Day 21 - The Rebel Rising — When Showing Up Gets Loud

Hello,

Welcome back.

It is day 21 of my 30 day journey.

When I'm in a soul art journey,

Everything that happens during that journey becomes information,

Little nuggets that I can follow.

And they're really beautiful for anybody on a journey of transformation,

Looking for abundance,

Relationships,

Whatever.

If you've been following me,

Gone through grief,

We've gone through crows,

Creating of the soul art and what that brought up,

Everything that comes up.

I'm in awareness.

I'm in consciousness.

I'm listening.

I'm writing about it.

I'm meditating.

I'm working with whatever's coming up during this journey.

I had this really interesting thing happen just about two weeks ago,

And what I started to realize was my inner rebel was beginning to rise.

I'm going to talk about that today.

Let's just find ourselves grounding into the moment.

Close your eyes.

And just take a breath,

Really bringing your awareness down to your sacral,

Breathing into your sacral.

And exhaling out.

Feel your body move with your breath.

Inhaling.

Really bringing that breath down to the sacral center.

That place in the lower belly.

And exhale from that sacral center.

And one more time,

Inhaling into the sacral center.

Let it expand.

Let it be alive.

And then exhale.

You can go with a sigh or a sound.

Hmmmm.

.

.

And with your eyes closed,

I just want you to think about the things that you have wanted to say,

That you didn't say,

Or the inner knowing that something is brewing,

That something is happening.

So just be aware and ask yourself,

What is it that I'm not saying?

What is it that I'm not following?

And it might be simple.

It might be more complex just being in your sacral and just asking what is it that I'm not paying attention to you right now that I want to change.

And when you're ready.

Just open your eyes,

I'm going to give you a little story.

As you know,

My parents died in 2021,

Seven days apart.

And that was really hard for my family and for myself.

I'm an only child.

We lived with them.

It was like an empty house.

There was so much going on.

We found a home in a music school.

My kids became really,

I want to say beautifully obsessed with learning instruments,

With playing in bands,

With being at this,

What I would call a second home.

And it walked them through grief,

Not let's talk about your grief,

But it gave them a portal of expression.

It gave them something to focus on.

It gave them a new community and it was really important for them.

It's like their second home.

This matters.

This matters to me as a parent.

It matters to my kids.

They started to find this community and creativity and expression.

Now while I've been on this journey,

There has been a change at that school.

I want to explain it like the soul of the school is changing.

It's not that the people are going to leave.

It's not that the place is going to change or that it's going to close down,

But there's something internal in the school as they have new owners coming in.

The soul,

The messy creative force of it seems to be leaking out.

This is all happening during this journey.

And at first I went into,

Oh no,

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what this means.

And I had my kids saying,

I don't know if we want to stay.

We don't know what's going to happen.

They're in this place of questioning because that school changing brings up for them the grief.

And that's my job as a mom to deal with it.

It brings up,

Well,

This is our second home that could change and we don't know how it's changing.

And there wasn't a lot of communication around what's gonna happen.

My kids have been questioning it and me as a mother during this journey,

I am showing up for myself,

Is sitting here going,

What do I do?

This is something I gave them after my parents died and they have become a part of this music school.

And it's not that the new owners are bad people or anything like that,

But it's just totally different frequency.

I would say they're probably more corporate.

I unschool my kids.

I don't really live in that corporate kind of world.

I prefer environment.

Where they can be free to be who they are,

To express,

And that's what it was.

I want to say the soul is being slowly leaked out of this place.

In this journey,

I am showing up for myself.

All of a sudden,

I felt inside me this rebel start to rise,

Like I need to say something,

Which is not really who I am for the most part.

I try to keep the peace a lot.

I'm a peacekeeper in a lot of ways,

But all of a sudden I want to say things.

Things want to come out of my mouth that are are not normally what I would say.

They are rock the boat things that I want to say.

When I started sitting with that,

I'm like,

Okay,

I can feel the boat wanting to rock.

I can feel it.

Do I say something?

Because everything in my body is saying,

Yes,

This is new to me.

And this is me showing up for myself.

And I started looking at my human design.

That's really part of my human design.

And it's really about calling out what's happening,

Calling out the changes,

Calling out the fact that people are not talking about it.

And I feel personally connected to it because my kids have found that second home there.

Things I don't call out.

I worked in the therapy world for a very long time,

And that's another thing I've been wanting to call out.

This idea that traditional therapy can actually harm people in a lot of ways.

I'm beginning to find this voice of,

OK,

Where are we not in that true,

Honest human connection?

And we're paying attention to the rules,

To the structure,

The corporateness of things.

This has been so fascinating and I'm still doing writing on it.

I still haven't moved fully through this insight,

But I wanted to put it out there because how of you are holding on to things because you don't necessarily want to rock the boat.

You don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

You don't want with the school that I'm talking about.

I don't want to cut ties for my kids by accidentally saying something.

So I've had to sit with all of these things and that's not comfortable man.

It's not comfortable but it's a truth and I was built for that truth.

I sense things.

I smell things.

I feel things.

The minute I walk in now the energy is like oh I don't want to go in.

I let my kids go in on their own now.

I just don't want to take part in some of it.

And that's part of my gift.

That's part of my beauty.

I can feel when the soul has been,

I don't want to say sucked out,

But when the soul is gently leaving,

What's left is just the scaffolding of what it used to be.

And this is about building what's sacred and protecting what's sacred in community,

What's sacred in that human space.

What fight is worth fighting for?

All of these questions came up.

For you,

What has been difficult to process?

What is your voice that's rising from within and where are you holding it back and maybe looking at like,

Okay,

Why am I holding this back?

Is this something that other people need you to step up to say?

It's not easy.

The question is not,

Do I feel the soul leaving?

Right.

But the question is what I'm going to do with that feeling.

It's been buried.

It's been in,

It's been inside me.

And that is showing up for myself.

What am I going to do with this feeling?

How am I going to communicate?

Showing up for yourself isn't always tender and sweet and peaceful.

Sometimes showing up for yourself is needing to put the stake the ground.

You might feel it more in a relationship,

But sometimes it's not easy when we show up for ourselves.

Sometimes it's about taking that risk,

About seeing and saying.

I love the fact that I can feel that rebel.

I love the fact that I can feel my strong convictions coming through.

So where do you want to start rocking the boat,

My friends?

Where do you feel the call to say it like it is,

To call it out?

My voice matters.

Your voice matters.

That's why I started with that sacral,

Breathing into the sacral.

Because that's where we begin to feel those impulses,

To feel where that drive is.

Let's just start into a practice.

Let's visualize a little.

So close your eyes if that feels good to you.

Breathing in and out in your natural breath,

But just bringing your awareness down to your sacral,

Like let your breath in.

Live in and out of the sacral.

But you don't have to manipulate that deep breath.

Just let it live there.

And just for a minute,

Think about,

Is there something,

A space?

A relationship,

A system,

Or a community,

Anything within your life where you have felt the soul.

Slowly leave.

You know,

Maybe it happened a long time ago and your mind goes,

Aha,

I know this feeling.

Or maybe it's something recent where you just feel the soul of it leave.

Maybe it's something you're afraid to name.

So just let it come.

Don't judge it.

We're working with our sacral here.

We're not judging it.

Don't talk yourself out of it.

So where in your body do you know this,

Where the soul has left something,

Where the soul is slowly leaving either a community,

A relationship,

A place?

Where have you felt this and where do you feel it in your body?

Do you feel a tightening?

Do you feel like a grounded stance?

Do you feel a warmth or a coolness?

Where do you feel this in your body?

That knowing,

Where do you feel it in your body?

I feel it in my throat,

So I'll feel like a tenseness in my throat,

And I'll almost feel like the words are coming up,

Pushing them back down.

So I can feel it in my throat,

And my heart begins to get nervous,

Worried,

That heart energy starts to get a little bit frayed.

And I want you to ask that place where that lives for you,

That knowing lives for you.

What do you know that I haven't let myself say?

Ask that place.

What do you know?

That I have yet to say.

And just breathe.

Let it come.

Don't judge it.

And you don't have to do anything with it right now.

So you don't have to worry.

You don't have to do anything with it.

Be willing to feel in the body where the body wants to express itself.

Your throat wants to express,

Your heart wants to express,

Your feet want to express.

Feel that,

What that feels like for you.

And maybe for a minute,

Maybe you put your hands on that place.

Maybe you give it a little love.

Maybe you say,

I hear you.

Maybe feel the energy of your hands on that plate.

Maybe you breathe into it and breathe a little safety into it.

I am safe.

This is me.

This is my truth.

This is my authenticity.

What would it mean to stop being careful?

About this particular truth?

Would mean to stop being careful around it,

To stop tiptoeing around it.

What would it mean?

To simply trust that your body is telling you something.

Your body is saying,

This does not feel like the place or the thing or the person I need to be with.

Breathe into that.

Breathe into trusting.

That your body knows,

Your body is talking to you.

And notice if there's a shift as you trust.

As you're willing to listen.

And trust your body.

When you're ready.

You could open your eyes.

Here's some questions.

Where have you felt the soul leave the room,

In a space,

A relationship,

A system,

A community,

And stayed quiet about it?

And what has that silence cost you?

What truth have you been sitting on because you were afraid of upsetting someone,

Being too much?

What would it mean to trust that truth enough to say it?

What living,

Breathing,

Sacred thing in your life is asking for your fierce voice right now?

This idea of showing up,

It's not always quiet,

It's not always easy,

It's not always peaceful.

Sometimes when we show up for ourselves,

It shows up in the rebel rising.

In you saying,

No,

I've had enough of this.

You're not communicating.

This isn't working.

Or something needs to shift.

And there's a part of you that's always known when the soul leaves the room,

When the soul is walking out the door.

There's a part of you that knows.

Trust what your body knows,

Right?

Trust what your body knows.

Look back into your life at different times.

When is your rebel risen?

And when have you followed it?

And when have you not?

And it's cost you.

Say the thing.

Do the thing.

Take the action.

First,

Get used to where you're at.

Find your rebel.

Namaste.