cried too, So be grateful. Thank you, Femke. Thank you so much for telling me that, Joy. It's a beautiful name to have, Joy. I think joy is what life is about. So it's a really great name. Thank you. And remember, Crying is just a release of the tension. That's great. Thank you, Randy. Randy, Lovely that you're here. Thank you for your donation. There's a good thing about the donations, By the way. You know that before, That the donations were through the app. And through that, There was a part going to the Apple Store and a part to Inside Timer. But Inside Timer has changed that now. So any donations you give to teachers will now be received for 100% to the teachers. You can also pick your own value now. So just know that's new for me or anyone else that you ever want to donate. We really appreciate your donations. They're all going 100% to us right now. So that's the good news. Randy says, Joy is my middle name. Literally. Oh, That's great, Randy. I didn't know that. Lovely. I hope you're doing well, Randy. It's been a long time since we met. Really, Really nice to see. Lovely that people are reaching out to each other. All right. So I ran out of time already. 20 minutes over. Thank you so much, Nancy, For your donation. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. So I hope you all experienced that love is all around, That you can connect with always. The beautiful thing of working in these visualizations and having these, Letting our subconscious help us to get images, To get symbols, To know that it is, If you indeed saw whatever, It was a butterfly or a stone or a rose or an elephant or whatever it was, You will notice these things. That's a beautiful thing of our brain. Our brain gets like 11 million bits of information all the time. We can notice only per second, We can only notice about 40 of those pieces. But when we tell ourselves that we want to see something, We will see it. So you have now planted that seed of that symbol and you will start to see this around you. And then it will remind you of this beautiful experience where you know you can connect to love, That you can make the choice for love. I just want to end this with one important message. Don't be hard on yourself. It's not always easy to choose love. You can make the conscious decision, But you could have had experiences that you feel the fear is bigger. Just trust that by making this choice, Finding a way with self-gentleness to feel better, To help yourself there, That you will get there. It might take some time, But don't be harsh on yourself. Don't judge yourself because you feel you are not able to live up to that decision. It's okay. It's a lifelong work in progress process. It's okay. You're doing it exactly right. And you are so loved. You are loved and you are worthy beyond means. Every being on this earth, Also you, Every single one of you. All right. Thank you, Debbie. Thank you, Teresa, For your donation. Thank you so much. Liz says to everyone in the community here who are going through difficult or sad feelings, Emotions, Thoughts. I'm sending you my love along with a virtual hug and support. Beautiful. That's a beautiful message, Liz. Thank you so much for being here. You're always such an inspiring, Loving text to everyone. Thank you. Thank you, Arlene, For your blessings. Thank you, Vee, For your donation. Thank you so much. You're most welcome, Maureen. I'm happy that you liked the experience. You think it will be life changing. I truly hope so. Be gentle with yourself. Being gentle with yourself is always life changing. Step by step, You know, It's a slow process, But it's an ongoing process because it's a choice. Choice for you. Thank you so much, Beverly, For your donations. Thank you so much. All right. I'm going to close up. I will be back here on the 19th of May, Friday, 19th of May, About the power of self gentleness. So when I close off, You can sign up already for it. So you'll get a reminder by that time. If you're not already in my meditation group, Then sign up and join Mel and the others every Friday this time for listening together to one of my previous lives. And I will see you again on the 19th of May. I loved meditating with you guys. It was really, Really lovely to be here with you. Sending you all so much love. Have a beautiful weekend and see you on the 19th of May. Bye bye.