How Self-Compassion Gets You More Success

We often hear from high achievers who believe their harshness is what drove them to the top, but we know there is a much more efficient way. The inner critic and self-compassion can actually offer the same advice - the difference is the energy we waste in the process. While the critic forces us to endure a painful middle step of blame and shame, self-compassion allows us to skip the drama and go straight to the solution. By staying on our own side, we preserve our energy for the actual work of improvement, rather than burning it on self-hatred.

Transcript

Here's a very common misconception about self-compassion versus inner critic.

I sometimes talk to very successful people who say,

Well,

It's my inner critic who got me where I wanna be.

It's my inner critic that told me those hard truths.

And I respectfully disagree.

And I said,

How do you know you can't get to the same place with self-compassion?

How do you know you wouldn't have gotten there through self-compassion?

And inner critic and self-compassion can say the exact same things.

The inner critic just says it with drama and making you feel bad.

So let's say you went to an interview.

Your inner critic will say how stupid,

You shouldn't have interviewed that way,

You said the wrong thing.

And then maybe you get to the solution,

Like try a different interview strategy or network better with people inside the firm for the interview.

Whatever that is,

You can be mean to yourself and then get to the end result of let me make this change.

Self-compassion is when you go into the interview,

You don't get the job,

You know you didn't perform your best,

You're kind to yourself.

And then you say,

Okay,

I'm on my own side.

I really want a job like this.

I want to succeed.

What can I do next?

What can I do to succeed?

So instead of doing something that you're not proud of,

And then blaming yourself and hating yourself and then making a change,

You go straight from A to C.

You don't go from A,

Mistake,

To B,

Blame yourself,

To C,

Change.

Just go from A to C,

Right to the change.

And you make that change as an act of self-compassion.

So the very same statement,

When spoken harshly,

Is the inner critic.

That same statement,

When spoken in a way that's supportive,

Is self-compassion.

And it's being self-compassion that actually helps you improve and not burn all the energy on inner criticism afterwards and not have vacillating self-worth.

So I wish you all a very self-compassionate day,

Week,

Year,

And life.