Hello,
Hello,
And a very warm welcome in.
To what I suspect is a quiet corner,
A quiet little space here,
An inside timer.
This is a space for those of us who are caring for somebody.
In my case,
I'm caring for somebody,
My beloved,
Moving through dementia.
You might be caring professionally or in family.
And sometimes we have popping in.
People who have cared are now recovering.
So welcome all.
The intention of this space is really simple.
Most of us spend.
Most of our caring time.
Our moments are hours of the day,
Naturally other focused.
We're focusing on the caring and a person being cared for,
Right?
And even often when we're taking space,
We're wanting to learn how to do the caring better,
How to manage,
How to cope.
So it can be tricky to accept the invitation of this life.
The invitation of this life is to turn that attention back towards me,
The carer.
And just for this little time of pause.
To rest to their.
Me,
The person.
Who is caring?
Makes sense.
Me as carer.
So I'm wondering.
How people are.
How are you today?
Are you a carer?
And what would you say of.
How you are today.
We're just taking a moment to notice,
How are you today?
And then I hope I'm not going to drive you to distraction with the theme of today.
I wanted to.
Invite some attention on the joy in the caregiving journey,
And so I have a wee meditation that I've written about that.
And I'm going to invite a few minutes of journaling on that.
So if you'd like to be part of this,
I invite you now to,
You know,
Do what you need to do to find your comfort place.
In the circumstances that you're in.
You might have total freedom.
To sit where you want to lie down,
Where you want to walk slowly in the great outdoors.
You might be somewhat compromised in your freedom.
So I always like to remind,
You know,
That you can even do this meditation in your imagination.
But I'm going to give the guidance as though you can now find a quiet,
Comfortable position.
Really,
What you're doing in that is you're signaling to the body.
Ah,
It's OK,
We're taking a pause.
So letting the body know that in some way.
Maybe inviting the body to speak to you.
To soften.
And to settle.
Just allowing some ease and some space.
Nice,
Strong,
Straight back.
Grounding and rooting you.
And a lovely,
Soft,
Open front.
Softening.
Settling.
And let your breath now just nice and easily become your companion.
Inhaling gently.
And then a lovely,
Easy,
Slow exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Mind is busy.
Emotions are tugging.
Oh,
No problem.
Nothing gone wrong.
Just a wonderful opportunity to notice what is here.
And then coming back.
Maybe again and again.
And then.
To the gentle inhale.
And a slow exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
You are here now.
Now.
This is your time.
A sacred pause.
In the very heart of your caring.
In the Celtic tradition.
Every moment holds the possibility of encounter.
With source.
With nature.
With the unseen blessings that walk beside us.
Even in sorrow.
Even in exhaustion.
There are glimmers of light.
Joy doesn't ask for grand gestures.
Joy arrives in the smallest of things.
A bird's song.
A shared smile.
A quiet sunrise.
Bring your attention now to your breath.
Seeing if you might just notice it.
Without needing to change it at all.
Tuning in to the breath that is here right now.
Letting it anchor you.
With every breath.
Feel the ground beneath you.
The earth.
Your ancient mother is holding you.
Just as you hold the person you care for in love.
The earth itself holds you.
Visualize now roots extending from your feet or from your spine.
All the way down into the earth.
Strong,
Deep roots.
Connecting you with support.
Feel their strength.
Feel the stillness.
You are not alone.
You are connected to a lineage of carers.
Of nurturers.
Of healers.
You are a part of the great web of life.
Grounded.
Rooted.
Connected.
Now in your mind's eye.
I invite you to imagine yourself.
Walking through an ancient Celtic forest.
The canopy above is dappled with soft morning light.
Birdsong weaves through the trees like a gentle hymn.
The air is cool and sweet.
As you walk.
Each step is slow and intentional.
The path is mossy and soft beneath your feet.
The forest holds memories.
Stories.
And the love of your ancestors.
The trees all around you have witnessed centuries of joy and sorrow.
They whisper now.
You are not alone in this.
Now ahead of you.
You notice a shaft of sunlight piercing through the trees.
It lights up a tiny clearing.
And in that circle of light.
Something stirs now in your heart.
A flicker.
A glimmer of joy.
Let your mind drift now.
To a moment of joy you've experienced in recent days.
It may be small.
Something tiny.
A shared laugh.
A moment of stillness.
The warmth of a hand held.
The scent of your loved one's favorite food.
Allow your mind to land on a glimmer of joy.
Hold this moment gently.
Let it glow in your heart.
Like a flame.
Let it warm you from the inside.
This is not about denying the sorrow.
Or the weariness.
Or the challenge.
This is about remembering.
That joy and grief can coexist.
That joy is not an absence of suffering.
It's the soul's way of surviving it.
So leaning in.
To the glimmer of joy.
In recent days.
And now bring your hands to your heart.
If that feels right for you.
Or simply hold this gentle awareness of your own sacred presence.
Repeat quietly or silently within.
Even here there is beauty.
Even now there is joy.
I am doing sacred work.
And I am not alone.
Even here there is beauty.
Even now there is joy.
I am doing sacred work.
And I am not alone.
Allow the truth of these words to wash over you.
Let them sink deep into your being.
You are not expected to carry everything.
Let the earth hold some of it.
Let the light in the forest hold some of it.
The Celtic soul knew that we are surrounded by companions.
Seen and unseen.
Walk the road with us.
Lean on them now.
Let yourself be held.
Even here there is beauty.
Even now there is joy.
I am doing sacred work.
And I am not alone.
Begin now to gently turn the attention back to the breath.
Just noticing the breath that is here all of the time.
Maybe tuning in to its gentle rhythm.
Feeling the rhythm of this breath in your body.
Noticing the steadiness of your spirit.
Wiggle your fingers or your toes.
Take a deeper breath in now.
Long,
Slow,
Filling the belly with maximum air.
And then sigh it out.
And when you are ready.
Gently,
Slowly.
Opening the eyes or lifting the gaze.
And noticing the space around you.
Carrying with you now this truth.
There will be glimmers.
There will be beauty.
Even in the hardest moments.
The soul can find its way to joy.
And so as we come back into our lovely shared space here.
Inviting you to stay within for just a moment.
And allowing yourself to notice.
How you received this meditation today.
And remembering that our focus here is on supporting ourselves.
So no judging,
No shooting,
No right,
No wrong.
Just an opportunity to notice where you are.
And what's uppermost for you right now.
And allowing yourself to notice.
To articulate even for yourself.
And to offer yourself some compassion.
In that noticing.
So I was nervous.
And yet quite determined.
To invite noticing moments of joy into our caregiving journey.
And I'm aware it won't land well with everybody in the room.
You know we're in different places on different days.
In different periods of our caring.
And so I really invite that compassion.
But I also do want to draw attention to it is okay.
It is important.
To have moments of joy.
Even in the most challenging of caregiving.
So let me come to the chat for a minute.
Mel,
Worth a girl.
Thank you,
I feel better,
Mel shares.
I loved that joy is present even in sorrow.
Yeah.
And I love the invitation to notice the glimmers.
You know it's the tiny thing.
The smile,
The warmth of a hand.
The fleeting memory,
The fleeting recognition.
Whatever it might be.
Christine sharing,
Thank you.
Janie sharing,
Thank you,
Dee.
I cared for my sweet mom who had dementia for 10 years.
And now for my sister who has cancer.
I am sending love to everyone here.
And moments of rest and joy.
And Janie,
Right back at you.
OK.
So I wanted to invite a few moments of journaling today.
Maybe some people in the room journal all the time.
It's a great way for us to release,
To heal and to hold ourselves when there's so much going on for us.
And maybe there are some people here who are saying,
Oh,
Please,
Dee,
I don't want to put any pen to paper.
Go away from me,
Dee.
So freedom is always.
But I am going to invite those who would like to,
To spend the next,
Let's say,
Four to five minutes,
I'll mind the time,
Putting pen to paper.
And journaling on joy in your caregiving.
Glimmers,
Moments,
Possibility or challenge.
Joy in your caregiving.
And,
You know,
The beauty about journaling is I don't have to make sense.
I don't have to make full sentences.
I don't have to take an intellectual or a thinking approach.
I'm allowing my pen to do the work.
I put my pen on the page.
Dee says four minutes.
And I just write for the four minutes.
So for those who would like to,
I invite that.
I'm going to put back on some music.
I'll do my best to mind the time.
Sometimes I'm not very good at it.
And let's just stay in our own space and see if we can write something about joy in the caregiving.
And we're really meaning joy in my caregiving.
OK.
It's inviting us to come back into the room.
And this is our moment of anamkara.
Of soul friendship.
Of walking the road together.
Of recognising that we're not alone.
And of encouragement for each other.
And I see that Cynthia in the chat has beaten me to it.
Thank you,
Cynthia.
Cynthia's sharing.
Thank you for the encouragement to sense beauty and joy.
I think we can become more attuned to finding them the more we look.
And sometimes gives chance to help my husband with dementia to experience one of those moments too.
Beautiful,
Cynthia.
Yeah.
So Cynthia's started for us.
And I just want to invite anybody else in the room who has something to share.
From that meditation.
From that short time of journaling.
From your experience in caregiving.
From the moment that you stand in now.
What might your heart want to say to the rest of us?
I noticed,
As is often the case with me,
You know,
I'm facilitating,
I'm supporting us here.
I'm minding the shop.
So when I went to put pen to paper,
I was blank.
I was blank.
I couldn't join up the dots.
Glimmers,
Moments of joy.
I'm in a difficult moment in my caregiving.
It just wasn't coming.
And then I remembered something small.
I was holding my beloved's hands just yesterday.
He was asleep,
Snoozing in the fog.
It's hard to say.
And at one point he opened his eyes and met mine.
And it was gorgeous.
And that came to me.
Kind of arrived to me.
And once that happened,
Then I noticed,
Like what you're saying,
Cynthia,
I found other things.
Glimmers,
Tiny,
Mostly in the moment,
Unrecognized things.
And so having been stuck initially,
I was able to write.
So I wonder what other sharing there is in the room.
I'll just leave space for anybody who would offer anything.
And you know,
This is the place of compassion and it's not only okay,
It's really the place for every one of us here to be ourselves,
To be as we are,
To show up as we are.
We don't have to put on a brave face.
We don't have to fight the corner for our beloved.
We're just ourselves.
Nourishing ourselves as carers.
And one of the ways that we nourish ourselves is we.
Find a way to balance,
Even when we're in a place of.
Almost total focus on the other.
We are embedded in caring.
We haven't a moment to notice how we are.
We're sometimes exhausted,
Frustrated,
Grieving.
All sorts of feelings.
And we keep on keeping on.
Caregiving is just an extraordinary.
Expression of human love and insurance at giving.
And in that space,
The invitation of today is to.
To find ways to also.
Remember ourselves.
And to come into balance.
And one of the tricky.
But wonderful ways of doing that is to notice that even in the depths.
Of the challenge of caregiving.
There are glimmers moments of joy.
The Bider-Meinhof principle where attention goes,
Energy flows.
Like Cynthia was inviting us to.
If I can open my eyes to those glimmers.
I experience more moments of joy,
Fleeting as they might be.
And they really support me to be in a place of balance.
So that I can be deeply grieving.
Of all sorts of strong feelings and emotions.
Physically and maybe spiritually exhausted.
And still.
It's good to be alive.
Thank you so much.
Comment on Cynthia's offering.
That is so beautiful.
Connecting with my fleeting memory.
I remember that holding my mom's hands.
Pamela.
Thank you for this topic.
Sometimes it feels I am so ready to jump into action.
So vigilant.
What a familiar and strong word for us caregivers.
Pamela,
Thanks for bringing it into the room.
That it is hard to let my guard down.
And be open to small beautiful moments.
I think that is so true.
I work a lot in the area of.
Amazing people being overstressed.
And it seems true.
That the more stressed we are.
The more overstretched we are.
The more in overwhelm we are.
The more we keep on pushing and striving.
And overdoing.
As a way of kind of keeping going.
Because I feel that if I slow down.
Well the sky will fall down.
The whole thing will come asunder.
So I think Pamela you described that so well.
And Janey is agreeing with you.
That sometimes when we are embedded in caregiving.
We are so focused on keeping on keeping on.
That it is challenging.
Then when somebody like Dee Hennessy says.
Maybe you would notice some moments of joy.
Because that requires me to relax.
To let go a little.
And it is tricky.
But it is also really important for our.
Our well-being.
And for us to be ourselves.
Which of course is what our beloveds would want us to be.
So thank you.
Thanks Pamela.
Thanks everyone who shared in the chat.
And thanks to everyone who is in the room.
And doing what you can do.
To receive this invitation.
To notice glimmers as part of the caregiving journey.
Not easy.
Like I was struck.
I am the one who brought this into the session right.
I am the one who believes that this is a nurturing support for us.
And when I went to journal.
I had a blank page and I could not quite get going.
So I am a good example.
Of what Pamela describes there.
Great.
So I wanted to finish this session by offering.
I have been writing around this subject.
Primarily for myself.
But also wanting to offer it to others.
I have been trying to figure out.
Well.
How do I.
You know in the busiest of times.
In the moment of most overwhelm.
In the time when I might feel most alone.
Carry all sorts of emotions about my disappearing beloved.
How do I.
What would help me.
To remember the glimmers.
Or to allow the glimmers.
Or to notice the glimmers.
And so so far.
I have come up with five things.
That might help me in my care giving.
In the dementia journey.
And I only offer them here because it might invite you to.
Explore what might be your five things.
So look here.
Blow back across the room.
Anything that I share now that doesn't resonate with you.
But let that very thing be an invitation for you.
To find what would support you.
To remember that glimmers do exist.
Joy and care giving.
Joy and sorrow coexist.
And how might you support yourself.
To remember that in the minutia of the day.
So the first thing that I wrote for myself.
Are to delight in the present moment.
So I remember.
That in Celtic spirituality.
In the present moment.
You know John Cabot sins be here now.
The now is sacred.
And in a way the dementia journey.
The experience of dementia with my beloved.
Kind of has drawn me into that place.
Where the past is largely gone.
The future is certainly uncertain.
But every day.
In every moment.
This moment is alive.
And so the glimmer.
The joy.
Might be that soft smile.
That Janie connected with when I was describing.
My beloved soft smile yesterday.
It might be noticing the way the light dances.
On the face of the beloved.
Maybe it's a shared cup of tea.
The sound of their voice humming.
Or my beloved has this habit of drumming.
On his knees.
So just something in the moment.
Might bring a smile to my face and my heart.
Even if they don't know your name.
They may still know the warmth of love.
In the now.
So in that way.
Maybe letting presence.
Become the shared language.
Just here and now.
The second thing.
That comes to me.
Is finding joy in sensory connection.
So remember.
I'm talking about the dementia journey.
Your caregiving may be in another context.
So translate.
Or what I'm finding helpful for me.
Might not land well with you.
Beautiful.
Let it be an invitation for you to explore.
What might be your ways to connect better with the glimmers.
So for me finding joy in the sensory connection.
So memory may fade.
In fact.
Definitely does fade.
But the senses often remain vibrant.
So maybe.
Stroking a soft blanket together.
Smelling.
Smelling an old fashioned rose.
Or freshly baked bread.
Maybe playing familiar music.
And watching how the foot taps.
Or the face softens.
At an earlier time.
For us it might have been.
Dancing in the kitchen.
Still a time.
Sometimes it might be singing out loud.
So using the senses.
As a doorway to glimmers.
These embodied moments.
Are doorways into joy.
Even when the words are lost.
It is simply true.
That the body remembers.
And the body remembers joy.
Even when the mind does not.
So finding joy in sensory connection.
The third I wrote about.
Reflected upon for myself.
As relevant in my caregiving journey.
Is accepting the unexpected.
As sacred.
So again I am back to my own Celtic spirituality roots.
And in the Celtic way.
The threshold places.
The doorways.
Where the known meets the unknown.
These are the holy places.
And if ever there was a liminal space.
A threshold.
A holy space.
It surely is in dementia caregiving.
You know when the loved one says something odd.
Out of place.
Or whimsical.
Instead of correcting.
Which in the early days you know.
I did.
I am more and more now.
Into the world of the beloved.
The dementia reality.
Going with the flow.
Sometimes there is poetry in what they say.
Sometimes humor.
So just crossing the threshold.
Letting yourself.
Receive it as a gift.
Knowing that wonder.
Can be more healing than certainty.
So accepting the unexpected.
The strange.
The strange behavior.
The muddled chatter.
A secret.
I think I am finding that easier and easier.
Two more from me.
Number four.
Create many rituals of beauty.
So a ritual is a habit.
Infused with meaning.
And it turns out that ritual doesn't even require memory.
It's kind of about that rhythm and meaning.
So.
You know if you hop into my lives frequently.
I like a lighted candle.
So lighting a candle together.
Brushing the hair of my beloved.
Slowly and with care.
Placing the candle.
Placing a single flower.
In a vase where we can both admire it.
Playing the same.
Piece of gentle music.
Of a morning or in the evening.
Simple.
Gentle rituals.
That connect us to each other.
And to the moment.
So these quiet rituals can ground us both.
And become tiny sanctuaries of joy.
I know it is true in my care giving.
That repetition becomes a ban.
When memory fades.
And the fifth offering from me.
And again it's mostly me to myself.
To be looked.
Blown by the wind.
So I'm not going to go back across the room.
If it doesn't resonate with you.
But maybe an invitation for you to.
Yeah connect with your own.
So the fifth one is let love be enough.
They may not remember your name.
True in my case.
Absolutely now it used to be just sometimes.
But true now.
They may forget what day it is or even who you are.
True now.
But your presence.
Your touch.
Your tone.
They somehow feel that.
There is still relationship.
There is still love.
And love can be enough.
And love can touch and heal me.
The carer too.
So joy.
Doesn't need to be remembered to be real.
So this is my.
Current exploration.
Of the importance of glimmers.
Moments of joy.
In the middle in the muddle.
In the often heartache.
In the most.
Usual tiredness and overwhelm of caregiving.
And I share it because I believe it.
I share it because I am experiencing it.
I share it because it is nourishing and healing for me.
As I turn that light of caregiving.
Back towards me.
Because my beloved would also like me.
To be okay.
So I wonder how that lands in the room.
As I say I was nervous.
About bringing glimmers.
Or the joy in the caregiving journey into this space.
Because very often.
You know it is like somebody saying to me.
Dee you must look after yourself.
Well you can really get me going.
Because I am so busy I am so tired.
I am so overstretched I don't even know what that means.
I have no clue how to do it and it is not my focus right now.
Go away from me.
So I kind of thought joy might land in the same way.
Extracurricular not for us who are hardcore.
Stuck in the middle of caring.
But I see there was some resonance in the room.
And even for those who might not in any way.
Be able to connect with this.
I offer it anyway.
Maybe in a quiet moment.
There may be the surprise of a glimmer.
Now back to chat.
Me sharing.
I think these rituals are good for all of us.
Yeah I think so.
And you know each of us is in a particular caregiving journey.
In a particular relationship in a particular set of circumstances.
We have our own values and our ways of being.
You know if you are listening to me.
I am returning to my roots in Celtic spirituality.
Just connection with nature.
With what I would call the non dualism.
So there are things that are sacred and things that are profane.
Just the kind of sacredness of every moment and everything.
The divine spark unfolding in every one of us.
The carer and the cared for and the context we are in.
And the world we are living in and the whole lot.
That is kind of meaning making for me.
But you know your meaning making might be quite different.
But even there this is right.
Ritual making and having some framework.
Where we allow ourselves to notice the glimmers.
To allow joy in even in the sorrow.
Or the letting go.
Or the hardship of caregiving.
Barb.
Barb sharing.
I work at a non profit.
That houses an entire department.
Dedicated to the care of caregivers.
I feel I need to share this with everyone.
Oh how beautiful Barb.
I'm in Ireland.
And there are some wonderful organizations here.
Who also support the carers.
Voluntary non profit.
We call it voluntary voluntary non profit like you say.
And always under resourced and overstretched.
And I do a lot of work myself.
You know it's interesting.
My beloved and I did a lot of work.
In non profits.
Specifically on supporting caregivers.
Before we were walking the road.
This road together.
So yeah I'm very committed to that Barb.
And I suppose in this life.
In this current expression of that.
I feel there is another layer for me.
Because I'm literally walking the road.
So I'm coaching myself.
I'm supporting myself.
I'm providing and encourage myself.
As I create this space for those of us together.
Hi D.
These are amazing glimmer lessons to take away.
Beautiful.
Maybe a book is coming.
I often fantasize.
I write a lot mostly for myself.
I write all the time I write all my meditations I write.
I write all the time I've just written.
I'm not allowed to talk about my outside inside time I work here.
But in another world I'm doing other things.
And I have written my first.
Kind of Oracle cards and guidebook.
And I loved every minute of it.
But I think mostly I'm a secret writer.
But I do fantasize that when I get old.
How much older am I going to get I wonder.
Now when I get old.
And I'm spending long days and weeks and months out in the back garden.
That I may write.
But no.
It's not here now.
But yeah it is a fantasy that someday I may write.
And that I care for my 20.
Sharing I care for my 20 year old son.
Autism and learning disabilities.
Yeah.
So.
Annette correct me if I'm wrong.
But that sounds like so your day to day.
Is so.
Minutely other focused has to be.
To support the blossoming of that young person.
I'm glad you're here.
I'm delighted you're here.
Umu maybe.
Thank you have the feeling that you are talking to me.
Good good.
Though I encourage in all of my coaching work you know I do.
I do.
I don't know why I keep talking about things I'm not supposed to talk about.
In all of my coaching work.
I always like to say to people.
There's one expert in the room and it's not me.
But I love it when something I say.
Resonates either because you say oh this is me.
Or you say what is she on about.
That's not me.
Here's my story.
So either way you get the fruit.
Thanks for sharing.
Barb your prior work prepared you.
Yeah my professional.
My professional work is mostly in the area of burnout.
Supporting overstretched.
I suppose professional cares maybe people who work in human services.
Leaders usually.
Who just find themselves in a place of burnout.
Annette yes yes yes.
Thank you Dee.
OK guys we are on the hour.
I want to thank you so much for being here.
If you are here and you're thinking well Dee what would be much more useful.
For us caregivers is.
Please message me and tell me I'd love it.
What I'm trying to do is.
Yeah.
Use my personal experience where sometimes I feel so overwhelmed.
That even all my knowledge even all my skills.
I'm floored.
I'm alone.
I'm grieving.
I'm out of culture.
I'm not in balance.
So I'm trying to use that human experience to say.
Well I know I'm not the only one.
And I know that once we know that as human beings we're social animals.
Once we come together we already feel better.
We already connect with the wisdom that's in each one of us.
And we support each other along the road.
Very easily without any big drama.
And so that's the only thing I'm offering in this life.
But then I thought about you know how not to make it a place for me.
Belly aching about my caring journey.
And so that's why I'm at the moment.
Exploring kind of themes.
And that's where the joy of teaching comes in.
And I think I will stick with joy for the next few sessions.
But I'm open.
I'm really open.
To being helped to shape this up in a way that really supports carers.
Who you know we often do feel alone.
We often feel we haven't time to be molly cuddling ourselves.
And we're often.
Speaking for myself.
I'm often almost embarrassed to say how.
Untogether I am in any given moment.
So I'm hoping that this will be a space where people will feel free.
And will feel welcomed.
And will be able to just be as you are.
Don't have to have it all together.
Don't have to have the right answers.
Can bark back at Dee Hennessey when she starts talking about.
You must care for yourself.
If there was ever a button presser for us caregivers that often is it.
Anyway thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for the donations.
Thank you for your support of my work.
Here or in other ways across inside timer.
Thanks for those gorgeous love hearts that are floating across the room.
A great way for us to connect with each other.
Support each other.
So I love to see them across the room.
Thanks so much for being here.
Appreciate it and wishing everybody in the room well.
Bye-bye.
